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Politically Correct Pickup Lines

By Groupthink
8/5/2008, 6:28 pm

The recently surfaced pictures of Senator John Kerry partying with a group of underage intoxicated female voters underscored the urgent need for Party-approved pickup lines, so that progressive leaders would no longer embarrass the movement with lame offers to "play socialized medicine," or brag about their "really small carbon footprint." If applied correctly, such pickup lines would save the working people and the middle class of this country innumerable hours they would rather devote to advancing progress in their communities.

Below are some of our suggestions, broken down by categories. Feel free to add your own.

~

Metrosexual:

  1. They say I have animal attraction because I'm attracted to animals.
  2. Do you dance? Then go dance and let me have a word with your boyfriend.
  3. If you were half as pretty as I am I might continue this conversation.
  4. Wait till I show you my gigantic ego!
  5. You are so metrosexual that I would marry your toaster just to get into your family.
  6. Want to come up to my loft and play socialized medicine?




Environmentalist:

  1. Hi, can I offer you a carbon offset?
  2. Are you always this hot - or did you just release a cloud of global warming gases?
  3. Would you come to my place and help me recycle some rubber?
  4. Baby, you so hot, you should be banned under the Kyoto Accords!
  5. Let's go back to your place and cut back on your carbon imprint.
  6. If we share our body heat, we can lower the thermostat by another ten degrees. You do want to save the polar bears, don't you?

Bush hater:

  1. I'm lonely tonight and it's Bush's fault!
  2. Bush lied, and now I'm about to die! Will you take pity on me?
  3. Can I interest you in a discussion about Bush, Dick, and Colin?
  4. Want to see an interpretive dance about impeaching Bush?
  5. Did you know that HBO also stands for Hate Bush Orgasm? Want to find out why?
  6. Let's go down to my Mom's basement and defeat Bush together.

Leftist professor:

  1. Has anyone told you that you look like Socialism with a human face?
  2. They call me Mao Tse Dong.
  3. Want to practice some diversity after classes?
  4. Is your father Bill Ayers? 'Cause you're a bomb!
  5. Didn't I see you in the library - on the cover of Communist Manifesto?
  6. It's the Che way or the highway.

Democrat Party Strategist:

  1. I'd like your opinion on my poll.
  2. What is your favorite position in the energy crisis debate?
  3. Damn baby, you have more curves than the Democrat Party line.
  4. I promise not to gusher when I drill. I'll pull out like a good Democrat Party plan for Iraq.
  5. Want to go see the Donkey Show in Denver this month?
  6. Turn out the lights and lets play "Find the Speaker."

Obama supporter:

  1. I'm always the one I've been waiting for, but tonight I'm hoping to change that!
  2. How'd you like to feel a thrill up your leg?
  3. Why won't you go out with me? Is it because I don't look like all those other guys you see on dollar bills?
  4. So you're looking for a guy just like Barack? Stinky feet, snores, can't remember to fold the laundry or put the butter away, or close the bread so it doesn't dry out? I'm your man!
  5. Let me show you my pressure gauge and we'll see if it gives you more mileage.
  6. Free moustache rides with every tuneup. Lift your hood and let's get started.

Socialist:

  1. Let's get hammered and I'll show you my sickle
  2. I'm the comrade who puts the "pro" into progressive.
  3. Are you up for a few revolutions? 'Cause I'm up for a massive uprising!
  4. Has Nader won the elections? Cause this must be workers' paradise!
  5. If I say you have a beautiful subsidy would you hold it against me?
  6. I have a five year plan and it includes you. It doesn't have to be five years, one night works for me.

Collectivist:

  1. Would you like to be a mote in our vast collective?
  2. It is our duty closely to examine all Party Organs.
  3. We strive for the collective ownership of the means of reproduction.
  4. I'll show you my collective farm if you bring a girlfriend.
  5. Let's join efforts and work together for the common good.
  6. Put your hands behind your back and stand still, so we can pick you up!

Old School (Bolshevik):

  1. Do you ride in this box car often?
  2. Is this the Lubyanka? You have my heart locked up.
  3. Care to come to my dacha and plant some turnips?
  4. I've got an All-Russia Congress of the Workers' and Soldiers' Soviets in my pants, and you've just been nominated to the Central Committee!
  5. I'm a Commissar, I can make good things happen for you or I can have bad things happen. Which shall it be?
  6. The State said we have to... Is required.

Commissarka Pinkie: Progressive women don't use pickup lines - we skank ourselves up, sit on the barstool with our skirt hitched over our thighs and one leg propped up like Anne Bancroft, and hope some equal loser of the opposite sex will stop throwing darts or playing pinball long enough to take pity on us.

That being said, here are my favorite crowd pleasers:

  • Just where does that shovel of yours end?
  • Want me to show you a true worker's paradise?
  • Wanna plant carrots with me?
  • Lookin' for a new hoe?
  • I've always heard it's not the size of the shovel that counts - it's how fast and deep you can dig with it.

Communists for Kerry: If we are to discard the old bourgeois moral values, we must make sure that no void is left in their place. This can be achieved through mandatory sensitivity and diversity training sessions, which would arm the community with effective tools of achieving progress in all areas of communal life, especially such popular activity as spontaneous sex with drunken strangers.

Progressive pickup lines above have been generated by the Groupthink computer. Plugged in were the brains of Red Square, Commissarka Pinkie, Marshal Pupovich, Ivan Betinov, Laika the Space Dog, Margaret, and other members of the people's collective.

Reply with quote

By Navigator
8/5/2008, 7:27 pm
Ut oh...looks like there is some code leakage somewheres?

Anybody else see the text going to the right?
Pun not intended.

============
Thanks for the revolutionary vigilance. Problem fixed (it only appeared in IE, the Firefox at the headquarters displayed it correctly.

-- Red Square

---------

Safari clobbers it too--Theocritus.
Reply with quote

By Ivan Betinov
8/5/2008, 10:50 pm
Heh. Heheheheh.  I got plugged into the GroupThink Computer.
Reply with quote

By Ali Mentary
8/6/2008, 2:53 am
Sdrasviche!

Tovarich Kerry gavarit:

You know that it would be untrue
You know that I would be a liar
If I was to say to you
Girl we coudn't get much higher.
Come on babe inflate my tire
Come on babe inflate my tire

Dasvidania.
Reply with quote

By Yakov Yakoff
8/6/2008, 4:09 am
Da, is good information I must try.

I am most confused since I love bush and hate Bush.

Boris
Reply with quote

By Droxana
8/6/2008, 10:37 am
I approve this modern collectivist foreplay. It is good to combine edukation with fornikation. Old school hook ups were rough and sudden causing bruising and hay fever. Always it was back to the potatoes with barely time for Party salute or cigarette. In new century females have choice of partner in variety of body hair and skin texture. The hairless Dandys of old days were detested but now have proud Party standing as metrosexual sympathizers showing progressive Big Barn attitude.
Reply with quote

By Red Square
8/6/2008, 1:42 pm
Speaking of politically correct foreplay and time-saving techniques, today I came across this wonderful "global warming" ice breaker. If this doesn't help you strike the right tone, nothing else will...



And there's more where it came from:

http://angrydems.com/
Reply with quote

By Commissar Theocritus
8/6/2008, 11:20 pm
Comrades, I think that you have drunk too deeply from the capitalist, meritocratic well. All of your pick-up lines are merely riffs on ones which have some personal identity in them.

A true socialist would say, "I may be as fat as Michael Moore and as bald as Kojak, but it is your duty to have sex with me for I am owed it just by being alive. I may not have the money of Michael Moore to make the sex more interesting but then it is oppressive capitalism for you to require money. Cannot you see my progressive heart beating beneath the hundredweight of man boobs?

"It is your duty as a compassionate liberal to haul my ashes because no one else does. Because I am sexually disenfranchised. In fact I insist that no more rappers have sex until Carmen Electra and Beyonce both ring my bell over and over."

I am ashamed that in this august forum you would even think of the need for a pick-up line. After all, sex is a right. In fact I'm going to expound on that right a Gold's Gym right now and tell them their progressive duty.

I exist. I am owed.

I am the Mime.
Reply with quote

By Marshal Pupovich
8/6/2008, 11:27 pm
I agree Commissar, just the fact that we are in need should be more than sufficient for a real socialist he/she/appliance babe to do whatever it takes to satisfy my needs, Of course, on the down side, being a true socialist babe, she will fail to fulfill the "5 Minute Plan."
Reply with quote

By Commissar Theocritus
8/6/2008, 11:30 pm
But you always get to make another five-minute plan, no? In fact one after the other.

I just hope that these five-minute plans don't end in tears and reassurances that it's never happened before.
Reply with quote

By General Mousey-Tongue
8/7/2008, 1:36 am
Is the 5 year plan the correct metaphor here?  After all, they focus on OUTPUT, and I believe the key interest in comradely fellowship is INPUT.

Commissar Theocritus has an excellent point - I exist, therefore I deserve sexual gratification of any form I choose at any frequency I desire.  Pickup lines are for frustrated Republican day-traders and software developers.

The real turn-on for true collectivists - as I have discovered with the kittens in my collective - is purity of political thought.  Read the 5-year plan to them instead of foreplay.  With correct inflection and a suitably passionate recital, the politically reliable pussycat will be purring with pleasure as you outline projected farm implement quotas.  Don't forget the seed drill statistics.
Reply with quote

By Commissar Theocritus
8/7/2008, 1:42 am
Are you a big-endian or a little-endian? I am not so orthodox and can with ease think of putting in or putting out.
Reply with quote

By General Mousey-Tongue
8/7/2008, 2:00 am
Commissar Theocritus wrote
Are you a big-endian or a little-endian? I am not so orthodox and can with ease think of putting in or putting out.


In my native Shanghai, Commissar, both sides of the street are wide and well traveled.  And, sadly, so are its gutters.  One comrade's virgin is another comrade's whore.  One comrade's right is another comrades's wrong.

A haiku to parody the destruction of the hedonistic west:

It is all about me
all of the time
summer breeze heralds the mime
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By Marshal Pupovich
8/7/2008, 7:01 am
Must we spell it out Comrade Cat? We are talking about our need. Our need only seeks the completion of our 5 Minute Plan. Now if someone else has a Party approved need, and they have a 5 minute Plan, I hope Lenin blesses them with completion of said plan, provided they clean up after themselves.
Reply with quote

By Commissar Theocritus
8/7/2008, 7:30 am
I recommend Shout Wipes.
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By Sheik Abu Moham
8/7/2008, 10:05 am
Pickup lines?  These are old whores for the taking. A 'Mujahid' does not have to speak in order to gain possession of a slave woman.  "One’s right hand possesses!!!...."  

Your kind of thinking is most unholy.

The blessed way is purchase a few young girls for marriage.



I am Sheik Abu Ibn Ali Moham son of Fakhr
Reply with quote

By Commissar_Elliott
8/7/2008, 3:58 pm
How could you forget of us War Protesters?! I present a few to fellow comrades,

Iraq? How about your rack?
Let's go back to my place and picket!
I do it grassroots style, do you?
You can camp at my place!
My house has it's own protest sign, want to see it?
Reply with quote

By joyce
8/7/2008, 7:57 pm
Ali Mentary wrote
Sdrasviche!

Tovarich Kerry gavarit:

You know that it would be untrue
You know that I would be a liar
If I was to say to you
Girl we coudn't get much higher.
Come on babe inflate my tire
Come on babe inflate my tire

Dasvidania.



LOVE IT!!
Reply with quote

By Comrade_Tovarich
8/7/2008, 11:14 pm
Comrades,

Environmentalists:
7. Let's get natural and party!
8. A logging company is coming tomorrow. This could be your last chance to climb my tree.
9. How'd you like to help me plant my seed?
10. I've got a copy of "An Inconvenient Truth" on DVD. What say we watch it and make sure it ends in a climax?
11. I'm 40. Think how many tree rings wide my root is.
12. You're as beautiful as a flower and I've got one hell of a pistil and plenty of stamen.
13. Have you ever sewn wild oats? (In case there's confusion about Wild Oats Markets: "No, not the organic grocery sell-outs, the real thing.")
14. The Japanese revere nature and loving sculpt trees and bushes with tender loving strokes, passionate caresses developed over centuries, and I know what I'm talking about, X-chan.
15. It might be a bon mot, but I bet I can make your bon-sai.
16. I'm organizing a small group to protect sapsuckers. Would you like to contribute to the cause?
17. It's a beautiful day. What say we do a little field work.
18. Damn! The hair on your legs is fine, girl!
19. I've got the stem and you've got the bush--let's play ecosystem.
Reply with quote

By Commissar Theocritus
8/8/2008, 1:56 am
Come to my house, Tovarich. I'll tell you the PIN of my capitalist-pig brother's ATM card.
Reply with quote

By F.A.R.C.-EP
8/9/2008, 7:49 am
I was impressed with the strong show of diversity, with comrades of all races, creeds, and colors at the Pro-Kerry rally.  We should all remember the great sacrifices and risks the Haughty John Kerry, who served in vietnam, took, when he served as a double Agent in Vietnam for our side, the USSR.  

Again though, what diversity....






Quote
Quote
[quote="Red Square"]Speaking of politically correct foreplay and time-saving techniques, today I came across this wonderful "global warming" ice breaker. If this doesn't help you strike the right tone, nothing else will...



And there's more where it came from:



Comrade Square, I trust you read the ever-important disclaimer our comrades left us at that link....

Quote


Disclaimer: The funny t-shirts found on Be-Carbon-Neutral.com are just novelty items. None of the proceeds will go toward the fight against Global Warming. You are not purchasing Carbon Credits or Carbon Offsets. Wearing these t-shirts will not actually make you Carbon Neutral or eliminate any Greenhouse Gases (GHG) including, but not limited to, Carbon Dioxide (CO2) or Methane (CH4). You cannot trade Carbon Credits for sex in an attempt to Prevent Global Warming


Damn it!   God Damn Amerika!
Reply with quote

By Marshal Pupovich
8/9/2008, 8:30 am
I fail to see the big thing here. After all, how hard is it to pose a cardboard cutout of non-person K with some party gals?
Reply with quote

By Red Square
8/9/2008, 9:12 am
Kerry doesn't have a carbon footprint; he has a carbon cutout. (Whatever that means).
Reply with quote

By Marshal Pupovich
8/9/2008, 11:31 am
That is an interesting point Red Square, do our cardboard cutouts really need to pay for carbon credits? Or for that matter, how about our necro voters? Haven't they already paid the price for theirs?
Reply with quote

By Commissar Theocritus
8/9/2008, 5:45 pm
No one ever pays a sufficient price for me. And how can the necroproxy voters complain? They're dead after all. Ask Landslide Lyndon.
Reply with quote

By Marshal Pupovich
8/10/2008, 8:38 am
Well, since they no longer consume, it is hard to understand why they need pay, After all, the Party above all must be fair....

Bwahhhhaaahhhaaaaa!!! It was all I could do to type that!

Of course they can and will pay Commissar!
Reply with quote

By Commissar Theocritus
8/10/2008, 10:07 pm
It still brings a tear to my eye, a tear of admiration, to think of the Chicoms who billed the families of thoughtcriminals for the bullets used to recycle them.
Reply with quote

By Marshal Pupovich
8/11/2008, 7:08 am
Did they not steal that idea from the Motherland?
Reply with quote

By Commissar Theocritus
8/11/2008, 11:18 am
I am not a racist. Any good totalitarian port in a storm. Chicom, Soviet, even Jolly Danny Ortega. What's sauce for the commissar is sauce for the commissarka.
Reply with quote

By Marshal Pupovich
8/11/2008, 11:36 am
It was most inappropriate for me to have used the word "steal" commissar. It was Bush's fault of course. It is obvious that Progressive thinking is not limited to but one People's state and so a good idea such as having the family pay for the bullet is bound to emerge naturally from the logic of a Peoples State.
Reply with quote

By Commissar Theocritus
8/11/2008, 11:44 am
Yes, and I'm thinking of filing a lawsuit against the company that made the bullet--see my logic? Get 'em both ways.

A true aspirationist should be flexible in his planning, you see--follow the money for that's where the power is. And that also insulates you from the proles who don't wash the way they should.
Reply with quote

By Zampolit Blokhayev
8/11/2008, 12:12 pm
And what of Bullet For My Valentine? Do we charge them for the bullets they use?

--
ZB
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By Marshal Pupovich
8/11/2008, 8:15 pm
Why stop at the bullet manufacturer? We should also go after Big Steel, Big Lead, and Big Gunpowder for providing the means to make said bullet. Speaking of tears flowing.... today I saw a sight I did not think was still out there to see.... yes, I saw candy cigarettes in the store, and not just one, but 3 different brands! Yes, get the proles early so they purchase the Peoples Beet Smokes, while at the same time bringing in a new generation of necro voters.
Reply with quote

By O'Brien
8/14/2008, 11:12 am
Comrades!!

What of the old classic:

Pantload of Revolution!

Some of the variations:

"Who wants to see my pantload of revolution?"
"I have a pantload of revolution with your name all over it!"
"My pantload of revolution is ready to blow like Russia 1917!"
"If you were a true Bolshevik, you would join my pantload of revolution!"
"Show me your Proles and I'll show you my pantload of revolution"

And so on....

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
Reply with quote

By Sister Massively Opiated
8/16/2008, 1:53 pm
How 'bout...

"Ooooh.... Chairman Mousevitch Punchy-wunchy... let's get out of here and go back to my Party™ subsidized nine bedroom apartment and kommisarate with each other... the peasants are revolting".....

Oh wait... didn't Dr. P use that on you last year?

Glorious Red... aren't you glad I'm sick?... I only post one and is stolen from Dr. P though I doubt Punchenko remembers.

Sister Massively Opiated...
Reply with quote

By Sister Massively Opiated
8/16/2008, 3:44 pm
another popped into my fevered brain.... a slightly jihadist flavour....

Did I accidentally detonate, or is paradise missing a virgin? (or a martyr... I guess it depends on your orientation)
Reply with quote

By Marshal Pupovich
8/16/2008, 6:59 pm
SMO!!!! You are back!!! It is so wonderful to see you again Comrade! And I mean that from the bottom of my soulless, Lenin fearing, greedy, self centered, progressive, black heart!
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By Sister Massively Opiated
8/17/2008, 12:20 am
Spasibo Comrade Marshal Pupovich...

... while I'm here, a few more, but still not up to snuff... perhaps when I'm feeling a bit better.. in any case, I was much taken with Comrade Commisarka Pinkie's 'tool'-inspired submissions, and the Party knows how I appreciate a good tool...

- Comrade, you must be a Party Standard Issue Peoples Broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
- Comrade, would you like to come back to the Kolkhozy and plow my field?
- If I admire your Party Organ, would you hold it against me?
- Can I pretend your pants are Georgia and invade them? (okay... that was just tasteless... I'll just denounce myself now...)
Reply with quote

By Chairman M. S. Punchenko
8/17/2008, 1:20 am
Here is my favorite pickup line...

Errhmmm...

Dance with me or else I'll ship your kids to siberia in a box.

Oh! Another one!

Erhm..

I have gas and am very cranky. Dance with me or else I'll have the NKVD burn down your hut and slaughter your livestock.

This one always works...

I have alot of money and power.
Reply with quote

By Marshal Pupovich
8/17/2008, 7:51 am
Great thing about appliance sex.... no need for pick up lines, progressive or otherwise.

I must confess this romancing is a weak point of mine. Best pickup line I could muster before I became a more equal comrade was "What kind of subsidy would it take?"

Now I prefer to imitate the Chairman's more direct approach such as...

Yes, that is an AK-47 in my pocket and I am glad to see you.
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By Dr. W. S. Palimpsest
8/17/2008, 10:43 am
Hey baby, The Party is in my pants!
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By Sister Massively Opiated
8/17/2008, 11:44 am
Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote
Hey baby, The Party is in my pants!


Yes, yes, we know, but is everyone invited again like last year? We were all impressed with your surprisingly LARGE TURNOUT (my compliments, as always, dear comrade doctor)
Reply with quote

By Sister Massively Opiated
8/17/2008, 1:27 pm
Commissar Theocritus wrote
Are you a big-endian or a little-endian? I am not so orthodox and can with ease think of putting in or putting out.

Just to clarify, Comrade Commissar Theocritus, might one say that you are asking, in other words, "Are you the Peoples bitch or the Peoples butch? I am very flexible (waggle eyebrows suggestively here)."
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By Dr. W. S. Palimpsest
8/19/2008, 3:00 pm
So, could I buy you a grande double-mocha-latte made from the finest, organic Columbian coffee beans?

What's a zealous young apparachik like you doing in a decadent, kapitalist establishment like this?

Hey baby, you can carry my protest placard anytime!
Reply with quote

By Marshal Pupovich
8/19/2008, 10:28 pm
Ah Dr Palimpsest, why would a handsome Hero of the Collective such as you ever need such lines?
Reply with quote

By Comrade_Tovarich
9/3/2008, 11:12 pm
Commissar Theocritus wrote
Come to my house, Tovarich. I'll tell you the PIN of my capitalist-pig brother's ATM card.
Reply with quote

By Comrade_Tovarich
9/3/2008, 11:22 pm
Comrade Commissar Theocritus,

Thank you for the individual collective compliment, which I will redistribute to those more needy than myself, as I will do when I get that PIN and redistribute the capitalist exploitation units to which it will provide me access.

Speaking thereof, allow me to propose an alternative: I have 914 comrades in Nigeria who might be able to provide a way to access said account without a physical visit. Not only would that save me the cost of gas, it would strike a minor blow against the Big Oil eco-terrorists (and also give me, potentially, a new environmentalist pickup line). Not only is my alternative alternative, it would also empower some oppressed and exploited Third Worlders ripe for Revolution.

In solidarity to the cause,

CT
Reply with quote

By Comrade_Tovarich
9/3/2008, 11:27 pm
Marshal Pupovich said: "Yes, that is an AK-47 in my pocket and I am glad to see you."

Ah, I'm relieved. I had mistaken it for a Polonium-tipped retractable umbrella.
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By Sister Massively Opiated
9/4/2008, 3:34 pm
Comrade_Tovarich wrote
Marshal Pupovich said: "Yes, that is an AK-47 in my pocket and I am glad to see you."

Ah, I'm relieved. I had mistaken it for a Polonium-tipped retractable umbrella.


Y'know.... I have one of those... no... not a Kalashnikov... and no... not a rodney... But I do have a Polonium-tipped retractable umbrella... Red gave it to me for my birthday a few years back and I will treasure it always...
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By Mikhail T. Kalashnikov
9/4/2008, 4:12 pm
I've got an AK-47. You can borrow it if you want to, Sister.
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By Sister Massively Opiated
9/4/2008, 6:03 pm
Only if you'll let me show you how to field strip my Uzi and clean it... there's a little silly piece of solder that's supposed to keep it from being set on automatic (as some types of automatic weapons are illegal in Canadistan...), but it's easily knocked up... I mean off...

Or if you prefer, I'll show you my AUG and you can look through my tritium night site... it's a .223, but you know what they say.... 'it's not the calibre of the weapon... it's the spread of the ammo..."... and I've never gone for jacketed myself...

Wait... this is the politically correct pick-up line thread... right?...
Reply with quote

By Mikhail T. Kalashnikov
9/4/2008, 6:30 pm
Yeah...I went jacketed one time and all I got for my trouble was a knocked up target...wait, I mean knocked off. See, now I'm all confused...

By the way, I'd take a peek through your tritium night site anytime.
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By Sister Massively Opiated
9/4/2008, 8:34 pm
[blush blush]
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By Marshal Pupovich
9/13/2008, 6:20 pm
It does a socialist's heart good to see SMO engaging in politically correct pick up lines with Comrade Kalishnikov. Oh, and I would like to see that plotonium tipped umbrella!
Reply with quote

By alwazer
12/21/2008, 6:59 am
The response and I'm good with it

Comrades, I think that you have drunk too deeply from the capitalist, meritocratic well. All of your pick-up lines are merely riffs on ones which have some personal identity in them.

A true socialist would say, "I may be as fat as Michael Moore and as bald as Kojak, but it is your duty to have sex with me for I am owed it just by being alive. I may not have the money of Michael Moore to make the sex more interesting but then it is oppressive capitalism for you to require money. Cannot you see my progressive heart beating beneath the hundredweight of man boobs?

"It is your duty as a compassionate liberal to haul my ashes because no one else does. Because I am sexually disenfranchised. In fact I insist that no more rappers have sex until Carmen Electra and Beyonce both ring my bell over and over."

I am ashamed that in this august forum you would even think of the need for a pick-up line. After all, sex is a right. In fact I'm going to expound on that right a Gold's Gym right now and tell them their progressive duty.

I exist. I am owed.

I am the Mime

thanks Commissar Theocritus
وزير | منتدى | تفسير الاحلام | منتديات | برامج | مكتبة | صوتيات | العاب | قصص | مقالات | اخبار | ملتقى | فيديو |
Reply with quote

By Marshal Pupovich
12/21/2008, 9:25 am
You may be interested in the weekend special at the Pup's Party Pleasure Palace? It comes with the partner the state chooses for you with a complementary beet dip and fried rat on a stick.
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By JoeBlack1980
6/30/2009, 4:37 pm
You can find more awesome pick up lines at Funny Pick Up Lines
And for the ladies: Pick Up Lines For Girls
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The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand



 
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Deniers drop tons of foot powder on Washington to emulate snow blizzard during hottest Global Warming winter on record

Radical anti- American leader blames US for Global Warming


O's first year in office: 2 million jobs saved, 76 major natural disasters prevented
O's SOTU changes meaning of "cultivate" to "cultiveight": build up a perception that the current woes are the result of the previous eight years


Dead-Americans claim voter fraud in Massachusetts: cemeteries denied access to polling places, Senator Kennedy demands recount
Defeated in Mass elections, Obama warns against getting a ride from anyone in Kennedy's seat
Mayor Nagin sends 200 school buses to Haiti; Gov. Blanco appointed to oversee construction of Superdome
Closer inspection of Kennedy Seat revealed it's an old car seat with water damage

Unusually cold winter causes liberals to keep hands in OWN pockets
Obama's DHS: Detroit attack 'wardrobe malfunction'
Air Force deploys eavesdropping spy plane codenamed 'Jewish mother'
Seven more women claim to have had lip exchanges with St. Nick underneath mistletoe
Mrs. Claus found standing over bleeding hubby next to wrecked sleigh, holding nutcracker
North Pole shuts down as elves unionize, demand warmer work environment
Time editors still undecided who to select as 'Barack of the Year' in 2009

Obama revolutionizes war: 'leaving' is the new 'victory'
ACORN to change name to CHESTNUT; meaning of new acronym still being debated

Obama's new autobiography tentatively titled Going Rouge
Antartica's Ross Island Detainment Center (RID-C) receives first batch of climate-change skeptics
Obama saves big on high cost of turkey for the troops by delaying Afghan surge until after Thanksgiving
Retailers begin annual cash- in on Christian holiday they refuse to mention by name

Christmas & Healthcare Reform season classic:
It's a Wonderful Death!
NY Times, Newsweek offer editorial inoculations to concerned readers of Sarah Palin's book
Going Rogue: FEMA braces for massive outbreaks of Palin Derangement Syndrome
Following Fort Hood tragedy, Obama declares all military bases gun-free zones
Pelosi: we won.
Philies: so did we
Study: Global Warming linked to consumption of beans and beef patties








Pro-Obama gamers discover 'cheat codes' in U.S. Constitution
Police trained in using end of life counselingtechniques to negotiate suicide threats

Obama commits more troops to War on Fox News, still awaiting Afghan troop surge
Pass Rush: NFL okays Fidel Castro's bid to buy Miami Dolphins
Study: the road to hell paved with Nobel Peace Prizes

Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize. Wishing all our readers a Happy April First!


Roman Polanski named new School Safety Czar in wake of Jennings scandal
Charles Manson: 'Leave Polanski alone, hasn't he suffered enough?'


Obama loses Olympic bid, will try for Special Olympics next
Carter: if the IOC doesn't give the Olympics to Chicago, they're racists

Saudis: the word 'assassina- tion' will never be the same
Al Qaeda: 'We shove bombs up our butts'
Richard Gere denies Al Qaeda membership
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
Study: 90% of G20 protestors driven to Pittsburgh by mom

Ahmadinejad: Iran needs enriched uranium to purchase large IKEA sofa
Obama: If we don't bomb Iran now, we'll never pass healthcare reform
Taliban hires DC lobbyist in effort to get Obama's attention
Missile defense: Czechs angry at Obama for being canceled

Media study: Caucasian toddlers are more likely to cut eye-holes into "blankies"
Democrat strategist: 9 out of 10 white infants prefer cross burning over mother's milk
Mahmoud’s Liquidation Warehouse: 50% off Israel - this weekend only - it won’t last long

Obama: Black kids still forced to beat people up at back of bus
Charlie Gibson: Neil Armstrong went where?
Obamacare, it’s finger-licking good!

Ben and Jerry release 'Hate Monger Bigot' flavor to celebrate those who support traditional marriage
'Shiver me Timbers!': Somalia unveils People's Institute for Redistribution, Adventurism & Thalassic Extortion (PIRATE)
Energy Czar: to save energy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off

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Other 49 states impose carbon tax on California due to wildfire smoke
Following Scotland's lead, US Justice Dept releases Charles Manson, citing battle with chronic hemorrhoids
Obama to media: Please respect our girls' privacy, especially Mr. Letterman
Teachable moment: Obama to hold 'beer summit' between offended Post Office and UPS
Taliban sends protesters to Afghan town hall meetings in attempt to get Obama administration to withdraw

Gotham villains working for the Common Good™

White House recalibrates description of town hall protesters from 'terrorists' to 'man-made Nazi fascist pigs'
Experts: when buying Astroturf, remember to look for the Union Label
National-socialist health care?

Drudge insulates self from White House anger by naming his site MoveOn.Drudge
ABC greenlights epic 12-part miniseries based on Beer Summit

Moveon.org petitions Dems to leave Bush/Cheney alone and 'move on to pressing issues facing the nation'
Palin: Critics ipso facto are quitters
Honduran ex-president Zelaya holds press- conference, presents birth certificate for examination
Cambridge: fighting racial bias, Obama picks black scholar Henry Louis Gates as Door Jigging Czar

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Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from
George W Bush
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
SPONSORED BY:

Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional

Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy

Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities

Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list

Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind

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Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
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Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!

Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden

Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'

DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberry

Dow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents use

DHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"

Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a
2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"
Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism

Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism
Obama gives Queen a shovel




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NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'

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Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans'
After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape
Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh
Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside
Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend

Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube


CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY


Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes"
Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest
Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it


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Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice
Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing


Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge
Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans
Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge
No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention
Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies
MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush'
Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.'

More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers
Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama
Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20

Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America

You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy
Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK.


Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers
Somali pirates hijack international space station

Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!"
Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers"


CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide





Seven Obama cousins found living in voting booth



US choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria
US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force

Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber
Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check!

Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word


FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud
Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan'

Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them
World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you'

Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail'
Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crash
Dead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN
Biden calls taxes patriotic
Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter

Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected
KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists

Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter"
Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine"
Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby
Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart
Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked
Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan
Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals
International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes

Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement
February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so."
Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag
US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph
Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score
Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years
NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq
Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia
Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached




Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge
Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it.
Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day


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How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb?

Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint


Word of the day:
HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to Hussein
Obama: we have always been at peace with Hillary Clinton
Grand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt
Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans?
Lou the Looter In Iowa
CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company
Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problem
Hillary supporters organize against Obama

Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists

Elian Gonzales - my kid is a Communist Party Honor Student
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest
Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures
Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake
Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew'
NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station




Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans'
Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination

Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media
Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead

Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up
New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar
As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved
Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off

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Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket
Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it
International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma
Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator



North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria
Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children!

Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools

Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich

Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise
Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich
Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare

Stop and smell the Sharpies

Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy

Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month
NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes
Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes"


Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment
Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person"
Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself
New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey
KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next'
London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard
Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg
USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp
Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity
Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote
Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!'
Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint
John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement
To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam
NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama

NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp
Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General
Brokeback Mountain loses climber
NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on Mars

Las Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers
Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib
Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak
Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign

Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope

Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners

Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change

Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday
Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win

Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course
Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally
High school Meth teacher starts new class

Holy Mitt!
Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000%
Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick
Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive
"How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway
Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate
Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes
"Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad
New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline.
Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish'
NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others

Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough
Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress
Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news"
US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November
Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit.
LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead
USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller
Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia
MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home

Reid: The war on fire is lost
Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire
Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California
NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires
Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far.
Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore
Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed?

San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault
Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark
End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France
Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!"
Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland"

Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!"

Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics
Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants

CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground"
Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"

Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart
Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming


To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama
Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes.
George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam
Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers
John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care
Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't kill
Democrats select 2008 presidential slogan:
"Death to America"

Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense
"Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues
Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's death
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face

Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison

Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry
China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists
Al Gore to recall the Internet


Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month
First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle
Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead

William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package

Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis
Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program
Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos


Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability

London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings
Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"

Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos"
Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship

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Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric
Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it?
US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in Iraq
US Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for?
Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!

Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page
As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem"

Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant

Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory
Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain"
Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey
Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists"
French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results
Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture

Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely

Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time

Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids
ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists'
Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops
Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling
Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision
Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves
Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases

Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro-
mote Global Warming Jelly

New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system

Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket
Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!"
Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up
Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards
Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries
Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again?
Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues
Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial

House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED
Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission

North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright
Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission

Is it time for Pinochet yet?

see CITGO think HUGO CHAVEZ

Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History

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