Here's our chance to make a 25 seconds political TV ad to be selected for broadcast not by network apparatchiks, but by people who will see it on the Internet (the apparatchiks still can veto it if it doesn't meet the FCC standards). Read this exchange, then post your ideas. You can use both your sense of humor and your sense of serious.
~
saysme.tv wrote
From: Brendan @ saysme.tv
To: redsquare @ thepeoplescube.com
Sent: Friday, May 02, 2008 3:47 PM
Subject: help us democratize TV!
Hi,
This is Brendan from www.SaysMe.tv. We're a startup that allows any individual to advertise on TV. SaysMe's mission is to democratize television and let individuals decide the ads people see on TV by selecting pre-produced ads from our library. After reading through your site I think you will find out story interesting. We give American political donors a compelling, completely legal way to directly impact the coming primary elections - with their own voice. Here's my favorite part: No crazy 527's. No limits on donors. Ads as low as $25! Free speech is back.
You can see some of our recent press from our launch on CBS Television below:
I'm also copying Kristi on this email, she's looking for political ads for our company. If you (or anyone you know) might be ready, willing, and able make hard hitting TV spots, I know she'd like to hear from you (we're paying royalties too).
If you have any questions please feel free to contact me anytime.
Thanks,
P.S. The following link will allow you to put together a commercial spot and see how it would look on TV!
http://www.saysme.tv/embedcodes
The People's Cube wrote
From: Red Square
To: brendan@saysme.tv Sent: Friday, May 02, 2008 4:34 PM
The People's Cube may be interested in developing video ads for you, but we'd like to have some clarification first. We only found pro-Democrat and anti-Republican ads in your collection, and some of them were more vicious than others. Is this because...
1. The purpose of your startup is to advance a certain ideology?
2. People who run your service are liberal Democrats and naturally pick those ads that in their view "make sense"?
3. Your target demographics is "liberal" and so you're not interested in opposing opinions?
4. The people who made the initial videos just happened to be all leftists, but you would just as easily include right-wingers.
Cheers,
Red Square
SaysMe TV wrote
From: Morgan Warstler
To: redsquare @ thepeoplescube.com
Sent: Friday, May 02, 2008 5:25 PM
Subject: The answer is #4!
Hey guys, Brendan forwarded me your email.
Go nuts, have at it, we're free speech junkies. I'm a pro-war rabid capitalist, my partner is a tree hugging nut job. We both agree though the barriers to entry for political advertising should drop to nothing.
As long as we can get your ads approved for broadcast (cable guys are the last word) and stuff has to be TV ready, its up to people to decide to what gets run and what doesn't.
Not us.
thx.
Morgan Warstler
CTO & Co-Founder, SaysMe TV Inc.
http://www.saysme.tv - "Say what you want on TV"
Austin, TX
The tough part: The video must be 25 seconds long. Here is one of the better samples:
Pupovich - I guess it's when a 500 pups will chip in $25 each, then the ad gets played - possibly each time with a new "sponsor" name: "Paid for by Rex" or "Paid for by Ginger". That's how it gets selected. The more money, the more often it's played.
My question is, if the ad collects some money but not enough to be played on TV, where does it go? Towards other ads? Like, I paid to support the Empress but the ad didn't play and the money went to a popular Obama ad?
One idea for a short ad would be a sequence of Obamunist posters from our existing collection, starting with Hope and ending with Damn. The soundtrack could be the beginning of Brahms' Symphony No. 1 to make it dramatic, or some silly light modern tune with percussions and maybe whistling to make it comical.
Or it could zoom in on the logo, with Obama's voice on the background (or someone praising his economic policy) - and then it zooms out to show the penny tray.
Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope
I have some ideas for some ads, however, I have no software to make videos. I just need something that would allow me to make words appear on the screen. Anyone know of some free, easy to use software along those lines?
However, I do have this pro-Democrat video that I found on YouTube which is so ridiculous that it's funny. Maybe some inspiration will spring forth from this piece of Agitprop:
P.S - This video was made BEFORE the Democrat sweep of Congress and was made to persuade people to vote for the bastards in the upcoming 06' election.
Jak - Windows Movie Maker lets you do quite a lot of basic video editing including animated captions, transitions, and other effects. That's what I'm using for now.
Chairman! Marvelous videos! But I think they screwed up one line, I believe they meant to say "Democrats will put the government's hand back in you, the people."
But the second video.... Chairman, you are far too modest! Why, that was YOU redistributing the rethuglican wealth among the needy.
Jak - Windows Movie Maker lets you do quite a lot of basic video editing including animated captions, transitions, and other effects. That's what I'm using for now.
It comes free with every Windows system.
Commrade you mentioned "quite a lot" and "free"
Is this some great tool from central planning it sounds to good to be true.
I can't come up with any ideas for this but I had a general suggestion/question. Is the Party going to launch a Communists for Clinton/Obama (depending on whoever wins the nomination) for the November revolution, similar to Communists for Kerry in '04?
Ah, I think I am beginning to see how this is done. I am surprised air time for even 25 seconds is as cheap as it says. Unfortunately there are only 3 cities available so far.
I can't come up with any ideas for this but I had a general suggestion/question. Is the Party going to launch a Communists for Clinton/Obama (depending on whoever wins the nomination) for the November revolution, similar to Communists for Kerry in '04?
On the satire bit ... Using the contestants words against them is very powerful.
Every time Hillary starts talking about what she would do with record oil company profits I duck tape my assicus reticus shut practicing for the day knowing it's only a matter of time before Mom and Pop Small McBusiness will experience a profit reduction program under Hillary Care. ... I'd love to know what she we do when the oil companies have a bad year? (Like the last 45 ?)
I see all the politicians are leaving The Big Three automakers alone.
I'd like to see 25 seconds on how liberalism ruined an entire auto industry.
Chairman M. S. Punchenko, damn that was a funny video.
They used to have a show where a robot looking creature and some guy, shown in silhouette, ad-libbed sarcasm and satire to old movies.
Watching any politician's ad with these two taking pot shots would be pretty funny...only if the critique was spot on.
Here is my little contribution (first real video). It exceeds the 23 second requirement, but I decided to post it anyways for the hell of it. Maybe we can *collectively* draw ideas from it or something.
Anyhoot, the original video had dreary music fit for a DNC or MoveOn ad which really added to the overall feeling of misery, misery and more misery. However, I decided not to include the music due to my fear of the composer coming after me or bitching at Red for allowing such “unauthorized” use of his work in a blatant political ad (A political ad that is for the Common Good, mind you).
The images used are images of people waiting for the iPhone or some other gadget to come out – but we can just tell The People that it is really scenes of breadlines and economic hardship.
Oh my! You guys kick ass! Maybe I'll join you a little later when I have time.
Jak - Excellent job, especially for your first video! I presume it's your own music. Sounds very appropriate. And I love the handle - TheDailyCube. LOL.
Chairman - also a great idea. I don't know if this can be squeezed into 25 seconds, especially that it doesn't give enough time to realize what these pictures REALLY stand for. Perhaps making a disclaimer in the end that these are iPod lines?
Ask Jak for mournful and tragic music, but I'm sure he's already picking something for you out of his own pieces that sound similar to that Jeremy Soule piece in the link.
Even if it exceeds the 25 sec limit, it can still make a great video for the Cube - we'll post it in the Current Truth section. You can open an account on YouTube for it like Jak did for his video, or send it to me and I'll upload it to the Cube account - it doesn't matter.
Once we settle on the candidates, we'll have to prepare a hi-rez version of each for the actual submission. The specs are on the site. So try to save all the hi-rez images you worked with, and in the future, if you have to decide between various images, consider size and sharpness as important criteria.
Oh, and the second part of the People's Cube PAC (last shot in Punchenko's video) is correctly spelled as "People's Cube PAC for Change, Hope, and Free Haircuts"
Oh my! You guys kick ass! Maybe I'll join you a little later when I have time.
Jak - Excellent job, especially for your first video! I presume it's your own music. Sounds very appropriate. And I love the handle - TheDailyCube. LOL.
Chairman - also a great idea. I don't know if this can be squeezed into 25 seconds, especially that it doesn't give enough time to realize what these pictures REALLY stand for. Perhaps making a disclaimer in the end that these are iPod lines?
Ask Jak for mournful and tragic music, but I'm sure he's already picking something for you out of his own pieces that sound similar to that Jeremy Soule piece in the link.
That's correct Chairman, I can provide music for your video, I've already got a few pieces in mind. First though, it needs to be 25 seconds. Second, you need to make sure you get permission to use any and all copyright material that exists in your final ad. Thirdly, OCR isn't going to allow the use of any of their work in for-profit venues. The licensing agreement/EULA specifically denies it. I know this because:
A. I have music on OCR.
B. When they did their legal paperwork, they consulted me on it and I ended up writing/rewriting several portions of it.
Lastly, I like the idea, but it needs to be less subtle. Remember, democrats will be seeing this. They aren't going to get it unless we make the premise extremely obvious. I recommend pictures with extremely blatant iPhone signs, etc. Perhaps a narrator can whine about the terrible iPhone famine of '07.
That's OK, Comrade Jak. I highly doubt I can get any of my ads under 25 seconds. However, I really like the ones you are cooking up. The McCain hates dogs ad was great.
Comrade Otis: Didn't the Cube pioneer Vegetable Liberation?
I also have some depressing/ominous sounding audio clips that are not subject to copyright challenge, so if you need something easy to stretch or shorten, send me an email and I'll send you the audio files. Send the email to GorbelsCube then the at symbol and then PoliSat.Com.
Praising Mother Earth and GAIA, I am,
Yours Truly,
Gorbels Cube (aka Al Gore aka GAIA HOME, which stands for "Gore As Infinitely Attentive Husband Of Mother Earth" aka Da Gorgle and also inventor of the GoreMobile at http://PoliSat.Com/GoreMobile.htm and also inventor of the GAIA HAT to Save Mother Earth at http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=1895)
Hey Jak, I think you've discovered a powerful hidden talent! I know you wanted us to do videos with your music, and it's a good thing no one did because you got teed off and started to make them yourself! And they're better than any of us could make them.
Speaking of Arrogant Worms in Otis's video, here's another one of their clips . Such simple pseudo animation is easy to do on Photoshop and can be a way to go for some of our projects.
We just need ideas. And time. I have many good ideas but little time.
Anyone with no ideas and plenty of time on his hands want to barter?
WOW COMRADES!
You are all amazing. This is EXACTLY what our site is about.
I am in touch with RedSquare about his work, but I encourage you
to contact me directly if you want your ads on the site. I think it will
be easier for us to work together individually.
Also - to answer the question about why it's as low as $25:
We are able to buy media on an advertiser's budget, but we have the technology to split it up and give regular folks a piece of the pie.
If you choose an ad - and buy it for whatever price - that ad is guaranteed to run. It's just like buying a product on Amazon or something. If the wrong ad airs, that's our fault.
Does that make sense?
I can't tell you how excited I am to be getting edgy conservative content.
You are all great. My email is kristi@saysme.tv - I can hook you up with our editor who can help you with format/editing, etc..
We will need original or royalty free music - we can provide some, or it sounds like Komrad Jak has some of that covered. I'll keep checking out the thread to see how it's going.. Keep rocking..
how about one of those Head-On commercials, except it will say "Hillary, Apply Directly to Your Ballot; Hillary, Apply Directly to Your Ballot; Hillary, Apply Directly to Your Ballot....etc." over and over and over.
sajdkghf - it could work if she becomes the official nominee.
We won't know it until this soap opera goes to another season, but this season already has very few episodes left. If you REALLY need to know who will win - Obama or Hillary - check Soap Opera Digest at the supermarket. But then you'll kill all the fun. Hey, whatever creams your twinkie, we're not here to judge you - just as long as you don't tell us the spoiler.
We will need original or royalty free music - we can provide some, or it sounds like Komrad Jak has some of that covered.
Yea...my studio would be a poor investment if I never used it.
Anyhoo, I'm going to take a wild guess that my second ad isn't going to be used for the small fact that it accuses McCain of being Hitler and molesting pets. Most of my ideas are pretty "out there" and might be rejected by networks for that reason. I never actually watch tv, so I don't really know what's acceptable these days. So how's this, I'll give a list of some of my ideas so far, and you, Kristi, can tell me which ones will fly, which ones might fly, and which ones would sink like Mary Jo Kopechne.
For my fake anti-McCain ads: (are those even allowed?)
Can I accuse McCain of being a fact-monger?
Can I accuse McCain of being too extreme for America due to his strange idea that people should keep more of their own money?
Can I accuse McCain of putting unicorns on the endangered species list?
Can I accuse McCain of stalwartly defending an imperialist country which is full of bitter, angry white people who cling to guns and religion to ward off having to accept the supreme maternal embrace of socialism?
Are there any circumstances under which I can accuse McCain of being Hitler? The progressives waited all the way 'til September 12th, 2001 last time. I don't think they'll wait this long this time and I'd like to beat them to it.
Can I make an ad in which the only message is, "McCain.......BAD! NO VOTE FOR MCCAIN!"
Now, for some of my (real) anti-Obama ads:
Can I accuse Obama of just wanting to preside over Jeremiah Wright's third term?
Obama has a courage-perception problem - can I accuse him of courageously looking responsibility in the eye and saying, "You're not the boss of me!" or bravely choosing to not to vote yes or no on 129 bills in the Illinois state senate, etc?
Can I make an ad called "Jihadists for Obama", in which Jihadists make a case for an Obama presidency? (this is of course based on the Hamas endorsement of Obama)
Can I bring up Obama's decision to vote against the induced infant liability act? That decision is tantamount to legalizing infanticide.
Can I accuse him of having lied about possessing weapons of mass change to get us into war with the republicans?
Can I accuse him of secretly being an evil republican and then plug hillary in the same ad? (just to tweak dems, obviously)
Can I list his proposed tax increases? (probably wouldn't fit in 25 seconds.)
Can I list his major accomplishments? (5 seconds for the initial statement, "The following are Obama's major accomplishments", then 20 seconds of blank screen.)
That's just off the top of my head. Let me know, I'll have more ideas to sort out later.
Ha! These are very valid questions and great ideas.
It's really exciting that you are with us on our journey through the barricades of broadcasting. I am pushing satire 100%. Otherwise, where is the voice for anything other than the mainstream?
If it were up to me, I would open the floodgates and put it all up there, but it's not up to me(YET)
SO
YES you can make satirical anti-Mccain videos. I especially like unicorns on the endangered species list - as well as people keeping their own money
The Obama blank screen is hilarious (reminds me of the erased Robert Rauschenberg drawing). I will suggest that you keep it on the softer side of harsh - maybe hold off on the Hitler and Jihad ones. Hoping that doesn't defeat the purpose and that you're still inspired to play along. We want the folks in Indiana, Raleigh, and Portland to get it, and we want to get along with broadcast while we're still dating, so we can exercise more and more freedom into the future.
SOME IMPORTANT TIPS FOR VIDEOS:
25 seconds
Stills that are used should be 1st or 2nd generation so the resolution is high quality- try to have access to the photos or permission from photogapher
Current News Clips are OK
Music - should be original
I recommend - no more Hillary unless she's involved with some other issue or candidate- (she'll probably be out of the race by the time we get it up )
I hope this helps!!
thanks for everything so far... and for the good laughs
A little idea, perhaps not for saysme.tv but still funny.
Has anyone seen Idiocracy? In this fragment, see 2:25 to 4:55. How bad would it look if we put Obama captions and logos over this and substitute Luke Wilson with, well, I don't know, Karl Marx? Che Guevara? Bill Ayers? Richardson or whoever else he might pick for vice-president?
The "Not socialist enough for America" theme is derived from the wealth of brilliant material already available on this site. I think we could use it as our main theme; in doing so we can make many of the best ideas to grace this site into powerful ads along those lines.
Comrade Otis wrote
Hate mail from McCainiacs writing that McCain is Socialist enough for America?
Nope, only from O'zombies. Apparently, bringing up Obama's socialist leanings is deeply offensive to them, just like any other attempt to scrutinize his record. My favorite hate message so far came from this emissary of Yeswecan:
"u rasist idoit fashist dont even no obama n ur video is pathetci keep tyring wingnuts"
Being surrounded by people like this all the time, it's not surprising Obama would be so cheerful about wishing to speak terrorists. Terrorists probably seem very reasonable after being subjected to this level of conversation for so long.
Also, regarding McCain, I think it goes without saying that he's not going down in the books as a great president. But, compared to the alternative, McCain might as well be as messianic as O'zombies imagine Obama to be. The question is whether we want someone who is a lukewarm conservative at best, downright liberal at worst in the whitehouse, or, a dictatorial radical marxist with the capacity to bring cataclysmic economic self-destruction, hidden behind a mask of platitude.
Before I finish/upload video 4, I'd like to take a moment to try and apply some organization to this process with a list. Please help me update this list with more ideas. Suggestions/comments welcome. In addition, my time is limited and I'd like to make as many of these as possible. Because of this, I'm going to indicate certain areas I could use some help for the production. Let's make as many of these babies as we can.
1. Obama's "list" of accomplishments.
Notes: I think this'll be my 4th ad. At the beginning, I'll give a public service announcement, informing the audience they are about to experience all that is obama's accomplishments, which will of course be represented by 20 seconds of a blank screen.
2. Obama: Man of courage.
Notes: This may be my fifth ad, depending how the production fares. Imagine Obama being sung about in a Monty Python episode/movie and you'll have the gist of this ad. If anyone knows of pictures/news footage of obama running away that we can use, it would be perfect for this ad. It may not fit in the 25 second margin.
3. Appeasers never prosper. Obama: Yes we can!
Notes: I think the title says it all. I need to find some news footage with obama specifically stating that he wishes to meet with terrorists without preconditions.
4. America needs a leader that already is.
Notes: Comparing McCain's record with Obama's speeches. The idea is to show obama giving speeches saying we need to do certain things juxtaposed with examples of McCain already having done those things.
5. John McCain leaves no one behind.
Notes: Tells briefly about McCain's decision not to leave captivity when he was offered because he didn't want to leave anyone behind - then transfers that idea to McCain's platform. Production is almost done on this ad, I'm just dragging my feet on completing the music.
6. John McCain: Too extreme for America.
Notes: Lists McCain's "extreme" positions: People should keep more of their own money, fact mongering, desire to not run away constantly, etc.
7. John McCain: Death to Unicorns.
Notes: A discussion about how McCain used Rove's weather machine to create global warming to make LSD more difficult to make, thus decreasing the supply, thus decreasing the number of Unicorn sightings in San Fransisco, thus evidence that McCain has diminished unicorn population putting them on the endangered species list. This might require more than 25 seconds.
8. Obama: Tax you into prosperity.
Notes: I need a list of Obama's proposed tax increases. I simply don't have the time to compile an encyclopedia of data together, so I'd appreciate some help putting together this list.
9. BBCC: Bush economic policies cause iPhone famine of '07, the mass graves were never found.
Notes: Me with a british accent + Chairman M. S. Punchenko's proposed ad giving a "BBCC" report describing the disastrous human toll that Bush's economic policies have caused. This will require footage/pictures of general economic devastation or people waiting in lines for iPhones made to look like economic devastation (like chairmen's original idea). We will need the rights/permission for this stuff. 25 seconds might be too short for this concept.
10. Who are they?
Notes: Red's ad involving illegals and the troops. Red is doing the production on this one; I'll provide the music. Let me know how else I/we can help. May be difficult for 25 seconds.
Red, I know you were planning some Hillary ads. Are those still in the mix, or should we expect them to be shelved along with Hillary? If not, I know you have other Obama-related ad ideas, and, as I stated before, a wealth of material to draw from exists already, archived by this site.
top income tax rates to 39.6% from 35%
capital gains tax rates to perhaps 28% from the current 15%
dividend tax to 39.6% from 15%
top estate tax rates back up to 55% from 45%
he wants to raise substantially or abolish the $102,000 cap on wages subject to the Social Security payroll tax
I put Hillary ads on the back burner - until we know they may even be relevant.
Jak - regarding news footage with obama stating that he wishes to meet with terrorists without preconditions - I think he said it on camera only once during one of the earlier presidential debates I happened to catch (CNN, MSNBC, or the like). I remember how Hillary gave him a surprisingly reasonable response to that, saying she wouldn't want to be used by dictators for their propaganda.
I'm very busy with other stuff right now, but I'm still thinking of making videos. The one that's most clear in my head involves the "Take a penny" tray. I can't find a tray with coins on the Web that's large enough, and unfortunately "Take a penny" trays are not even in use in New York, so I can't even take a picture of the one in the store or buy one to photograph it at home (the best solution). I tried buying one online, but they only sell customized trays in large quantities, and the individual ones on eBay were either black or dark blue and I need something light, preferably white.
Curiously enough, when I asked for the penny trays in the stores in NY (including Staples), nobody knew what I was talking about - in addition to never seeing one, they all had poor language skills, having come from China, Mexico, or Middle East.
So if anyone has such a tray or can get one inexpensively, please let me know and I'll buy it from you and pay for the shipping too.
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Deniers drop tons of foot powder on Washington to emulate snow blizzard during hottest Global Warming winter on recordRadical anti- American leader blames US for Global Warming
O's first year in office: 2 million jobs saved, 76 major natural disasters prevented
O's SOTU changes meaning of "cultivate" to "cultiveight": build up a perception that the current woes are the result of the previous eight years
Dead-Americans claim voter fraud in Massachusetts: cemeteries denied access to polling places, Senator Kennedy demands recount
Defeated in Mass elections, Obama warns against getting a ride from anyone in Kennedy's seat
Mayor Nagin sends 200 school buses to Haiti; Gov. Blanco appointed to oversee construction of Superdome
Closer inspection of Kennedy Seat revealed it's an old car seat with water damage
Unusually cold winter causes liberals to keep hands in OWN pockets
Obama's DHS: Detroit attack 'wardrobe malfunction'
Air Force deploys eavesdropping spy plane codenamed 'Jewish mother'
Seven more women claim to have had lip exchanges with St. Nick underneath mistletoe
Mrs. Claus found standing over bleeding hubby next to wrecked sleigh,
holding nutcracker
North Pole shuts down as elves unionize, demand warmer work environment
Time editors still undecided who to select as 'Barack of the Year' in 2009
Obama revolutionizes war: 'leaving' is the new 'victory'
ACORN to change name to CHESTNUT; meaning of new acronym still being debated
Obama's new autobiography tentatively titled Going Rouge
Antartica's Ross Island Detainment Center (RID-C) receives first batch of climate-change skeptics
Obama saves big on high cost of turkey for the troops by delaying Afghan surge until after Thanksgiving
Retailers begin annual cash- in on Christian holiday they refuse to mention by name
Christmas & Healthcare Reform season classic: It's a Wonderful Death!
NY Times, Newsweek offer editorial inoculations to concerned readers of Sarah Palin's book
Going Rogue: FEMA braces for massive outbreaks of Palin Derangement Syndrome
Following Fort Hood tragedy, Obama declares all military bases gun-free zones
Pelosi: we won.
Philies: so did we
Study: Global Warming linked to consumption of beans and beef patties
Pro-Obama gamers discover 'cheat codes' in U.S. Constitution
Police trained in using end of life counselingtechniques to negotiate suicide threats
Obama commits more troops to War on Fox News, still awaiting Afghan troop surge
Pass Rush: NFL okays Fidel Castro's bid to buy Miami Dolphins
Study: the road to hell paved with Nobel Peace Prizes
Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize. Wishing all our readers a Happy April First!
Roman Polanski named new School Safety Czar in wake of Jennings scandal
Charles Manson: 'Leave Polanski alone, hasn't he suffered enough?'
Obama loses Olympic bid, will try for Special Olympics next
Carter: if the IOC doesn't give the Olympics to Chicago, they're racists
Saudis: the word 'assassina- tion' will never be the same
Al Qaeda: 'We shove bombs up our butts'
Richard Gere denies Al Qaeda membership
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
Study: 90% of G20 protestors driven to Pittsburgh by mom
Ahmadinejad: Iran needs enriched uranium to purchase large IKEA sofa
Obama: If we don't bomb Iran now, we'll never pass healthcare reform
Taliban hires DC lobbyist in effort to get Obama's attention
Missile defense: Czechs angry at Obama for being canceled
Media study: Caucasian toddlers are more likely to cut eye-holes into "blankies"
Democrat strategist: 9 out of 10 white infants prefer cross burning over mother's milk
Mahmoud’s Liquidation Warehouse: 50% off Israel - this weekend only - it won’t last long
Obama: Black kids still forced to beat people up at back
of bus
Charlie Gibson: Neil Armstrong went where?
Obamacare, it’s finger-licking good!
Ben and Jerry release 'Hate Monger Bigot' flavor to celebrate those who support traditional marriage
'Shiver me Timbers!': Somalia unveils People's Institute for Redistribution, Adventurism & Thalassic Extortion (PIRATE)
Energy Czar: to save energy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off
Other 49 states impose carbon tax on California due to wildfire smoke
Following Scotland's lead, US Justice Dept releases Charles Manson, citing battle with chronic hemorrhoids
Obama to media: Please respect our girls' privacy, especially Mr. Letterman
Teachable moment: Obama to hold 'beer summit' between offended Post Office and UPS
Taliban sends protesters to Afghan town hall meetings in attempt to get Obama administration to withdraw Gotham villains working for the Common Good™
White House recalibrates description of town hall protesters from 'terrorists' to 'man-made Nazi fascist pigs'
Experts: when buying Astroturf, remember to look for the Union LabelNational-socialist health care?
Drudge insulates self from White House anger by naming his site MoveOn.Drudge
ABC greenlights epic 12-part miniseries based on Beer Summit
Moveon.org petitions Dems to leave Bush/Cheney alone and 'move on to pressing issues facing the nation'
Palin: Critics ipso facto are quitters
Honduran ex-president Zelaya holds press- conference, presents birth certificate for examination
Cambridge: fighting racial bias, Obama picks black scholar Henry Louis Gates as Door Jigging Czar
Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from George W Bush
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
SPONSORED BY:
Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy
Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind visit our new Che Heart store
Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberryDow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents useDHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a 2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism Obama gives Queen a shovel click here NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'
click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History