POVERTY IS PROSPERITY
SQUALOR IS LUXURY"
You may have seen images of The 0ne comforting a few of the poor New Jersey women who lost all their worldly possessions.
We all know that merely by His presence, Dear 0’Leader brought happiness, contentment, peace, and prosperity to all the dear proles He deigned to touch, and that the wash of 0bamarine 0ne’s rotors restored purity and blessing to all that was destroyed by the evil RethugliKKKan Frankenstorm Sandy.
We also know that we have turned the tables on that evil RethugliKKKan storm, brought down on our proles by the evil Mittens Romney-Hood™ who conjured the storm when his attempt to delude the True Party Faithful with Romnesia™ didn’t work. Our success will be implemented and enforced by our own dear EPA, FEMA, DHS, and HHS, who will ensure that no building and no One Percent™ occupation will anymore be able to take place on the shores that Sandy swept clean of the evil One Percent™ presence. Gaia wins another patch of pristine purity free from evil US of KKK polluting influence!
However, what you may not know is that one of the women who was comforted on Wednesday is actually a distant relative of mine, and Lord 0bama was
“Mr. president, my mom’s house was destroyed. And she doesn’t have medical coverage.”
“Every place my EPA allows rebuilding, yo, we’re going to utilize space efficiently. No more single-family homes. No more suburbs. It’ll all be 0bamaBlock apartments. In my land, no one will need more than 1000 square feet of living space, yo, and that’s for twelve folks. I figure a family of three, like yours, yo, can do just fine with about 300 square feet, and that’s more space per person than groups with twelve folks, every architect agrees that's plenty of space. And that’s, yo, still more than my half-brother George has in Kenya.
“And you be sure to tell your folks that they’re covered under 0bamaCare. How old are your folks?”
“Oh, they’re old. They must be in their fifties. My mom’s partner is even older than she is.”
“Well that’s great, because they’re getting to the point in life where 0bamaCare will really work for them. Soon they’ll start needing new joints, and new teeth, and they may get cancer or have heart trouble, so under my plan, they won’t have to pay a cent, and they’ll, yo, get healthcare that’s worth every penny of what they invest in it, based on the needs of my government and their ability to serve the nation. I’ve made sure that pain pills and condoms won’t cost them anything, so they can relax and have fun and not have to worry about being punished with more children they won’t be able to care for, yo, or long stays in a hospital or going to see doctors who would just as soon amputate their feet as put them on a breathalyzer. And you won’t have to worry about your medical care either. How old did you say you are?”
“I didn’t; I’m nineteen.”
“Then, well, let’s see, yo, um…” (counting rapidly on fingers) “You have twice as long as that to go until you really need healthcare, and by then you won’t be able to do very much anyway, yo, so we’ll make sure to give you a pain pill then too, and some condoms, because I know those are what you really want.”
“Mr. 0bama, my parents lost their car and their business, too.”
“Yo, folks won’t need cars when I’m finished with my Fundamental Transformation™. There won’t be any more long commutes to work. The Italians bought out Chrysler, but I still have GM. My economic plan will change General Motors to 0bama Wheels Enterprises, and they’ll only build bicycles.
"Everybody’ll be entitled to a bicycle, for the same price they pay for a Chevy Volt today. But really, yo, you won’t need a bicycle. When I’m finished doing the job I started, everybody’ll have clean, environmentally friendly jobs that they’ll do right where they live. Like growing Michelle-approved organic gardens to feed their communities, and Shovel-Ready™ jobs like cleaning up the messes that other folks make, and fetching water from the local community cisterns for each other, and building fires to keep their communities warm using the wood and rubble from the destruction you see all around you.
"Uh, hold on, jus- just a minute, we- we're goin' there, uh, fires pollute, can't do that, no... Uhh, folks can hug each other like I've taught them to do here today, and sleep together to keep warm like my 0ccupiers learned last year.
"Folks won’t need to build or maintain roads anymore, or use phones to call plumbers or home-improvement contractors or TV and computer repairmen, or use the Internet, or radios, or electric lights, because only I – and some of my friends – will have those things, and they’ll be made by our friends in China, so we won’t need any dirty, polluting factories or electrical and energy generation here, and the Chinese’ll buy our carbon credits, so we’ll make money off them and they’ll give us their stuff. My government will provide jobs for the folks who need to build my roads and maintain my jets and my helicopters and my limousines and my houses. I’ll have strategic zones like Washington DC, and Chicago, and Las Vegas where I’ll make these public works projects available to our workers, but I’ll rename them 0bama Central, and 0bama Ville, and 0bama Funzone, and change the country’s name to 0bama Nation, and I’ll defend them from my enemies with my 0bamaCorps, which will create millions of jobs.”
“Mr. president, talking to you makes my lady parts warm.”
“Ah, well, I don’t have much use for the ladies, but my vice-president, and you can call him Uncle Joe, yo, has been known to show the youngsters the way around his white house.”
“But Great 0bama, what about your girls and your wife?”
“Well, I hardly see Sasha and Malia; I just want to make sure they’re not punished with children of their own. That’s how I fulfill being a good father-figure to them. But Michelle, she’s, yo, my big momma-jomma. When she sits me on her broad lap, and wraps me in those big strong arms of hers, I feel warm and secure, just like a little g- er, yo, like the strong leader from behind of The People™ that I am.”
“Lord 0bama, I wish one of my parents had been black. I feel so guilty that I’m white! Can you help me?”
“Laird, let me be perfectly clear about that. I’ve done a lot of, yo, soul-searching, and I will not quit until you and everyone like you knows just what it’s been like for, yo, my people every day for the past two hundred years in America. That’s why I’ve implemented policies for Hope And Change™ and hired people in the Justice Department, like Eric Holder, who will, yo, ensure that social and economic justice and redistribution are the laws of the land. I’m also creating new cabinet positions and bureaucracies to ensure that all the folks, yo, because I’m the president of 100% of the folks except for my enemies, yo, the ones I have on my Disposition Matrix, like the California filmmaker I had jailed for insulting our friends from the Religion of Peace™, the One Percent™, and those gun and religion clingers, have a fair shot and a level playing field as I move FORWARD™ with Four More Years™.
"So vote for me, Laird. You and your momma and her partner. And make sure all your friends and people you don't know vote for me too. And make sure you vote early, and vote often. Remember, I still have a lot of business to do to - uh, yo, a lot of The People™s' business to do yet.”
Of course I can, that's why I have commissioned Rev. Lowery who has made arrangements that "all white people will go to hell"
“They are? Nobody told me! How am I supposed to accommodate all these white people without a reservation, Rev. Lowery?”
MissDairyGoodnessi'm lost help me Miss Dairy Goodness
MissDairyGoodness, I like your products! Plus, they're Gaia friendly!
To find The Way, just follow the light of Lord 0's halo.
But if you want to find the True Way, follow the light of life, the True One, Jesus Christ.
Centers for Disease ControlShouldn't that be Lord 0 and LARD? The lard may be on the left in the photo.
Comrade CDC, it's a good season to experiment on the proles - we've got some sick ones out there!
While lard is a principal ingredient that goes into the making of a Krispy Kreme, Laird is a girl whose name alliterates nicely with Lord, as in Lord 0, APBUH!
Comrade Andelino“Lord 0bama ...commissioned Rev. Lowery who has made arrangements that "all white people will go to hell"
Seems the right reverend Lowery has much in common with Lord 0bama's philosophy, and of course, we Progs, full of white guilt and shame, agree wholeheartedly!
Or at least we would, if we believed in God, or Heaven, or Hell, or sin.
We all know only white RethugliKKKan Teabaggers sin, because they disagree with us, and so only they go to hell! The rest of us eat, drink, and are miserable, for tomorrow we die, and our power dies with us. But let's not dwell on that. It is Prog blasphemy!
Uh-oh... I feel a denouncement coming on. Or at least a Jiffy-Lobo™.
Thank God neither B. Hussein 0bama or the wrong reverend Lowery is in charge of salvation!