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Federal policy on safety and consumption of marshmallows

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Government publishes detailed instructions on how to safely roast marshmallows

Unrest in the Middle East, terrorism, immigration, healthcare, unemployment, Rethuglikkan gridlock, none of this is interesting, especially when Dear Leader is developing a dangerous hook with his 3 wood, but the citizens and new immigrant guests can rest easy this Labor Day weekend knowing that the Federal Government has pooled its talents and established policy in the best interest of the Children™.

FORWARD!

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CFR §1910.132 Federal Register - Protective Gear - Marshmallow Roasting.

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Comrades, it brings a tear to my eyes thinking of how our government works to ensure the safety of the proletariat. Is there nothing they can't micromanage? I eagerly wait for instructions on how to wipe my butt in compliance with the latest restrictions of the EPA.

UPDATE:
Good news! Some enterprising member of the working class has already done this: howtowipeyourbutt.com. All thats lacking is official government approval.

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Subvet wrote:UPDATE: Good news! Some enterprising member of the working class has already done this: howtowipeyourbutt.com. All thats lacking is official government approval.
Pure genius. I can't hope but quote this poetry of the State concerned about its subjects:

When it comes to universal human activities, nothing is more overlooked than post-defecation clean up. But does everyone perform this common behavior the same way? Of course not. So surely some techniques are more effective than others. Here you will find a simple method that will keep your anus fresh, clean, and happy every day.

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Image "We...ahhh...we don't have a strategy...yet."



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WHAT IS THIS? I come in here expecting to join my Cubemates for an intelligent, stimulating discussion of the most recent regulations from our Glorious 0bamanation on how to safely consume those delectable Mallows (who, like our proles, are not at all an endangered species) from Mars (spaced and capitalized with typical Tovarichi attention to detail), and enjoy most socialistically refreshing Leninade from Tovarichi's freshly acquired stash pilfered from Comrade R.O.C.K. with Comradette Pamalinsky, and find instead that the Cube is all atwitter about marshmallows? Comrade Tovarichi, you got some 'splainin' to do!

- Edited to read more like myself. I was thirsty last night. And hungry for Mallows.

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Commissar Redumdimski wrote:Hey! I come in here expecting to see new methods from our Glorious 0bamanation to let us know how to safely consume those delectable Mallows from Mars (spaced and capitalized with typical Tovarichi attention to detail), and instead the Cube is all atwitter about marshmallows? Comrade Tov, you got some 'splainin' to do!
Thank you, Commissar, for your exemplary vigilance.

The error has now been fixed. In fact, what error? There has never been any error. The Party makes no errors.

Regardless, the guilty shall be severely punished, if only to keep up the morale. Comade Tovarichi is hereby appointed to find the perpetrators and bring them to revolutionary justice, whoever they are (I strongly suggest you begin your search with George W. Bush).

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I'm on it, Comrade Director! Improper spellification on the interwebs and its Peoples' Cube thereof is a heinous offense indeed.

I'll start rounding up the usual suspects, starting with Public Enemy #1, Thoughcriminal Bush (spit)

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Red Square said: wrote:The error has now been fixed. In fact, what error? There has never been any error. The Party makes no errors.

Regardless, the guilty shall be severely punished, if only to keep up the morale. Comade Tovarichi is hereby appointed to find the perpetrators and bring them to revolutionary justice, whoever they are (I strongly suggest you begin your search with George W. Bush).
Comrade Square, as we Progress FORWARD! through the Glorious World of This Tuesday™, we korrektly never look back, unless it is to see what a mess the evil George Bushitler made for us into eternity. So we will always need to find those we summarily and without due process decide justly determine in our Courts of Racial and Revolutionary and Redistributive and Social Justice to be guilty along the way to punish as examples to The People™, to, as you mentioned, keep up the morale. Your wisdom is exemplified in noting that Comrade Tovarichi is just the man to find those evil anti-Revolutionary regressives, Tearrorists all, and racist haters too. See how quickly he jumps to the task for the Party!

Please, have another Mallow.

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.
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I wasn't proud of this...
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.

wipe-your-ass-properly.jpg

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until I realized Al Gore thought I was a genius!
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.

this-will-save-the-planet.jpg

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Tovarichi wrote: "We...ahhh...we don't have a strategy...yet."


Comrade, you are failing to see the sheer brilliance of Dear Leader who has, once again, exposed himself to The Children™ of our great nation as the Great Scoutmaster of Global jamborees. With the Middle East aflame, what could be more important than instructions on how to roast marshmallows? There are so many potentially suitable fires burning over there that the possibilities of peaceful coexistence, holding of hands and singing kumbyallah are almost infinite.

isis marshmallow roast.gif
Once again, Dear Leader has out strategerized our antagonists by his brilliant rearward leadership in giving them all they ask for before out flanking them with no options left but to sit down and negotiate a peaceful conclusion to the disturbance.

These instructions should also be helpful in restoring community faith in Ferguson, MO.

No strategy is the most brilliant strategy of all!!!!

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Oh yeah! This marshmallow roasting thing has to stop! Why just the other day I accidentally let one roast too much and it burned! I was horrified that I had just contributed to my pathetic, but real, carbon footprint!


What did I do? I packed up my roasting marshmallow equipment and left the scene of my crime, like a good citizen of the collective. If only I had known the dangers I never would have roasted such a thing as a sugar coated piece of um, sugar.


i did this to support the environment™. That's the least (and the most) I can do.


Government regulation of marshmallow roasting is absolutely necessary for the common good!

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Subvet wrote:Comrades, it brings a tear to my eyes thinking of how our government works to ensure the safety of the proletariat. Is there nothing they can't micromanage? I eagerly wait for instructions on how to wipe my butt in compliance with the latest restrictions of the EPA.

UPDATE:
Good news! Some enterprising member of the working class has already done this: howtowipeyourbutt.com. All thats lacking is official government approval.
Full instructions are also given in Holy (according to Dear Leader) Koran. Left hand only is to be used, and, I believe, stones or sand.

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Comrade Putout wrote:.
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I wasn't proud of this...
wipe-your-ass-properly.jpg
the good news, is you've finally gotten rid of those annoying tan-lines. Keep up the good work!

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Comrade Putout wrote:.
.

I wasn't proud of this...
.
.

wipe-your-ass-properly.jpg

.
.

until I realized Al Gore thought I was a genius!
.
.

this-will-save-the-planet.jpg
[img]images/clipart/Prog_Off.gif[/img]
If this isn't the most bloated egoistic image of a creepazoid environmental opportunistic fungus endangering our environment, I dunno know what is. Seriously.
And, he brazenly wants his "chakra" to be massaged? Dear God, protect us from him. He is a real pervert in so many dimensions.
In his case, ignoring him might be a good idea, unlike other realities which cannot be ignored.
Ignoring him seems to be working so far. Let's keep up the good work!

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Pamalinsky wrote:Oh yeah! This marshmallow roasting thing has to stop! Why just the other day I accidentally let one roast too much and it burned! I was horrified that I had just contributed to my pathetic, but real, carbon footprint!


What did I do? I packed up my roasting marshmallow equipment and left the scene of my crime, like a good citizen of the collective. If only I had known the dangers I never would have roasted such a thing as a sugar coated piece of um, sugar.


i did this to support the environment™. That's the least (and the most) I can do.


Government regulation of marshmallow roasting is absolutely necessary for the common good!


Now I"m really confused. That's how I always roast marshmallows: I put em on the stick, stick it into the fire, let it catch on fire, blow out the fire, then peel off the black layer. Ta-da! A tasty, gooey bit of marshmallow, ready to spread on my graham cracker.


Isn't that the right way to do it....?


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Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна wrote:
Pamalinsky wrote:Oh yeah! This marshmallow roasting thing has to stop! Why just the other day I accidentally let one roast too much and it burned! I was horrified that I had just contributed to my pathetic, but real, carbon footprint!


What did I do? I packed up my roasting marshmallow equipment and left the scene of my crime, like a good citizen of the collective. If only I had known the dangers I never would have roasted such a thing as a sugar coated piece of um, sugar.

i did this to support the environment™. That's the least (and the most) I can do.

Government regulation of marshmallow roasting is absolutely necessary for the common good!


Now I"m really confused. That's how I always roast marshmallows: I put em on the stick, stick it into the fire, let it catch on fire, blow out the fire, then peel off the black layer. Ta-da! A tasty, gooey bit of marshmallow, ready to spread on my graham cracker.


Isn't that the right way to do it....?
No, no, the burnt layer is the best part!

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FLATUS Moo would have you take a chunk of squash, wrapped in arugula, using a six foot prong with a heat shield, lightly brown the wrapper to infuse the flavor into the squash...

While she takes the entire bag of jumbo sized coconut-crusted goodies for "proper disposition"


 
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