We all know the greed of capitalism has caused an increase in the homeless population. Everywhere you go, we are stepping over these victims of capitalistic excess. But let's face it, no comrade wants to actually share the sidewalk with a homeless person, unless it's election time and we need their multiple votes to ensure the correct candidate is elected.
I propose a ten-point program to immediately end homelessness in the United States, and help usher in the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™.
1. Declare the United States to be a Homeless Free Zone.
2. Require a background check and mental health screening before anyone is allowed to be homeless.
3. Register all homeless and require a five day waiting period before they can sleep outside.
4. Ban the sale of large capacity military style backpacks that can carry an excessive amount of possessions.
5. Limit the sale of blankets or sleeping bags to one per month, and require proof the purchaser isn't homeless.
6. Ban the possession or sale of sleeping bags and blankets within 1000 feet of schools, daycare centers and school bus stops.
7. Require blankets and sleeping bags be stored rolled up and secured with a lock at all times.
8. Confiscate all tactical military style sleeping bags good for temperatures below 40 degrees.
9. Require all homeless persons to carry a Homeless Persons ID Card.
10. Ban the transport of a blanket or sleeping bag in conjunction with any articles of clothing, food, improvised shelter material, or other paraphernalia associated with the homeless.
I demand these ten points be adopted at once, and we end the bitter scourge of homelessness once and for all!
In the 57 state world of Tuesday™ only 10 points would be seen as weakness. MORE regulation is required if we are to properly warehouse these voters until needed. An 11th point, as a heading to thousands of pages of sub-points, would be to tax the homeless without homes until they buy an address to which more tax forms may be sent. Of course, those addresses would be purchased through state exchanges, and in consideration of needs and abilities, various plans would be available, viz. the "bronze" address vs. the "platinum" address, etc. Naturally, homeless SEIU and democrat operatives would have exemptions by executive order. There is no problem the I.R.S. cannot solve with more taxes.
And tonight in his State of Disunion Address, Comrade President Barackzebub Hussein Obama will bring several children to the podium during his glorious speech whose lives were ruined by actually seeing a homeless person.
Only government officials can have multiple shopping carts.
Ivan BetinovYou left out insurance. Any person wanting to be homeless should have to buy some kind of insurance policy. The government can regulate the premiums to make sure they remain artificially high.
Mandatory homeless insurance. Yes, excellent idea Comrade. Of course soon the definition of homeless may have to be changed. For instance, if you have a tent or a cardboard box, you cannot be considered homeless. Also, it may be time to redistribute excess housing capability and move people in with kulaks who have more home than they need.