Earth Hour: An Hour of North Korean-Style Conservation

Help save the planet from Global Warming by living in darkness for one hour.

North Korea: Earth Hour world champions.

Earth Hour wrote On March 29, 2008 at 8 p.m., join millions of people around the world in making a statement about climate change by turning off your lights for Earth Hour, an event created by the World Wildlife Fund. We invite everyone throughout North America and around the world to turn off the lights for an hour starting at 8 p.m. (your own local time)–whether at home or at work, with friends and family or solo, in a big city or a small town. Join people all around the world in showing that you care about our planet and want to play a part in helping to fight climate change. http://www6.earthhourus.org/

Hopefully there will be a day -- a Tuesday, if you will -- when the friendly invitation to turn out the lights will instead be an enforced mandate to turn out the lights -- a mandate that would carry the stiff penalty of DEATH if not observed by every man, woman and child.

As I understand it, this is just the lights.  It doesn't include the TV, DVD player, Playstation, stereo, computers, refrigerator, microwave, air conditioner, etc.  Just the lights.

And who's in school at 8 pm on a Saturday night?  I mean, besides vandals?       




I clicked on that link, expecting to see the totally original "have wild monkey sex with whoever is with you" and was disappointed to see NO IDEAS!  Then I remembered I could still watch TV, listen to the stereo, play on the computer, etc.  
  
You know what would work just as well?  If we all wore Awareness Ribbons to show how much we cared about The Planet.

Awareness ribbons are a great idea, Pinkie! How can you go wrong with awareness ribbons?

I just thought of something! How about we start a clothing line that is nothing but an awareness ribbon - just one huge awareness ribbon?

I can see it now, Comrades! I can see Hollywood's leading ladies all walking down the red carpet in awareness ribbon gowns while holding awareness ribbon clutches. People will be draped in awareness ribbons! All you will see is people walking about in awareness of other people's awareness! Yes! And we can call it Awarel: apparel for the aware.

Hmm... Didn't Comrade Otis think of an awareness hat?

What a clever idea, Chairman!  But isn't that similar to how Captain Kirk's weekly love interests were almost dressed on the original Star Trek?

Lets not forget awareness ribbons for the ox carts as well.

As for me, I am mandating issuance of Awareness Condoms at the Pup's Party Pleasure Houses. Not for anything so neo-con as STD's or AIDS, I was thinking more along the lines of Hot Pocket Awareness Condoms, Sensitivity Condoms, Cute-Little-Furry-Thing Awareness Condoms etc.

In the meantime, I intend to make my statement about climate change by mooning the world while their lights are off.

These clothes are not entirely made of ribbons but it's pretty close. I'm sure each one of those awareness ribbons stands for something. They are sending out messages of hope that raise my awareness and make me want to get closer to them and get to know these womyn as conscientious representatives of oppressed minorities and as humyn beings.



One of them, however, is wearing a collection of military service medals on her panties, in the style reminiscent of Idi Amin, Leonid Brezhnev, or Our Beloved Empress. In fact, this might be a scene from one of Hillary's sleepover parties, where her favorite girl gets to wear the Empress' medals on her panties. Could that be Huma?

I would like to inform you eco-minded  comrades that starting next monday i will be selling carbon-credits on eBay for the low price of just $9.99.

Think of it this way, you can use your money to support murder, war, rape, and bigotry or you can use it to buy carbon credits and save the enviorment. email me at lowery.mikelowery@gmail.com for details

  
Make Him Proud,

Buy Many Carbon Credits

I would really like to get to know the broad in the jackboots. I bet she is a saucy broad! Why, I would love for her to take me out to dinner and pay for the bill since I totally believe in feminism. I guess I should let her leave the tip too since it would be empowering.

Comrade, selling carbon credits on eBay is so yesterday's news. I have been selling them for quite some time, and I believe it was Comrade Betinov that was also in the business, or perhaps it was Mikhail. Either way, you are a day late and a ruble short, as we have you underbid already.

I know, right! Carbon credits are so out right now. What is totally hot right now is defending Rev. Wright and informing friends, family and co-workers that Rev. Wright said some really nice and inspiring things in his sermon minutes before saying racist anti-American things which, like, totally justifies and exonerates him.

So what if Rev. Wright is a black separatist who rails against whites and Jews all the while posting Hamas literature on his church bulletin? So what if he blames whitey and the whitey-controlled government for infecting millions of people with AIDS? So what if he blames the U.S for 9/11? What really matters is that he had some really, really nice things to say at the beginning of those sermons which PROVES he is a great guy.

Well said, Chairman! I've not heard it explained quite so succinctly; it's no wonder I was so confused! OF COURSE he is a marvelous pro-Amerikkkan pastor of the Faith of Christ Almighty!! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!!! Oh...I'm not supposed to think; shame on me!
That'll teach me to believe my very own eyes and ears...I'm SO stupid!

Thanks, Meow

character /off

BTW I'm turning on EVERY freakin' thing in my house that has an on/off switch tonight at 8:00.

Me too, Pravda - me too! I want the turbines at the power plant working overtime tonight to the dismay of the tree huggers who live out here in BFE.

Speaking of tree huggers: I had a sub in my cultural geography class today who was pushing 60 and wearing a rolled up blue bandana tied around her head which made her look like a gang member - a really fat, old and white gang member.

She also had these huge topaz earrings pulling her earlobes down and what appeared to be a melted and disfigured barbie doll face glued to a piece of wood hanging around her neck. It was truly a disturbing sight and I am afraid to go to sleep now out of fear of having some dreadful nightmare about this woman. I should have gotten a picture of the creature on my cell. She was truly a moonbat's moonbat.

Today Google's screen turned black in honor of Earth Hour. Useless, therefore Progressive. Imagine how much individual awarenesses will be raised tonight with no lights on!



And here's a screenshot of the Google page to which the link is pointing. Interestingly enough, when you try it in Firefox (on a PC), it returns an error saying "The page isn't redirecting properly." But it works perfectly fine with the imperialist Microsoft Internet Explorer. Hmmm...



Observe the last paragraph:



Anybody has any good proposals for Google's Directorate of Agitation and Propaganda?

May I suggest that some comrades may be missing the big picture? Earth Hour made for glorious and fruitful Contribution Collection! We should encourage this Earth Hour be observed every night! It is especially helpful to turn off wasteful outside lights.

Yes Comrades, turning your lights off for only an hour and turning them back on at 9pm will send a message that we progressives care about the environment not just for an hour, but 24/7.

Because that evil pollutant gas carbon dioxide is produced when humans exhale, why don't we all just not breathe for an entire hour!

I wonder if Google bothered to check the label on the can they just opened.  Tuesday is April Fool's Day.

I would like to make it mandatory that the time be precisely 8-9 pm precisely. It is most disturbing to have my Contribution Collection startled by the outside lights being turned on prematurely. Why, I was so startled last night by some idiot turning their light back on at 8:55 that I lost one of my favorite boots as I left with a contribution.

So does that mean that if they don't choose my really special and important (to me) cause and specially chosen day that they don't like it? And aren't going to do anything to help the [insert_cute_fuzzy_potentially_endangered_species_here]? Why won't they help me? Do they have something against me, or the cute, fuzzy, whatevers? I mean, they have all this money, and all this power - just look at how this is helping the Earth Hour initiative. Are they in the tank for them? Maybe they need to be investigated. Yeah, investigate them. I bet there's an underlying crime. Like in that Scooter Libby thing. I'll bet Google's getting a kickback on donations, or free wheatgrass juice, or something. We have to stop the cronyism in the internet market. Yes, FREE THE INTERNET, BRING THE...uh,...um,...(mumble, mumble) HOME!!!!

And why didn't Bush make Earth Hour a national holiday, or something? It should be a requirement all the time. That just goes to show how little this Administration cares about the environment. He should be impeached for this.

-Mikhail

No wonder I am having so much trouble in life!
It's my eureka moment!

I get it!

Turn the lights off at night and on in the morning!
It's so simple .... why didn't I think of that before?
Freaking North Koreans are geniuses!

But you know, I hate to point out the obvious.... wouldn't it make more sense to turn off all the lights that are on during the day? Lenin help me! I let logic get in  the way of display! Must do shovel drill to empty my brain.

Dammit, Pupovich!  This isn't about being sensible!  This is about caring!  This is about raising awareness!  

When was the last time you saw some Hollywood celebrity on the red carpet tell Joan Rivers, "I'm wearing this red ribbon on my Versace orginal to show how sensible I am about AIDS"?

Do sites like the Mime's say stuff like, "If you have any sense at all, join us this Monday as we storm to the state capitol to demand impeachment now"?  

Have you ever heard ANY good Progressive at all say this: "But why won't you sign this petition?  Or come to the rally and bear your boobs?  Or join us on the high rise ledge for our Perch In for Impeachment and Peace?  Don't you have any sense at all?"

In fact, I challenge all of you to bring me one--JUST ONE digitially lobotomized etc 19 percenter who will testify that he or she has ever been accused by someone on the left of NOT being sensible?

We at Google have changed out corporate web site's splash screen background color from #FFFFFF to #000000 so that we might bring about awareness for Earth hour.  We haven't really done anything but change the color, but the new dark background will make many idiots think we care.  Not one of our servers, generators, server room lights, climate control units, or workstations are off line for one minute longer than they normally would be, but damn it, we were willing to change our background color, so you should be willing to sit in the dark.

RIK

No!
See ... here is the genisus of North Korean leadership:
They know there are spy satellites in space. If you only turn lights on in day time and off in the evening.
Now the North Koreans have brainwashed established the idea among it's citizens they are living the utopian life. Meanwhile, awash in American decadence and mental disease we in the west believe ourselves to be superior becaue we turn on lights at night. ... hence the genius of the North Koreans. They have an instant advantage whenever they begin their lies.

Great Stalin's Ghost! I recognized my momentary lapse of logic and promptly began a session of Shovel Yoga™ to clear my mind of thought and concentrate on party transmissions!



Shovel Yoga™  The Awkward Slip Pose

Earth hour?  When was that?  Oh, crap!  The 29th?!?  That was my birthday damnit!  At least I spent my time wisely.  I did have all the lights off.  Sitting in complete darkness with only a 62" 1080p HD TV playing Halo 3 online for light.  I guess I did my duty to the party.  And then I had cake.  And it wasn't a lie.

That one light in N. Korea was an exploding
Commissar Pupovich
after Kim Jong left him in the microwave for too long.

Happy Socialist Birthday Premier Betty!

Commissar Hasan.... is this your way of requesting more time at the KMRC? Or perhaps a subtle way of saying you wish to make a large contribution?

Thank you!

Shouldn't that be a People's Holiday as well? Or must we wait for your demise?

Damn them! Damn them! I am outraged! Yes, already their are reports out that say there was no drop in power usage during Earth hour! There are even claims that more greenhouse gasses were released by people driving in cars to see the event and various bonfires and candles.

Earth Hour Report from Pinkie's Dacha:  How We Did Our Part Between 8-9 pm on Saturday, March 29th

Pinkie's Male Oppressor sat in the family room watching a men's movie (lots of explosions, high body count, none as a result of natural causes or illness).  This required operation of the TV, DVD player, stereo receiver, and two speakers going full blast.  He kept the lights off not because of Earth Hour, but because he likes to feel as if he's in a real movie theater.  

Pinkie's Unaborted Extra-Corporeal Fetus played on his desktop computer, ran his electronic keyboard, and opened the refrigerator a lot.   His bedroom was lit by three fluorescent bulbs attached to a ceiling fan.  

Pinkie sat in the living room reading a book by the light of a single fluorescent bulb in a lamp.  

Which one of us do you think did the most to conserve energy, cut back on pollution, and ultimately Save Our Planet during Earth Hour?

P.S. Happy Birthday, Betty!

I would prefer to wait until my demise so that I am remembered for all time, but having it start now would ensure that I don't forget it in the future.

I have good news for all you moonbats that are cutting back on electricity. Demand for electricity is down. The externalities of using less electricity creates less profit to be made from electricity. This means less money will used to finance electricity generation. This means less electricity, higher prices for what is sold. Keep it up! Soon, the market will provide exactly what you seem to want. Nothing.

- Reduce - Reuse - Recycle - You have nothing to lose but your chains to materialism.

Then let us declare March 29 Premier Betty's People's Holiday... and hope that the Chairman doesn't demand a ton of forms to be filled out.

Stupid forms.  I hate dems forms....

All Hail me!

I made love to a turtle in front of a searchlight atop the Kodak theater on Earth Day. I did it to raise awareness, Comrades. I did it to raise awareness.

Eeww...?

No one can top the Chairman raising awareness..... thank Lenin.

Whose awareness did he raise?  It just scared me....

Commissar Pup, I am mildly outraged that you would soil yourself reading such Reich Wing Imperialistic bourgeious etcetera as Andrew Bolt (although grateful that you have at least raised awareness ™ to the issue. OFF: besides, I saw him first /ON)

This is the same guy who posted that howwible Widlers Film slandering our brothers in the Green Religion Of Peace.

NOw the only thing I don't get, is that Earth Hour should be a uniting world religious festival, where all the humyns should be honouring Gaia/Mutha earth in unison. Yet, we have only just discovered Down Here Under, that when it's 8pm here in Oz Stray Ya, it's 5am in NY! And, more alarmingingly, in that hub of progressive eliteness (LA), it's 2am!!

That means Chairman Punchenko would have had to set his low-greenhouse-emitting alarm clock to wake up at the un-gore-ly hour of somewhere between 2 and 5am to have relations with his sea mammal (we prefer marsupials down here but kudos for the progressiveness) to raise awareness ™ to the issue of Global Change Climate Anthropic Warming.  

Or, while Premier Betty (Happy Progressive Development Marker Point day by the way) dims his lights and smokes a few Jackals on Halo, Down under we are all sitting in daylight counting down the hours until we can stop contributing to our imperialist overlords leave work in our SUV's.

This time difference is an outrage and smacks of imperialist individuality. Can't Al Gore do something about it?? Can we at least raise awareness ™?

Now, to sooth the savage beast, here is an image of great comfort to an Oz Stray Yun. It may not raise awareness ™ but Kevin 07 would surely have had some kind of raising.


Our Proime Minsta Kev touched by an angel

Uniting the planet into one time zone is a grand idea!

We can start by creating a new PR campaign for one of the presidential candidates here in the US, under the slogan "Uniting America Into One Time Zone!"

Could this possibly be a Cube headline in the right-hand column?

OBAMA: Uniting America into one time zone!

Next we should mandate that in the interest of preserving the planet's climate, the hemispheres on the both sides of the equator have the same seasons, since the disparity is throwing the climate off balance. There is no point to maintain the difference of seasons for the sake of a few tourists seeking to escape winter at home. Clearly, such system disproportionately benefits the rich.

And what benefits the rich must also be bad for the planet. Here's is an axiom used in all reasonings that employ PeopleLogic™.

That is the rub isn't it? We can easily set the same clock time worldwide, but our technology division still has failed to have the sun in the same position world wide. Hmmm, that falls under Red the Progressive Fox's department as I recall.

But I am a bit miffed at Comrade Brown's questioning of the Chairman making love to a turtle on top of Kodiak Theater. Why would he need to be awake from 2-5 am? The Chairman did not specify that it was a sea turtle, and I am not even sure that makes a difference, after all, what is time to a couple in progressive love?

It was a snapping turtle, Pupovich. I like kinky turtles.



YES! We need to unite into one universal time zone! All of the different time zones is confusing and was intentionally designed to rob the working peoples of the world of what is rightfully theirs - everything! I bet Big Oil is making a bloody fortune off of all the time zones around the world, too! I bet their profits have increased by a zillion dollars since the oppression that is time zones was thrusted on the working peoples of the world! DAMN THEM! DAMN THEM AND THEIR TIME ZONES! TIME ZONES ARE MAKING PEOPLE SUFFER! SUFFER I SAY, COMRADES! SUFFER!

STOP THE OPPRESSION OF TIME, NOW! ONE WORLD, ONE TIME ZONE!  

And while we are at it, we also need to do away with the different seasons and intergrate them all into one Uniseason which we will dub Sumsprinter.

I love the idea of one time zone!  No more jet lag!  No more setting my watch backward or forward!  Plus, I can call people anywhere in the world, at anytime, without having to worry about waking them up.  

Why didn't anyone ever think of this before?

Quite right Comrade Puppy. Time is nothing when humyns express their love with animals and appliances. I was not for a minute disparaging the time required for Comrade Punchenko. And I only assumed he was fraternizing with a sea turtle since, well, they are bigger.

I think you are all on to something. Not only are different time zones a bourgeious sign of individuality, but while big companies are sleeping in one place, another is selling elsewhere! Our utopia has been doomed in ways we never even noticed.

Perhaps if we dig deeper and unveil the international conspiracy directed at enriching the rich and impoverishing the poor through time zones, we can then publish our findings in a special report in the Current Truth section.

And yes, I too like my turtles snappy.

Brilliant!

And eeww....

Well it's been a while since The Party has sent me off digging. What a privalege! This is what I discovered, if our Great Leader would care to proof check it since there are no facts other than those approved by The Party.

TIME

Time was first invented by Palestinians from the culturally rich, beautiful ancient nation of Palestine in around 7,000 BC as a means to measure progressiveness. At this point, all nations of the world were able to bask in their progressive beauty simultaneously.

Before too long however, probably around the industrial revolution, imperialist companies such as Halliburton and Chevron and were finding it difficult to wage wars for oil in foreign countries. They would leave in the morning, and by the time they arrived on foreign soil it was night time and they were tired. So began an international conspiracy to oppress Palestinians by changing world time zones so slowly that nobody would notice, and the capitalist entities could trade their wars and oppression all around the clock.


Palestine before it was raped by Imperialist time zones

It was a slow process, however, in the 1940’s Imperialist Zionist Neo-Fascist Albert Einstein tried to expidite it by accusing the Palestinian model of time to be faulty. He suggested that time went faster when subjected to less gravity. These racist allegations were subtly embedded in his famous Theory of Relativity, which was a thinly veiled attempt to undermine and attack Palestinian sovereignty. It also meant imperialists could not only manipulate time zones due to location, but also due to altitude. It worked, and the Zionist Fascist State of Israel was formed in 1948 on the blood and bones of Palestinians unable to defend themselves due to unexpected bouts of darkness.


Zionist Oppressor Einstein taking the credit for inventing time

Attempts to debunk Einstein’s racist theory were heavily suppressed by Zionist Republican conspiracies, thankfully however the atomic clock was finally invented to prove the theories wrong. Whilst it is widely believed that the Cesium atomic clock was invented by Louis Essen in 1955, progressive revisionist historians have correctly placed the invention of the atomic clock by Al Gore in 1979, shortly before he invented the internet.


Comrade Al Gore with his newly invented Cesium Atomic Clock

Imperialists attempted to claim the atomic clocks proved Einstein correct and that time did indeed travel faster at different altitudes. Al Gore bravely fought these claims with an award-winning powerpoint presentation proving that time was actually affected by C02 emissions, once again proving that Palestinians were world leaders in cultural and academic genius until they were all but destroyed by Imperialism. Einstein fled to America and tried to invent the atomic bomb to destroy Palestine, but the Palestinians acquiesced to big oil business by allowing the oppressive new time zones to remain, proving they were prepared to sacrifice so much for peace.

I beg to differ with my esteemed Comrade Beelzebob Brown. Comrade, Eintstein has been wrongly portrayed as a class enemy and subverter of progressiveness. Nothing could be further than the truth. He was strongly opposed to the use of nuclear weapons on the peaceful Japanese, it is but a sad twist of irony that it was his research that made them possible.

The Theory of Relativity is without doubt one of  the most progressive theories of all time. I ask you, what is more progressive than the notion that my time is unique to me and my motion than you and your motion? My time can not be truly managed by the capitalist exploiter. When I in my personal train complete with all the latest technology, a fine dining car, a doggie pool, luxurious sleeper car, and some other cars that are best not mentioned, am passing by the hordes of proles and kulaks working in the mud building socialism, I am in a different time reference frame than they. My clock is moving more slowly as I contemplate Party doctrine and relax from my many duties, than their clock.

It is because of relativity that as soon as the faster than light travel technology is complete (that is Progressive Red Fox's department as I recall), that will allow the Empress to essentially rule for centuries upon centuries, while at the same time allowing her to pass the revolution on to other planets.

And I have not even delved into the E=MC2 formula. Think of it. Energy equals Matter! How egalitarian and progressive is that?

Good job on the time-space continuum! We'll just have to throw in a few points about how time zones were a deliberate attempt to break down the unified struggle of the oppressed, and to prevent them from any simultaneous action. It led to the creation of various minorities whom the oppressors keep oppressed through the use of time zones. It was Marx who said, workers of all time zones, unite! And since then the movement to unite all the oppressed minorities has been growing - and the logical conclusion of it will be the restoration of one time zone for the whole planet.

Maybe also a few examples how time zones are making the rich richer - the best way to get the socially conscious proletariat's blood boiling!

And on a different note -

Saving the Planet: George Carlin puts things in perspective

Are you sure you're not thinking of the Theory of Moral Relativism? All good lies are based on an element of truth. Moral Relativism=truth, Theory of Relativity=lie. It must be because it was made by a Zionist and all Zionists lie.

I have no proof of this of course, but I will find it at soon as Kevin Rudd gives me a research grant. The research above I did as a selfless donation to The Party, with my own $2.50 worth of broadband.

The whole idea of revisionist history, comrade, thrives on the theory of moral relativism! Indeed my truth is different to yours, just as yours is different to the proles and shovellers you drive past in your stretch puppy limmo. And so it should be. On that we can agree.

Fearless leader Red, I'm not having any luck proving that time zones profit the rich. In fact, Down Under our overtime rates for workers are quite generous, meaning time zones seem to work for the proles. We need to keep this one quiet, as I understand the importance of making the argument fit the agenda.

Although, we note that Western Australia is a very wealthy state from mining and commodities, and they're a whole different time zone to the rest of Oz! Something definitely fishy there.

Oh My Lenin!!!

First Comrade Gov. Kaine's (S-VA) border collie (which looks a lot like Chelsea Clinton). Now a turtle.

Please tell me that the turtle was NOT owned by some DNC tool, like Comrade Sen. "Frogface" Webb (S-VA) or Comrade Sen. Di Feinstein (S-CA).

--
ZB

You are totally taking my comment out of context, Zam. I did not specify or imply that I had sexual relations with a small snapping turtle. I never said anything of the sort and you are completely taking me out of context. Oh, and if I did have some fun with a snapping turtle – and I didn’t, mind you – that sort of thing is mainstream – kind of like Jeremiah Wright and his church if you need an example.

Well, it is a fact, that even the bourgeois capitalists can not deny, that the pressure for standard time zones was first used by the railroad barons so they could exploit the masses on a unified schedule.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time_zone

"Greenwich Mean Time (GMT) was established in 1675 when the Royal Observatory was built, as an aid to determine longitude at sea by mariners. The first time zone in the world was established by British railways on December 1, 1847 — with GMT hand-carried on chronometers. This quickly became known as Railway Time."

What more evidence is needed Comrades? As if we really needed evidence. The Party can feel truth, and that is all that is needed.

You are so correct Chairman. You said you made love to the turtle, just as a son can make love to their mother. It can be a perfectly normal and non-sexual experience. The facts are clear, it is Comrade Zampolit whose mind immediately jumped to the conclusion that you had sexual relations with a turtle, repeatedly. with gusto, and smoked a fine People"s Cuban Cigar afterward.

I just spoke with General Secretary and he confirmed my suspicion that time zones were created as a cover up for income inequality. Different people in different places got paid differently for different time.

My further research has shown that time itself is nothing but a cultural concept and part of the oppressive cultural hegemony. The idea of time was cooked up in the darkest depths of capitalist theoreticians as a means to exploit the masses more effectively. Once the notion of time was cleverly introduced and became widely accepted by the unsuspecting masses, it was immediately used to measure labor productivity, profits, and interest on subprime loans. Without time, how would you know when and how much you owe the bank? How can anyone tell when the credit card payment is due?

In the land before Time, people paid credit card bills whenever they felt like it. They paid off mortgages at their own convenience. They showed up at work when they felt like and did as much of work as they pleased. In other words, they lived under communism!

There were no clocks, so people measured their activities by their feelings - and this is how it always should be. They ate whenever they felt like it. They went to the movies when they felt like it, and the movies were as long as the producers felt like making them. People had sex when they felt like it, promising to pay for it later.

It all changed with the introduction of time by capitalist exploiters who had to ruin everything by inventing time - at about the same time they invented money. Come to think of it, TIME IS MONEY!

Imagine a world without clocks, Comrades! Imagine a world where we wouldn't have to wait for the Progressive World of Next Tuesday because next Tuesday would be today! No more waiting! Everything you could ever want would come to you NOW instead of later! It would be... UTOPIA!

We must immediately launch a campaign against time! We have to help people unshackle themselves from their oppressive alarm clocks which serves as an extension of their oppressive pig bosses power to exploit him/her of their labor! TIME = OPPRESSION! STOP THE BLOODTHIRSTY MARCH OF TIME! SMASH YOUR ALARM CLOCK!

There would be no due dates for school assignments!  HALLEJUIAH!!!!!

This is a truth that I was hesitant to mention earlier as it could shock even the most dedicated comrade. Time does not exist. It never has, at least in a "real" sense. There is no "time" out there in the universe. It is strictly a human invention, created by the imperialist overlords of past centuries. Think of it like this: How do we measure weight? Pounds per square inch for one. Speed? Distance traveled over a period of time. Now, how fast does time fly? One second per second....Time simply is a construct made up by man. Now there is most likely, as far as we know now, a directionality to the universe.... Things appear to go in one direction. An egg dropped leads to a broken egg, and we don't see scrambled eggs come together to form an intact egg. But.... jjust because WE don't see that, there are theoretical possibilities that in other parts of the universe. one might! In fact, we think the universe is expanding... but if as some think. there is enough matter to eventually cause the expansion to stop, and then reverse, we may well see these events go in reverse! But not to worry, to someone alive in such an era would perceive nothing out of the ordinary. Broken eggs coming back together to form intact eggs would be the norm! The "future" is indeed progressive comrades!

Every time you think of time it makes time disappear. Just as you think "now" and it's no longer "now" - it's "a moment ago." The more humans think of time and look at clocks, the less time there's left to go around. And with the growing population, and the spread of clocks, whatever little time we have diminishes even faster. The rate at which the time disappears today has reached catastrophic proportions and it has to be stopped at all cost immediately before our world gets sucked into a black hole of negative time.

Therefore, a campaign similar to the one that tries to prevent Global Continental Drift, must be established, an award-winning documentary must be made about it, and one of our former vice-presidents must spearhead the movement. The first item on the agenda is to amend the constitution, allowing government to amend time. The next step will be to confiscate all privately owned clocks and timepieces from the population and forbid people to look at any clocks that are not approved by the government - such as, on your state TV screen, your state radio receiver, or the clock on the Kremlin tower.

The government will adjust the time according to the best  understanding of the Common Good, and issue time quotas. Those who waste time shall be punished (the government will determine what constitutes time waste - it will surely include writing clever satirical parodies). Those who unfairly have too much time on their hands must be forced to share it with those who are always running out of time. Special trading certificates and coupons will help to regulate this process. They shall be called Time Offsets.

It is you who are taking me out of context. I didn't say there was anything wrong with a relationship with a turtle. All I wanted was to be sure that the turtle was not related to some DNC douche bag big shot that would be "irrate" should the turtle be traumatized. For whatever the reason, Comrade Sen "Frogface" Webb seems to think that it is my job clean up after any incident that you instigate, especially if you were on another chemically induced bender. And we all know how much I hate talking to that back stabbing slime-bag!!! The last time I had to talk to him I had to take a shower for 3 hours just to scrub the slime off!!!

And yes, so what if you did have an intimate relationship with this snapping turtle. It's all morally relavant because turtles are people too (per P.E.T.A.) and so long as the turtle is a consenting adult, there is no problem as far as the The Party™ and our useful idiots in the DNC are concerned. Just keep Frogface off my ass and there will be no problem from me.

I do hope this snapping turtle is a potential big money donor to the DNC's coffers, and you are attempting to steal from illicit a contribution from him/her/it. We all know every penny helps our puppets in the DNC.

--

But how would one police this Red? That Zionist dog Einstein once theorised that a man travelling to Alpha Centauri at the speed of light (a 9 year round trip) would return only having aged 35 days. He would then have approximately 8 years and 10 months to "trade". This could lead to abuse of the system for capitalistic purposes. I suppose those 8 years and 10 months would be compulsorily acquired by The State ™.

Ugh, all this thinking is doing my head in. Down here we have Chairman Kevin to do all our thinking for us.

How would it be enforced? The violators will be serving time in state-run time-sharing facilities, where they will do forced labor in the amount necessary to compensate for the time spent by the Party leaders and party-approved thinkers on contemplating the best course of action in the direction of the Greater Good.

Stop taking my comments out of context, Zam. I don't appreciate you taking my comments out of context and then running them in a continuous 30 second loop. And did I mention that taking my comment and running it in a 30 second loop constitutes a Time Crime? Did you know that, Zam? Hmm? Did you know you were committing a Time Crime?

Actually Comrade, that must have been at a speed less than the speed of light. At the speed of light, time dilation is infinite. An electron traveling at the speed of light, were it aware of itself, would not know the difference between the big bang and "today." There is actually theorists who postulate there is but one electron in existence in the entire universe! In case no one has noticed, this Commissar loves to talk about this subject.

Time share facilities? You mean like this

or I really hope you meant this

Meow was with a turtle!? Looks a lot like Rachel Maddow if you ask me.

Indeed Commissar- it was meant to be around 97-99% of the speed of light? Something like that. Btw it was an Ozzie scientist I understand who first suggested the speed of light is slowing down. It's amazing how much Ozstrayuns can achieve when they're not stealing aboriginal children.

Yes I'm sure The Party has noted your interest in atomic science. So long as your interest is not abused for bourgeois kapitalipstick purposes and is directed at solving real issues like Climate Change™ or Raising Awareness ™ of Climate Change ™.

I noticed time was slowing down one night while drinking a crate of Foster's and watching Yahoo Serious on DVD....

A sixpack of that filth would have been sufficient to make you lose your will to live.

You mean Yahoo Serious escaped overseas? Oh dear Gore.

Comrade Betinov, you've just given me a wonderfully progressive idea. Since we're so good at National Apologies ™ we should have an International Apology for Yahoo Serious.

I feel I must come to the defense of the Chairman again. Clearly this was not said turtle, and I am shocked that you would fall for such a blatant blog slander.

[quote="Beelzebob Brown"]

Yes, I have indeed been solving the real issue of Climate Change.... and await the day the Party embraces my view.

If the South KKKoreans really want to experience the Glory of the North Koreans, they should not wear shoes, be forced to turn off their lights the whole night, be forced to go to some factory the next day and carry the Party approved shovel.

You can be sure that would solve a lot of the problems the south have with sleeplessness!

They wouldn't riot anymore either.

Life is just so much simpler and happy under progressive rule.

Yes sir.

Comrades!

Another Year of Progress!

2009 Earth Hour is this Saturday!

Glorious!
(off)
Anyone else with me and either

a) ignoring this
b)Not only ignoring this, but turning on as much as you can to give the hippies the middle finger?

b

Here is the link to this year's glorious effort:

http://www.earthhourus.org/main.php

From the FAQs--count the verbs!  Pinkie's Principles on Parts of Speech:  More verbs = bigger shovel required.       



Remember, Comrades--it's not what it DID or what it ACCOMPLISHED--it's what HAPPENED (and even that's a little hazy):

Quote

What happened during Earth Hour in 2008?

• Earth Hour 2008 was an important step in the fight against climate change. Over 50 million people, including an estimated36 million in the U.S., representing over 400 cities on all seven continents turned out their lights in the largest climate event of all time.
  
• The movement captured the public's imagination with lights going out at some of the world's most iconic landmarks including the Sydney Opera House, Bangkok's Wat Arun Buddhist temple, the Coliseum in Rome, Stockholm's Royal Castle, London's City Hall, New York's Empire State Building, Sears Tower in Chicago and the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. Other symbols going dark included Cola-Cola's famous billboard in Times Square and the Google homepage.

At the very least, you'll feel as if you're doing SOMETHING, even if it's what you usually do each day--which surely beats the hell out of doing nothing:  

Quote

Do I have to turn off all of my electricity for Earth Hour?
Not at all. Through Earth Hour we are asking people to turn off all non-essential lighting. Emergency lighting, televisions and computers can stay on for the hour. The main point of Earth Hour is to unite people, companies and governments around the world through the symbolic flip of a switch. Earth Hour in itself will not lower our carbon footprint, rather it sends a signal to those in a place of power that we as individuals and communities demand action.
The decision on which lights to turn off can be made individually, but usually consists of overhead lights in rooms (whether it is your house or a business), outdoor lighting that does not impact safety, computers, decorative lights, neon signs for advertising, televisions, desk lamps, etc.  

Yes, methinks the world's leaders will be soiling themselves in fear of the masses this Saturday night.  

What I said last year:

Commissarka Pinkie wrote

As I understand it, this is just the lights.  It doesn't include the TV, DVD player, Playstation, stereo, computers, refrigerator, microwave, air conditioner, etc.  Just the lights.

And who's in school at 8 pm on a Saturday night?  I mean, besides vandals?       

Quote

What will you do when the lights are off? We have lots of ideas.

I clicked on that link, expecting to see the totally original "have wild monkey sex with whoever is with you" and was disappointed to see NO IDEAS!  Then I remembered I could still watch TV, listen to the stereo, play on the computer, etc.  
  
You know what would work just as well?  If we all wore Awareness Ribbons to show how much we cared about The Planet.

The organizers obviously read my words, for this year they've given us lots of ideas--click on Tools.  The ideas are listed in a PDF file to prevent Pinkie from copying and pasting and inserting sarcastic comments here at the Cube, but they include candlelight dinners, bathing by candlelight, making shadow pictures on the wall with a flashlight, playing flashlight tag, reading by candlelight (great for eyestrain), and writing letters by candlelight.  You'll feel like Lincoln in his log cabin!

And as for asking all businesses, schools, organizations and government offices to do this at 8:30 pm on a Saturday night, I would like to remind the Collective that Klaatu chose 12 noon on a weekday for his little demo.  

Which only goes to show, comrades, there is so much more the Left can learn from space aliens!

Au' Naturale swimming in a warm ocean followed by sipping on a cool Mai Tai, watching the sun go down, knowing that I am not using one ounce of energy (at least not mine), and definitely needing no light of the manmade kind.

This is how I will celebrate Earth Hour, that is if the sun is down by that time.  No problem.
I'll simply fly to where it is setting!

(tahiti at sunset)

Which Comrade's turn is it to watch Meow and his five finger discount operation this year?
He seems to thrive in this kind of environment.
I recall that after the lights went out at his disco dacha Earth Hour celebration, more than a few Proles were pilfered and were liberated from their capitalist exploitation units, Party™ approved jewelry now known as bling, and various sundry items. Somebody even took The Pup's dog tags.

I turned off a light switch <:O!

I see the Obama
a) Having some big press confrence showing him turning of a lightswitch.
b) Having some big press confrence imploring people to turn off their lights
c) Seeding the ThoughPolice (a.k.a. the EPA) to those who refuse to participate.


Let's expand on that, some people are in bed around 8, some people are in some routine and have a lot of stuff. Businesses are closed, schools are closed, the places that use the most electricity are probably closed. My point is, is 8:00 pm a great time to do this? Probably not, but I don't think 12:00pm would be a great time either. So their timing is bad, in many ways.       



What color will those ribbons be?


Aren't most liberals aliens to begin with?

A StreetShare© fest?! I'm not watching him, but if I see him, I'll watch him do it.

I hope the good Chairman Meow decides to pay a visit to the socialist freaks progressive wonder children of our age at The Evergreen State College and pilfer their bongs, patchouli oil, and gas masks (for ummm when the evil oppressive tools of capitalism decide to pepper spray them at their next peaceful, nonviolent errr ummm "meetings.").

Yeaaaah! Pot!

No need for Meow to liberate any patchouli, Our MTESOS has that covered....now Hsu on the other foot had better watch his bundles. Meow can sniff out a bundle like a blind pig looking for truffles.

Comrade Hero Space Dog! Have you not heard? All one need do to protect there hard earned assets is to purchase my latest product, Meow Begone™, and kiss your worries about the Chairman's good bye! I will reserve a case for you, but hurry fast, it's going fast!

Great Canine Leader!!  Please reserve at least a dozen cases for me.  I understand it is a must have item that neither border collie or turtle should be without.

Comrade Marshal Commissar,

I fear it may be working TOO well as I've not seen the Chairman around here so much lately...

That is a wise choice Comrade Border Collie. I know you are new here, and until you have delved deeply into the archives here, you can only imagine the true legend of debauchery and greed that is the Chairman. Meow Begone™ is a proven deterrent to the wiles of the Chairman. Look at me, I still have my gold plated dentures soaking in a virgin girls skull courtesy of Comrade Dr Amin, sitting next to my Hummel collection that I liberated from the Chairman er...bought at the Party's Special Store 666, totally unmolested by the Chairman.

There has been quite a run on Meow Begone™. It's effectiveness advertises itself! But I do hope the Chairman is well, and not locked up somewhere.