Why did the Occupier...

Why did the Occupier cross the road?

• Because his Mom called and said, “It’s time to come home, honey.”
• Because ‘Ketchup’ broke her glasses during a fit of righteous crying and had to go to Lynz-Krafterz
• Because some radicals thought “free love” meant “unsolicited surprise sex”
• Because three homeless guys were occupying his tent "Help, police..."
• Because a few "more-equal-than-thous" (aka, Party people) appropriated [sic, smoked up] his stach for the Greater Good™ -- he had to score another bag of kind bud
• Because the police car looked like a port-o-john

Help me out, comrades! What are some other reasons that would compel an Occupier to cross the road?

=========================================

UPDATE FROM RED SQUARE:

And now you can also put your own slogan on the Occupy protester's sign:


 

Why did the Occupier cross the road?

-because the free free-range Tofu casserole was being served there.
-because the free condoms were there
-because the free clothing give away was there
-because the free Ben & Jerry's cart was there
-because the free STD clinic was there
-because the free forum for Womyn 's Studies and Queer Musicology majors was there.
-because his **** was stuck inside the chicken.
-to get away from the free soap.
-because when you live in a country where opportunities are for anyone who will work,
you cross the road to get to "the other side".
 

His stocks in McDonalds were dropping because of all of the free food being passed out...

Waterproof sleepingbags finally went on sale...

Free clinic opened for STD testing...

The resume submitted to Bank of America in February finally got him an interview...

His law school acceptance letter came in...
 

Why did the Occupier cross the road?
- because the IPhone 4s went on sale across the street.
- to deposit $20,000 in Wells Fargo Bank.
- because Michael Moore erected a circus tent on his spot.
- because he/she had nothing better to do.
 

Terry_Jim

-because his **** was stuck inside the chicken.

Oh, I see how it is... you want to go there huh? O.k. comrade, make your next chicken **** move, it'll be the last time you talk **** about chickens.



 

Because he/she knew there was something free on the other side.

Because he/she heard there was a clean piece of ground that hadn't been pooped on yet.
 

Why did the Occupier cross the road?

... Because ACORN was registering voters on the other side.
... So they could move their food tents away from the homeless.
... Because someone was handing out free Che Guevara T-Shirts.
... So they could break the hips of old ladies by pushing them down the stairs, and there are no stairs on their side.
... Because McDonald's job applications were being dumped on them, and job applications are poison.
... Because someone was distributing free Tofurkey (faux turkey made of tofu.. Blech).
... Because there are national TV cameras, and they want their 15 minutes of fame.
... Because there was an American flag to burn.
... So they could take their sweet time crossing, in order to block traffic.

I could go all day.
 

Because there was an effing riot breaking out on THIS side.
 

starbucks finally opened...
 

• Because someone shouted, "SOAP!, FLEA POWDER!, CLEAN UNDERWEAR!" on THIS side.
• Because someone started talking coherently, making sense and putting paragraphs together in a grammatically-correct fashion on THIS side.
• Because they ran out of cop cars to defacate on, on THIS side, and some fresh ones showed up on the other side.
• Because NYCC/ACORN showed up with the paychecks for the Astroturfers™ on the other side
• Because Mickey Moore[on] showed up for another collective lesson in Zombie Activism that required a large group of 'turfers to "repeat after me..." on the other side.
• Because Mickey Moore[on] showed up with large food stains on his 'wife-beater' T-shirt that screamed "FREE FOOD!" for hungry 'turfers, on the other side.

 

If this is not a rhetorical question, he did not actually have a reason apart from the fact that other people were doing it. [herds like to stay together]
 

 

Because he/she/it got suckered into a Ponzi Scheme.
 

 

-- To throw his feces to the other side.
 

- Because their Imperial Corportalizt manufactured laptop, iPhone, iPad, or camera ran out of battery power due to lack of unicorn, double rainbow and whale fart power terminals.

- Because "man with hand in concrete drum" hurt hand from over potti in panties.
 

To claim both sides of the road in the name of the Occupation. Whose road!? Our road!
 

Comrades! I have received a secret memo from Party lurker MJA (known in these parts as The People's Pancreas) that is very relevant to this most revolutionary (and coherent) cause!


I was also listening to that apostate from the entertainment industry, Dennis Miller, who tried to be cute in remarking how our anything-but-occupied comrades get left off at these events by Mommy.
 

Good to see you back on the Cube, DDR.
 

Because the jam-band, Phish, regrouped for a second, final farewell tour.
 

To get to the Myspace photo sesh.



 

Pava Patrioticheskaya

To get to the Myspace photo sesh.


To chillax with Chad and watch the hipster olympics!
 

Your Progressive rhetoric is so inspiring, Tovarish Palimpsest, that my village wanted to present you with a small Token of Appreciation in the form of this picture. Do not fear - we only worked on it after our production quotas had been exceeded by 10% more than last year.


 

Comrade Pava,

You're a testament to the industry of pure collectivism. I'm sending your village five pipes of Chateau Babeuf's finest cuvée.
 

Comrade Brain-in-a-Jar, good to see you're still...cogitating!
 

DDR Kamerad

Comrade Brain-in-a-Jar, good to see you're still...cogitating!
Indeed. Just top his jar fluids off with a little Stoli and he's good to go !
 

Little known fact: despite having no remaining bodily orifices whatsoever, I can still blow bubbles in my jar.
 

And I'll never feed you liquified bean curry again.
 

Because a spacious, rent-contolled apartment became available.
 

To get away from Komrade Brain-in-a-Jar's off-gassing.
 

They were offering Gallus gallus domesticus/ fecal studies grants.
 

Brain-in-jar

Little known fact: despite having no remaining bodily orifices whatsoever, I can still blow bubbles in my jar.Not technically true, Betinov. You're a Made Prog so you have to have holes for gobbling things up.

But at your level, it's possible for you to use telepathy to communicate the Beauty and Wisdom of the Current Truth.

My only problem with you though is that for a Made Prog, you don't have the Made Prog's Realty Creation Orifice.

Because, remember, Reality Is What Comes Out Our Ass.
 

Your worthy dissertation above concerning reality's nature goes far to explain how
a progressive's wonderful ideas are something to be eliminated.
 

The Occupier did not know he had crossed the road and only discovered he had after getting there.
He actually did not intend to cross the road but to occupy it, however the nice policeman grabbed him by the scruff and helped him across, and into, the Prisoner pick up van.
It was a mistake, not being familiar with large cities he thought it was a sidewalk. (The cars on it did cause some initial confusion which was quickly ignored)
There was a woman on the other side holding up an "Occupy Me for $30.00' sign.
Someone said 'Hey there's an empty porta potty over there'. After diving into the dumpster the Occupier was given a free ride to the City Dump. He now happily occupies it.
 

And then there was the lonely occupier.


 

Comrades, I am outraged that the mayors of cities that ought to know better are breaking up the Occupy protests on the specious grounds of public health.

Don't they know, to quote dear Rahm Emanuel, a crisis is a terrible thing to waste? Nothing makes for better reform than a cholera or typhus epidemic.

Unless we could get really lucky and have the Black Death.
 

Guardian of Pravda

And then there was the lonely occupier.
Occupy.jpg
This brave Berkantilist obviously lives behind enemy lines in some red-state hicktown, where no one appreciates his ironic t-shirts.
 

Why did the Occupier cross the road?

To jump off the cliff on the other side and take AmeriKKKa with him.
 

 

Father Prog Theocritus

Why did the Occupier cross the road?

To jump off the cliff on the other side and take AmeriKKKa with him. On one side of the road, he was an Occupier... On the other, a Martyr!
 

R.O.C.K. in the USSA

Coming home to roost...

A living sermon by Rvd. Jeremiah Wright.
 

Because he had warrants
 

Because the 1% said it wanted to negotiate a compromise at the UN.
 

Please believe me, Doctor, that I do know some 1%ers who give the finger to the U.N. I myself have never quite come down from the high when Jean Kirkpatrick didn't roll over for the UN, and the UN huffed and puffed that it might leave New York.

Her deputy said that they would go to the docks and wave them a fond farewell.

He couldn't get a traffic ticket after that if he tried.
 

Dr. W. S. Palimpsest

Why did the Occupier cross the road?

To take a progressive poop by the People's Refuse Receptacle.


 

because the capitalist dog on his side offered him/her/it a job.
 

because he was kicked out of the park as a health hazard by the resident rats.
 

"all in favor of the occutard crossing the road?"



DUUUDE, like six times Major Up-twinkles!!!
 

Remember folks........

Occutard and his fellow demonstrators in the previous video are the reason why Obama ran for the Presidency. Yep.


He said so.

And for once, he might have approached honesty.
( But if you didn't hear him , don't sweat it.... the moment didn't last long.)
 

Because he forgot where he was.
 

The Occupier crossed the road because he wasn't able to get someone in his own camp to agree that HE was the most abused person on earth, that HE had the biggest grievances, that HE deserved the most, just because HE was his own precious SELF.

So he had to get an audience. Bear in mind that since we progs exist to tell others what to do, we do not exist alone in a room, which means that we have to have an audience to display our wonderfulness to. So we will always follow the camera.

Because absent a camera, we do not exist. We exist to be in opposition because we have nothing of our own.
 

 

Blogunov, you are right. If Mohammed will not go to the mountain, the mountain must go to Mohammed.

If the Occupier cannot be arsed to cross the road, the road ought to cross under him.

Why, the indignities that people have when the world cannot figure out what they want before they ask for it.
 

 

You know, Blogunov, I have been wondering. Steve Jobs said he never did marketing research, claiming that people don't know what they want until he gives it to them.

How can a prog like me know what he wants from the get-go? Or an embryonic prog like the OWS people?

How could they have known that their $150,000 degrees in the poetry of Maya Angelou, or gender studies, or gay studies, or black studies, would only benefit them as long as they could find a job, well, no, wait, they can't find a job because all of the really whiny jobs in Angelou's poetry or other grievance or pressure groups are already filled by tenured professors. So there's no room.

They should not be held responsible for what they didn't know they'd want when they started, so it makes perfect sense that they want all loans forgiven.

It's a prog's prerogative to change his mind. And it's the world's responsibility to (1) ooh and ah at his perception; (2) pay for it by (3) taking money from the pockets of people who actually have useful degrees or work.

So they couldn’t know that they wouldn't be suited by their plans; they are kin to us; they must be succored.

George Bush is responsible.
 

You will pay for exploiting that non-union chicken!

http://www.animalliberationfront.com/Pr ... Street.htm
 

As Marx said, I will stroll through the destruction a creator!
 

You know, Marx, the drunken wife beater.........
 

Komrad Phobianov

You know, Marx, the drunken wife beater.........
Oh, that Marx. Not one of the Brothers.
 

Because I asked him to explain what his protest sign meant.
 

$.$, yours it the most cogent. I once saw Caterpillar workers striking, just after having signed a new contract. They were asked why the strike? They got what they wanted.

They to a man shook their heads, and I heard maracas, and after a slow three-count of idiocy, said, "You have to be here to understand."

Isn't Caterpillar looking to move lots of production overseas?