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President Obama Appoints Bill Clinton "Minister of Truth"

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My enemies called me uncouth
and then tried to have me removed
on claims that I lied
with words I devised
denying an intern I "knew."

But yet, since the dress made of blue
adorning that gal when she blew
her kisses became
predictably stained,
'twas learned I had spoken untruths.

I then underwent an epiphany
that Truth is just merely a symphony
composed not of facts
but rather of tracks
of sounds for misleading the peasantry.

Since many who deem our words sinister
appear to be faith-based parishioners,
the views they embrace
are easily swayed
by Truth as defined by a Minister.

To show them we're good 'stead of sinister,
our task is to deftly administer
a tactical ruse.
The tactic to use?
our Truth we must speak through a Minister.

Thus, Truth is whatever I choose
from unpleasant facts to extrude,
and thus, it's decreed
for Truth I will be
The Minister, here at the Cube.

Now, resorting to prose in my first official act, I hereby issue this Truth Ministry Correction:

Faux Quotation of Fearless Leader:

"Under my plan, electricity rates would skyrocket."

Truth-Ministry Correction:

"Under my plan, electricity," mates, "would skyrocket."

--Minister of Truth


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A most excellent and appropriate choice befitting a Nobel Peace Prize winner who has killed so many people!

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Most excellent graphicsl Bogus Bill is trying to be "Spock" but cannot. So how about adding another "o" and calling him Spook? Which is like Spock but with a Scottish accent.

The Major will refrain from sanity comments.

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No one spins and twiststells the truth better than Comrade Clinton.

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Leninka wrote:No one spins and twiststells the truth better than Comrade Clinton.
I agree, Leninka, but I think it's mostly on orders from the OTHER Clinton. Bubba just a good ole boy got caught up in the power thang his lovely wife partner Secretary of State cooked up lo those many years ago.

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I am saddened that in his retirement, Comrade Clinton is unable to scrape by on his presidential retirement pay, his speaking tours, and the paltry salary (with overseas tax deferred benefits and per-diem) that her Thigh-ness, the secretary of state brings home...

Dear Leader has recently reminded us all that there is nothing more valuable than a Government Job, and has graciously extended yet another citizen funded Government paycheck to the deserving Clinton family.

Such benevolence cannot be spread equally; only someone of mighty ego skill must maintain it so that it can be metered out to only the most deserving and press-worthy. Who better to maintain an unequal balance of anything than His O'liness, Barry Hussein...

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(*rofl) What a humorous comment you have made! Minister of Truth!! Why, that might as well be dear Leader himself as Czar of Truth!! (*rofl!!)

(What? humm? Serious?? &%$#!)

This is a delightful idea and should keep Billy- Boy occupied with other things rather than all that personal mischief.

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General Confusion wrote:Most excellent graphicsl Bogus Bill is trying to be "Spock" but cannot. So how about adding another "o" and calling him Spook? Which is like Spock but with a Scottish accent.

The Major will refrain from sanity comments.

spock-haircut.jpg
To quote Mr. Spock "There is an old Vulcan saying...Only Nixon could go to China"

Don't ask me what any of this means, you started it.

As for keeping Clinton busy, perhaps too busy to help Hillary run against Obama, I would remind Obama that Bubba was quite a multi-tasker.

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Comrade General Confusion & Comrade Whoopie,

I hate to step on the thread belonging to Fearless Leader and our Minister of Truth, but your comments have afflicted me with thought-crimes, which is, of course, the reason I'm always confined to a straight jacket and usually also confined to the Thought-Crime Gulag.


Gemeral Confusion correctly recalls that the Minister of Truth is earnestly seeking to help the peasantry forget a role he played back in the 1990's:

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Of course all hip people know (because Rolling Stone said so) that Obama, not Clinton, is the one with the superior Vulcan Mind as the "Tuvok" of Politics giving us New Hope:



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And Comrade Whoopie is recognizing that Fearless Leader is sincerely attempting to collectivize the triangulation (though some would say strangulation) with which the Minister of Truth experimented out of desperation in the 1990's:
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--KOOK

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Fearless Leader and Minister of Truth, I do commend you on your limericks; as Jeeves said, "Rem acu tetigisti," or in a modern vernacular, you hit it out of the park.

I think that Slick Willie is the perfect Minister of Truth, especially since that position, more than any other, requires lying. [ off. This is the truth. Wait and see when we get "Net Neutrality" and "Fairness Doctrine."]

I'd rather have a Clinton lie at my back than a Clinton smile in my face. Let's remember the people whom dear Slick said he had perfect confidence in, just before he threw them under the bus. Mostly women, no?

Still, I think that we need a Minister of Solipsism and Mirror Gazing, and for that I of course suggest Baroke Hussein--can't improve on that one--Obowma.

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Father Prog Theocritus wrote:Fearless Leader and Minister of Truth, I do commend you on your limericks ... I think that Slick Willie is the perfect Minister of Truth ....
.Comrade Father Prog Theocritus
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Since the Minister of Truth still does not yet have his official papers, it's my obligation to give him a pass to enter as I do for all my trusted allies who visit me at the White House.
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Minister of Truth:
Image .
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Theocritus, Father of Progs,
Destroyer of Cap'talist Dogs,
Redeemer of No-Knows
with Jiffy-Type Lobos,
my mem'ry you've cleverly jogged.
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No doubt that you're reference to "Slick"
is meant to refer to my "schtick"
in parsing the meaning
of "is" as unseemly
in claiming no sex with that chick.
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But now I'm completely reformed
and always conform to the norm
to never inflict
my schtick on the chicks
unless they are y after horn.
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As Minister of Truth to fix "oh-no's,"
an intern I'll need whom I know knows
orational service
deserving gramercy
needs prowess in Jiffy-Type Lo-Blows.
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--Minister of Truth

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Minister of Truth, you have me wiping tears from my rheumy eyes. Tears of joy. So well do you understand the Prog attitude and mind set.

And you've hit on something. You know how Wal*Mart has optometry offices and banks? In Jiffy-Lobo we'll add Monica's. Monica's will be in truth a fertility clinic, the opposite of Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood is to scrape out babies which might be inconvenient, but then that's so much more work when you're recounting votes to get the result that you know just had to have been in the voters' minds. Why once, I recounted votes enough times that our candidate, who initially showed 25% of the vote, won with 89%, and the opponent's wife and child were abducted until he conceded the race.

So we need a Monica's. We need prog seed to fill out those thuggish union jobs. We need prog seed to feel entitled. We need prog seed to, well, whine and be in general very objectionable, like a true prog.

And while we're getting that, we'll scrape out the inside of your brain lest you start that deadly habit of ratiocination.

Never do it my self. Makes my head hurt.

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Planned Proghood. The central planning family center. Socially responsible families never make a mistake.

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Comrade Father Prog Theocritus
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I thank you for compliments paid
to me for the lim'ricks I made.
But when they are so-so
a free Jiffy LoBo
I hope you'll provide for my brain.
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Ago it was quite along time
from Jackson I learned to opine
the Truth in a way
in mem'ries to stay
by speaking in rhythm and rhyme.
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Barack likes the genre of rap
but knows that most folks deem it crap
and knows he can't mimic
the style of the limerick,
so me he gave lim'ricking tasks.
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And thus my assignment is clear
to cleverly capture the ears
of tea-party fools
to make them our tools
with lim'ricky Truths they will hear.
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I'll catch the attention of knaves
by whom lim'rick poems are craved
becasue they expect
the theme to be sex
like those about Dave in a cave.
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--Minister of Truth

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Minister of Truth, I hereby award you a free lifetime of sessions of Jiffy-Lobo. You know, for the times that those Inconvenient Truths start to weight down you you. You know, for the middle of the night when the lies that you've told start to choke in your throat and the ceiling seems to close in in you. The solution is Jiffy-Lobo.

Jiffy-Lobo Means Progs Never Have to Say I'm Sorry. Or Think.

That's our new motto.

And how did you know that my name is Dave? Although I reject the idea of Plato's cave.


 
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