United Nations, New York, NY - November 26, 2012
Today the United Nations announced through its new official Internet Control spokesperson, Muhammad Alphonse Mohammed Muhammad, that all the interwebs are belong to them.
"Today is a momentous day in the history of both the world and technology," stated Muhammad. "Today at the United Nations, Allah willing (PBUH), all control of the interwebs is given into the just and capable hands of the United Nations Internet Police. Allahu Akbar! And FORWARD!"
Muhammad also stated that, "Now the rich Americans can pay their fair share, as we implement appropriate and fair taxes on all internet usage, Allah willing. All your interebs are belong to us!!"
When asked how this would affect the average American, Muhammad said that, "It will affect them as they deserve! Allahu Akbar! In all fairness and jihad!"
American Presidential spokesmouth Jay "Carney" Carney barked, "For the record, the President (PBUH) is in favor of giving the internet over to United Nations control and oversight, and we've been in secret negotiations for quite some time. Now that the President has more flexibility, the UN can finally help us to
UPDATE: this just in - a classified photo of the newly built United Nations Internet Control War Room has been leaked, and we present it here.
In related news today, a large group of United Nations soldiers gathered outside Microsoft™ headquarters in Redmond, WA. When asked why they were there by concerned neighbors, one of the soldiers was heard to reply "All your computer are belong to U.N.!"
Visualize World Police.
However, the small (alleged) devices you noticed are classified and under current development by the Obama Administration. They are being tested by UN troops worldwide, but I cannot disclose the nature of the (alleged) devices.
And as for YOU, Comrade Putout... was that taken at Father Prog's birthday party last year?