Image

Announcing the Trump Box meal delivery service

User avatar
Trump wants to slash food stamps and replace them with a ‘Blue Apron-type program'

Trump-Box.jpg

Obama had his ObamaPhone; now Trump has his Trump Box.

We are surprised to announce that government services are expanding with the Trump Box: A meal delivery service for those who can't afford food. The goals of the Trump Box are to promote healthier eating, save money by purchasing food in bulk, and prevent fraud.

lettuce.jpg
[/i]
The price of lettuce just increased on the black market.
White House Spokesperson Mick Mulvaney has described the Trump Box as similar to Blue Apron meal kits. But New York Times op-ed writer Bryce Covert - who does not like his meal kits co-opted by Republicans - was not happy about this comparison:

“With Blue Apron, you get to pick your meals and decide when they come. And it gives you all the ingredients you need to complete it. Under Trump's plan, the government decides what you get and when you get it.”

Isn't this outrageous? It's horrifying that we should have to take what the government feels like giving us, even though we're not paying for it ourselves. It's what Marie Antoinette would call "Cake," or what Nancy Pelosi would call "Crumbs."

Usually we like when the government tells us what to do. We liked when Michelle Obama told our kids what to eat. But this is different, because a Republican is president.
~
obama-produce.jpg
[/i]
Obama was a fierce defender of produce.

Many people, who have not really cared that much for fresh fruits and vegetables, are now concerned that "half their benefits" each month will arrive at their door "in the form of government-purchased, nonperishable food items." All of a sudden, they want to give peas a chance.

peas-.jpg
[/i]
When asked for a sample menu of what the non-perishable items may be, Trump's spokesperson provided this list, which sounds like an MRE from 1945:

  • Stale crackers
  • Ramen noodles
  • An MSG packet
  • Can of sardines
  • Chopped meat spread
  • Brick dust
  • Dog food
  • Vitamin C tablets for scurvy
  • And a voter registration form, with Republican Party pre-marked.

The responses from current food assistance recipients have ranged from indignant to passionate:

• "This will not work for me. I don't want to be told what to eat, unless a Democrat is president. I want to eat what I want, when I want it, and I want someone else to pay for it."

• "I have an aversion to Republicans and whatever they provide in the Trump Box. If the boxes include a jar of peanut butter, I will spontaneously develop a peanut allergy."

• "Where is the fresh produce? Oh, only half of our benefit is non-perishable? Well, I don't want the other half if I have to use it on fresh produce."

It's not surprising that Trump wants people to starve. But we at the Cube regretfully admit that the Trump Box is a good idea.

No longer will you have to travel to the store to get half of your food.

Complaints have surfaced that Trump Boxes would harm Walmart, Target and Aldi, who "stand to lose billions" when the Trump Boxes start arriving. This is puzzling. Never before have we seen progressives defending the bottom line of huge corporations.

What do you plan on cooking with your Trump Box items? Share your recipes below.

User avatar
Comrade Olga,

"What do you plan on cooking with your Trump Box items? Share your recipes below."

What could possibly be made from that box of ingredients that wouldn't taste like corrugated fiber? No, no, this will never do. Only a kapitalist with a job could make something out of that box. How are we ever going to entice (buy) voters to vote for the G.W.O.N.T. without sugar and spice and EVERYTHING NICE? We don't care about their "sugar" (diabetes), their cholesterol, their heart disease, their teeth.....so on and so forth. When LBJ started the War On Poverty in 1963 he said we will have 'them' voting for the G.W.O.N.T. for the next 200 years and by golly they owe us another 145 YEARS OF VOTES!


foodstamps.jpg

User avatar
Even though this is Rethugglikkan conspiracy theory, I'm confident that in the true spirit of Big Government, it will be done poorly. The products will be overpriced, under-sized and substandard, the bureaucracy will be incredible, and there will be union graft and corruption as far as the eye can see. If we play our cards right, this could be worse than Transportation Safety Administraton.

If I was a single mother, this makes one fewer time I'd have to get off the mattress, put on a mu-mu and house slippers to go get shrimp cocktails "to go" from Red Lobster and a bag of quarter pounders for the little bastards using my EBT cards, I could stay home and bitch that my food box is late, play video games and continue to breed.

The bonus is that our beloved President in Waiting, our Many-Titted Empress gets NONE of the blame! It's as if His O'Liness Barack Obama (PBUH) himself (at the direction of Valerie Jarrett) ordered it!

This is truly a return to the glorious halcyon days of Government Cheese, and the Rethugglikkans have done it their own damn selves, and think they're clever!

Reminds me of Kurt Schlicter's "Community Gruel Pot" concept. One half the prisoners eat from the gruel pot, the other half, um, "populate" it.


User avatar
Most Equal Komrad Stakhanovets,

Only someone "in the system" could write as you did.

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:If we play our cards right, this could be worse than Transportation Safety Administration.

.......

This is truly a return to the glorious halcyon days of Government Cheese, and the Rethugglikkans have done it their own damn selves, and think they're clever!

As a former apparatchik with TSA, I must correct a glaring error. It is the Transportation Security Administration. There is nothing safe about it.

I have a suggestion that would absolutely guarantee the fulfillment of your vision. Trump (spit spit) should take a page from the Bush/Hitler playbook. When TSA was created the Bush/Hitler made a public call to all existing Government Organs to provide their "best and brightest" apparatchiks to populate the upper echelons of the newly created agency. If you are a bureaucrat, you know EXACTLY who every other agency sent. The problem children they had wanted to get rid of for decades but could not because of the protections for apparatchiks. Progs like that only hire more Progs just like that. Thus, TSA will forever be a cesspool of misery for any employee with an IQ above 80. Trump (spit spit) should make a similar announcement for the Comestibles Security and Sustainment Administration.

Respectfully submitted,

Red Salmon


 
POST REPLY