The image above is our pimped-up version of The Nation's prophetic cover that welcomed George W. Bush's ascendance to power on November 13, 2000, heralding eight years of media's insatiable hatred of "President Dubya." The cover, designed by Brian Stauffer, was named #23 of the top 40 magazine covers from the past 40 years by the American Society of Magazine Editors. The Nation is still selling merchandise with this image on its website.
UPDATE: Brian Stauffer recently wrote to us asking to remove this image, claiming that "our use of it might make it appear that he supports our opinion." Apparently, Mr. Stauffer is afraid to be mistaken for someone who is not a Bush-basher, because he doesn't want to risk being treated the way he knows liberals treat conservatives - the way he treats them himself. We found his request ungrounded, but in the spirit of bipartisan compromise and compassion we decided to add a disclaimer:
The appearance of Mr. Stauffer's work in no way constitutes his endorsement of or agreement with the views of The People's Cube, and as such, he should not be subjected to hate mail, boycotts, effigy burnings, boob barings, campouts on his front lawn, etc., or any other form of moonbattery known to be practiced on those who do not espouse tolerance for others' views.
It was only a matter of time before the mainstream media ran out of catchy anti-Bush headlines. Starting with the 2000 elections the US editors appeared to be engaged in a prestigious contest: who would cast the President in the worst possible light. The opportunities seemed unlimited. The headline-writers spent countless nights awash in the pale glow of their monitors, coming up with one brilliant hook after another. But four years of consistent Bush-bashing have eventually exhausted everyone's vocabulary and imagination. So when George W. Bush was reelected in November of 2004, several pundits sensed that a crisis of creativity would soon plague the media. By the end of the second quarter of this year, the national media hit rock bottom.
"There are only so many words one can string together while remaining impartial and objective - even if it's such a fertile topic as our dumb and evil dictator President who is bent on bombing caribou herds back into the Stone Age in Alaska," says Susan Stein, editor of The Village Voice, a mainstream New York newspaper. "Our paper is getting thinner with every issue. We are now considering running blank pages; we call it a "fill in the blanks" approach. Our readers are extremely educated and knowledgeable; they'll get the point anyway."
Some journalists admit to having been a bit too wasteful and overzealous with their anti-Bush headlines in the past. "I guess we should've saved some for later," says Lenora Calhoun, a New York Times reporter. "The well is dry," she continues, "but who knew the idiot would get reelected? We had a lot of fun with headlines during his first term, though. Lots of good memories."
~ As a result, the once elaborate and artistic headlines in the papers are being commonly replaced today by such bland and meaningless titles as "Bush is Bush" and the rather implausible "Bush Eats Condors For Breakfast." Such weak efforts will fool only the most gullible part of the Democratic constituency. No wonder subscriptions are dropping rapidly across the country.
"It was a time bomb," agrees Fatima Shah, who works in the same room with Lenora. "I think Karl Rove planned it all from the very beginning. Now who is the real terrorist here? Hey! Didn't I just come up with a good headline! Gotta get back to my desk. There's a Pulitzer Prize with my name on it."
You neglect to mention the resourcefullness of our left hand (the media of course)!
A prime example is the photoshopped Bush picture above! The Village Voice (always in the lead with such innovations) has been running through an unlimited supply of imagery (e.g. Bush as vampire, Bush as Peanut, Bush as Octopus, Bush as a Bush (the shrub that is -- it was a slow week), Bush as Hitler (a crowd favorite), Bush as a pig, Bush as a snail, Bush as a masculine American male (the worst of all) etcetera!
Do not underestimate our native pamphliteers! The "blank page innovation" of the Village Voice is also quite impressive! I believe they now sell imaginary advertising on those pages. After all, while escort ads pay well, they do not make the collective solvent. The imaginary income is then factored into the operating budget. A Village Voice reporter now makes 12,000 Kopeks a quarter, and an additional one million "Voicebucks" (not to be confused with i.o.u.'s which can be redeemed) per annum!
If the popular media outlets fail, we can always go back to what the capitalist pigs call "tabloids". Their news is just as informitave and even more accurate sometimes!
Speaking as a modest yet legendary economist, I can assure you that there is a very good reason why The Village Voice is free, and The New York Times is prohibitively expensive. Rest assured that your New York Times dollar will guarantee you a limitless supply of headlines that will expose the truth about George W. Bush -- a "president" who represents the very antithesis of my own boundless intellect.
In particular, I can guarantee that the Op-Ed page, as long as I am there, will tell The Truth.
Did I say that the Times if prohibitively expensive? That, too, is a consequence of Bush. His tax cuts have been a transfer of wealth from the unemployed to the rich. And since the rich control the poor and the minorities, there has been a deficit of liquid preference options beyond the incremental inflection points. This was not an issue under the guidance of Jimmy Carter, but it is most treacherous in 2005.
"Trivial", as we say in the Princeton Faculty Lounge.
HOW THE D-DAY INVASION WOULD BE REPORTED BY TODAY'S PRESS
NORMANDY, FRANCE (June 6, 1944) Three hundred French civilians were killed and thousands more were wounded today in the first hours of America's invasion of continental Europe. Casualties were heaviest among women and children. Most of the French casualties were the result of artillery fire from American ships attempting to knock out German fortifications prior to the landing of hundreds of thousands of U.S. troops. Reports from a makeshift hospital in the French town of St. Mere Eglise said the carnage was far worse than the French had anticipated, and that reaction against the American invasion was running high.
"We are dying for no reason," said a Frenchman speaking on condition of anonymity. "Americans can't even shoot straight. I never thought I'd say this, but life was better under Adolph Hitler."
The invasion also caused severe environmental damage. American troops, tanks, trucks and machinery destroyed miles of pristine shoreline and thousands of acres of ecologically sensitive wetlands. It was believed that the habitat of the spineless French crab was completely wiped out, thus threatening the species with extinction. A representative of Greenpeace said his organization, which had tried to stall the invasion for over a year, was appalled at thedestruction, but not surprised. "This is just another example of how the military destroys the environment without a second thought," said Christine Moanmore. "And it's all about corporate greed."
Contacted at his Manhattan condo, a member of the French government-in-exile who abandoned Paris when Hitler invaded, said the invasion was based solely on American financial interests. "Everyone knows that President Roosevelt has ties to 'big beer'," said Pierre LeWimp. "Once the German beer industry is conquered, Roosevelt's beer cronies will control the world market and make a fortune."
Administration supporters said America's aggressive actions were based in part on the assertions of controversial scientist Albert Einstein, who sent a letter to Roosevelt speculating that the Germans were developing a secret weapon -- a so-called "atomic bomb". Such a weapon could produce casualties on a scale never seen before, and cause environmental damage that could last for thousands of years. Hitler has denied having such a weapon and international inspectors were unable to locate such weapons even after spending two long weekends in Germany. Shortly after the invasion began, reports surfaced that German prisoners had been abused by American soldiers. Mistreatment of Jews by Germans at their so-called "concentration camps" has been rumored, but so far this remains unproven.
Several thousand Americans died during the first hours of the invasion, and French officials are concerned that the uncollected corpses will pose a public-health risk. "The Americans should have planned for this in advance," they said. "It's their mess, and we don't intend to help clean it up."
It seems that somebody has all the tolerence of a jihadi looking at a Danish cartoon. What do you expect? Parody and Satire are both located in the Humor section of the library and we all know there is no Humor section in the Liberal Library.
Wow! 5 posts after almost three years!
Not exactly the most popular topic ever posted at TPC.
Who's next? The NYT for the Warsaw Ghetto parody? Now that was popular!
William Mildred Farnsworth Higgenbottom Pius Gaines IX Esq. must laughing his ass off up in cartoonist heaven because he knew there was no honor among thieves. Satire and parody was his life's work. Somebody call Senator Kefauver! Whoops, he's dead too!
The name was in use long before Mad magazine came out — on Henry Morgan's old radio show, for one thing; and for another, it was the name of a real-life classical music conductor. The face goes back even farther. It appears on patent medicine labels, signs for roadside eateries, political propaganda etc. (often including his famous slogan, "What, me worry?", or a recognizable variant) going back to the beginning of the 20th century. A little more, in fact, considering the character's more-than-passing resemblance to comics' first superstar, The Yellow Kid. And when Mad did start using both the name and the face, at first it didn't even link them to the same character.
And yet, Alfred E. Neuman has become so closely associated with Mad that by 1963, a letter mailed from Auckland, New Zealand, with no address other than his picture, managed to find its way to the magazine's editorial office in New York City.
So prolific were pre-Mad uses of the face, that when the magazine was sued for copyright infringement (twice, once based on a 1914 copyright and the other on a 1936 one), its major defense was to show the court that the plaintiffs had copied it from even earlier sources. Cartoonists who used it include George McManus (creator of Bringing Up Father), Frederick Burr Opper (creator of Happy Hooligan), Eugene "Zim" Zimmerman (with credits at Puck, Judge, Life and elsewhere), and a host of toon practitioners who neglected to sign their names. Actual human beings said to resemble Alfred E. Neuman include Prince Charles, Ted Koppel, Jimmy Carter and George W. Bush.
How did The "What, Me Worry?" Kid wind up at Mad?
Mad's first use of the face was on the cover of its first reprint volume, The Mad Reader, published in November, 1954. In the comic book itself, he first turned up on the cover of #21 (January, 1955). Four months later, when the publication was reformatted as a magazine, he again appeared on the cover, in addition to playing cameo roles in several interior items, and he's been the magazine's official mascot ever since. He's been depicted on the Mad cover as Santa Claus, George Washington, Superman, Darth Vader, Uncle Sam and many other familiar personages. His apparent occupations include, but are far from limited to, high-wire performer, big-game hunter, teenage mutant ninja turtle, doctor, lawyer and Indian guru. He's even been a presidential candidate (just like Magilla Gorilla, Zippy the Pinhead and a host of other toons), using the slogan, "You could do worse — and always have."
Meanwhile, the character's name had been dropped here and there in Mad and other EC publications, as a running gag, for years. Another prominent candidate from their pool of gag names was Melvin Coznowski (spelling varies). It was in #29 (May, 1956) that the face was first joined with the Neuman name, and they've been together ever since.
At first, the drawing most often used as the face's model came from a postcard unearthed by Mad's founding editor, Harvey Kurtzman, who had become intrigued by the variety of places in which he saw it, and thought (erroneously) with this discovery, he'd tracked it to its ultimate source. When, in 1956, the Madmen decided to make him their permanent mascot, Al Feldstein, who had just taken over as editor, commissioned portrait artist Norman Mingo to render the face as a fully-realized, three-dimensional character — up until then, it had only appeared as simple line drawings. Mingo's painting became the basis for all subsequent renditions — and by the time Mingo died, in 1980, his fame for creating the definitive rendition of Alfred E. Neuman had eclipsed all his previous work.
Alfred E. Neuman has appeared on every Mad cover for more than half a century. He's been depicted by Dave Berg, Jack Davis, Frank Kelly Freas, and practically every other artist who's worked there. Tho the character wasn't precisely created for the magazine, Mad's association with him has been unchallenged since the 1960s — and as the decades roll by, it only becomes firmer.
Born in 1960, vanden Heuvel studied politics and history at Princeton University, writing her Senior thesis on McCarthyism. She has said that during her college years she sometimes "felt like a Russian."
Comrade Red Square, what do you suppose she means?
She sounds like a candidate for the gallery of Americans Who Tell the Truth.
Born in 1960, vanden Heuvel studied politics and history at Princeton University, writing her Senior thesis on McCarthyism. She has said that during her college years she sometimes "felt like a Russian."
Comrade Red Square, what do you suppose she means?
I suppose she's in competition with you, Pinkie - but she's got no chance. Your shovel DEFINITELY is bigger than her shovel.
/// off karakter
While the Russians were suffering from oppression by the idiotic, stagnant, and kleptocratic system, Katrina vander Heuven learned to sympathize with the oppressors. Could it get more elaborately aristocratic?
The mandatory liberal current truth of the time was that the Russians are like that because they are Russians - it's their culture and we have no business messing with it.
This is like saying that Having Kim Jong Il for president is in the Korean culture. Or having Ayatollas run Iran is in the Persian culture. Or having Jimmy Carter in the White House is in the American culture.
Not all Russians are Communists and not all Communists are Russian. Another example of her ignorance and stupidity.
Can this be?
Are there those who betray the collective by shirking their communistic duties and not be communist?
Russian / Communist what's in a name? A Rose by other other name is RED. (Well generally speaking)
As to the 'not all Communist are Russian' do I sense dilution of the species?
All does not bode well for the collective future.
Katrina reminds me of Comrade Fonz for some reason.
Power to the troddendown.
A defining moment for Katrina vanden Heuvel came in May 2002 during one of her frequent appearances on MSNBC's Hardball. After vanden Heuvel spoke about how she lived in Harlem and understood the poor, host Chris Matthews let his audience know that in fact she lived in a multimillion-dollar townhouse in a posh section of Morningside Heights.
This womyn is a bigger BSing limousine liberal than I am! I must have her hand in marriage! We must be soulmates <3!
(I originally posted the above on the wrong thread and therefore shame myself. Please forgive me, Comrades.)
But Chairman, will she be an adequate replacement to you recently deceased soulmate, toaster Helen <3? She may not let you stick the fork in her, although Helen's old kuffia-themed dust cover may fit nicely.
And is she progressive enough to let Chairman be Chairman?
You're right, Red - this Katrina might be one of those uppity career type broads who will make me stay at home and be a decent husband. I simply cannot stand for that. I cannot just stay at home while everyone else is playing with hookers and snorting large quantities of coke - that would be inhumane, absolutely inhumane.
Maybe I could marry her and then get a quick-n-dirty divorce after spending all of her money and ruining her reputation. Yeah, I think that is the best route.
Premier Betty!
Don't give up....Hint: Look for his signature at the bottom of the tree.
Felt like a Russian? Meowsevich, you're just what she's looking for!
Sometimes I feel like a big boobed Swedish nymphomaniac. One time I felt like a gay limo driver. As Andrew Dice Clay once said "it all depends on the coin toss".
Speaking of Katrina sympathizing with the Russian communists at the expense of the rest of the Russians, she has had a great predecessor. I was doing research on Angela Davis for another thread, and discovered this nugget of Progressive Truth™:
Wikipedia wrote
Russian dissident and Nobel Laureate Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn criticized Davis's sympathy for the Soviet Union in a speech he delivered to the AFL-CIO on July 9, 1975 in New York City, pointing out hypocrisy in her attitude toward prisoners under Communist governments. According to Solzhenitsyn, a group of Czech dissidents “addressed an appeal to her: `Comrade Davis, you were in prison. You know how unpleasant it is to sit in prison, especially when you consider yourself innocent. You have such great authority now. Could you help our Czech prisoners? Could you stand up for those people in Czechoslovakia who are being persecuted by the state?' Angela Davis answered: 'They deserve what they get. Let them remain in prison.'”
All Videos are tools of the Capitalist.
The allegation are all part of the propaganda used to distract and divert attention from the real problem.
The failure of the Proletariat to fall in line en masse behind the President to be.
This must be addressed as there are too many 'free thinkers' out there
Power to the troddendown.
Comrades, comrades! Do you ever think of anything besides oppression? Go back and re-read Katrina's quote I posted. She said she "felt like a Russian"--NOT "she felt up Russians" or even "liked to feel up Russians."
The name was in use long before Mad magazine came out — on Henry Morgan's old radio show, for one thing; and for another, it was the name of a real-life classical music conductor. The face goes back even farther. It appears on patent medicine labels, signs for roadside eateries, political propaganda etc. (often including his famous slogan, "What, me worry?", or a recognizable variant) going back to the beginning of the 20th century. A little more, in fact, considering the character's more-than-passing resemblance to comics' first superstar, The Yellow Kid. And when Mad did start using both the name and the face, at first it didn't even link them to the same character.
And yet, Alfred E. Neuman has become so closely associated with Mad that by 1963, a letter mailed from Auckland, New Zealand, with no address other than his picture, managed to find its way to the magazine's editorial office in New York City.
So prolific were pre-Mad uses of the face, that when the magazine was sued for copyright infringement (twice, once based on a 1914 copyright and the other on a 1936 one), its major defense was to show the court that the plaintiffs had copied it from even earlier sources. Cartoonists who used it include George McManus (creator of Bringing Up Father), Frederick Burr Opper (creator of Happy Hooligan), Eugene "Zim" Zimmerman (with credits at Puck, Judge, Life and elsewhere), and a host of toon practitioners who neglected to sign their names. Actual human beings said to resemble Alfred E. Neuman include Prince Charles, Ted Koppel, Jimmy Carter and George W. Bush.
How did The "What, Me Worry?" Kid wind up at Mad?
Mad's first use of the face was on the cover of its first reprint volume, The Mad Reader, published in November, 1954. In the comic book itself, he first turned up on the cover of #21 (January, 1955). Four months later, when the publication was reformatted as a magazine, he again appeared on the cover, in addition to playing cameo roles in several interior items, and he's been the magazine's official mascot ever since. He's been depicted on the Mad cover as Santa Claus, George Washington, Superman, Darth Vader, Uncle Sam and many other familiar personages. His apparent occupations include, but are far from limited to, high-wire performer, big-game hunter, teenage mutant ninja turtle, doctor, lawyer and Indian guru. He's even been a presidential candidate (just like Magilla Gorilla, Zippy the Pinhead and a host of other toons), using the slogan, "You could do worse — and always have."
Meanwhile, the character's name had been dropped here and there in Mad and other EC publications, as a running gag, for years. Another prominent candidate from their pool of gag names was Melvin Coznowski (spelling varies). It was in #29 (May, 1956) that the face was first joined with the Neuman name, and they've been together ever since.
At first, the drawing most often used as the face's model came from a postcard unearthed by Mad's founding editor, Harvey Kurtzman, who had become intrigued by the variety of places in which he saw it, and thought (erroneously) with this discovery, he'd tracked it to its ultimate source. When, in 1956, the Madmen decided to make him their permanent mascot, Al Feldstein, who had just taken over as editor, commissioned portrait artist Norman Mingo to render the face as a fully-realized, three-dimensional character — up until then, it had only appeared as simple line drawings. Mingo's painting became the basis for all subsequent renditions — and by the time Mingo died, in 1980, his fame for creating the definitive rendition of Alfred E. Neuman had eclipsed all his previous work.
Alfred E. Neuman has appeared on every Mad cover for more than half a century. He's been depicted by Dave Berg, Jack Davis, Frank Kelly Freas, and practically every other artist who's worked there. Tho the character wasn't precisely created for the magazine, Mad's association with him has been unchallenged since the 1960s — and as the decades roll by, it only becomes firmer.
It's Barack H. Neuman and The Movement™ is Obamunism™
Hope™
Change™
Damn cracker bear....look at him...all white and fuzzy.
Quit oppressing the baby seals or I'm gonna increase Global Warming when I'm Prez.
Yeah, you think you can swim from ice-flow to ice-flow. Just wait until Al Gore endorses Hillary, that'll be the end of your honkey bear shit.
It's Barack H. Neuman and The Movement™ is Obamunism™
Hope™
Change™
Damn cracker bear....look at him...all white and fuzzy.
Quit oppressing the baby seals or I'm gonna increase Global Warming when I'm Prez.
Yeah, you think you can swim from ice-flow to ice-flow. Just wait until Al Gore endorses Hillary, that'll be the end of your honkey bear shit.
Listening up, schwartzer lion bait.....You are now being on official medvyet poo list. Notifying lackey useful idiot lions to being on lookout for your watermelon munching mug.
Checking six, Sambovitch...You are never being out of reaching.....From a medvyet....
No president is irrelevant and Bush has proved that vividly in recent weeks as his administration has been forced to frantically intervene in the mounting subprime mortgage crisis. In addition, the nation continues to fight two foreign wars and Bush is commander in chief.
But several White House correspondents, in interviews with Politico, describe a scene where one might expect tumbleweeds lazily blowing across the finely manicured lawn on Pennsylvania Avenue.
The economy is a Self Fulfilling Prophecy.
If The MTE or The Magic Change Guy is elected I'm sure everything will be so much better...just because they say so.
It's a real drag...I'm so busy now working my beet farm bones to dust I don't even have time nor energy to post! Electing a liberal, I'm sure, will bring the relief I need to sit home more and enjoy whats really important in life: Ya'll's sense of humor!
I thought you just might have some brilliant words of disinformation for the masses to go with this image I cooked up last night in my samovar. If so, have at it. I was so exhausted by my creative efforts that, for the sake of The People's Party, I thought I'd better pass it on to someone else in the proletariat to finish the job.
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans
of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent,
by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant
pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other -
until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's
official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
NY Times, Newsweek offer editorial inoculations to concerned readers of Sarah Palin's book
Going Rogue: FEMA braces for massive outbreaks of Palin Derangement Syndrome
Following Fort Hood tragedy, Obama declares all military bases gun-free zones
Pelosi: we won.
Philies: so did we
Study: Global Warming linked to consumption of beans and beef patties
Pro-Obama gamers discover 'cheat codes' in U.S. Constitution
Police trained in using end of life counselingtechniques to negotiate suicide threats
Obama commits more troops to War on Fox News, still awaiting Afghan troop surge
Pass Rush: NFL okays Fidel Castro's bid to buy Miami Dolphins
Study: the road to hell paved with Nobel Peace Prizes
Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize. Wishing all our readers a Happy April First!
Roman Polanski named new School Safety Czar in wake of Jennings scandal
Charles Manson: 'Leave Polanski alone, hasn't he suffered enough?'
Obama loses Olympic bid, will try for Special Olympics next
Carter: if the IOC doesn't give the Olympics to Chicago, they're racists
Saudis: the word 'assassina- tion' will never be the same
Al Qaeda: 'We shove bombs up our butts'
Richard Gere denies Al Qaeda membership
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
Study: 90% of G20 protestors driven to Pittsburgh by mom
Ahmadinejad: Iran needs enriched uranium to purchase large IKEA sofa
Obama: If we don't bomb Iran now, we'll never pass healthcare reform
Taliban hires DC lobbyist in effort to get Obama's attention
Missile defense: Czechs angry at Obama for being canceled
Media study: Caucasian toddlers are more likely to cut eye-holes into "blankies"
Democrat strategist: 9 out of 10 white infants prefer cross burning over mother's milk
Mahmoud’s Liquidation Warehouse: 50% off Israel - this weekend only - it won’t last long
Obama: Black kids still forced to beat people up at back
of bus
Charlie Gibson: Neil Armstrong went where?
Obamacare, it’s finger-licking good!
Ben and Jerry release 'Hate Monger Bigot' flavor to celebrate those who support traditional marriage
'Shiver me Timbers!': Somalia unveils People's Institute for Redistribution, Adventurism & Thalassic Extortion (PIRATE)
Energy Czar: to save energy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off
Other 49 states impose carbon tax on California due to wildfire smoke
Following Scotland's lead, US Justice Dept releases Charles Manson, citing battle with chronic hemorrhoids
Obama to media: Please respect our girls' privacy, especially Mr. Letterman
Teachable moment: Obama to hold 'beer summit' between offended Post Office and UPS
Taliban sends protesters to Afghan town hall meetings in attempt to get Obama administration to withdraw Gotham villains working for the Common Good™
White House recalibrates description of town hall protesters from 'terrorists' to 'man-made Nazi fascist pigs'
Experts: when buying Astroturf, remember to look for the Union LabelNational-socialist health care?
Drudge insulates self from White House anger by naming his site MoveOn.Drudge
ABC greenlights epic 12-part miniseries based on Beer Summit
Moveon.org petitions Dems to leave Bush/Cheney alone and 'move on to pressing issues facing the nation'
Palin: Critics ipso facto are quitters
Honduran ex-president Zelaya holds press- conference, presents birth certificate for examination
Cambridge: fighting racial bias, Obama picks black scholar Henry Louis Gates as Door Jigging Czar
Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from George W Bush
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
SPONSORED BY:
Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy
Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind visit our new Che Heart store
Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberryDow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents useDHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a 2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism Obama gives Queen a shovel click here NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'
click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
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is elected I'm sure everything will be so much better...just because they say so.
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
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Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
