Comrades,

It is a pleasure to announce to the collective and prior to distribution to all of the masses of our new and glorious Job creation plan. The party has listened and has learned from our past mistakes in our pronouncements of all those "shovel ready jobs" that would employ the masses right away.

We have made corrected actions and have toned down expectations to stop the whining about no jobs and ensure that in fact, all those who are looking for work will be able to after distribution to you by your local Commissars and Commissarkka's.


NOW GO GRAB YOUR SPOONS AND START DIGGING THOSE BEETS.........We have a five year plan quota to make.

Meh, the only economic advice I trust comes from two reliable sources: 1.) The comment section of the online New York Times (a spawning ground for intellectual delights!), or 2.) Paul Krugman -- which is like the comment section of the online New York Times, only in Krugman's case the sentences are coherent and follow a legible pattern of thought.


With that said, spoons are a problem, Comrade Snoogie. When I think of spoons, I think of Gaia-killing heavy industry, massive spoon smelters, assembly lines full of unhappy workers, and just general gloom and despair. What we need is a sustainable solution to economic growth and prosperity. I say we make the proles dig with their bare hands. Hand-Ready Jobs™ are eco-friendly, saves on overhead, and we can always subsidize the proles later (much, much later) when their hands are dirty little worn nubs through ObamaCare. Win win.

I think I am planning......... going to be sick on the Spoon Digging day. May I submit a written note from my doctor???

Comrade, if your name was Obama you would be a genius:

The story goes that Milton Friedman was once taken to see a massive government project somewhere in Asia. Thousands of workers using shovels were building a canal. Friedman was puzzled. Why weren't there any excavators or any mechanized earth-moving equipment? A government official explained that using shovels created more jobs. Friedman's response: “Then why not use spoons instead of shovels?”

https://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304070104576399704275939640.html?mod=WSJ_Opinion_LEADTop

Unfortunately, this fool seems to have confused the racist Milton Friedman with Paul Krugman. No matter, after he is purged and his posessions redistributed to me the people, we can correct the record.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:I say we make the proles dig with their bare hands. Hand-Ready Jobs™ are eco-friendly, saves on overhead, and we can always subsidize the proles later (much, much later) when their hands are dirty little worn nubs through ObamaCare. Win win.

I wholeheartedly concur, Com. Punch.

I love your use of the term "subsidise." A most insideous euphamism, if I do say so myself... You should be commended...perhaps a Beet of the Week may be in order? We will add "subsidise" to the Party Thesaurus under "liquidation."

Indeed, once their grubby little fingers have been worn down to the nubs, they will be accelerated forward on the Complete Circles of Life™ Obamacare Eligibility Curve™ by several decades.

Obamacare Eligibility Curve™ (Also know as the "Reaper" Curve)

At which point they may be deemed only worthy of service to the party as Necroproxies/Agricultural Inert Compost Technicians....pushing up beets for the other proles who still possess some service life in their digits.

Of further value is their their lifetime carbon footprints will be reduced dramatically. Ergo, the state will be able to recoup their unused carbon credits and redistribute them to other, more deserving groups (which can then be traded openly for fun and for profit). Very green indeed!

A simple programming of the new Obamacare Mandated Complete Circles of Life™ Bio-Chip™ will allow for the internal measuring of remaining finger length and automatically enroll said prole into re-"trench"-ment as a Necroproxy/Agricultural Inert Compost Technician.

Proles being re-"trench"-ed

If it can be imagined, it can be achieved!

Comrade Raum,

This Obamacare Mandated Complete Circles of Life™ Bio-Chip™ can also be upgraded with the Obama Necro-VOTER program—also available in a "Press 2 for Spanish"—edition for Necro-undocumented Obamabots.

When an election cycle is impending, the chip will activate the Stimulus™ center of the brain thus enabling the Necro-voter to go to the polls and do the politically korrekt thing. ChiKago has been a leader in the industry for Necro-voters and Necro-undocumented Obamabot voters with a proven track record that's second to none, thus proving that this upgrade is only a matter of proper dissemination.

I say we make the proles dig with their bare hands. Hand-Ready Jobs™ are eco-friendly, saves on overhead, and we can always subsidize the proles later (much, much later) when their hands are dirty little worn nubs through ObamaCare.

Chairman,

I must respectfully disagree with you. I did a little research after your suggestion to see the feasibility of increasing employment through the use of "hand jobs". After a quick party approved google search for "hand jobs" and the results viewed. I have to tell you that particular segment of the work force is already plenty actively employed in the use of their hands and they also support a pretty robust "artistic" film community.

Corporeal Whinny wrote:Comrade Raum,

This Obamacare Mandated Complete Circles of Life™ Bio-Chip™ can also be upgraded with the Obama Necro-VOTER program—also available in a "Press 2 for Spanish"—edition for Necro-undocumented Obamabots.

When an election cycle is impending, the chip will activate the Stimulus™ center of the brain thus enabling the Necro-voter to go to the polls and do the politically korrekt thing. ChiKago has been a leader in the industry for Necro-voters and Necro-undocumented Obamabot voters with a proven track record that's second to none, thus proving that this upgrade is only a matter of proper dissemination.

We are WAY ahead of you on that Whinny... But it is good to know great minds think alike!

Commodore Snoogie Woogums wrote:

I say we make the proles dig with their bare hands. Hand-Ready Jobs™ are eco-friendly, saves on overhead, and we can always subsidize the proles later (much, much later) when their hands are dirty little worn nubs through ObamaCare.

Chairman,

I must respectfully disagree with you. I did a little research after your suggestion to see the feasibility of increasing employment through the use of "hand jobs". After a quick party approved google search for "hand jobs" and the results viewed. I have to tell you that particular segment of the work force is already plenty actively employed in the use of their hands and they also support a pretty robust "artistic" film community.

Commodore,

I believe the Chairman was referring to hand-READY jobs.... not hand jobs, per se.

You may believe me when I say, no one here would want to see any untraining proles horning in on the Peoples' Navy Morale Welfare Recreation (and Happy Endings) racket program (aka. "Hello, Sailor!).

I don't have a GRASP of this topic...

There is only one way to create jobs. Nationalize all business and make everyone a government employee. Then all we have to do is tax them...viola! Prosperity.

Obama new jobs plan: employ all Americans in creating jobs plans. "It's so crazy...it JUST. MIGHT. WORK."

It's simple. Everything belongs to the state. Everyone must work, except the oppressed, minorities,disabled, and illegal aliens. Then, the state simply doles out your food, clothing allotment, etc... and a small sum for discretionary spending on a variety of Party Approved ™ luxuries. Like sugar, or soy milk. That way everyone has a job, and nobody has to worry about anything.

Colonel,

I believe you have been time-jumping again, and alas, yes, you have peeked into the near future! There will be no unemployment in the World of Next Tuesday ™ I can say this with every confidence because I, myself, have envisioned just such a world. This is why I am the reluctant hero of the Peoples' Revolution. My shoulders grow heavy in my struggle for the people, comrade......BUT.... REVOLUTION is imminent! Once the almighty State takes over everything, and purges.... properly distributes the bounty of our dear homeland, "to each according to his ability" and "to each according to his need" there will finally be the Utopia that we have fought so long and hard for. There will be no need of truth. The Party ™[img]styles/pc/imageset/heart.png[/img] will regulate the populace, in everything they do. There will be no dissent! Now do not fret, mi compadre. It is truly for their own good. The unseeing, careless, brainwashed populace will not awaken until it is too late. We will win in the end.
This will finally bring about harmony and fairness...the prosperity of all! (we will make the stupid sheeple believe this crap...uh. yeah....really) [hide=]This correspondence will self-destruct after reading......you get my drift, comrade?[/hide]