Dear Iranian Mullahs! While our satirical website and your Propaganda Directorate deal in the same trade of making up facts and exaggerating reality, we are different in that we can recognize a spoof - but you apparently can't. On Dec. 27, 2007 you used our spoof image on your propaganda website to illustrate a "true" statement that Jews are welcome in Iran and that Western reports about mass emigration of Iranian Jews are "lies spread by the Zionist hegemony."
~
UPDATE: (Dec.29) PressTV realized they were being pwned and replaced the image in the morning of Dec. 29, 2007, ending more than two full days of pwnage. We expected it to happen, that was why we made the following screen capture for historical purposes. Other sites that reported it made their own screen captures.
The spoof image in question first appeared in 2005, in our parody called Israel Dismantles; World's Problems End, which revealed the absurdity of demands to dismantle Israel, with various nations, including Iran and Germany, celebrating the return of their long-missed Jews.
It gets better. Our Iranian friends tell us that the original Farsi-language placard says "Nuclear power is our absolute right," which means that you, dear Mullahs, used that image as a propaganda tool to advance your nuclear program - so you could threaten and maybe even annihilate the Jews in Israel. In our spoof, we changed the message of the placard to the complete opposite, making it appear improbable. To be fair, your story about Iran's love for the Jews was just as improbable, so it would seem only logical to put them together. It would, we repeat - if your goal were to publish a self-parody. That wasn't your intention, however. You only did it because you didn't know better.
Let's call it self-inflicted poetic justice.
The original propaganda image used to advance the Iranian government's grotesque spin.
The People's Cube photoshopped image used to ridicule the Iranian government's grotesque spin.
Lesson: if you like to cheat, make sure you steal your answers from the correct cheat sheet.
When you try to back a stupid lie by using a spoof that ridicules your stupid lies, you thereby prove the spoofer's original point that (a) you are stupid and (b) you lie.
The same day you posted our image, a beginning video blogger from Israel went to your website and sensed a send-up. He quickly found the original picture in Google images and sent an inquiry to the People's Cube. After we confirmed that it was a spoof, he released a short video on YouTube detailing the fraud. On the following day the story was reported by Gateway Pundit and other blogs.
So let me ask you, dear Iranian Mullahs: how come they got the joke and you didn't? You must help us here because we're lost in various possibilities.
You didn't get the joke because...
you have been lying for so long that you lost the ability to distinguish between truth and fiction
you have been convinced by the unconditional support of the left-leaning Western media that anything goes and you'll be off the hook forever
your religious zeal forces you to believe any line of Shiite
you will eat anything that looks like a sausage
you think all that glitters is gold
you are buying a stairway to heaven
all of the above
There also remains a possibility that you're simply not acquainted with the concept of sarcasm. Please be advised that rational people around the world value such things as humor, irony, and jokes - of which Islamic radicals are apparently unaware (if riots over Mohammed cartoons are any indication). Perhaps in the interest of world peace we should raise your awareness about jokes. It might even help you avoid further embarrassment, if you train your staff in laughing at jokes instead of killing the jokers.
Granted, it may defeat the very purpose of your existence. But hey, we all have to sacrifice something now and then! Besides, your existence in itself is a major embarrassment. Trust us: something's got to give.
We suggest you start by familiarizing yourself with knock-knock jokes. Then you can gradually switch to light bulb jokes, advancing to more complex blonde jokes, and eventually to puns - as in "Iran a bogus story and all I got was this lousy photoshopped image."
With any luck you will soon begin to understand even the MasterCard "priceless" jokes, such as this one:
Financing a phony show of support for Iran's nuclear program - one million rials.
Running a government propaganda website - ten million rials.
Being pwned by the People's Cube because you posted their send-up of your own stupid spin - PRICELESS!!!
Comrade Red Square,
It may be easier for them to use an image from the People's Cube™ than to use a self-generated computer enhanced image, because they seem to have devoted All of their efforts and computer time to building an Atomic weapon. They need this to protect themselves from the Jews and the "Great Satan". This is more important than creating jobs or designing roads, buildings, public utilities, and other public infrastructure for the Iranian people.
It's too bad they didn't also use the "Everybody loves Ahmadinejad" parody in the sidebar too. It shows the world the great love and sensitivity for Jews and homosexuals that the Iranian President and the rest of the government has for these people. Just look at those uniforms on the Code Pink Jihad, what a great recruiting tool for their military.
As for telling the truth, they always tell the truth that they want to tell. Kind of reminds me of my first wife.
Q: How many Iranian propagandists does it take to photoshop a light bulb?
A: None, it is easier to steal than to photoshop. Photoshopping requires individual talent and imagination with Adan Hajj being the exception.
And finally....
Did you hear the one about the gay blonde Iranian?
Of course not! No such thing exists! Ask Mahmoud, you Western infidel pig! May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits for suggesting such a blasphemy!
They really did that Comrade Red Square? They have another photo there now. What a glorious blog they have! Such news hounds so to speak! This is one quote I found in their "news."
It is hard to believe the paradox that Bhutto was the most precious American asset and that al-Qaeda which is supported by the US could have carried out the assassination.
No Islamic sense of humor? The Prophet Mohammed (peas and carrots be upon him) was justifiably famous for his antics with joy buzzers and whoppee cushions, novelty items first mentioned in the Koran. He created the following cartoon 1400 years before the concept of "that scwewy wabbit" was ever conceived in the West.
Look at what we are doing! Engaged in un-progressive competition over who has humor or not!
How many times has this Commissar bayed in the moonlight.... we need not care about what those Islamokooks do or think. They are useful to us in their way, but they will be useful to us regardless of whether we embrace them or hunt them down like mad cats.
They really did that Comrade Red Square? They have another photo there now.
PressTV realized they were being pwned and replaced the image in the morning of Dec. 29, 2007, ending more than two full days of pwnage. We pre-emptied their expected action with a screen capture. A corresponding amendment has been made to the original post above.
Jim from Gateway Pundit made another post about this story, and answered the challenge by making his own picture, referring to another incident when the Iranian Mullahs got punked.
He's not registered on the Cube, so he said "feel free."
(When will they learn that it's only the Party that can tell us whether we are allowed to "feel free" or not.)
IRANIANS HAVE HUMOR, CHECK OUT THEIR NUMBER ONE TV SHOW "AHAB"!
Comrade... you are confusing Arabs and Persians. Now the fact they may both harbor illusions of past glory and long for the death of the west, we must keep the facts straight, unless or until the Party decrees differently. Your mud puddle access will be cut back to one hour tomorrow.
Your mud puddle access will be cut back to one hour tomorrow.
Whoa! Whoa! When I say whoa I mean whoa! One hour over semantics?
I know that seems a bit harsh, but sometimes we just need to enforce Party discipline, and when it is done arbitrarily and without rhyme or reason, it is even more efffective. It's for The Common Good™ you know. Of course, it you were to say, have something to offer er... the Party, or were to inform on someone etc., I am sure we could overlook this minor lapse.
This is such a coup. I just heard about your site through a friend, Harry, who owns GarbanzoToons, http://garbanzotoons.blogspot.com . This is classic, and just proves, once again, that lying and deception of infidels (taqiyya) is encouraged and part of the arsenal in the Islamic Terror Manual.
...the fact they may both harbor illusions of past glory and long for the death of the west...
Not all of them are as useful to the Party, however. According to some sources, from 70% to 80% of Iranians want an end to the mullocracy of the Islamic Republic and would like to live in a free Western-style democracy. The reason we don't hear those voices is that the Mullahs are good at maintaining their total control over the media, combined with physical intimidation and repressions against the opposition. Many are afraid to speak. Yet now and then students rallies break up, in which they openly support American policies. Such rallies usually end up with beatings of the students by the police.
In other words, while the current Iranian government is made of absolutely useful idiots, a large part of the Iranian population is not.
Welcome to the People's Cube Comrade Smooth Stone. Here is your shovel so you may begin digging for progress! The Party will issue you your opinions as needed.
OMG! lol! It looks as if we here on the cube are getting popular! What an honor it is to have a propaganda news station such as one in Iran use our material, even if only for a short while.
[off chracter]
Keep up the great work Comrade Red Sqaure! This is only evidence that you are doing a great job!
Dear Iranian Mullahs,
Since we all now know that you are big time fans of The People's Cube, and you visit this site regularly, I'd like to reach out my cartoon-loving hand in peace. I'd also like to offer some advice. After all, as a good progressive comrade, I believe in holding a dialogue with my genocidal enemies who would gladly cut my head off in front of my family after raping my wife and children in front of me. I understand my dogs would be safe from violation because dogs are haram, right? I don't own any goats or sheep, but I could buy some. I do want to show understanding to your needs, and of course, I understand the need to accommodate Islam.
But like I was saying, the animated cartoon, Sahara Hare, was made to appeal to the sense of humor of the viewer. The cartoon creates absurd situations (kind of like you do in Iran in tyrannizing your own people who long for freedom while blaming all of your self-inflicted problems on Israel) in order to create this humor. I could go on to explain every gag (or joke as you may wish to think of them in order to avoid confusion) but that would get as tedious as memorizing the Koran.
Just think of Yosemite Sam as you and your fellow mullahs, and think of Bugs Bunny as the Israeli people. For now we won't include Olmert Fudd in our discussion. It damages the analogy. Watch as many of these cartoons as you can. They are available on DVD so they should be easy for parasites like you to pirate. (No matter what anyone else tells you, "parasite" is a term of affection). Notice who wins every time. Also, it's a good thing that you do love Jews so much, because the Warner Brothers, at whose studios these "loony toons" were created were Jews.
Please respond so that we can keep this friendly and substantive dialogue going. If you have any further questions, I would be glad to answer them as would any of the other friendly folks here at your favorite site for satire.
Your Pal,
Great Stalin's Ghost
I understand my dogs would be safe from violation because dogs are haram, right?
Maybe safe from violation, but not "safe" comrade. For you see comrade, while the prophet Mohammed was having spasms and spitting out gibberish that only could be interpreted by him at a later date, declared that since dogs and cats are unclean, they were to be killed. Maybe you already knew that, but Fido will have to get in line with the rest of the family unit to his his had chopped off as well.
The Cube has made the major leagues once again! This time the Propaganda Department of the peaceful, non-nuclear Islamic Republic of Iran has used the Cube's material to smash the imperialist lies of Jews leaving Iran. What is the next lie from the imperialist, right wing going to be- that many Jews emigrated from Germany in the 1930s?
Welcome to the People's Cube Comrade Smooth Stone. Here is your shovel so you may begin digging for progress! The Party will issue you your opinions as needed.
Thank you Commissar. Shoveling snow is a fact of life in colder parts of the world as my imprisoned comrades have told me. I, however, will use it to shovel the bullshit thrown at us by arabists and left wing nutcases. Besides, the shovel is what the revolution will be fought with after the libtards take away our guns, so, I really am very grateful.
Thank you Commissar. Shoveling snow is a fact of life in colder parts of the world as my imprisoned comrades have told me. I, however, will use it to shovel the bullshit thrown at us by Arabists. Besides, the shovel is what the revolution will be fought with after the libtards take away our guns, so, I really am very grateful.
You will find the shovel is quite useful in many areas besides for your beet and potato allotment.
In fact, we define the shovel and it's many uses comrade:
A symbol of suffering and sacrifice for The Greater Good™. Used in hard labor therapy or in self-criticism sessions to redeem potential thought crimes. Every citizen must keep his or her shovel in good repair at all times and bring it to the railroad station if called to duty by the Commissar. The shovel is an important part of Earth Day festival, or Sacrificial Earth Shoveling Day, celebrating the death and rebirth of Great Lenin.
I understand my dogs would be safe from violation because dogs are haram, right?
Maybe safe from violation, but not "safe" comrade. For you see comrade, while the prophet Mohammed was having spasms and spitting out gibberish that only could be interpreted by him at a later date, declared that since dogs and cats are unclean, they were to be killed. Maybe you already knew that, but Fido will have to get in line with the rest of the family unit to his his had chopped off as well.
Brave dogs that they are, I will never have to worry about them accepting Islam at gunpoint or talking about how noble and decent their captors are . . . if it ever comes to that, because as we all know it's merely a tiny, miniscule, infitesimal, hardly worth mentioning in polite company minority of extremists who etc.
Thank you Commissar. Shoveling snow is a fact of life in colder parts of the world as my imprisoned comrades have told me. I, however, will use it to shovel the bullshit thrown at us by Arabists. Besides, the shovel is what the revolution will be fought with after the libtards take away our guns, so, I really am very grateful.
You will find the shovel is quite useful in many areas besides for your beet and potato allotment.
Commissar Pupovich with no disrespect for you and Premier Betty the Guillotine seems much to much like a Compassionate Conservative tool. I believe in these ever changing times the ACLU would prefer the advancement of this tool for the relinquishing of ones head. CIA, ISI, and Al Qaeda approved.
Commissar Pupovich with no disrespect for you and Premier Betty the Guillotine seems much to much like a Compassionate Conservative tool. I believe in these ever changing times the ACLU would prefer the advancement of this tool for the relinquishing of ones head. CIA, ISI, and Al Quida approved. http://www.janes.com/security/international_security/news/misc/janes011001_1_n.shtml
This weapon could also be used to humanely and painlessly pierce one's skull, out of which their brains are humanely and painlessly suctioned.
Thank you Commissar. Shoveling snow is a fact of life in colder parts of the world as my imprisoned comrades have told me. I, however, will use it to shovel the bullshit thrown at us by Arabists. Besides, the shovel is what the revolution will be fought with after the libtards take away our guns, so, I really am very grateful.
You will find the shovel is quite useful in many areas besides for your beet and potato allotment.
In fact, we define the shovel and it's many uses comrade:
A symbol of suffering and sacrifice for The Greater Good™. Used in hard labor therapy or in self-criticism sessions to redeem potential thought crimes. Every citizen must keep his or her shovel in good repair at all times and bring it to the railroad station if called to duty by the Commissar. The shovel is an important part of Earth Day festival, or Sacrificial Earth Shoveling Day, celebrating the death and rebirth of Great Lenin.
Ah yes, thank you for the list of those perfect tools. May I kindly add that the shovel is also famous for its acting, even though some critics have accused it of somtimes being too stiff. Did you know that this same shovel was hired to appear in The Sopranos and Blood Simple, with a breakthrough Oscar winning performance in Rear Window. The shovel protested and refused to leave its home in a fit of jealousy when a more harrowing murder weapon was chosen to appear in No Country For Old Men. Jealousy is a frequent side effect of competition, but a competitive spirit is exactly what is wrong with capitalism, am I not right?
Commissar Pupovich with no disrespect for you and Premier Betty the Guillotine seems much to much like a Compassionate Conservative tool. I believe in these ever changing times the ACLU would prefer the advancement of this tool for the relinquishing of ones head
Alas Commissarka, I have no problem with your assessment. However, the guillotine is still a Party approved tool, so until that changes.... Of course, should the Party see fit to promote this loyal canine to Vice Chairman to carry on the work of the Party for those unfortunate, yet all too frequent extended absences of the Chairman, then perhaps I would have a greater voice among equals to make such an adjustment.
May I kindly add that the shovel is also famous for its acting, even though some critics have accused it of somtimes being too stiff. Did you know that this same shovel was hired to appear in The Sopranos and Blood Simple, with a breakthrough Oscar winning performance in Rear Window. The shovel protested and refused to leave its home in a fit of jealousy when a more harrowing murder weapon was chosen to appear in No Country For Old Men. Jealousy is a frequent side effect of competition, but a competitive spirit is exactly what is wrong with capitalism, am I not right?
This is the ultimate true use of the shovel... here are two truth seeking proles seeking the People's Cube!
Sadly, due to security concerns, they prefer to not be embedded. Clearly concerned they would be accused of being associated with capitalists.
As a teen in High School I once pithed a frog. Never really thought about applying that and an Oreck or Hoover together; However, I am open for new alternatives of death and torture, such as the website you posted.
Comrades, here is another instructional video for our middle eastern comrades. This one shows the inherent wisdom of the dar al-Islam and the self-destroying greed of the capitalistic dar al-Harb.
Comrades, here is another instructional video for our middle eastern comrades. This one shows the inherent wisdom of the dar al-Islam and the self-destroying greed of the capitalistic dar al-Harb.
Comrade Abecedarius Rex, I doubt the Chairman will like his portrayal as a duck.....
Comrades, here is another instructional video for our middle eastern comrades. This one shows the inherent wisdom of the dar al-Islam and the self-destroying greed of the capitalistic dar al-Harb.
Comrade Abecedarius Rex, I doubt the Chairman will like his portrayal as a duck.....
You misunderstand, comrade; the duck is not the Chairman, the duck is the Bushitler; the rabbit is the chairman. Note the disdain for worldly goods, the svelt figure, the ability to transform the earth rapidly... that is the Chairman, comrade. The duck is a goober, slobbery, dark; just like the Bushitler and his capitalist Halliburtoncronies. After all, I live by the maxim "A duck for a f**k, a f**k for a duck, f**ked up duck and 20 bucks!" (I don't know what it means but it has guided my life all these years living in the free socialist republic of Minnesocold.)
OMFG!
On a scale of 0-10, 0 being a bad death and 10 being hte best, starving to death is an 8. Here is the L.A Times Story and I post it below the fold for you as well. I apologize if this was already posted, I hunted and didn't see it. This needs to get out for I think that the vast majority of people thatare somewhat against the trend on this case, are feeling that waybecause they feel that starving to death is cruel. It's just not so.
Okay, so maybe some of the folks at DailyfuckingKos ought to do some investigative research and test that 8 out of 10 theory. Maybe they ought to be allowed one dirty beet a day. And maybe if they start to crack and beg for something to drink, they could see whether being shot is fun too!
Crikey.
On a scale of 0-10, 0 being a bad death and 10 being hte best, starving to death is an 8.
I am not so sure that is entirely all that in error though I agree the idiots at Daily Kooks and their reasons for saying that are as usual, ignorant. OK, I was on a tube for a long time, but really didn't want the feedings most of the time. I couldn't even stand water for a long time, only ice chips. Of course I really wasn't starving, but I sort of understand the idea that the body does have a way of doing that. Even when tastes starting coming back, I could only stand eating but a little. Lost a hundred pounds over about 4 or 5 months.
Destroy the Cube??? What are you? Some Bushitler hitbot?? The Peoples Cube can never be destroyed!
Commissar Pupovich, please look at the video. It does not suggest destroying the People's Cube but the cube at Mecca.
What??? Destroy the cube at Mecca?! That is both racially insensitive and non-tolerant of religious beliefs. What kind of Bureaucrat are you? Let’s see some ID? Ummmm? Come on, hand it over? I am waiting.
Comrade, while you are hopelessly looking for your ID, let me enlighten you on religion. The Muslims believe that it is part of their religion to kill us all, the end. We are supposed to let them exercise their right to worship their own way. It would be completely bigot of us to go and destroy something so precious to them just because they want to saw our heads off. So, if you want to be a good comrade, you will go to the local mosque with your family and let them rape you and your family while cutting off your head. Go on..... go do it....... If you do, then I will forget about the no-show with your "ID".
What??? Destroy the cube at Mecca?! That is both racially insensitive and non-tolerant of religious beliefs. What kind of Bureaucrat are you? Let’s see some ID? Ummmm? Come on, hand it over? I am waiting.
I am sure as Commissar of Robotics, that you noticed that those were not even unionized robots that were used to destroy the revered cube. They did not even conduct an Impact of the Environment study much less give time for a proper analysis on what said destruction would have on the economic and social aspects of these people. I suspect they were Haliburton robots!
According to a report from the MSM, the Iranian's are claiming to have cloned a sheep. Maybe this is one example that they can copy something and do it in a constructive manner.
What??? Destroy the cube at Mecca?! That is both racially insensitive and non-tolerant of religious beliefs. What kind of Bureaucrat are you? Let’s see some ID? Ummmm? Come on, hand it over? I am waiting.
I am sure as Commissar of Robotics, that you noticed that those were not even unionized robots that were used to destroy the revered cube. They did not even conduct an Impact of the Environment study much less give time for a proper analysis on what said destruction would have on the economic and social aspects of these people. I suspect they were Haliburton robots!
Quite right comrade. This was one of the tipping points for me when I realized that this "Bureaucrat" is not what he says he is.
It is my suspicion that they are indeed either Halliburton robots or robots that belong to some sort of other corporation. Only the private sector would be capable of building stealing (from the people of course) such advanced technologies. These "robots", sadly, are hundreds of years more advanced than our own. Maybe if some party members did not pull party funding to my projects (*cough* *cough* Chairman), we would be a bit closer. Just keep in mind Comrade Pup, this is not what we will tell populace, no, our media will tell the people that the kapitalist stole such technologies from us.
Comrades, I have studied these beings. I felt that it was my obligation to because of my position. I reviewed the movie a day after it came out and rented it once it came to the kapitalist DVD. These are powerful machines that believe that the human race has both "good" in their hearts (whatever that is) and that the human race has great potential. This makes them very dangerous as it seems that they have more common sense in their semiconductors than millions of faithful useful idiots combined. If any members of the party find these "robots" or any parts that go with them, please send a transmission to my office. I will rush the paperwork so that it will only take 6 months to get through the system instead of the regular 3 years.
Here I thought they had all the cloned sheep a country would need..... Often with bombs attached to them.
Puhleez! They don't attach bombs to them! They clone the sheep purely for romantic purposes.
--
That is the only thing that I can see a comrade could do with a cloned sheep. I mean, come on, those things are how expensive to clone? Unless one is just most stupid than a useful idot, one is not going to go out and clone a sheep and then blow it up. You cannot eat it either, unless you want to pay something along the lines of thousands of dollars a pound (uh, oh, we may have just tripped upon a new cusine for the Chairman to try).
There have been many great posts on the Internet about this story with links to the Cube, but I'd like to quote this one because it gives it a new angle:
Tim Gleason wrote
One of the problems that countries without a free press run into is that they don't recognize parody and satire. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. For example, in one famous incident Beijing China's largest newspaper, the Beijing Evening News, fell victim to a similar mistake. It copied an article from The Onionwhich stated that the U.S. Congress was threatening to leave Washington D.C. for Memphis or Charlotte unless Washington built them a new Capitol with a retractable dome. You can check out a report of this incident here.
However, I have to say that the current situation with Press TV is even better.When the target of a satire or parody can't even recognize it as satire or parody, it just makes the original satire better.
Speaking of not recognizing parody and satire, I must mention that Russian news sources have quoted American Bush-hating "satirists" in earnest, presenting their jokes about W's alleged stupidity, ignorance, and blood lust as true facts, thus contributing to the self-perpetuating mythology. Think about it the next time anyone mentions the "squandered credibility" of this administration and asks the question de jour "Why do they hate us so around the world?"
Speaking of the targets of satire not recognizing it as satire, we get that a lot in the American "progressives" as well. We were often misrepresented in the times of the Communists For Kerry campaign. The most vivid example was when Time Magazine published a photo of our parody placard in its Ann Coulter issue, attributing the message to the real Coulter-haters. More on this here.
Granted, the leftist protesters' dead-serious grotesque absurdness is often so ridiculous that the line between them and a parody becomes very thin. If that were not enough, they never stop pushing even further into the parody territory.
Not being able to recognize a satire directed at them is symptomatic of the irrational worldview in which no absolute standards exist. The Western "progressives" and their Islamofascist brethren both suffer from the same symptoms because they share the same disease - irrational worldview with the subsequent lack of moral and intellectual standards that might help them to distinguish truth from fiction.
So much work you have done for our comrades in Iran for use against the evil American Imperialist Zionist Capitalist Hegemonist, Christianists (how many 'ists' can one put in a name?)!
You do more in one afternoon than 50 Iranian "information ministry" workers do in a month!!!
Also, I'm now receiving emails from people who ask me what "PWN" means. Here's the explanation
Thank You, O Carmine repository of the People's Wisdom. I have wondered what the Mythical Judeo-Christian Post-Corporeal Punishment Place "pwned" means for quite some time.
I believe the Premier is responding to this from the Kommissar of Wild Life and Robotics:
If any members of the party find these "robots" or any parts that go with them, please send a transmission to my office. I will rush the paperwork so that it will only take 6 months to get through the system instead of the regular 3 years.
Then again, that may just be the last spasms of a booze and drug fueled hangover brought on by some hideous outpouring of human warmth and giving, Lenin help me, I could hardly type that, brought on by the recent "holiday."
All right, that's it. Here's a code anyone can crack--and I'm cracking it over a bunch of heads:
KNOCK IT OFF!!!
(Not you, Empress Beloved. I am your ever devoted HO to infinity and beyond.)
As for the rest of you: You know why your heads hurt? Because this silly leetspeak stuff makes you THINK!!! And who told any of you that you could think? Who? I want to know who!
Oh, you are all in such big trouble now. Especially you, Pupovich. First you try to usurp Meow, then you make nice-nice with the Criminally Insane Vodkov (who had the temerity to ask me out for a date on another thread) and now this!
I don't think so Pup.
Pack your 2 bags and meet Smersh at the station.
The Black Maria has been dispatched.
Defeatism is a disease and you must be disinfected.
My Empress! Did you not notice that I said it was just a test? The test succeeded! I was simply trying to make sure that no slander could go undetected. I am pleased to announce that you are safe from such treachery!
Especially you, Pupovich. First you try to usurp Meow, then you make nice-nice with the Criminally Insane Vodkov (who had the temerity to ask me out for a date on another thread) and now this!
How can you say such slander? I have undergone aversive conditioning so that even the mere thought of trying to usurp the Chairman, or engage in thought crime of any sort, makes me violently sick. Think Clockwork Orange, but in my case it is of course Beetwork Red, but in my case, the conditioning is never reversed. I am feeling a bit nauseous just typing about such a hypothetical.
As for Vodkov, I was merely following the rules and regulations that stated because the trial was not started in a timely fashion, the Statute of Mental Limitations had ran out on his psychological examination.
I have undergone aversive conditioning so that even the mere thought of trying to usurp the Chairman, or engage in thought crime of any sort, makes me violently sick.
No wonder you keep throwing up all over my boots! And you think I should go out for dinner and a moonlight walk on the beach with some bottle that's plotting against our Empress?
Commissarka! How can you? Where have I even once suggested that you go out with Vodkov? As far as I can determine, he is still liable to be tried. I have not granted him any relief in that, it is only the statute of mental limitations ran out on him. That could actually work against him should the Empress resume the trial. No, as a matter of fact, I wouldn't go near Vodkov, especially seeing how he continues to make some rather disturbing claims about the Empress. If I were to throw up on your boots, it would only be due to nervousness being so near such progressive beauty.
But one thing about it, when there are misspells, it is even more disruptive. Forgive me Premier, but as far as this humble Commissar can determine, you seem to miss "the" repeatedly. I see "73H" quite a few times...I almost wonder if I am missing something?
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans
of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent,
by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant
pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other -
until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's
official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
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Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize. Wishing all our readers a Happy April First!
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Charles Manson: 'Leave Polanski alone, hasn't he suffered enough?'
Obama loses Olympic bid, will try for Special Olympics next
Carter: if the IOC doesn't give the Olympics to Chicago, they're racists
Saudis: the word 'assassina- tion' will never be the same
Al Qaeda: 'We shove bombs up our butts'
Richard Gere denies Al Qaeda membership
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
Study: 90% of G20 protestors driven to Pittsburgh by mom
Ahmadinejad: Iran needs enriched uranium to purchase large IKEA sofa
Obama: If we don't bomb Iran now, we'll never pass healthcare reform
Taliban hires DC lobbyist in effort to get Obama's attention
Missile defense: Czechs angry at Obama for being canceled
Media study: Caucasian toddlers are more likely to cut eye-holes into "blankies"
Democrat strategist: 9 out of 10 white infants prefer cross burning over mother's milk
Mahmoud’s Liquidation Warehouse: 50% off Israel - this weekend only - it won’t last long
Obama: Black kids still forced to beat people up at back
of bus
Charlie Gibson: Neil Armstrong went where?
Obamacare, it’s finger-licking good!
Ben and Jerry release 'Hate Monger Bigot' flavor to celebrate those who support traditional marriage
'Shiver me Timbers!': Somalia unveils People's Institute for Redistribution, Adventurism & Thalassic Extortion (PIRATE)
Energy Czar: to save energy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off
Other 49 states impose carbon tax on California due to wildfire smoke
Following Scotland's lead, US Justice Dept releases Charles Manson, citing battle with chronic hemorrhoids
Obama to media: Please respect our girls' privacy, especially Mr. Letterman
Teachable moment: Obama to hold 'beer summit' between offended Post Office and UPS
Taliban sends protesters to Afghan town hall meetings in attempt to get Obama administration to withdraw Gotham villains working for the Common Good™
White House recalibrates description of town hall protesters from 'terrorists' to 'man-made Nazi fascist pigs'
Experts: when buying Astroturf, remember to look for the Union LabelNational-socialist health care?
Drudge insulates self from White House anger by naming his site MoveOn.Drudge
ABC greenlights epic 12-part miniseries based on Beer Summit
Moveon.org petitions Dems to leave Bush/Cheney alone and 'move on to pressing issues facing the nation'
Palin: Critics ipso facto are quitters
Honduran ex-president Zelaya holds press- conference, presents birth certificate for examination
Cambridge: fighting racial bias, Obama picks black scholar Henry Louis Gates as Door Jigging Czar
Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from George W Bush
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
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Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy
Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind visit our new Che Heart store
Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberryDow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents useDHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a 2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism Obama gives Queen a shovel click here NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'
click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
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Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
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Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
