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No One Warned Me & I Do Not Want This To Happen To Others

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Now I was thinking of all the things people have neglected to warn me about thourgh life's treacherous journey. This world is a mine field now that I think about it. Since the days when I first put my little hand in the wringer of Mom's washing machine, I have desired to get even with someone. Why I have not acted upon this urging is my own fault. For instance, I could swallow my new HTC-EVO in an effort to get a picture of the inside of my stomach ... no one cautioned me against it. Wait - I want to have a good personal liability attorney's phone number handy first and then, down the hatch.[

I'm looking for other suggestions. Maybe this EVO ploy is not the best. What do you think? I am doing this for the children. I do not want this to happen to anyone else (whatever it is I decide on). Please file this under Redistribution Techniques™.

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BUT OF COURSE. What an outrageous outrage! Do we expect these young ones to know all? He was probably raised by selfish, non PETA/ Green Peace compliant parental unites, who know squat.

I say there should be a law suite against the electric making peoples, the school, the teachers and the parental units. We must make sure the progressive young Prog will well endowed with OPM... and a lesson is "DON'T DO THAT".

(oh wait, umm, lets exclude the teachers. I hear the Unions get most annoyed about these things!!)

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Ummmm, when I was an electronics technician we called those (power cords with alligator clips) suicide cords. Everyone in our field regardless what school they attended knew what a suicide cord was and why it was called that.

This kid doesn't look too sharp. Perhaps he should choose a less potentially hazardous line of work. I hear there are openings for mattress testers.

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Comrades,

I think we have to look past the facade, that this young prole was using, and understand his real motive in executing this little performance. This "student" is obviously a disciple of all those "court" and "legal/lawyer" shows that he must have spent hours, days and weeks studying how to invent a way to commit extortion using the legal system.

Since most methods of creating lawsuits—spilling hot coffee on a bare leg; throwing an ice cube on the floor and slipping on it; the 'ol "fly in the soup" routine—have all been tried and exposed, he needed to come up with something a little more... outlandish and original and, VOILA: LET'S PUT ELECTRODES ON MY NIPPLES AND WATCH 'EM LIGHT UP! If anyone were to ask why he was doing this, he could always allude that "it's a science experiment for science class".

Afterall, we must look at OUTCOMES, not methods. In this case, the outcome, hopefully, will be a large settlement in which the lad can spend days and weeks on his PlayStationII™ or watch reruns of CIU.



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Comrade Groucho,

Why, that's a story even Bawney Fwank could love.

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They are claiming brain damage but there is obvious evidence the brain damage existed BEFORE the incident. But seriously we all wish Sparky (and his attorney) well.

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:Ummmm, when I was an electronics technician we called those (power cords with alligator clips) suicide cords. Everyone in our field regardless what school they attended knew what a suicide cord was and why it was called that.

This kid doesn't look too sharp. Perhaps he should choose a less potentially hazardous line of work. I hear there are openings for mattress testers.


Dubois was critically injured and his legal team claim he has suffered permanent brain damage

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I want to know how they can tell!
Anyone who would do this, or even piss on an electric fence has to already be mentally challenged, or as Comrade Rahm Emnanuel would say , "An Effin' Retard".

I think the doctors need examination as well......

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Dubois was critically injured and his legal team claim he has suffered permanent brain damage

WOW. How astute! To anyone else aside from a "legal team", this profound revelation was a no-brainer before he decided to try to outdo Lady GaGa.

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At "Quivering Matushka's Gentlemen's Club, Spa and Tractor Repair Station #71,"this act is referred to as:"The Tesla Special"and commands upwards of two-weeks vodka rations plus the going rate for electricity, if you didn't bring your own.

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ThePeoplesComrade wrote: They are claiming brain damage but there is obvious evidence the brain damage existed BEFORE the incident.

My sources have uncovered evidence of a self inflicted head injury to the Comrade.
The plot thickens....


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I'd like to know what the hell he thought was going to happen when he did this. I mean, why didn't he attach the damn thing to his d**k instead? Why didn't he just french kiss one of the AC outlets? This jerk is 18? It's a miracle he made it that far. If he'd enlisted in the army, the would've found a job for him.... as a target.

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Gulag 4 Alfred wrote:
My sources have uncovered evidence a self inflicted head injury to the Comrade.

Comrade G4, I never tire of seeing the collective brutalize themselves. I am ashamed of laughing and will submit to reprogramming tomorrow.

Raum Emmanual Goldstein
Comrades!

The Darwin Improved Progressive Paradox rears it's ugly head once again!

It does not happen often, but we -- at the School of Biology, Josef Mengele Institute of Progressive Medicine -- have been most perplexed at what we call the “Darwin Improved Progressive Paradox” (aka. DIPP). Mr. Dubois truly illustrates what a DIPP is. In particular, we place our faith hope intellectual integrity upon the theory law of evolution crafted by the first Scientist of Progressivism, Dr. Charles Darwin. This law is summarized by stating that:

(a) We were NOT created by a “supreme being” (a hopeless mythical superstition of dead white slave mongers used as the basis for their “natural law” or “true law” -- an anathema to sophisticated Progressive lawmaking.)

(b) Rather we emerged from the primordial ooze over time by way of PROGRESSIVE mutations where the fittest specimens survived the rigors of life by “Natural Selection.” The weaker, less suited were rightfully purged into the fossil record as life Progressed towards a more perfect order. There is no higher order, no natural truth except what we make it in order to continually progress towards perfection….the very impetus for eugenics, and YES the Complete Circles of Life System™ .

However a dilemma ensues as this unassailable bulwark of scientific law is juxtaposed with the Progressive ideal of exploiting standing up for -- nay even REWARDING and NURTURING -- those who are the weakest in society -- such as Mr. Dubois -- who would otherwise not be allowed to populate the gene pool were we to allow Natural Selection to take its course. This paradox permeates other areas of Progressive Politics as well (e.g. protecting certain species from extinction as they are unable to adapt rapidly enough).

Now you can see our predicament: why do we seek to protect that which is unfit for survival? Charles Darwin and Margaret Higgins Sanger must be rolling over in their sarcophagi.

Without a sophisticated band-aid theory to explain away this paradox, a critical cornerstone of the Progressive house of cards fortress will crumble. The defensive scientific use of the ad homonym to maintain the consensus -- a last resort measure for intellectual debate -- has more often become the first weapon of choice. Changing the subject of the debate is also a problem. To remain fully sophisticated, we are seeking to institute a most labyrinthine “circular argument” to cover up buttress our exposed position.

Any assistance you in the collective may provide will be most appreciated.

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Raum Emmanual Goldstein wrote:Comrades!

The Darwin Improved Progressive Paradox rears it's ugly head once again!

YES the Complete Circles of Life System™ .
This requires an Anthem:

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My Comrades!

It is clear that the true culprit here is the Amerikkkan Government (THe GW Bush one, of course) for allowing utility companies to distribute this dangerous entity called Electricity into the school.

Here in the People's Utopia of Zimbabwe we have none of this capitalistic, neo-kulak nonsense in our schools! Who needs it when you can study Das Kapital, Chairman Mao's Little Red Book and the Sayings of Dalai Lama by candle light like Marx and Gaia intended it???

Amamndla!!

Obamugabe

Raum Emmanual Goldstein
Obamugabe wrote:My Comrades!

It is clear that the true culprit here is the Amerikkkan Government (THe GW Bush one, of course) for allowing utility companies to distribute this dangerous entity called Electricity into the school.

Here in the People's Utopia of Zimbabwe we have none of this capitalistic, neo-kulak nonsense in our schools! Who needs it when you can study Das Kapital, Chairman Mao's Little Red Book and the Sayings of Dalai Lama by candle light like Marx and Gaia intended it???

Amamndla!!

Obamugabe

Excellent Point, Boss Robert!

Of course the RethugliKKKans had a full 12 years to fix the education system and make electricity safe to the point that none of this would have happened. They could have prevented this. They obviously do not care about "the childern."

Soon enough we will have Cap-n-TaxCap and Trade which will give us postitive control over the availability of power to the masses.

Especially now that we have evidence that some proles cannot handle electricity properly, everyone will be required to undergo bureaucratic scrutiny to determine if they possess the requisite level of intelligence to handle the power responsibly and how much they are worthy of possessing. Things like this must always be handled by faceless government bureaucrats. I think a licencing scheme requiring upwards of 240 hours of electrical theory lecture all encapsulated in a PowerPoint format followed by a Certification Exam in essay format -- something of a blend of the bar exam and an Electrician Journeymen Certification Exam -- would be most apropos. As an added bonus, one government bureaucracy can write the training program while a separate and independent quasi-government chartered corporation is commisssioned to craft the examination and issue certifications (something along the lines of "Freddie-Zap?").

We will also have to institute a new regime of safety measures for electricity delivery and electronic devices so the little people will not be able to operate most home applianceshurt themselves. We will do for the electronic home appliance industry what Carter did for the automobile industry!

I anticipate that we will have other problems with people burning themselves and their homes once they begin cooking over open fires and attempting to read their comic books by candlelight. We shall need to legislate fire controls as well...and of course institute policies to ensure that all homes are retrofitted with expensive fire prevention measures.

Then there will be the food safety aspect. Sice we cannot allow the people to cook things over open fires, they will have to eat things cold. So, we'll have to remove fresh meat from their diets. Nothing but canned beets and weak vodka. That should help make the collective farms break even.

When in doubt, LEGISLATE!

However, this merely changes the subject. We must still contend with the Darwin Improvement Progressive Paradox. Any suggestions?

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This is scandalous! This is an outrage! How can this low-bred prole even consider to call himself a "teacher" whilst jeprodizing the life of our youth! What about the children???? I demand a protest! I demand justice! I demand a roast beet sammich!!! Image
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Raum Emmanual Goldstein wrote: When in doubt, LEGISLATE!


"There Should Be A Law"

When life's unfair
And you dispair
There should be a law
To do repair

When you are down
With facial frown
There should be a law
To bring you 'round

When you are broke
And it's no joke
There should be a law
To fill your poke

Laws are good
Laws are great
Fix it now and legislate


-by The People's Poet Comrade


 
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