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Hillary talks about her affair with President Clinton

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Back on campus 48 years later, Hillary didn't hold back. In a fiery commencement speech at her alma mater of Wellesley College on Friday, she spoke for the first time about her controversial affair with President Bill Clinton: "Now, you may have heard that things didn't exactly go the way I planned. But you know what? I'm doing okay. It's time to burn the beret and bury the pantsuit."

After many years of silence ("So silent, in fact," she said, "that the buzz in some circles has been that Bill must have paid me off "), Hillary says it is time to stop "tiptoeing around my past. I am determined to have a different ending to my story. I've decided, finally, to stick my head above the desk so that I can take back my narrative and give a purpose to my past. What this will cost me, I'll soon find out."

Maintaining that her affair with Clinton was one between two consenting adults, Hillary said that it was the public exposure of her darkest secrets that permanently altered the direction of her life: "Sure, Bill took advantage of me, but I will always remain firm on this point: it was a consensual relationship. Any 'abuse' came in the aftermath, when I was made a scapegoat in order to protect his powerful position. . . . The Clinton administration, the special prosecutor's minions, the political operatives on both sides of the aisle, and the media were able to brand me as a calculating, manipulative drama queen. And that brand stuck, in part because it was imbued with power."

After the scandal, said Hillary, "I turned down offers that would have earned me more than $3 billion, because they didn't feel like the right thing to do." After moving between Washington, New York City, and Chappaqua, she interviewed for numerous jobs in government with an emphasis on presidency, but, "because of what potential employers so tactfully referred to as my 'history,'" she writes, "I was never 'quite right' for the position. In some cases, I was right for all the wrong reasons, as in 'Of course, your job would require you to be in the spotlight and exposed to the world media."

Hillary said that she is still recognized every day, and her name shows up daily in press clips and pop-culture references. She admits that she used to hate Bill, but "today, I'd meet him for a drink. In fact, I'd meet just about anyone for a drink in my wine cellar, if you know what I mean."

"When James Comey spoke about my basement server, or when the DNC emails were published on WikiLeaks, my campaign staffers were reliving the old Vince Foster moment. They wouldn't let me out of their sight and stayed by my portable bed day after day, because I, once again, was homicidal. Every new scandal left them afraid that I would take another life." With her signature cackle, Hillary clarified that she has never actually attempted homicide, but had strong homicidal temptations several times during the elections and during one or two periods before and after.

Hillary said that following the electoral tragedy "my own suffering took on a different meaning. Perhaps by sharing my story, I reasoned, I might be able to help other useless, self-serving sociopaths in their darkest moments. The question became: How do I find and give a purpose to my shady past?"

She also said that, when Bill Clinton came out of obscurity and campaigned for her all over the country, not only did she seem arguably the most worthless candidate in the world, but, "thanks to the Drudge Report, the WikiLeaks, and the Russians, I was also possibly the first candidate whose global exposure of the lack of qualifications and criminal behavior was driven by the Internet."

Her current goal, she said, "is to get involved with efforts on behalf of all useless narcissistic nutjobs whose dirty secrets have been exposed on the Internet, and to start speaking on this topic in public forums."

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Poor crazy kid. She's tired. She's really tired. She's so tired.

She's had her fill of politics and love. Sick and tired of politics and love. From below and above. She's so tired.

Gosh darn it, she's pooped.

Can't you all see she's pooped?

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Excellent rendition Comrade Director except for one tiny thing. Shouldn't it be more like...............

"Now, you may have heard *cough* that things didn't exactly *cough..cough* go the way I planned. But *awk,cough, cough* you know what? I'm doing *kaaahhkk, cough, gasp*okay. It's time to burn the beret {I need a lozenger} and bury the pantsuit.*cough,awk,cough" {Get me some water you boobs! Where's cough,cough,gasp.....my doctor?!}"


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Margaret wrote:Poor crazy kid. She's tired. She's really tired. She's so tired.

She's had her fill of politics and love. Sick and tired of politics and love. From below and above. She's so tired.

Gosh darn it, she's pooped.

Can't you all see she's pooped?

I know exactly what you mean. It seemed to be an ongoing challenge on the campaign trail.




Kuru is nothing to take lightly.

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It's provided such a cathartic relief for Hillary to "come out of the closet" about her steamy affairs with me:

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But notwithstanding the above truths, Monica (and the Republicans) have tried to deny, repudiate or obscure such truths:


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--Minister of Truth





 
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