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Progressive Truth Generator™
By Red Square
9/30/2005, 12:46 pm

The People's Cube

Attention progressive, socialist, liberal, pacifist, anarchist, feminist, or environmentalist debaters! Whether you are fighting the class enemy over the Internet, in school, or at your parent's house over dinner, this tool is for you. No more awkward mumbling or looking for the right word! Just enter your ideological opponent's name and generate a Progressive Truth that will render your enemies speechless!

The People's Research Institute (PRI) has found a way of stopping right-wing ideology in America and ending our losses at the ballot box: we need to face our opponent's "facts" and "logic" by learning how to frame the debate. The Progressive Truth Generator™ will help you to set the terms of debate on issues in your favor and quickly terminate all discussion!

This research is ongoing. We encourage you to submit your favorite debate framing elements for the following groups: "adjectives," "nouns," and "'because' statements."


 
Reply with quote
By NoIam Chompski
9/30/2005, 1:23 pm

I invented the concept of phonetic hyperbole - the use of meaningless sounds - put together with my faux grammar structure in order to create leftist truth from nothing.

It works best if the proletariat mASSES are dropping acid - maaan.

AlGrrr -holds the copyright.
 
Reply with quote
By Ironsides
9/30/2005, 1:56 pm

Red Square, you are a heartless scum-sucking Republican because you do not respect the North Korean nation!
 
Reply with quote
By lil bolshevist
9/30/2005, 1:58 pm

I've been doing that all along! I'm glad the Collective has made things easier for me! Thank you, comrades!
 
Reply with quote
By guest
9/30/2005, 2:24 pm

Is this supposed to be funny?
It's pretty stupid.

Are you talking about me?

-Kommissar Betty
 
Reply with quote
By lil bolshevist
9/30/2005, 2:31 pm

Guest, you are a nativistic mad dog because you think that the diversity debate should be about ideas and not sexual preferences!
 
Reply with quote
By Guest
9/30/2005, 2:44 pm

What?? What are you even talking about???
I thought I was ordering a pizza.
 
Reply with quote
By Dr. W. S. Palimpsest
9/30/2005, 3:52 pm

Guest is a humorless, bourgeois reactionary for daring to question the Party-guaranteed hilarity and utility of the Progressive Truth Generator™.

P.S., Never be the first to stop laughing at a Party Leader's jokes.  A black maria is always waiting to wisk such impolitic thought criminals off to a Karl Marx Treatment Center!
 
Reply with quote
By lil bolshevist
9/30/2005, 4:13 pm

Whatsa 'black maria'?
 
Reply with quote
By Black Maria
9/30/2005, 4:26 pm

I am a car or truck, usually painted black, that is used to transport 'Enemies of the State' to the gulag. People typically get real excited when they see me pull up to their houses--ha ha.  Dare you look out your window?
 
Reply with quote
By Hugo da voodoo man
9/30/2005, 5:57 pm

Riddle dis bitch. I waz in NOLA during Katrina. I'm shaped like a baseball bat. I am covered with soff kroeinthean ledda. I beat dem po, off da plantation folks into subnission in da supradome durin da storm till dey be singin da praises on mare Nagin and bro' Farrikin. I be one of dat Hillary bitchez favorite repittitive dream fantazese. word dawg.

One day I will be presbident of the united states...or at least him what give her pleasure aw day long...yea, she be beggin for the real thang till it be cryin.

Actually I'm fairly confused here ducky. Am I a mild socialist sex aid, or am I a common, country club, republican variety, gas consuming power ranger with a  huge panolopy of naughty accessories? You decide.
 
Reply with quote
By nihilbono
9/30/2005, 6:27 pm

Everything is relative.
 
Reply with quote
By Lady Chadwick
9/30/2005, 7:48 pm

You are a nativistic talk radio devotee because you're a heterosexual male who prefers women with shaved legs and armpits!
 
Reply with quote
By S.A.F. Marshal Pravda
9/30/2005, 8:46 pm

Quote

One day I will be presbident of the united states...or at least him what give her pleasure aw day long...yea, she be beggin for the real thang till it be cryin.


You mean "NewNited States", right??? And yo, you be trippin dawg, she into da p00n, probably more than you...LOL idiot!
 
Reply with quote
By Premier Breshnev
9/30/2005, 10:03 pm

Finally... our invention, made by our comardes over at the KGB research division, is ready.   I direct all subjects of the World Soviet Union to use this device now!
 
Reply with quote
By terlizzi999
9/30/2005, 11:25 pm

Terlizzi, you are an individualistic neo-Nazi because you ignore Coca Cola's terrorist murders of children in Columbia!

....Well, at least I dont drink Pepsi!
 
Reply with quote
By Leslie Bates
9/30/2005, 11:51 pm

Leslie Bates, you are a hateful caveman because you're a heterosexual male who prefers women with shaved legs and armpits!
 
Reply with quote
By H.R. PuffinStuff Clinton
10/1/2005, 12:14 am

T.Delay, you are an intolerant opportunist because you haven’t contributed your life-savings to the Tides Foundation!
 
Reply with quote
By S.A.F. Marshal Pravda
10/1/2005, 12:54 am

H.R. PuffinStuff...

Now THERE'S something I haven't thought about in like...I dunno...40 years???
 
Reply with quote
By H.R.PmS. C.
10/1/2005, 5:07 am

Comrade Private:

Just like Heclinton - I did not inhale!
I am sick and tired of people saying I can't smoke without inhaling and my village will change this!!! United Villages of America!

Ooops -typo. Should be PnS not PmS.
 
Reply with quote
By Dictator
10/1/2005, 10:24 am

You are a genocidal fascist because you flush the toilet after each use!

-Am I redeemed if I don't wash my hands?
 
Reply with quote
By VILenin
10/1/2005, 8:54 pm

You are a war-mongering parasite because you do not resist Zionist terror!
 
Reply with quote
By peacenik
10/1/2005, 11:08 pm

Private Pravda wrote
H.R. PuffinStuff...

Now THERE'S something I haven't thought about in like...I dunno...40 years???


Lidsville is the koo-koo kooky-ist!
 
Reply with quote
By Commissar Vladimir Ivanov
10/2/2005, 5:05 pm

Oh man, I haven't stopped laughing since I saw this page!  I'm going to die of laughinitis...help...

Stuggling to breathe,
Vladimir Ivanov
Red Journalism Headquarters
 
Reply with quote
By Premier Betty
10/2/2005, 6:13 pm

Quote

I'm going to die of laughinitis...help...


I haven't heard of that before, better ask Dr. Fuku
 
Reply with quote
By Dr. Evil
10/2/2005, 7:57 pm

It's a penile infection brought about through unprotected sex with the yeast-infected Cindy Sheehan...better call bohemianlikeyou.
 
Reply with quote
By lil bolshevist
10/3/2005, 12:48 pm

Why do they call it a "black maria"?
 
Reply with quote
By OED
10/3/2005, 1:43 pm

Etymology unclear.  Came into popular usage, in the mid-1800s, as a euphemism for paddy wagon.
 
Reply with quote
By sugar
10/3/2005, 1:44 pm

live and let live
 
Reply with quote
By lil bolshevist
10/3/2005, 1:49 pm

hmmm are marxists allowed to use high-sounding words like 'etymology'?  That sounds suspicious...
 
Reply with quote
By F.Castro
10/4/2005, 2:01 pm

Vladimir, in Cuba such illnesses are unheard of because of our health care program. You see, I've never laughed--ever. Neutral
 
Reply with quote
By Chistka Counselor
10/4/2005, 5:12 pm

Comrade lil bolshevist: I agree with you that these words are "high sounding"  I think such words are bourgeois and a veiled insult to the Worker!  This is perhaps a capitalist Halliburton plot to infiltrate Red Square's glorious invention and fill it full of such words which mock our Revolution and fuel counter-revolutionaries.  But let them laugh at our expense - Comrade Hillary will dispense with them in short order!  Praise Be To Hillary!

And Comrade F. Castro - of course you have never laughed!  You are working too hard for the People to have time for such trivialities as decadent bourgeois custom of "laughing!"  Vivo La REVOLUCION! Muerta a Halliburton!
 
Reply with quote
By Dr. W. S. Palimpsest
10/4/2005, 7:18 pm

Nathan Ilyitch Haleski wrote
Comrade lil bolshevist: I agree with you that these words are "high sounding"  I think such words are bourgeois and a veiled insult to the Worker!  This is perhaps a capitalist Halliburton plot to infiltrate Red Square's glorious invention and fill it full of such words which mock our Revolution and fuel counter-revolutionaries.


Comrade Haleski,

First, you must remember that the workers are nothing without the Party's intellectual elite--i.e., the egalitarian social scientists, subjectivist linguists, revisionist historians, progressive political philosophers, and collectivist economists--without whom the movement would collapse of its own vacuity.  I shouldn't have to tell you that we are both exceedingly erudite and altruistic--a most estimable combination.  Thus, we provide an invaluable service to the proles: we do their thinking for them, allowing them more time to sacrifice themselves for the Greater Good.

Secondly, the socialist cognoscenti has spent over a century in the development of a high-brow revolutionary lexicon, which, when deployed in conjunction with ascerbic, accusatory rhetoric, will humble the most accomplished of the opposition's debaters.  Screw the so-called merits; sophistry usually carries the day!  An argument empurpled with ironclad claptrap is impregnable in this day and age.  Just ask Cindy Sheehan, who has consistently used our propaganda to disect the chicken hawks.  

Consequently, the proletarian masses need not concern themselves with the higher pursuits of the mind.  It's been taken care of for them!
 
Reply with quote
By Chistka Counselor
10/5/2005, 1:09 am

Comrade Palimpsest,
While it is true that "empurpled ironclad claptrap" could be viewed by some as impregnable, I feel there is a duty to provide more then claptrap, for the egalitarian social scientists must realize that we, the Red Wave, are in fact, on higher moral ground then the fascist glutton pigs.  That being the case, how can we expect claptrap to truly represent the Glory of the Revolution?  Leave this "claptrap" to the voracious ignorant capitalist dogs - for they require such bourgeois language.  The leaders of the Red Revolution need not bother with such language as it is viewed as a class distinction which obviously stratifies the People.  

And while it is good for there to be many advocates for the People, as more Bolsheviks are better then fewer, one cannot forget that we are all truly equal.  No different, no better, no worse, no dumber or wiser then any of our fellow Citizens.  To think so, is to be in fact, counter-revolutionary.  Please remember that even Comrade Lenin is referred to as "Comrade".  We are all equal "Comrades" and we all work equally to progress the Red Banner of Glory!    

And while I appreciate your apparent altruism; I'm not sure I care for the use of the word "erudite" necessarily, which could be misinterpreted as meaning that one Citizen is somehow wiser then another, which of course, is a factual impossibility.  

I appreciate your obvious enthusiasm for the Revolution, however, I feel that a small vacation to a re-education school might add to your enthusiasm and greatly increase output.  This would obviously make you more efficient at serving the People.  As such I have performed my civic duty and contacted my local ACLU chapter and notified them of your somewhat unrevolutionary use of these capitalist terms "claptrap" and "erudite".  It is in order to better you Comrade, and to further the goals of the People, you understand, do you not?
 
Reply with quote
By Dr. W. S. Palimpsest
10/5/2005, 11:37 am

Oh dear, how quaint; we appear to have another young idealist on our hands.  As we've been through this before elsewhere on this site, I'll be brief in my rebuttal.  A fundamental, often unspoken tenet of socialism is as follows: all people are equal, but some people are more equal than others. This is Commie 101 stuff, jeez.  Ever heard of the nomenklatura?  It's very good to be a member of it...  

Since I actually run a re-education center (at UC-Boulder), I find it delightfully ironic that you suggest I should visit one.  Ha!

You have much to learn, Comrade.  But that's what we're here for!

If you doubt my altruistic credentials, you should read my column about the grade-point redistribution scheme that I have implemented this semester:

http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=71
 
Reply with quote
By Chistka Counselor
10/5/2005, 11:54 am

I doubt there is much you could teach me comrade, as I have been through literally 21 years of public schools - but I suppose if that's the way you wish to be about it, I'll bow out gracefully.  Sorry to agitate.
 
Reply with quote
By Dr. W. S. Palimpsest
10/5/2005, 12:14 pm

No need to "bow out", Comrade Haleski.  It's in my nature to employ the "Khrushchev shoe" technique when in a debate.  Don't take it personally, as you're clearly on your way to becoming "more equal" than most proletarians.  Radicalism is a never-ending process of discovery!  We all have much to learn, and must continue to explore the lives and work of our illustrious forebears, viz.,  Marx, Lenin, Stalin, Che, Mao, and Kim.

Twenty-one years of public school, eh?  I guess you were held back several times then.  Just kidding!  Even old draconians like myself can have a sense of humor every now and then.  I'm sure that number includes post graduate work as well.  Perhaps you hold a Ph.D.?
 
Reply with quote
By Chistka Counselor
10/5/2005, 12:48 pm

Yeah, I have a doctorate - I'm a lawyer, so believe me - I know red.  All but a precious few of my law professors were red to the core.  So red, you'd think their hair would all turn red from thinking about it all so fiercely.

I had an environmental law professor in law school who one day went into a rant against Republicans and was praising then President Clinton as this glorious champion of the environment.  I love nature as well, growing up near vast forests in Illinois, and of course had looked into the matter.  I raised my hand in the middle of her rant while the faithful were all nodding their heads in unison and said "But professor - do you not know that Clinton/Gore's record on the environment is the worst of any of the latest Presidents?  Do you not know that despite Gore's wonderous environmental speeches and books that one of the first acts they performed when they took power was to sell off some of the remaining small percentage of old growth forests in the Pacific Northwest to loggers?"  And she stared at me with a completely confused blank stare for what seemed like five minutes, a total silence came over the room and she said "Sir - at least they are trying."  And I had to laugh out loud, I could not help myself and said "Trying?  How so?  Did you not just hear me?  They just gave some of the oldest living things on earth over to the loggers for a few $$$ in campaign funding.  And just because of some pretty speeches we are to follow them into anywhere they might lead us?"  She then got angry - told me to check my facts, hurriedly changed the subject back to law specifically and she hated me the rest of my days in that school.  She would then give me childish "mean" looks in the hallways - it was hilarious!  

I had a similar experience with my Constitutional law professor about why it is that illegals have any guaranteed rights under our Constitution. I asked him point blank where it is specifically in our Constitution, our law, that alien criminals are guaranteed services such as free medical care; that even American citizens are not guaranteed.  He started blushing - and actually raised his voice and basically called me a Nazi, of course, not addressing my question in any logical or rational way.  Then the rest of my time in that school he would actually make crude jokes to me in front of the class or in the hallway about my clothing or appearance.

To be completely forthcoming Palimpsest, I now live in San Diego and am horrified about the prospects of some camel dung heap walking across the border with a briefcase nuke.  I have a kid, I love my country, I am willing to die for it and won't tolerate red lies any longer.  Bad sh*t is about to happen if we all don't seriously wake up and start hammering the left with their own crappy hammer and sickle.  I did put up with 10 lifetimes worth of red re-education in my 21 years of school - although - heh, I must confess, I included nursery school and kindergarten in there to smartoff, wondering if anyone would catch it!

Anyway - having said all this - I love this website - I love the fact that it exists and for some reason (probably the lawyer in me) I suspected you were seriously throwing some sh*t my way.  I love the Khrushchev shoe reference!  Damn hilarious.  And trust me, I can take what I dish out to other comrades - just so everyone knows, I am a smart ass, especially when writing in my Soviet speak and I am truly your friend as we are all right wingers in here.  I seriously didn't want to step on any toes, which is why the "bow out gracefully" line.  I respect you guys, and did not want to actually duel with you with real bullets.  Well - enough of this rambling manifesto. . . on with the Revolution!
 
Reply with quote
By lil bolshevist
10/5/2005, 1:53 pm

Nathan Ilyitch Haleski wrote
Comrade lil bolshevist: I agree with you that these words are "high sounding"  I think such words are bourgeois and a veiled insult to the Worker!  This is perhaps a capitalist Halliburton plot to infiltrate Red Square's glorious invention and fill it full of such words which mock our Revolution and fuel counter-revolutionaries.  But let them laugh at our expense - Comrade Hillary will dispense with them in short order!  Praise Be To Hillary!

And Comrade F. Castro - of course you have never laughed!  You are working too hard for the People to have time for such trivialities as decadent bourgeois custom of "laughing!"  Vivo La REVOLUCION! Muerta a Halliburton!


Gosh, I wish I could talk like that!  

Just when I was trying to learn the party-approved Communist lingo, now I got to learn all the Marxist lingo Sad I'm afraid I'm in dire need of that Karl Marx Treatment Center  Sad   Send for the black maria quick, lest I do the party harm with unthinking bourgeois terms!

You're doing fine, lil bolshevist. One day you will grow up to be a strong and fearful New Man whom Stalin would've been proud of.

Join the Future - Live through the Party,

Comrade Otis
Doctor of Dictatorship
Karl Marx Treatment Center
(Our friendly staff is standing by for you!)

 
Reply with quote
By Chistka Counselor
10/5/2005, 2:44 pm

Lil bolshevist -
Heh, just go to law school - any moron can get in (they accepted me!) and they will gloriously fill your head with more red then you can shake one of Krushchev's shoes at.  All the while they will charge you decadently high captilist style prices with which to fund additional revolutionaries.  Seriously, California actually has a few correspondence law schools.  So in addition to learning TV/VCR repair from the Sally Struthers school, you can get your juris doctor degree!  Wee!  So - I guess what I'm really trying to say in the end is not to take any lawyer very seriously - they are all a bunch of hacks and they know it!  It's why the feel obliged to act all pompous and arrogant.  It masks their true feelings of insecurity.  Losers!

I was a bad lil nazi in law school though - I harassed them every chance I got.  Even sinking so low as to buy a bunch of little red star stickers and planting them on the attendance sheets they'd pass around the class.  They literally almost threw me out for being counter-revolutionary!  (even though my grades were all passing, and even though they couldn't prove or even knew I was doing most of the mischief!)

Of course, it probably didn't hurt that I spent a few days in East Germany before the wall fell.  Seriously, a few days there is like ten years on any other spot on earth.
 
Reply with quote
By -Dostix-
10/5/2005, 2:52 pm

I just love it! Very Happy

"Dostix, you are a mean-spirited McCarthyist because you don't think the revolution is a good thing!"


oh, a question: can i download it to have fun without being on the internet?
 
Reply with quote
By Dr. W. S. Palimpsest
10/5/2005, 2:57 pm

Nathan Ilyitch Haleski wrote
I am a smart ass, especially when writing in my Soviet speak... I seriously didn't want to step on any toes, which is why the "bow out gracefully" line.


Comrade Haleski, J.D.,

No worries; I'm a smart ass, too!  

Therefore, I feel compelled to present you with this little gem from the Progressive Truth Generator™:

N. I. Haleski, you are a flag-waving Fox News viewer because you think trial lawyers are overpaid.
 
Reply with quote
By Chistka Counselor
10/5/2005, 3:33 pm

Haleski J.D.!  Heh, reminds me of one of my jackoff law professors talking about how he would refer to himself as "Dr."Nelson in order to jip better tables at restaurants or get seat upgrades on planes.  The guy was a serious tool!  And I love the gem you sent - I am a Fox Viewer capitalist dog!  In fact, the reason it took me a while to respond to you last night was because I was at a Sean Hannity town hall meeting!  

And the legal profession is begging for one huge purge.  Bar meetings always end up being reduced to radical red pride rallies.  It makes me nauseous just to think that I actually pay to be a part of their crappy group.  Sniveling arrogant bunch of commie fairies.
 
Reply with quote
By Hugo da voodoo man
10/6/2005, 4:25 am

Yo, Hugo know wich side up and Hugo be sayin dat all yall whack soshallized communized assess be wrong bout ever thang...dig?
 
Reply with quote
By Chistka Counselor
10/6/2005, 2:09 pm

Anonymous wrote
Yo, Hugo know wich side up and Hugo be sayin dat all yall whack soshallized communized assess be wrong bout ever thang...dig?
Comrade "Voodoo Man":
No, I'm not quite sure I do "dig."  This is a "diverse" form of Revolutionary talk of yours isn't it?  Perhaps you are part of our newest annexed territory, the People's Republic of Louisiana.  Would you be one of our new, what the capitalist slavemasters used to call "Cajun" comrades, or are you a darker comrade of African ancestry?  After the Bush engineered racist hurricane, you fled with your wheelbarrow of beer and found a safe spot to dry off, throw back a cold one and hop on the net to discover our Glorious Revolution didn't you?  

Well welcome Comrade!  Dry off "a spell" then Rise Up with us to massacre the filthy oil glut capitalist bourgeois pig dogs and together we will bask in the Glory of Hillary's Red Banner of Progress!
 
Reply with quote
By Crazylikeafox
10/11/2005, 5:13 pm

Thomas Jefferson, you are a flat-earth believing child murderer because you think that you're entitled to own private property!

I knew he had to be evil!  Down with the imperialist capitalist pigs!  We shouldn't be praising these bouguois thugs!  We should be burning their effigies in the streets of Boulder!  That way, the great Hickory Chief Ward Churchill won't have to travel far to help in our revolution!
 
Reply with quote
By Marx's buddy bagel
10/12/2005, 4:23 am

The internet is the devil! It is an attack on the working class, and seeks to undermine our solidarity against our imperialist oppressors.

These forums are controlled by the same people who control the worlds banks.

Rise up, my working class friends- leave your AU$50-70 job in the technology sector, and join our communal farms!

Rise up, children of Marx, and Lenin, and Stalin- Rise up and overthrow your oppressors, and we shall collectively farm our vegetable patch, and eat frozen Tofu! And drink German beer!
 
Reply with quote
By Marx's buddy bagel
10/12/2005, 4:24 am

...Oh and Gulags for all!
 
Reply with quote
By crazylikeafox
10/14/2005, 1:20 am

And don't forget, my fellow college students, to bring your little red books and keep a close eye on your parents and friends.  We must even be willing to turn in our professors.  If they aren't spreading the parties pre approved educational material, they're likely being paid by Haliburton and McDonalds to brainwash us into supporting the capitalist pigs!  We watch because we care!
 
Reply with quote
By Marx's buddy bagel
10/16/2005, 3:49 am

Quick, sing this song of solidarity, comrades!

---

Oh Che, oh Che Guevara,
You remind me of my first girlfriend Lara.

Oh Che, oh Che,
With you, I would like to lay.

Oh Che, you make me feel these things,
You are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh Che, oh Che Guevara,
You remind me of my first girlfriend Lara.

Oh Che, oh Che,
Call me Kerry, and touch me where I’m hairy.

Oh Che, you make me feel these things,
You are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh Che, oh Che,
I just want to smell your beret.

Oh Che, oh Che Guevara,
Oh Che… Oh Che… Oh Che… [Fade Out]
 
Reply with quote
By Chistka Counselor
10/16/2005, 10:03 pm

That's a great tune, I'll sing it daintily while I skip past the mass graves after Comrade Hillary has taken over.

Maybe if I wear my Che shirt, not only will people think I'm a hip, intellectual rebel who can't be told what to do by "the man" (only humanitarian serial killers with stylish berets holding guns pointed in the back of my skull can be my master!), but maybe then I won't be one of the first to be thrown into the mass graves.

Although, gee, maybe it won't work, Ted Kennedy even murders people who sleep with his bloated ass.  Although with Comrade Hillary's Great Leap Forward health care reforms, I'll probably get a free aspirin before Howard Dean shoots me in the back of the head.  Eeee-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! (in crack induced Howard Dean voice)
 
Reply with quote
By Marx's buddy bagel
10/17/2005, 2:49 am

Aaaah Comrade Hillary... How I remember my days of taking the peoples drug- cocaine- and feeling her up at some Liberal Arts College...

It is mucho's pity that Comrade Hillary has forgotten me, but not even a Grand Communist Figure like Comradesky Hillary can be expected to remember everyone she has mass orgy's with- I was just a face among the other 46 Faces to her...

*SALUTE* To Comradesky Hillary!
 
Reply with quote
By Chistka Counselor
10/17/2005, 3:18 pm

Comrade Marx's buddy bagel:  Did her mustache chafe your skin?  Also did this orgy you speak of occur at the "Meow Lix" club in Manhattan in November '96?  I think mother Sheehan attended that one as well.  Sheehan wanted to be the bull of the group that night and Hill wouldn't allow it which is why Sheehan said the other month that she was going to take Hill's job away from her.
 
Reply with quote
By Spikeorama
10/18/2005, 9:19 am

This is funny, though pointless.

Osama, you are a bible-thumping white-trash scum because you place charity over social security!
 
Reply with quote
By Chistka Counselor
10/18/2005, 11:19 am

Anonymous wrote
This is funny, though pointless.

Osama, you are a bible-thumping white-trash scum because you place charity over social security!
Huh?
 
Reply with quote
By Marx's buddy bagel
10/18/2005, 12:32 pm

Nathan Ilyitch Haleski wrote
Comrade Marx's buddy bagel:  Did her mustache chafe your skin?  Also did this orgy you speak of occur at the "Meow Lix" club in Manhattan in November '96?.


Both her mustache's were equally as thick as Father Stalin's! It was Beautiful!  A true European woman, if ever I have felt their bristles brush against my skin!

There have been so many orgy's involving Comradesky Hillary, and I Have taken much of the people's drug, I have honestly forgotten when 96 was... or what year it is today... But having a clear mind is for the capitalist pigs who wish to use your labor to fund their further exploitation of workers.

Onward with the Struggle comrades- Send Comradsky's Hillary and Cindy your donations- but not in evil American currency- send them Euro's, the true currency of our movement...

Please excuse me while I laugh my ass off and puke my guts out at the same time. Don't ask to watch...
-Kommissar Betty

 
Reply with quote
By Chistka Counselor
10/18/2005, 7:38 pm

Yeah!  We will destabilize that fascist form of currency - the dollar - and replace it with nothing!  Currency is a chain of slavery!  Work only for the common good and you will be rewarded!  Sure you will!  Look at the DMV and postal employees!  They know the rich goodness that is government!

And yes!  Mustache as thick as Father Stalin -  our Bolshevik women are strong like Russian bear!  As they are our true equals in every way - they must throw away the slave implement razor and embrace their hairy equality!
 
Reply with quote
By Roger jb
10/22/2005, 2:53 pm

NoIam Chompski wrote
I invented the concept of phonetic hyperbole - the use of meaningless sounds - put together with my faux grammar structure in order to create leftist truth from nothing.

It works best if the proletariat mASSES are dropping acid - maaan.

AlGrrr -holds the copyright.


The People's use of Duckspeak makes them doubleplusgood Duckspeakers using the People's Cube!  Comrades, we must all be Goodthinkers!
 
Reply with quote
By newtastic gingrichims
11/11/2005, 4:17 pm

You are a union-busting opportunist because you dare to question "the truth" as promulgated by your radical college professors!
 
Reply with quote
By Ivan Petrovich Kuznetsov
11/15/2005, 10:34 pm

Komrades, why all the, how you say, talking?  Let's start the revolution to banish korruption forever.  We must assemble all of the workers of the fields and factories and prepare for glorious battle.
In other words, we'll start putting up the Hillary-Obama '08 signs as soon as we get them back from Kinkos.
 
Reply with quote
By Kruschev's Shoe
11/19/2005, 4:44 pm

May your private parts be infected with Rotchacockov's disease.
 
Reply with quote
By PXrXdzila
11/23/2005, 12:11 pm

You emit the musky nidor of a burning republican pachyderm
 
Reply with quote
By Guest
12/22/2005, 12:56 pm

I think that installing the latest version might help and do not forget to do its updates.
 
Reply with quote
By Guest
1/11/2006, 11:39 am

Scott, you are a right-wing parasite because you don't think that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding!
 
Reply with quote
By demi
2/1/2006, 2:18 am

You are a blood-sucking Nazi because of your condescension towards alternative genders!
 
Reply with quote
By Occasus
3/12/2006, 10:06 pm

You are a greedy KKK sympathizer because you're just stupid, stupid, stupid!
 
Reply with quote
By ME!
3/14/2006, 12:18 am

You are an immigrant-bashing racist because you do not resist Zionist terror!
 
Reply with quote
By Guest
3/14/2006, 11:37 am

You are a Nazi-sympathizing McCarthyist because you use the words "supply" and "demand" in the same sentence.
 
Reply with quote
By dissident agitator #96
4/3/2006, 1:02 am

PARIS HILTON, you are a war-mongering white-trash scum because you shrug off class struggle!

where is my standard common people's condom?

anyone got a towel?
 
Reply with quote
By Fascist Leon
5/26/2006, 7:07 am

Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote
Guest is a humorless, bourgeois reactionary for daring to question the Party-guaranteed hilarity and utility of the Progressive Truth Generator™.

P.S., Never be the first to stop laughing at a Party Leader's jokes.  A black maria is always waiting to wisk such impolitic thought criminals off to a Karl Marx Treatment Center!


Never be the first to laugh at a Party Leader's jokes. It may not be a joke, it may be Policy. And then where you be? Airbrushed out and either in the Gulag or managing a power station in Siberia.
 
Reply with quote
By one ping only
9/11/2006, 10:28 pm

NoIam Chompski wrote
I invented the concept of phonetic hyperbole - the use of meaningless sounds - put together with my faux grammar structure in order to create leftist truth from nothing.

It works best if the proletariat mASSES are dropping acid - maaan.

AlGrrr -holds the copyright.


how confused you may be.  but that is no excuse.

all is all.  the workers "own" nothing, which means they own everything.  a fine example of "double good duck speak" is algrr quote.

who is this worker?  why would he/she/it expect to own (copyright) words?

(this hurts my fingers to type this!)

i think it may be time for algrr to sharpen a shovel.

confirm distance to target

one ping only
 
Reply with quote
By saveaworld
10/24/2006, 2:58 pm

Islam, you are a baby-killing pig because you do not protest the American war machine!
 
Reply with quote
By Chairman M. S. Punchenko
10/24/2006, 6:33 pm

saveaworld wrote
Islam, you are a baby-killing pig because you do not protest the American war machine!


Excuse me, what the hell is that? Is this some kind of joke comrade World, because I'm not laughing? Once again, we are hounded and harassed by the RepubliKKKan hordes of KKKapitalist exploitation. Comrade World, their is nothing wrong with this so called "baby" killing and I would remind you that it is called CHOICE, there are no such thing as these "babies", there is such a thing however called "un-planned accidents". Now, I am upset with you comrade World, I am deeply, deeply disturbed. We are trying to win over the religious right to serve our own ends and you are on here spouting the Party position on un-planned accidents. Deep breaths, whew, Ok, I'm fine now. Comrade World, I want to know who sent you, was it KKKarl Rove!?!? If not, an apology will suffice.
 
Reply with quote
By saveaworld
10/24/2006, 7:23 pm

I do not apologize!
I do what I am told comrade!
I put the word in the "click here to generate a progressive truth " button, and this is what came out.  

If the accident is unplanned, it is not choice. There are too many babies and too many accidents.  What can we do?  You are right, no wrong with these baby killings.  I am sorry I disturbed you and hope that if you need you can take a ride with Karl Rove to the Baltic Sea. And on the way look for more of these accidents and babies and kapitalists.  Perhaps, comrade Chairman Meow Pun, you can say hello to Karl for me.

Oh dear, I fear I have upset you again, I think you do not like the sea.
I must run to the prolitariate!
 
Reply with quote
By S.A.F. Marshal Pravda
10/24/2006, 10:10 pm

saveaworld wrote
Islam, you are a baby-killing pig because you do not protest the American war machine!


I'm calling in a black mariah strike...World, I agree with comrade Meow; you should have been a victim of "choice", obviously...we will correct for this error now!

Betty, sharpen the Mark VII (or whatever revision you are using)!
 
Reply with quote
By Premier Betty
10/24/2006, 10:20 pm

Order received, sharpening in process. (*Maniacal laugh*)
 
Reply with quote
By Chairman M. S. Punchenko
10/24/2006, 11:04 pm

saveaworld wrote
I am sorry I disturbed you and hope that if you need you can take a ride with Karl Rove to the Baltic Sea. And on the way look for more of these accidents and babies and kapitalists.  Perhaps, comrade Chairman Meow Pun, you can say hello to Karl for me.


It's comrade Chairman Mr. World, comrade Chairman, I did not denounce everyone around me to be called just comrade by a petty thought criminal. Only dear friends and associates can call me Meow. You sir/Madame/it are not a dear friend, especially after this incident. Now then, the good Premier is willing to spare you and your loved ones guilt and shame by giving you the opportunity to dutifully serve the revolution in the Mark VII, there are however other alternatives, like a limo ride with Her Excellency to Ft. Marcy Park or a late night drive with Uncle Ted. I guarantee you the Mark VII is the more humane method.
 
Reply with quote
By saveaworld
10/25/2006, 9:25 am

Comrades, I am crying, crying, I am so happy, so happy, you make me so happy.

While a late night drive with Uncle Ted is a little enticing, (I do like the water), I think I shall choose the Mark VII, because I do not know what it is, you suggest it to me, it sounds exciting, and I appreciate the opportunity to dutifully serve the revolution.

Thank you for giving me the choice, it is much better than the unplanned accident.

I am getting a little excited, I can hardly wait. So long I have wait to serve the revolution, I cry, I am crying, thank you, I am so happy.
 
Reply with quote
By General Ivan
10/26/2006, 10:18 pm

Chairman can I have her vodka and hard tac ration card I will help Betty clean up the mark(?) after the state sponsored service!!
 
Reply with quote
By Chairman M. S. Punchenko
10/26/2006, 10:40 pm

Of course you can General Ivan (Ret.)! You help yourself to whatever you find, fillings included!
 
Reply with quote
By saveaworld
10/26/2006, 10:57 pm

Oh, Comrade General Ivan,

how nice of you! I cry, I cry even much more.  I am so excited. Will the event be in the red square?  I do love the color red, it excites me. Can we sing the song of solidarity? Laaaaaaa! This is for the people! This is for the greater good!  This is for the revolution!

You are going to clean the mark for me, oh, so kind. The state is going to sponsor me. The thought, it is almost too much. To serve the revolution. I never thought it could be. I think though that I will need the vodka to calm my excitement, but I won't be able to eat. oh, I cry more, you are so kind.
 
Reply with quote
By Iron Felix
10/29/2006, 10:21 am

guest wrote
Is this supposed to be funny?
It's pretty stupid.

Dear Comrade Guest. You hit the nail on the head, this is not funny at all.
We are Dead serious here.
You have keen observation skills which Party can put to good use.
We even willing overlook your slip up calling Party "stupid".
Please submitt your credentials to me, and I'll try to get you pardoned.
Inside every Average Amirikkkan Mind there is a Comrade trying to get out. Just get on with Party program.

I'm sure the Politburo will concurr and issue the decree to welcome Comrade Guest into the Candidate for Party membership.

Lovingly Yours,
Iron Felix

P.S. We are Equal Opportunity Party. Even if some are more equal that others.
 
Reply with quote
By saveaworld
10/29/2006, 10:55 am

Am I a member of the Party?
 
Reply with quote
By saveaworld
10/29/2006, 10:58 am

by the way, what is the Mark VII ?
I wish to be properly prepared.
 
Reply with quote
By Iron Felix
10/29/2006, 11:03 am

Only if you pledge to vote Democrat. And don't call Party "stupid"
Otherwise you'll be an Ex-member.  Like Comrade Chauchesku.
We will check if you have registered to vote and /or getting absentee ballot.
Dont forget to Vote Multiple times. And Most Important choose DEMOCRAT!
We are watching!
Request for Membership Application is online.

Lovingly Yours,
Iron Felix
 
Reply with quote
By Red Square
10/29/2006, 11:12 am

Iron Felix wrote
Inside every Average Amirikkkan Mind there is a Comrade trying to get out.

A keen observation. A body of scientific and literary work about "the inner Comrade" already exists, but needs more attention from professional psychologists and psychiatrists. We assume that most mental diseases currently plaguing the nation could be cured at once if the patients could learn not to fight The Inner Comrade but instead, let him/her/it out in his/her/its full glory.

Simultaneously we must adjust our laws and court system and stop criminalizing progressive impulses to liberate people's property and other symptoms of spontaneous and compulsive Marxism - which is obviously part of the problem. Great progress has been made in that regard, but it's still not enough. A progressive person still cannot release The Inner Comrade in public without the fear of persecution. And that  is the most horrendous crime against humanity and a violation of civil rights committed in this country on a daily basis, resulting in millions of crippled souls forced to lead a pointless existence as middle-class law-abiding bourgeois robots who go to work, pay taxes, raise children, own homes, and vote Republican.

I need to stop now. My Inner Comrade is getting violently angry. Need to feed him something. Maybe watch CNN or listen to NPR.
 
Reply with quote
By Comrade Otis
10/29/2006, 3:00 pm

Red Square wrote
A body of scientific and literary work about "the inner Comrade" already exists, but needs more attention from professional psychologists and psychiatrists.


"The inner Comrade," is perhaps the most significant and overlooked aspect of Marxism. Most people get so caught up in the politics of Marxism that they miss the central message of his body of thought. The central thesis of Marxism is that by working for privately owned enterprises "the inner Comrade" as you say, is alienated from his true self. In order to be truly human, to discover "the inner Comrade," Marx writes - to produce is 'immediately in the expression of my life to have created your expression your life, and therefore to have immediately confirmed and actualised in my individual activity my true essence, my human, my communal essence.'

Can he make it any clearer than that?

Marx argues that alienation in capitalist societies is due to the fact that in work each person in the capitalist society can only contribute to the common wealth, (and this according to Marx is the most fundamental social aspect of ourselves) through a production system that is not social but is privately owned, and individuals function more as machinery than as humans, not as social beings. Thus alienation.

From this it is an obvious conclusion that to liberate humanity from alienation and actualize "the inner Comrade" in each of us it is necessary for the State to own all means of production and institute a totalitarian dictatorship of the proletariat. The purpose is to bring about "the inner Comrade."

From this it can be further deduced that anyone that is not a socialist is suffering from a terrible debilitating alienation and should be considered mentaly ill if not downright dangerously insane.
 
Reply with quote
By Chairman M. S. Punchenko
10/29/2006, 3:11 pm

I want to take this intellectual discourse a step further. You see, some of our comrades of a larger more robust size tend to have two-inner comrades within them. These comrades desperately try to fight their way out, but in a capitalist society where the concept of "all you can eat buffet" reigns supreme, it is more difficult for them to break free and express themselves. Therefore, if we were to do away with the bloated capitalist society and opt for a progressive socialist model, we can easily do away with the concept of food, eating ect. and unleash these two inner-comrades from the flowing belly fat of oppression found in the host comrade.
 
Reply with quote
By S.A.F. Marshal Pravda
10/29/2006, 3:44 pm

Chairman Meow S. Pun wrote
I want to take this intellectual discourse a step further. You see, some of our comrades of a larger more robust size tend to have two-inner comrades within them. These comrades desperately try to fight their way out, but in a capitalist society where the concept of "all you can eat buffet" reigns supreme, it is more difficult for them to break free and express themselves. Therefore, if we were to do away with the bloated capitalist society and opt for a progressive socialist model, we can easily do away with the concept of food, eating ect. and unleash these two inner-comrades from the flowing belly fat of oppression found in the host comrade.


Exhibit A (and B, for that matter).



Prime example of "dual persons and inner selves". Or whatever...why would the islamofacists allow a pig to represent them anyway?
 
Reply with quote
By Chairman M. S. Punchenko
10/29/2006, 3:55 pm

The same reason why we advocate hard communism while stuffing our pockets with tax-dollars. We are all hypocrites.
 
Reply with quote
By Red Square
10/29/2006, 11:30 pm

Comrade Otis wrote
From this it can be further deduced that anyone that is not a socialist is suffering from a terrible debilitating alienation and should be considered mentaly ill if not downright dangerously insane.

That's "criminally insane," Comrade Otis. These people are criminals and must be isolated in a facility where they cannot do anyone harm (and not consuming the people's rations).

Otherwise, all great points. That also includes Private Pravda and the Chairman. By the way, comrade Private Pravda, have you ever considered changing your name to Collective Pravda?
 
Reply with quote
By Comrade Otis
10/29/2006, 11:34 pm

Chairman Meow S. Pun wrote
I want to take this intellectual discourse a step further. You see, some of our comrades of a larger more robust size tend to have two-inner comrades within them.


Good point. To Private Pravda's exhibit A and B I submit exhibit C, D, and E (soon to include F):



Having two inner Comrades is one thing - but Michael Moore is hoarding.
 
Reply with quote
By Commissar M
10/30/2006, 12:07 am

It is truly wonderful to see comrade Moore looking so slim and healthy since he spent time at that "fat farm".

Clearly, some parts of the world are more Progressive in allowing the Proletariat to express its collective Inner Comrade. Take France for example (shouldn't be hard to do). Legitimate expressions of the Inner Comrade result in the government surrendering to the wishes of whatever group displays its passions most accutely.

Of course, once these countries have achieved Socialist Nirvana, such expressions will no longer be neccessary, nor will they be tolerated. You don't see this sort of activity occuring in places like Cuba or North Korea. You HAVE seen it happen in China but only because the Chinese government is patient and restrained in dealing with such rabble. And since the illegal, immoral reactionary mob violence that was Tiananmen Square, you haven't seen it again. Why? Because, in all these cases, the Inner Comrade is fulfilled in Progressive Socialist Democratic Utopias! These "uprisings" that do occur are usually the fault of infiltration by American spies under the orders of Karl Rove.
 
Reply with quote
By Iron Felix
10/30/2006, 6:52 pm

Dear Comrades, It's self evident from exibits A thru F that another Revolution is near.  However we must look forward to protect the winnings of revolution.
The countries of developed Socialism like Cuba, DPRK and  most of Africa , the Peoples Leaders care for their Comrades after the "coming out".  The obesity is being treated by substituting Pizza with Everything with bark from nutritious trees or filet of sole and sandal. Results are spectacular.
 
Reply with quote
By Chairman M. S. Punchenko
10/30/2006, 7:16 pm

Who is he eating?
 
Reply with quote
By S.A.F. Marshal Pravda
10/30/2006, 9:39 pm

Red Square wrote
Comrade Otis wrote
From this it can be further deduced that anyone that is not a socialist is suffering from a terrible debilitating alienation and should be considered mentaly ill if not downright dangerously insane.

That's "criminally insane," Comrade Otis. These people are criminals and must be isolated in a facility where they cannot do anyone harm (and not consuming the people's rations).

Otherwise, all great points. That also includes Private Pravda and the Chairman. By the way, comrade Private Pravda, have you ever considered changing your name to Collective Pravda?


hmmm...doesn't have the same ring to it....also I am happy to contribute to the Collective as a lowly, proletarian cog in the Big Red Machine....I would really like an extra ration of people's vodka and tac once in a while...salute!
 
Reply with quote
By S.A.F. Marshal Pravda
10/30/2006, 9:41 pm

Chairman Meow S. Pun wrote
Who is he eating?


har!

looks like Jaba the Hut
 
Reply with quote
By General Ivan
10/31/2006, 9:47 pm

Is this the Picture from M.M. new movie an autobiography on how to let the Jaba the hut and the Comrade out while walking around in his apart in his robe with kleenex boxs for shoes and watching old Barbara Striesand Movies...
 
Reply with quote
By Arch Limpold - Actorvist
10/31/2006, 10:10 pm

Kleenex doesn't make big enough boxes for him to use as shoes, maybe a refrigerator box could work.
 
Reply with quote
By Iron Felix
11/2/2006, 10:05 pm

Private Pravda wrote
Chairman Meow S. Pun wrote
These comrades desperately try to fight their way out, but in a capitalist society where the concept of "all you can eat buffet" reigns supreme, it is more difficult for them to break free and express themselves.


Exhibit A (and B, for that matter).



Prime example of "dual persons and inner selves". Or whatever...why would the islamofacists allow a pig to represent them anyway?


Exibit G and H


 
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Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans
Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge
No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention
Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies
MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush'
Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.'

More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers
Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama
Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20

Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America

You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy
Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK.


Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers
Somali pirates hijack international space station

Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!"
Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers"


CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide





Seven Obama cousins found living in voting booth



US choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria
US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force

Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber
Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check!

Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word


FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud
Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan'

Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them
World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you'

Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail'
Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crash
Dead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN
Biden calls taxes patriotic
Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter

Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected
KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists

Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter"
Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine"
Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby
Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart
Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked
Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan
Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals
International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes

Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement
February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so."
Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag
US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph
Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score
Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years
NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq
Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia
Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached




Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge
Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it.
Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day


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How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb?

Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint


Word of the day:
HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to Hussein
Obama: we have always been at peace with Hillary Clinton
Grand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt
Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans?
Lou the Looter In Iowa
CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company
Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problem
Hillary supporters organize against Obama

Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists

Elian Gonzales - my kid is a Communist Party Honor Student
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest
Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures
Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake
Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew'
NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station




Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans'
Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination

Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media
Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead

Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up
New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar
As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved
Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off

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Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket
Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it
International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma
Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator



North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria
Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children!

Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools

Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich

Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise
Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich
Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare

Stop and smell the Sharpies

Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy

Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month
NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes
Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes"


Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment
Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person"
Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself
New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey
KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next'
London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard
Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg
USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp
Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity
Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote
Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!'
Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint
John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement
To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam
NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama

NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp
Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General
Brokeback Mountain loses climber
NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on Mars

Las Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers
Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib
Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak
Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign

Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope

Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners

Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change

Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday
Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win

Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course
Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally
High school Meth teacher starts new class

Holy Mitt!
Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000%
Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick
Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive
"How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway
Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate
Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes
"Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad
New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline.
Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish'
NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others

Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough
Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress
Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news"
US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November
Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit.
LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead
USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller
Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia
MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home

Reid: The war on fire is lost
Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire
Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California
NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires
Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far.
Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore
Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed?

San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault
Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark
End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France
Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!"
Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland"

Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!"

Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics
Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants

CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground"
Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"

Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart
Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming


To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama
Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes.
George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam
Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers
John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care
Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't kill
Democrats select 2008 presidential slogan:
"Death to America"

Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense
"Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues
Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's death
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face

Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison

Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry
China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists
Al Gore to recall the Internet


Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month
First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle
Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead

William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package

Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis
Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program
Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos


Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability

London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings
Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"

Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos"
Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship

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Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric
Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it?
US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in Iraq
US Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for?
Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!

Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page
As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem"

Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant

Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory
Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain"
Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey
Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists"
French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results
Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture

Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely

Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time

Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids
ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists'
Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops
Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling
Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision
Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves
Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases

Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro-
mote Global Warming Jelly

New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system

Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket
Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!"
Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up
Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards
Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries
Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again?
Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues
Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial

House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED
Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission

North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright
Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission

Is it time for Pinochet yet?

see CITGO think HUGO CHAVEZ

Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History

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