Putin'08: Cooler than Obama, More Experienced than Hillary

Having been named 'Person of the Year 2007' by an American magazine that invariably supports progressive candidates, soon-to-be Russian ex-President, Vladimir Putin, is now listening to political consultants advising him to start a vigorous campaign in Iowa and New Hampshire as the strongest candidate on the Democratic ticket in 2008. "Every Democratic contender promises to change America," says General Yezhov, a member of Putin PAC and Chairman of the Putin Presidential Exploratory Committee. "If change is what the Americans want, Putin can give it to them better than any other candidate. And trust me, it won't be some cosmetic do-over - it will be a change that's final and irreversible. We challenge all the activists who talk about change to put their money where their mouth is and support Vladimir Putin for American President."

~

	Barbra Streisand: Vlad has definitely got more chutzpah than Hillary. I mean, she was my first choice, but if you put her next to Putin - who's got a bigger ability to bring about change? Oprah Winfrey: I can't believe it! Why didn't Vlad tell me before I did that stupid show for Obama in Manchester? Daily Kos: Now Putin is officially the most popular man in America - AND he is available!
	Putin's Political Action Committee headquarters on Lubianka Square in Moscow. Iowa Activist: I want the strongest candidate on the Democratic ticket in 2008 and Putin is it. I wish any of our Democrats could be half the man he is in dealing with the right-wing media.

Most experts agree that if Putin were to run on the Democratic platform, he could easily beat other candidates at their own game by promising the American people a smorgasbord of entitlements. "The values are the same, and so is the shared vision of massive government expansion to save the children from the dangers of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness," continues General Yezhov. "And when the product is the same, salesmanship and experience take the priority. That's all what's left for your political observers to talk about - experience. And who's got more experience in expanding the power of the government than Putin? Who I ask?"

"Right now the American political experts are divided. One camp favors bigger experience with a wider sway typical of Hillary; the other camp fancies a new guy in Washington who has smaller experience but greater penetrating power which is what Obama is known for. With those conditions in play, the board is now set for us to declare that Putin has god-like experience, enormous - if not throbbing - penetrating power, and he'll be a new guy in Washington. So what are the pundits, the experts and the media consultants going to do? By their own standards, Putin is the ideal candidate for the Democratic primaries! He is a shoe-in for the nomination! A shoe-in!"

We met with General Yezhov in his office on Lubianka Square in Moscow, decorated with dull portraits of old Soviet leaders and a lively display of colorful English-language posters and buttons:

• Putin '08: He will bring stability to America
• Putin '08: No more partisan bickering!
• Putin '08: He means change!
• Putin '08: Cooler than Obama, More Experienced than Hillary

The General dismissed skepticism about the fact that Putin wasn't "technically" born in the United States. "What's the fabrication of another American birth certificate for the KGB paper factory? Patooey! Let's talk about real issues, like Hillary or Obama's experience!" The General issued a short and disciplined belly laugh.

"You know what the 'experience' argument between Hillary and Obama supporters reminds me of? It's like that quarrel over the best way to open an egg as described by the great Russian writer Jonathan Swift - from the big end or from the little end. They Hillary group are the Big Endians and the Obama group are the Little Endians. If that's what your choice of candidates boils down to - from which end it is better to open the Golden American Egg to suck dry - then Putin can crack the egg open from both ends simultaneously! His KGB training included a skill to shell a raw egg with only two fingers, without leaving a mess.

"Putin is everything your Democratic contenders can only dream of being and so much more! Nobody except him can bring political stability to America. Having analyzed reports in the American 'paper of record', The New York Times, within the last seven years of the Bush Administration, our experts have concluded that your country is devastated by Republican failures, weakened by partisan bickering, and is being ravaged by hateful mobs of 'fiscal conservatives' who are looking for an excuse to start another civil war. America needs stability - even more so than Russia!

"Our theory was confirmed by Time Magazine's selection of Putin as 'Person of the Year' for bringing stability to Russia. Time editors must have subliminally guessed what's best for America. And that's why Vladimir Putin is your top choice for president.

"If we are to believe the American mainstream media - and I see no reason not to - Americans are ready for a benevolent foreign leader who will be strict but fair to his American subjects. Just think what he can do for your country with only a few edicts! The possibilities are endless!

"The Edict to Balance the Media and Unconfuse Public Perception will lead to a quick shutdown of Fox News and conservative talk radio, followed by a poisoning of Rush Limbaugh, a quiet assassination of Ann Coulter, and the jailing of Republican leadership with the subsequent nationalization of GOP funds. The debate is over, comrades! No more partisanship!

"The Total Employment and Rehabilitation Edict will give a chance to human refuse known as the 'right-wingers' to rehabilitate themselves through hard labor in Alaska, digging the world's longest canal between the Pacific and the Arctic Oceans. With millions of them living in the barracks, the housing problem on the mainland will fade away automatically and home foreclosures will cease to be. Financing for this project will be provided by tapping into the bank accounts of today's captains of industry who will be shoveling permafrost. The resulting overall prosperity will easily cover the cost of shipping surplus shovels from the Motherland.

"The Simple Vote Edict will be similar to Simple Tax; only instead of eliminating the IRS it will eliminate the Federal Election Commission. This will end once and for all the confusing need to know the distinction between the House and the Senate, the Elephant and the Donkey, the Capitol and the White House. The edict will rid us of the Electoral College and other excesses that frustrate the Democrat voting bloc. There will be only one Duma and only one Party, renamed into 'Americans United for Choice and Stability' - a utopian ideal for many of progressive activists.

"The Centralized Self-Governing Edict will abolish the costly and farcical gubernatorial elections. The liberated funds will then be used to build dachas for the loyal State Governors whom Putin will choose himself as he did in Mother Russia. That in turn will ensure a better cohesion of state economies with the federal Five Year Plans, thus eliminating the 'free-market' chaos and dubious capitalist 'creativity.' A tighter government control over industries will release additional funds into the hands of other distinguished apparatchiks who will thus reward themselves for the selfless service to the people and the President.

"The No War for Oil Edict will nationalize American oil companies and end their tyrannical reign over the world. While this triumph of progress will be deafeningly celebrated by people who believe that Big Oil was the main cause of wars and violence, Putin will quietly sell American weapons to Syria, Hamas, Hezbollah, and Iran, helping to achieve a peaceful and final solution in that war-torn region. With the destruction of Israel and America's unilateral disarmament, an everlasting peace will ensue; it shall be known as Pax Putinia.

"The Kazakhstanization of Arizona Edict will bring civilization to the American wastelands of Arizona and New Mexico by rerouting the Mississippi River into the Arizona Desert. One doesn't have to be a cartographer to see the unfairness of the current system under which the Gulf of Mexico has too much water while Arizona has none. It's time we made Big Gulf of Mexico share its vast water wealth so that the Southwest can become the new Tselina (Virgin Land) - just like Kazakhstan. It will grow corn for the American Motherland to be distilled into ethanol, whose importance will only increase due to the failure of nationalized oil industries.

"The Edict to Improve Economic Indicators will ensure that America's prosperity will continue to be fabulous and immeasurable despite the bureaucratic mismanagement and economic sabotage by the people's enemies. The only government-approved economic indicator left in place will be the perception of the economy by the New York Times editorial board - just like in the Golden Age of Bill Clinton!

"The Minimum Wage Tax Edict will simplify the tax system by making everyone a government employee, with automatic wage deductions for new glorious projects. A standardized universal minimum wage will be a welcomed change from the stressful need to count dependents and file tax returns.

"The Total Health Edict will bring you a standardized universal healthcare plan by forcing doctors and pharmacists to work for the standardized universal minimum wage. A few widely publicized show trials of "white coat criminals" will subdue the rest of the greedy scoundrels with knowledge of the medical field. We know that progressive mass media will cooperate; they already can't wait to lay their hands on pharmaceutical companies. The ACLU will also be standing by at our disposal.

"The Social Security Reduction Edict may not be even required, as the advancement of standardized universal healthcare should quickly reduce the number of freeloaders surviving past pension age.

"The immigration issue will also wither away as there will no longer be an opportunity left for any laborer - foreign or domestic - to be outside of the government hierarchy and state-assigned residency system. As Americans are expected to start fleeing to Cuba and Mexico, The Border Minefield Edict may be required, which would place landmines and heavily armed patrols on the southern border to prevent the outward movement of people and the depletion of the federal workforce.

"The Guns Kill People Edict will establish a no-trial-needed death penalty for gun ownership, lest the selfish American kulaks get any ideas about resisting the will of the people represented by exacting Party apparatchiks. Come to think of it, a constitutional amendment about the separation of guns and people should be announced by a special edict on our very first day in office to ensure that we survive all the other edicts and live to see the next term, and then the next term, and the next term after that.

"Vote Putin - do it for the children!"

I like it how Putin never smiles.  It shows that he is the right candidate who will be able to carry out every order and mandate without letting his emotions control him.  Everyone likes a man who can carry out orders condemning thousands of thought criminals to the gulag and not feel any remorse for it.

Vlad, Hugo, Bill Clinton: Destroying term limits one sublime & insidious way after another.

Ahh, yes, comrades, sweet, sweet stability
is just what we need; to be loosed from the bondage
of individual thought and enjoy the freedom of Government planning .  

End the bitterness that divides America  
         with freedom from choice.

  Put in Putin, the inevitable President !
        He will make all of Hillary's
            Solstice Holiday promises come true!

Vlad’s Governing expertise is unquestionable.  That and his 40 Billion, in cash, should solidify his nomination

"What's the fabrication of another American birth certificate for the KGB paper factory?"

The only quibble I have with your thesis, Comrade Red Square, is that we have Americans who can just as easily fabricate an American birth certificate. Rather than send another job overseas, we can employ the guys who work in the parking lot of that 7-11 in Virginia.

How about the campaign slogan “Don’t Mess With the Vlad! Or else”™



Perhaps, "Have Plutonium will Travel"™

We need a caption here.



Putin caught dancing topless in Yosemite?  

Notice the floating Cross on his chest.

"Huckabee or Me?"™

There is one potential gulagblock that I had not considered, one that I am afraid we ourselves are to blame for! Comrades, for years we have rightfully claimed that George Bush was not elected to the White House! So what does that mean you ask?

BUSH is still eligible to be president for another eight years!

Dear Lenin! Protect us!

(sigh) What a hunk!  He's so dreamy looking!  Those pecs, that pate, those ice blue eyes that look as if they could bore right through me and touch my very soul Party organs.  

Oh, I just know he's sweet and sensitive, and like, totally understands me!  I could love him 4-ever and ever!  

(Pinkie rips out the old pages about Ahmadinejad and Che from her Hello Kitty notebook, and writes on a new one)

Mrs. Pinkie Putin
Mrs. Pinkie Putin
Mrs. Pinkie Putin

Oh by the way, does he hate Bush?  Please tell me he does.  That's soo-ooo important to me.  More than the sunsets, long walks on the beach, and cozy nights in front of the fireplace.

This will actually give Bushitler the opportunity to attack Iran,Venezuela, Cuba, North Korea, China, Russia, Japan, Hawaii, and Canada.

I had never considered that since Bush wasn't elected either time, he could still make a claim he is eligible to remain president! All the more reason it is critical for us to win! What if we were to fail.... On no, that is too close to ThoughtCrime™... We will win....We will win...We will win...

Ah, Comrade Putin... a chip off the old block. He certainly looks a bit more dashing than my dear friend Dzerzhinsky, who lets face it, has a weak chin and required a bit of artistic license to make him cut a more dashing figure as you see above. Be that as it may, Putin while rated "Eminently Qualified" by the State Gulag Association, is a bit "soft" by my standards. On the other hand, he is a great outdoors man, lots of fun to be around during interrogations, and widely loved in the West.

Dear Mrs. Pinkie Putin (formally known as PP)

It is rumored that your husband Vladimir has a love child with Hannah Montana!

Nice try, Bubalasky.  That's what you said about Ahmadinejad and Che, too.  They can't all be the father of her love child! (Besides, are you sure it's Hannah, and not What's-her-name Spears--that sister of Britney that I never even knew existed till the rabbit died this week?)

Bad mouth Vlad all you want--he might have his faults, but I'm going to change all that, just you wait and see!

Commissarka Pinkie wrote



Sorry, my source's got their teen idols confused.



Let's eat!

Don't you see, Pupovich?  It was all part of the great VRWC plot from the very beginning to make Bush dictator for life.  Yes, they set out to steal the election from Al Gore, and then from John Kerry that non-person--with the ultimate aim of claiming that because Bush was never really elected, then he's still eligible to run in 2008.  

Not gonna happen, you say?  Because The People will finally know better this time?  Maybe so, but it only means the Republicans will try harder than ever, and stoop to new lows to steal the election a third time.  

This is all part of their heinous plan to keep Bush in power indefinitely--to keep stealing those elections so they can say, "Well, everyone says he wasn't really elected in '00 or '04 or '08 or '12 etc., so he has every Constitutional right to keep running until he's finally, legitimately elected.     

But that will never happen, because they're just going to keep stealing one election after another to keep him in power.

Our only hope is to rely on those who think things will be just peachy.  

Now about that rabbit.  Who's skinning it?  How do you want it cooked?  Fried?  Fricasseed? Hasenpfeffer?  (Alas, I watch too many Bugs Bunny cartoons.)

Dear Comrade Pupovitch,

It matters not if MIS-TER Bush
(as Comrade Olbermann sooooo wittily calls him)
   is eligible or not
as MRS. BUSH is eligible for 8 more years !!
If she is elected, it would be like four more years of her husbands administration!!!!!!

That's right! What if Laura Bush starts running too? She's got the same qualifications as Hillary, doesn't she, and Hillary is rumored to be a shoe-in. By the same standards, Laura should also be a shoe-in, no? That is the question that'll keep me up all night.

No, wait - what standards? I forgot we have a double standard for everything! Phew! It must be getting late, my mind went blank for a minute. Intellectual integrity restored. Must go to bed.

Then between Bush and his wife, that adds up to a full 16 years of constitutional right to run for president..... Oh no, I am getting weak.....

We just had 28 years of Bush-Clinton (Counting VP), I say we keep this Monarchy rolling!  How about a Barbara Bush/Hillary Clinton ticket?  So we can have nationalized health care and global war!

Commissarka Pinkie wrote



Shuddup! You'll give away how Hillary is financing her campaign!   If you don't recognize the alias it's Robert Reich and Janet Reno.

Thank you, Red, for making things right. ~Pinkie
  

Yay!  Looney Toons!!!  I miss those cartoons.  Much better than the constant anime crap on TV now.

Putin is good leader. But why not ME as President of Amerikkka? I AM The Dear Leader of the PERFECT DPRK. AND I was born on a Mountain!!! I don't think Putin was born on a people-ing mountain.


<o></o>

After viewing those beautiful movies I am teary eyed!  Your country is so much better than America!  

I would vote for you if you will shed the funky hair dooo, loose some weight, and gain 12" in height!

Oh yea, and quit starving the rest of the people that weren't in your movie.

Putin is an excellent choice  to be our next President. When you can get Oprah to give praise, you've got almost all of the female vote in your favor. True Progressives will certainly give him serious consideration. Not a citizen of the US? No problem, he will do the job that no Amerikkkan will do. Perhaps he can give Hillary a nod to be his VP. She and Bill could work in the shadows for him on "Black Projects".

I think Hillary will make a fine VP.  She has promised, if elected, to provide a Sumsing to every person in the USA.  

Ah yes wonderful!!! No more mucking about with teeny tiny steps towards the people's paradise!  Finally someone who will thrust us kicking and screaming into the People's Worker's Democratic Socialist Republic of Amerika!

I for one throw the full support of the Ministry of Truth behind this noble Person of the Year!  With Glorious Uber Comrade HRC's sagging numbers and Obahamamama's decidedly un-communistic approach to...well, everything, Supreme Command Master Comrade Putin (Putin^SCMC)is our Glorious Leader!  Never since Lenin_(PBUH) has there been such a visionary!  Never before has someone wrestled a nation out of the horrid fledgling grip of capitalism and thrust it back into the warm equal glow of communism!

We must organize a womyn's movement for Putin^SCMC!  I'm thinking a movement entitled Poontang for Putin!  And we all know where the womyn are the mindless male proles will follow!!

Ha ha! I am giddy with delight!

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Comrade O'Brian, have you not heard we have added to the RightSpeak dictionary?

mucking about with teeny tiny  = muckteen
kicking and screaming = dancecheer
Person of the Year = plusmoreequal
equal glow of communism = commwarmglow
womyn's movement for Putin = wimp
movement entitled Poontang = poonmove
mindless male proles = exmale
giddy with delight = doubleplusgid

Crap.  No Commisar unfortunately in my current covert state I do not get the most recent Newspeak downloads.  They have been added now of course.

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Vlad or Hillary?

That's a tough one for me. Other than breasts, they both seem to be the same to me.... politically speaking.... that is.

--

Life imitates the People's Cube!

Comrade Darren Garnick just sent us a link to his article in the Boston Herald, describing an unscientific poll made in N.H., in which pedestrians were asked to choose between two cardboard cutouts of Hillary and Obama.



Now, cardboard cutouts are a proud tradition at the People's Cube - but we never had Flat Hillary and Flat Obama before. I wish they had Flat Putin next to those other two. He's the real winner! Unfortunately, there seem to be no cardboard cutouts of him in N.H.


Notice how Putin is surrounded by children! They lean to him! He is the true people's ChildrenMagnet™!

It turns out the store that sells them doesn't have cutouts for any other candidates - and even then the progressive cutouts don't sell well.

According to the CEO of WickedCoolStuff.com, they sell four Homer Simpsons or three Darth Vaders for every Barack Obama, and six Darth Vaders to every Hillary. Does that mean Cheney still is popular and Republicans have a chance in 2008?

After the Revolution, the Party will make sure that cardboard cutouts are designed and manufactured in sizes and quantities that are in direct proportion to their progressivism. The right-wing candidates will be 3 inches tall, and the progressives will be life-size to 12 feet tall. We must also make sure that the sales of each candidate's cutout will be in direct proportion to their Party-assigned popularity, which shall be transmitted to the masses by the loyal mainstream media.

I once had a friend named Vladislov and he always complained that "Vlad" was the nickname for Vladislov; "Volodya" for Vladimir.  I'm just sayin.'  

(He also used to say: "Khelly(Kelly).  You know why beer is better than fodka? Because. You can hef maybe one, two beers, and have rest later.  Fodka...you have to drink and drink and drink until you pess out.")

In the Motherland, "Vlad" is not used as a name, nickname, or a short form at all.

Vladislav (Vlah-dee-SLAHV) is Vladik;
Vladimir (Vlah-DEE-mir) is Volodia, Vova, Vovka, Vovik, Vovochka, Voloden'ka, etc.

But Barbra Streisand hardly knows the Mother Tongue - so she calls him Vlad, perhaps as a tribute to Vlad the Impaler (Dracula), the 15th century King of Wallachia (Southern Romania), with whose life she is more familiar than she is with the modern-day reality.

Despite his Russian-sounding name, Vlad Dracula was actually Romanian and not Russian, nor even Slavic for that matter.

Horrors!  We are not only assigning a monster's name to the Glorious President Putin, who may even be a viable candidate (or at least a worthy co leader with Glorious Leader Hilary).....WE ARE MISPRONOUNCING HIM!!!!!!   Will the bringer of law and order to Yeltsin's catastrophic land of "democracy" ever forgive me?  O, VladEEmir VladEEmirOvich, I throw myself at your Glorious Feet.

And here I was going to call him "my darling Vladdy" and make all sorts of corny stale "impaler" cracks (oops, poor word choice), I mean jokes that I'll bet none of you ever heard before.  

But if only I could get him to notice me and ask me out, and if things got really, really, I mean REALLY--like, "Progressive"--and he and I were about to achieve, umm, shall we say, "social utopia"--which of these nicknames do you recommend I call out so he'll know I'm the comrade for him?  

Not Vovik.  Please not Vovik.  I ran it through the Truth Generator and came up with this:

Vovik, you are an intolerant racist pig because you voted for George Bush!


Don't go breakin' my heart.

Oh Mighty Pup!!!!
Ooooooops, sorry, that is what I hear....

Voloden'ka is how Lenin's wife called him in the movies. So I guess that would be the ticket.


In the context of Pinkie's "impaler" jokes, what bone exactly would you like to share, Pupovich? Please be reminded that you that you are at the Party Organ and not Clinton Library.

Note to self: find out what sort of bone Pupovich craves most, and ration it.

But Pinkie, Comrade, the Truth Generator is only for names of ENEMIES of the people.  Hard to believe, but the gallant name VlaDEEmir is shared by some imperialist, capitalist, Republican-sympathyzing scum.  One can be a Vovik and not a class enemy.  

I kinda like that one.  It has vim.  And vigor.  And verve.

Call him Vovka-Morkovka. I'm sure he'll like it. If things get really, really, "Progressive" - and you feel you have both reached a state of "advanced socialism," ask him to show you his "morkovka." That'll help you to get to "social utopia" sooner.

If you rather send him a note, the korrekt spelling is "Вовка-морковка."

Comrades, but how can we nominate Putin to be President of the USSA when he is poised to become "national leader"/ Prime Minister/ pending the Russian presidential (s)elections in a few months? Wouldn't our nomination curtail his quests to become a modern czar?

Comrade Red Square, if I were to blame for that I would be mortified. Even so, I have corrected said  indiscretion.

*Arrgh! What is happening? My spellcheck has stopped working for me here now! But I just went to my other forum site and spellcheck is working for me there?*

Do I understand correctly?  (After trying to google this word.) You're suggesting I call him a "carrot" or that I ask to see his carrot?

Dont forget about Putin's Super cool Bentley

That's sweet!! I need one of those hood ornaments for my Moskvitch.

-Mikhail

If you have a 3-d file, I can print out patterns suitable for pouring metal, resins or epoxy.

(Shameless post from a member of the collective)

A little off-topic, yet relevant:

Election Day in an average Democrat-voting family...

Hmmmm, are you sure that is not Cheney after a hunting trip?

Why, we can simply have him conquer us after he is tsar.

For Lenin's sake, do I have to explain something this simple? Have you western comrades have any idea how many "countries" composed the USSR? Have you no concept how puny your "USA" is in comparison? Why even those criminal tsars were able to rule it all  and still make time for their hobbies, so how hard would it be for a talent like Putin to simply add the USA on to his daily planner? But why would you even ask this? You have Hillary, and she will make a fine empress. Now comrades, get back to the work of building socialism and stop worrying about these things that are so far beyond your comprehension. If you don't have enough to do, we have some shovels that are aching for some warm hands.

Interested in Bhutto's Death and wonder who did it?  Connect the dots from an article in 2001!

http://www.janes.com/security/international_security/news/misc/janes011001_1_n.shtml

I think it has Al Queda and the warlords written all over it. After all, they already tried once, and openly threatened her. One thing is for sure, it was not Mussaref.

It's slang.

морковка (morkovka) = carrot. carrot = phallus.

In American English the equivalent would be "dick". Or in Yiddish, "Schmekel".

Damn!!! Why do I remember obscure things like this from the Russian classes I took almost 2 decades ago, but cannot remember masculine/femine/neuter and past/present/future contexts needed for proper sentence structure? *sigh*

--
Blokhayev

Thanks, Comrade Blokhayev.  I suspected that was the case.  

As for sending him a note--ha!  I've been through middle school and know the drill on that scam. "Vladimir's really shy, Pinkie.  Write him a note, tell him how you feel, and I'll give it to him."

No, you won't.  You'll show it to all the other Party jocks, and the Party pom-pom girls, just like you did with the note you told me to write to Ahmadinejad.  

Then, to add insult to injury, I'll find a carrot in my locker, and another in my book bag.  Oh yes, been there, done that, have the complex.

Is this your love song to the Putin Pinkie? Or are you a ditch late and a ruble short in the race for his love?

That's very cute, Pupovich, but five of them?!!?  I might be a HO, but I'm not a slut.

That's a rather suggestive musical greeting, if you ask me - all the cute hearts and borders notwithstanding. So I have to agree with Pinkie here. It is obviously meant to be sent by a shy and lovelorn comradka to a working collective of five male comrades - not to the one and only Vovka-Morkovka.

When you have a man like the mighty Putin, it is as if there were five, maybe more. But of course the PeoplesMath™ shows that 1 ≈ 5, and the Pup knows how you can handle a shovel, so he has faith that you are more than a match for Comrade Putin.

Not these five?

Kommisarka! Is your father Karl Marx? 'Cause you're a riot!

Here goes, from left to right:

- Would you like to be a mote in our vast collective?
- We shall cure your weak liberalism with our strong communism, comrade!
- Has Hillary won the elections? Cause this must be workers' paradise!
- Are you up for a few revolutions? 'Cause we're up for a massive uprising!
- Didn't we see you in the library on the cover of Communist Manifesto?

All together:

- Put your hands behind your back and stand still, so we can pick you up!

In fact, we think we must create a new contest for progressive pickup lines, to make our comrades' private life easier so they can devote more of their time to the revolution, and no longer embarrass the Party with such lame ones as "Has anyone told you that you look like Socialism with a human face?"

Should we start a special thread for it?

That is a wonderful picture! But can we have names? The second one on the right must surely be comrade Red Square da? Sadly, the first on the left almost looks like a macho Gore, so of course I must be in error there.

Splendid idea! Komrade Red Square!  

Can we hurry up and do that before the Iowa caucus? I have a feeling that Her Excellency will be conducting a purge after the Iowa caucus.

--

Sez who? According to Mr. Reno, Putin is a putz when it comes to putting. Sure, he has a long shaft on his driver, but when he gets on the green, he can't find the hole.

Quote

progressive pickup lines

I dunno.
"I have a five year plan and it includes you. It doesn't have to be five years, one night works for ME." <wink><nudge> That always gets them.
"Let's get hammered and I'll show you my sickle" is a crowd pleaser.
I hear Putin's is "Weren't we bunkmates on Kronstadt?"

POTUSMTE H08

Empress, Red Square, I know we take a dim view on responsibility in the Party, and Lenin knows competition is forbidden, but I do hope the Inner Circle has noted which comrades have been here "peopling" the barricades during this dreadful "holiday" season, and those comrades that have been mysteriously absent for Lenin only knows what reason.

Progressive Pick Up Line

Now this always worked for me with the bartending proles...

I'll have some Bush.... and a beer.

No, these aren't carbon credits and yes, I am glad to see you.

Excellency,

Would not Putin make a fine VP choice after you steal win the Democratic Party nomination?

Here's a great Socialist pick up line I heard in the PRC:

My kollektive has a new tractor! Let me show you how well it plows!

--

Hey!  Who photoshopped all those rocks into that picture of Putin walking on water?

Christ, I Miss The Cold War!

Video is no longer available....

Hmmm....It won't let me edit to a working video link???

It wouldn't open, Navigator.  Was that supposed to be from Casino Royale? (I recognize the quote from M.)

You know the part where the bad guy puts 007 in a chair and hits him with that swinging knobby thing?  It should outrage you to know they do the same thing to the prisoners at Gitmo, only the knobby thing is replaced with a copy of the Koran.

Premier Putin is the future leader of the reformed Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, and will send all chain dogs to the gulag.

But, Premier Putin is a Soviet Premier in discuise, you can't argure with that.  Also, he is KGB and a diehard communist.  A perfect leader.

A rare stimulating footage for Pinkie -

Putin engages in ritualistic earth shoveling.



Take a load of that shovel - it must be Putin's personal Presidential shovel made of gold, with green velvet coat over the handle. Shovels of such caliber are, of course, made for elite Party members individually, at a secret military facility in the area known as Arzamas-16.

USSA has similar shovel made in Area 51.
Of course here they allow proles access. This will change once we have socialist utopia.

Pinkie!  Is that YOU in the red dress and sporting the only shovel with a red grip?

I wish!  Gold shovel, red handle, good hair--what's not to like?  But alas, you should know I am never seen without my red headscarf, which I acquired when I knelt weeping over darling Che as he lay dying, and I pulled it off his neck to blow my nose.  Afterward I wrapped it around my head and it hasn't moved since.  

You might say it's like Darth Vader's helmet.

Of course, how foolish of me.

Looking more closely at the picture, I get the creepy sensation that this is some kind of bizarre burial ritual...a bunch of people standing under a canopy with folding chairs in the foreground and shovels in their hands.

Pinkie, he has no red hat, but look at that tie, and man what a magnificent shovel. Red foam grip, where do I get one?

He even has a sporty Stalinesque moustache....

I Want One Like Putin



Translation into the reactionary American speak provided:

My boyfriend is in trouble once again:
Got in a fight, got drunk on something nasty
I've had enough and I chased him away
And now I want a man like Putin

One like Putin, full of strength
One like Putin, who won't be a drunk
One like Putin, who wouldn't hurt me
One like Putin, who won't run away!

I've seen him on the news last night
He was telling us that the world has come to crossroads
With one like him, it's easy to be home and out
And now I want a man like Putin

One like Putin, full of strength
One like Putin, who won't be a drunk
One like Putin, who wouldn't hurt me
One like Putin, who won't run away!

I always find it amazing that they could extend that much actual wording stuff to over 3 minutes.

In a correspondence to Comrade Putin I learned that he has many misgivings about running for president in America on the Democrat ticket. He said that he has killed many of the state's enemies; he has lied and maimed; however he has not stooped as low as the American Democratic Party. They must come up to his expectations and the expectations of Comrade Lenin before he will take a chance on them.

I have a friend who ate a rabbit... said it tastes like chicken... (kidding, he didn't...)