Let's Do Mortgages Right!

[$.$. Halliburton]

Margaret! New letter. Take this. Salutation:

Dear Fellow Members of the 3rd Capitalist Cabal Internationale, the Oppressive Greedy and Secret World Capitalist Government,

Oops. Margaret, I should've said before – type this up with the special encoder so that only the Capitalist Class can read it. Thanks. Okay, where was I? Right. Continue the letter Margaret...

My dearest fellow exploiters of Labor,

Now that you have your special decoder glasses on I can tell you what's actually transpiring with this so-called financial crisis.

As you all know, the financial collapse doesn't have anything to do with mortgages. It's all about Universal Health Care.

The workers and the peasants of America, after working themselves to the bone over the past eight years of our brutal reign to pay for our imperialist wars, palaces, and bazillion dollar golden parachutes are finally cracking under the strain. They're physically breaking down. They go to the doctor because they're broken down. Don't worry about the bill says the smiling, two-faced doctor. Just let me fix you up. Then when it's too late they find out the bill for capitalist health care! Ha, Ha! And now they're in a pickle. Now they found themselves with a terrible choice, medical care or the mortgage. Save their lives or save their houses. The working classes did what we knew they had to do. To keep their children alive they had to go to the doctor. They had to default on their mortgages.

By denying them Universal Health Care we have kept them poor, destitute and in their place… our pocket.

Our plan was working perfectly but over the weekend a dangerous factor came into play. We had the Congress lined-up against the walls of Congress with guns to their heads. We had guns to their heads! All of them except for Barney Frank. He enjoyed it too much. And they were all going to vote our way and give us the hundreds of billions we need to maintain our lifestyles when in walked our worst nightmare.

Big Michael Moore.

What else can I say? You know the name. Big Michael Moore rode into Congress on his tall white horse and before we knew it he'd out gunned us all and freed the Congressmen. They went scurrying for the hills. And we ran out of there too. And it was over. It was all over.

Billions wasted.

My fellow rich exploiters of the 3 rd Capitalist Cabal Internationale! No matter what the cost, no matter how many troops it takes, no matter where he hides, we must hunt down this savage noble saviour of the proletarian, Big Michael Moore. He has trifled with his betters for the last time.

Margaret, sign it:

Yours very sincerely,

$.$. Halliburton

ser 33dj7v44

Addendum: The proof.
~margaret

[Opiate of the People]

Michael Moore riding a horse???? This is an extreme cruelty to animals! Someone please call PETA immediately so that he can be milked for the new Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor "Mange We Can Believe In".

[Premier Betty]

Note to self:

Never... eat... Ben & Jerry's....

[S.A.F. Marshal Pravda]

Are you sure it wasn't Dennis Moore???



This one has nothing to do with the topic...salute!

[Chairman M. S. Punchenko]

Waiting for my check, Ka-Ching. Waiting for my check.

[$.$. Halliburton]

Waiting for my check, Ka-Ching. Waiting for my check.

You damn commies.

[O'Brien]

You damn commies.

Ha ha!

Evil crazy capitalist oppressor Halliburton!!

Your reign of oppressing the worker is over! Soon our Office of Central Planning (FKA Dept of the Treasury) will make sure you will no longer be able to profit from hard work and sound investments!! Your money and mansions will be divided up amongst the workers, or rather the non workers! Move all essential articles to the smallest room in your mansion, for there's a den of crackheads that are moving in with you!!

I fart in your general direction!

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

[Commissar_Elliott]

I fart in your general direction!

Don't do that comrade! If we do, Al Gore will take away your carbon credits! Is it really worth a carbon credit to fart, even in the vicinity of this piece of capitalist crap?