Dancing with the Czars: Obama's New State-Run Show

The cast of Obama Czars hit the dance floor on the new show with the highly anticipated season premiere of Dancing with the Czars . You will be introduced to twelve Czars, who hold varying positions of power within the administration. The great thing about them is that Czars operate with impunity and are "under the radar" when it comes to making policy. They are accountable to no one except the President and, oh man, can they dance.

~

The rules are unknown and the Czars don't have to undergo Senate Confirmation Hearings, they simply get appointed. Not only do they have immunity from elimination, Obama is likely to appoint more in the coming months. Episode One will feature President Obama and TARP Czar Herb Allison. You will marvel at their prowess as they dance the Constitutional Side Step on the grave of Thomas Jefferson. Following episodes are sure to feature Energy Czar Carol Browner and Health Reform Czar Nancy-Ann DeParle. With their solutions to problems being just the opposite of what is needed, their performance is guaranteed to be dangerous and entertaining. Then there is Stimulus Accountability Czar Earl Devaney; his title alone is pure entertainment and his tap dancing will astound all. Other dancers such as InfoTech Czar, and Urban Czar are quite the mystery. No one seems to know exactly what they do. Do they have talent or were they appointed to their positions as political favors? You'll have to watch to find out. Tune in this season and watch which liberties and freedoms will be eroded first, on Dancing with the Czars! Coming to all state-run media outlets.

This comrade is confused (again!), didn't The One appoint a Czar Czar, to oversee all the other Czars? This one perhaps misread one of the rethuglican blogs, in an attempt to anticipate their agitprop on the subject, and perhaps should only stick to reading approved Party blogs from now on.

Ack, the drug Czar came from Seattle Police Department.  Where he actually had his issue handgun stolen from his car.  Nothing like the CHIEF OF POLICE'S HANDGUN getting stolen.  They never found it.

The great thing about them is that Czars operate with impunity .

pret auto

Comrades, rejoice!

Chairman Zero (sound of the badonkadonk, the oosik, the poo-covered tap shoe, and you MUST BOW DOWN) is simply fulfilling his promise to provide jobs!

Imagine, 3 million Czars!

Of course, the peasantry will have to do with several fewer potatoes and a substantial cutback on beet rations, and the weekly half-pound of bread normally allotted to them will have to be reduced to a quarter pound every two weeks, but a promise is a promise, no matter how many peasants have to die give more for the glorious Cause!

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the Fairest Czar of All?  Why, it's Comrade Cass Sunstein, the Regulatory Czar.  He will make sure all internet articles are fairly balanced with equal and opposing articles, and in his own words when an angry comrade is about to send an angry e-mail here is what he proposes:

"We propose a Civility Check that can accurately tell whether the e-mail you're about to send is angry and caution you, 'warning: this appears to be an uncivil e-mail. do you really and truly want to send it?'"

He will make sure the internet is Fair and Equal for All, this is why Cass Sunstein is the Fairest Czar of All.

Click Here to learn more.

I hereby appoint Comrade 7.62 as the "Concrete-in-Peoples-Rifles" Czar!

I hereby appoint Comrade Meatshield as the "Throw-Masses-of-Peasants-Under-The-Bus" Czar!

I hereby appoint Comrade binclintonusa as the "Impunity Czar"

I hereby appoint Comrade Maksim as the "Photoshop Whore" Czar!

And for myself, I appoint myself as the "Multilingual Pimp" Czar!

Comrades, let not this opportunity pass you by!  Strike while the iron is hot!  We have at least 2,999,975 more Czars to appoint!

And I appoint Comrade Leninka as the "Wendy's" Czar!

But alas, Czar Cass Sunstein, Czarina Leninka, over the seven hills, living with the seven equally vertically challenged comrades is equally one thousane times fairer than you!

Comrade Leninka, but it is all for The Greater Good! You see, even firing squads will be civil about Che's business now. We have the moral high ground!

I appoint Pinkie a Beet Czarina. And Pinkie's pinky a Shovel Czar.

I never watched "Dancing with the Stars" so why should I watch "Dancing with the Czars"?

Comrade Commissar - watch it, or else!

Yes, Genosse Pieck - I think you've come up with the ultimate tag line for this show:

Dancing with the Czars: WATCH IT, OR ELSE!

Woohoo! I contributed to the Greater Good! Do I get a medal for valiancy in class warfare? I will happily offer one of the coins I received from wealth-spread to re-strike as such.

Class Warfare? Isnt there a Czar for that yet?

Isn't that called "comment moderation" which most progblogs already employ, or does this also apply to my non-public e-mails?  

Perhaps, in addition to the spam folder, we could have an "uncivil" folder for e-mails flagged as being uncivil.  

But why stop at e-mails?  How about a 24 hour cooling off period during phone calls and face-to-face conversations?  

As an example, take standard pillow talk:  

MAN:  "Whew!  Now wasn't that the best ever, baby?"

In fact, for the Woman it was lousy, but it would be uncivil to say what she really thinks, so she has to wait 24 hours to cool off, by which time she'll have forgotten how lousy it was and can tell him it was, indeed, the best ever.  His machismo is thus spared in a very compassionate and progressive manner!

Only there's no way to really enforce that.  How can people possibly know that what they're about to say is uncivil?  They don't, which is precisely why so many uncivil things are said each day.  

So we'll have to appoint moderators.  No two persons can have a conversation, whether on the phone or face-to-face, unless there's also a moderator on the line or present as the case may be.   Think of all the jobs that would create!

MAN:  "Whew!  Now wasn't that the best ever, baby?"
  
WOMAN (to moderator): "I want to tell him it was lousy."

MODERATOR: "That doesn't sound very civil to me.  Don't you think you should wait 24 hours?  You might feel differently tomorrow."

WOMAN: "No!  I'm sick and tired of every single time we do this, just wham-bam and it's over, and he's says the same stupid thing and I have to say yes even though it was lousy.  Just once, I'd like to let him know I'm not being satisfied!"

MODERATOR: "Fine, but let's explore nicer ways of saying it than just, 'it was lousy.'"

WOMAN: "Can I tell him I've been faking it all this time just to get it over with?"  

MODERATOR: "Oh, that still sounds uncivil.  You should still wait 24 hours, by which time--"

MAN (bolts upright in bed and turns to woman): "Hey, wait a minute now--are you saying it's always lousy for you?  And that you've been FAKING IT?"

MODERATOR: "Calm down, Comrade, she hasn't really said it to you yet.  Her comments are still awaiting moderation."

MAN (to Woman): "Lousy, am I?  And you say you have to fake it?  Well, maybe if you didn't just lie there like a--"

MODERATOR:  "Ah ah ah!  What would you like to say to her, Comrade?"

MAN: "That maybe if she didn't just lie there like a sack of old beets all the time--"

MODERATOR: "That sounds uncivil to me.  Are you sure that's what you want to say to her?  Perhaps if you gave yourself 24 hours to cool off . . ."


Or we could just fit everyone with implants that zap you every time you say something uncivil:  

MAN:  "Whew!  Now wasn't that the best ever, baby?"

WOMAN:  "If you must know, it was--AAGGH!  OHHH!  AAAGH!  Oh my--YOWWW!"

MAN:  "Wow!  You're way over on the other side of the bed having another orgasm and I'm not even touching you.  Damn, I'm good!  Ain't I, babe?"

WOMAN:  "AAGH!!  I can't take anymore--AAGGH!"

MAN:  "You just fell off the bed to the floor and you're still having an orgasm?  You know what?  I think you've been faking it all this--YOWW!"

Yes, I think this idea is just crazy enough to work.

Ah,Commissarka Pinkie

It is good to see you back. However, I must differ with you on one point.
IF the man truly taken the party spirit to heart, he would not have initiated anything amorous until having properly set the mood.
Of course by going to the peoples commissary for some vintage beet wine, candles, some attractive farm implements and finally of course, nothing is sexier than a Commissarka in freshly cleaned work pajamas, fully beet-wined and with a squeeky clean shovel! I get sweaty just thinking about it!

Thank you Comrade DDR Kamerad.  You remembered my Wendy's wig.  But, you didn't say anything about my Comrade Nancy Pelosi eyelift.  Perhaps my avatar is too small to see them.
Here I am, with both my Wendy's wig, and my Comrade Nancy eyes.  After all, imitation is the best form of flattery.





Oh, Genosse Pieck, things are moving forward with utmost haste, if even Che's firing squad brigades will exhibit civility.

Comrade Khruelchev,

Denouncéd Be! "Setting the mood" is bourgeois and inefficient. As any Party Member in Good Standing knows, the human mating act serves only one purpose: to supply The State and The Party with future members. (Within reason, of course, so as not to cause Overpopulation.)

I propose opening the Workers Combinate Lebensborn to ensure that the future needs of The State and The Party are met as efficiently as possible. Think of The Children!

I leave the details of said factory for the Central Committee to work out. Your input is appreciated.

(See Comrade Pinkie's example above)  

Comrade Pinkie,

I don't know where you come up with these brilliant ideas.  It seems that Mr. Sunstein was indeed, referring to all e-mails.

Perhaps the moderator could also send signals to the woman's tinfoil hat, so that the minute she feels disgust, her facial muscles contort into a blissful smile, and then, a reminder message bleeps in her brain:  "Next time, have a double shot of bourbon People's Vodka."

(off)
In a sense, I should, and will. Of course, at my age (19) I could just join my fellow young idiots and not care, then my vote record would be rewritten, and I'd be registered to vote democrat.

And as they say, "Vote democrat, it's easier then thinking."

prog off

Elliott, I am impressed and glad to know that there are still graduates of the state indoctrination institutes that despite what they "learn" still have a brain and know how to use it. There is hope after all. Really! When I see the usual "output", all I can think is "panem et circenses." Glad to have you here!

Thank you Genosse Pieck, and I don't blame you for thinking that way. Considering the voting record of the youth, the chances of finding something like me are rare (about 1:3 if I remember right, but a. it's been a while, b. I live in Minnesota, so good luck, and c. I live in a heavy libby land section.)

You forgot moi!  The Margarita Czar.

--

I humbly nominate myself for position of Czar of Shovel Hygiene.

If chosen I promise clean shovels for all. After all, there is much pride in a clean shovel.

Remember: the condition of your shovel reflects on you. If you shovel is dirty and covered in rust, then perhaps you are dirty and need to be arrusted. But if your shovel is clean and tidy and ready for a happy 28-hour day of joyful back-breaking labor, well then you live.

I nominate Comrade Elliott for the bicameral position of clown-monitoring Czar of  Minnesocold.

Here are your steps:



and



Here is your clown to monitor:

Say, perhaps the losing Czars in this television extravaganza could receive the same prize as the Romanovs received on their short-run tv show (I think it was pre-empted by some Bowling program, the Shevik Bowlers, I think)



Oh, and I don't know about anyone else but Carol Browner sure is hot in that picture!

Barharhar!  Wouldn't it make a delightful visual to see yelling Yelena instead of Carol Browner in that photo above?  Oh, please, someone with photoshopery, please...

We need a Needs™ Czar, later to be renamed the Commissar of Needs™ and Abilities™.

He/she/it will decide who gives what to whom, when, how, and how much. (I recommend Chairman Punchenko). He/she/it will also absorb the current House Ways and Means Committee, renamed in the Commissariat of Needs™ and Entitlements™. (Not to be confused with the Bureau of Ends and Means).

This will take care of the healthcare problem too. It is unfair that today some of the more able-bodied proles do not give back to the communities their kidneys, livers, and other organs according to their ability. That is the selfish legacy of the dark and oppressive past.

But never fear, Needs™ Czar is here!

The problem with healthcare today is that every individual owns his own individual organism. This nuisance can be quickly and inexpensively resolved with collective ownership of all human organisms by the state. Think of the pool of spare parts this opens for redistribution to each according to his Needs™!

This, of course, necessitates the ban of alcohol, tobacco, and trans-fats to keep the pool clean from contamination as we await the coming ProgWorld™ of Next Tuesday.

YOU OWE ME YOUR KIDNEY

Citizens,

     Just as destructive............

                                               Publius

I nominate Diana Moon Glampers as Equality Czar.

Pinkie, I like your idea of moderators. On dates. He reaches to pick up the check. She wonders if she will be obligated. Enter the moderator.

"John, are you expecting any sort of quid pro quo out of buying dinner for Jane?"

"Uh..."

"Jane, do you feel that by accepting this dinner that you are obligated in any way?"

"Not for goddamned Taco Bell."

"Jane! You're supposed to talk to me. Now do you think it is fair to eat on John's money without telling him that you will not put out for Taco Bell?"

"Er, well, no girl does..."

"Perhaps a somewhat lengthy good-night kiss, with just a hint of tongue?"

"I guess I could do that."

"John, Jane says that she will not put out for Taco Bell..."

"What will she put out for?"

"John, I'm going to have to assess you three demerits for that answer. We are not yet to that place."

Jane, "Moderator, let me just jump in here and waive my rights to intercession. I believe that I am allowed, under Mr. Sunderstein's rules, to do this once per date."

"Jane, I believe you have done that already when I was negotiating and you waved your hand and cleared your throat."

"I was choking on a taco, you great fucking fool!"

"Jane, I'm going to have to assess you ten demerits on that one."

"Now both you, Jane, and you, John are confined to your apartments, houses, or places of domicile for a period of not less than one week, with internet or telephone, until you understand the importance of moderation."

Comrades,
I've discovered another collective discussing Commissar appointments....  http://www.ihatethemedia.com/barack-obamas-night-of-a-thousand-czars

the Comandant of that collective ordered the proletariat to submit suggestions for other types of Commissars that may be needed to control the unwashed masses.

I also wanted to let Politburo know, I would like to volunteer for the  RE-education Czar position....  I can supply my own lead pipes to aide in the "enlightenment" of the facility "guests"

Lieutenant Tokarev - you got it.

Speaking of more Czars, we have appointed one long time ago. Marshall Pupovich has been our Guilt Czar appointee for a few months now, I believe.

Spasibo balshoye Comrade Red Square!!

I placed ad for "re-educators" on the huffpo, d-kos, and akorn websites.... my email box runneth over....  

We will ensure that ALL "re-educated guests" that leave the Liberal Enlightenment Facilities will vote Communist in ALL future elections.... whether they're alive OR dead!

Comrade Red, may I offer my services as Czar of International Relations?

I promise to uphold the rules of conduct so exemplefied by our Dear Leader, kowtowing to anyone who asks. I can kiss a$$ in all world languages and am willing to drop my AK47 at the slightest threat. 55 years of non-agression policies, moderate middle-of-the-road solutions and an emasculated military have born rich fruit! You had Carter? We had Schmidt!!

If some international relations require a "little extra", I would like to volunteer Comrade Commissarska Pinkie as co-Czarina. She appears to have a more equal amount of experience in this particular field.

I’ve searched the people’s database and found this photo of Yelena at dance rehearsal.

My apologies to Woz


To quote Pinkie "I'm not that kinda HO".

Lt. Tokarev.  Good choice of revolutionary tools.  I approve most whole heartedly.  

As nobody has called it, I call Prison Camp Czar.  Can't be a wild eyed revolutionary without prison camps!  

Pinkie, can you create a special line of prisoner's shovels?  Smaller than normal and requiring twice the work for half the results?

I didn't notice this thread before posting this on The People's Blog:  ALL HAIL SUPREME CZAR BARACK I

Comrade Doktor,

did you not get memo 237-85-07(c)?

Premier Obama is god, not even a czar can claim that! Those who have been chosen to be czars are so by the grace of O!

Czar?!  Czar?!  I said, "Supreme Czar," as in the Czar Czar, which, if you think about it, is similar to saying "King of kings."  Of course, these are all lesser mortal titles when compared to the glory of The Immortal One's godhood!

By Lenin, this Evan Thomas ought to be the Czar of People's Party Worship and Holy Shrines to the Whatnot.  Thank Trotsky for this recent revelation and for the occasional descendit de caelis which his Oliness visits upon us, the unwashed, smelly, garlic-eating, lice-ridden crippled masses of putrefaction who scuttle on the floors of these silent seas:



*****
character off

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
heck...heck...gah...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARF! ^amen.

RedPundit can not dance!

Is it too late to join in the fun?

Now it's my turn.   Tell his O'linees I'm ready to CHA CHA!

Careful Comrade, that was dangerously close to a ThoughtCrime...



I hereby appoint Comrade BigFurHat as Class Warfare Czar!

While Comrade BigFurHat is more equal than others, I denounce nonperson CollectiveAnger for blasphemy in assuming that he/she/it has the same authority as the O'ly One in appointing a Czar!  Kollekt your shovel and report to the loading dock at the train station for transportation to the Karl Marx Treatment Center.  During your re-education, we will be preparing your show trial.  You will be honored to have Chairman Meow act as judge, jury, and executioner; and the wise Marshal Pupovich will declare your guilt for the prosecution.    I will represent your non-defense of complete guilt. All show trials come with a coupon for one free Jiffi-Lobo.™  We insist recommend that you use it!

Damn it, Dr. You forgot my impaling spikes. How many times must I tell all your comrades that I will not be done out of my impaling spikes. I am primus inter pares of commissars and if I want to impale, then by Stalin I will impale.

If someone gets on the MSM and says something unconscionable, then I impale. If some silly bimbo like Sarah Palin says something that I don't like, the impale. If a himbo like Geraldo or Matt Lauer says something objectionable, then I impale.

Remember the Prog credo:

What's mine is mine.
What's yours is ours.
I get to say who's responsible.

...and following your show trial, nonperson CollectiveAnger, you will be sent to Comrade Vlad at Rancho del Rio Grande for a free stake and processing into Pupovich's Proles 'n' Bits.

(Theo, he/she/it was still going to be sent to one of your Jiffi-Lobo™ franchises, so don't feel too left out.)

Dr., I have donated the proceeds, oh, hell, some of the proceeds just like Ben and Jerry donate some of their proceeds, of the Jiffi-Lobo to ProgCo. I figure that's the way to go. I lose a little money but ProgCo is there to chum the waters for more takings.

ProgCo trades in guilt and theft. And what's more proggy than that?

And ProgCo is the tax-dollar-sucking charitable foundation and NGO that funds our banquets at the Rancho and Meow's lechery with research on drunk Asian bar whores life-saving counter-STD health programs and killing Meow's illegitimate children before they can be born international wymyn's reproductive health services.

I nominate myself for Whiskey & Coke Czar. I also think we should have a Guitar Czar (no Green Day, Please!). 'twould make the shoveling go by easier.

Dr., I quite agree that ProgCo is a most worthwhile foundation. Just think of the expenses that we can run through it. [ 25 years ago I did some software consulting for one of the (then) big-eight accounting firms and you cannot believe what I saw run through as an expense. Not a single life-insurance company in Dallas that one partner had, and Dallas is a bigger insurance city than Hartford, paid income tax. But VPs and partners spent the entire day on the golf course, went to Cowboy games with their wives, and were hauled to the Pyramid Room (then very fancy), which was passed off as an operating expense, folded into the insurance company's tax return, and used to jack up insurance rates with the Department of Insurance. ]

All Made Progressives need ProgCo. I'm willing to offer donation receipts at very generous rates. If Bill Clinton can donate his used underwear for $2, what price is a burnt matchstick?

ConservativeMuzhelozhstvo, considering your avatar and what I learned by googling, I extend to you an invitation to the Rancho de Rio Grande. For a play date with Bruno. Just keep the goddamned Streisand turned down.

I agree, Theo, KKKonservative nonperson Muzhelozhstvo is not even worthy of a show trial but should be given his free stake directly.

Hooboy! I love steak. That's a lot better than beats and radishes. My favorite is Ted's of Beverly Hills.





BTW, I was looking for "gay" on Google one night and Muzhelozhstvo was the only translation I could find.

Teeheehee!  Theo, nonperson KKKonservative "Bright 'n' Happy" thinks he's getting a "steak!"  ROFL!

Dr. Strangelove - Muzhelozhstvo is still in that happy period you might call "How I stopped worrying and learned to love free steak." Little does he know! Little does the rest of Amerikkka now! Ouch!

Theo's next bestseller: "How I stopped worrying and learned to love homophones."

I'm so confused. I was going to offer Muzhelozhsvo a Tube Stake:


After all, the Rancho is the perfect place for the "Tube Steak Boogie," and ZZ Top is always playing.

I Googled "Gay" and this is the first thing that came up:

"Homophones?"
Here's Bruno's:


I suppose that here at the Rancho is as close to being butch that Bruno can get. "Like a Rhinestone Cell Phone..."

GULP!

Oh darn, the Pup has eaten it.

I liked him when he was black. He's going to be doing a strenuous series of London shows--how? I doubt he's up for it.

Rhetorical terpsichorean and Green Czar, Van Jones, I hear has taken precious time away from organizing protests against the racist thugs of the Oakland Police Department to attend the soiree. Rumor has it, he will be joined by a troupe of brown…er, I mean, green-shirted young hipsters fresh from their sophomore year at U.C. Berkeley, on this side of the Bay, yo! And they’ll be serving up crip walkin’ and popin’ and serving it up well! Hey, are you sorting your recycling correctly? Do we really need to come to your house and check? Perhaps, we do. Is your small business doing its fair share to spare the air? If not, we will litigate you into the ground. Imagine a cadre of thousands of youngsters with heads full of Gore and Chomsky spinning, kicking and swirling across the land righting wrongs, healing the planet, ferreting out the spoilers, the polluters and climate change deniers (trials to follow, shortly), what a sight, indeed. Green is the new black: and black is beautiful!

As I note it has yet to be claimed, I would like to humbly submit my name for consideration when choosing Czar of People's Vodka.

The fascist "we decide how many people are welcome in the bio-diversity-sphere" cha-cha!

There is a number of comebacks for a line like that just dangling there.  But this cat will pass, because it will lower me to the level of a certain gapped tooth late night guy.

I would say MJ belongs in a side show exhibit with the freaks and penciled neck geeks, but that would not be fair to the freaks and penciled neck geeks.

But he's so honorable, sleeping in the bed with little boys and he didn't touch them. Just think how cool, sorry, kewl, it is for him to have a ferris wheel at his house. And most pedophiles have to get by with a bag of candy.

Aha!  I see Colonel 7.62, following his promotion, immediately adopted the behavior of a true Commissar: to wit- stabbing me in the back by trying to take my title!  So this is how you repay me for making you an Obamissar?!!  Good on you!  You've learned well in the collective.  Being selfish and stealing from others while claiming selflessness is INCREDIBLY PROGish.

I've been the Commissar of Gulags and Car Wash Products since before The One started smoking cigarettes!  Shouldn't I be the natural choice for Prison Camp Czar??

-COV

There is a difference between Gulags and Prison Camps my dear Commissar.  When I say prison camps, I mean prison camps like Comrade Che ran, unlike a Gulag where you actually had a chance to get out.  As leader of a rag tag band of Revolutionary Red Guards, I need a prison camp somewhere.  Still they are related.  I'll bow out to Vodkavich, but I still need to be czar of something.  Comrade Kalashnikov is already People's Armorer I'm sure, I suppose I could be the Guerilla Czar.  Mmmm I like the sound of that actually.

Comrade Colonel, someone still needs to be Czar Czar of Gabor...

Sorry, but The People's Humor is generally very lame, err, unaspirational.

Comrade Pieck your People's Humor is very lame indeed.  Good.  It doesn't show much thought, which would be bad.

I nominate Bruno for Czar Czar of Gabor.

Yes, Bruno would be a good Czar Czar of Gabor.

But we need someone to be in charge of robbing regulating the security services:

Czar Czar Brinks

*MY* People's Humor, Comrade Colonel? I denounce you!! (It's a hobby...) I possess nothing! Everything is shared with The People, including yourself, Comrade Colonel!

Thus you equally came up with this unaspirational whittiness, so did every Commissar, Zampolit, prole and prog in the Cube. We are the Borg!!!

Which means we also need a Czarborg.

If everything is shared with the people, including ourselves, I volunteer Bruno to be shared. I really suggest that Bruno be shared.

"Take my Bruno. Please."

Rim-shot.

I thought of nominating myself to be HBO Czar, simply because no one hates Bush as much as I do, nor is anyone as dedicated as I am to keeping that hate alive, for I--unlike those wussies Jodin and Mikael--refuse to give up hope that Bush and all his many 19 percenter minions will be brought to justice.  

At least that's how I regarded myself until this morning, when I was perusing Newsbusters (mind you, I only read it because I think it's hilarious and pathetic the way they keep trying to find "liberal bias" everywhere they look, talk about black helicopter paranoia, plus you know the old saying--know your enemy)--anyway, I found a link to this masterpiece by Mark Morford, the same insightful writer who rightly proclaimed Obama to be a "Lightworker."  

This man has found his elusive "W" spot purported to give one deep, multiple Hate Bush Orgasm.  

That, or he's been plagiarizing my best A-material off the Cube.

I have taken up, quite late in life, and as the last step in a particularly circuitous path to trying to understand secular redemption, reading some cheap tunic rippers, or perhaps bodice rippers. This morning I was reading one and was gasping for air, not because of the eroticism, of which there was none, but because of the astonishingly empurpled prose.

But I realized that this dreadful author was entirely outdone as as feasted my lambent green orbs on the empurpled prose of Mr. Morford.

The Signal was very strong with Comrade Morford!
He certainly has the Frequency, but I'm gonna tell Kenneth to turn down the volume a little.
We're running low on vacuum tubes and fuse boxes. Comrade Morford blew a bunch yesterday and that was only off a Folsom street windowsill.
I'm sorry, I was talking about vacuum tubes and fuse boxes, wasn't I?
Not skin flutes, meat whistles, or bearded pogo sticks.
Trust me on that one because I'm The Czar of Vacuum Tubes and Fuse Boxes.

Laika, I will air freight you a 1L6--that's the 1.5v pentragrid converter tube used only in the Zenith Transoceanic. Now that was a hell of a radio just about the time you started orbiting us and sending down your wonderful transmissions for our tin-foil hats.

And for those of us with bridgework. the bridgework. But there is a problem with bridgework, If you have it upper and lower, sometimes you can set up a resonant frequency of transmissions. So all in all, the tin-foil chapeau is better.

Would you care for a brace of 3V4 power amplifiers? They're sweet--you can run the filaments on 3V at 150mA or 1.5V at 300mA. Now that's a cool tube.

Only if it is indeed a rim-shot and not something else...

At this late date in appointments I humbly accept nomination as Czar of The Matryoshki and Woomba Wombats, which in DoppelgangerLand is one and the same.  Which of course will be the name of my new theme park, once the wretched Disney and that measly mouse have met my progbreaths end.  And in the mean time we'll let Yellena get a turn with his O'liness...

V, a rim-shot and nothing else? Whatever do you mean?

RR, is it wise to have our Rock Star President do a turn on the tiles when it takes away from his time bowing to autocrats like the King of Saudi Arabia? And he needs to practice his supple lips, so good at talking the talk, for the proper caress of the backsides of Euroweenies. Because let us remember: there is nothing good in American which His O'liness cannot sell out, and there is nothing bad in the world which His O'liness and his friends cannot embrace.

Theo- should have said "nothing else that starts with RIM..."

Comrades-

Who are the nominees for Czar of Hope?  Czar of Change??

I think that we should nominate Slick Willie and Jeremiah Wright both as being the Czar of Hope. And watch the fun as they both struggle for the limelight. My only question is if we ought to frisk them for knives first.

I think a knife would be the least of your worries with regards to what you might find when frisking Slick Willie.

Once some years ago a friend and I were wondering what to do if we had a gun with one bullet and there were two objectionable people. C said, "I'd shoot S and put the gun in E's hand."

I merely want a cage match between Wright and Bill. With Sharpton to referee. And I get to dispose of the winner.

That kinda reminds me of this joke:  

The Jiffi-Lobo Implant:™  Now, after just a few zaps in the noggin, you can have that fresh Jiffi-Lobo™ lack of feeling with you all the time! You're guaranteed that you won't even care that you're drooling on yourself, or your money back!

In high school I read a science-fiction novel, by I think Jack Vance, which took place on another planet. Everyone had a collar and it was coded by colors, which they used instead of an alphabet. I can see now that straight men would be handicapped in this--"Was that blue or aqua?" And I'm not sneering. It just is.

There were people in the crowd who were anonymous and who had boxes which they could use to "take someone's head." If someone was not sufficiently prog, then his collar would explode.

I like that. It would cut down on the trips to Jiffi-Lobo for people who are recidivist.

Ach, Mitgenosse...the obligatorische deevaluation of currency means you must have a 55-gallon drum of these to make a noticeable contribution!  It would require taking four peasants off the beet fields to haul it over to the local Commissariat!

But my snazzy new People's Currency means you only need a really big wheelbarrow!

I hereby appoint Comrade Theocritus as Czar of Rims.

I hereby appoint Comrade Pieck as the Czar of Puns.

I hereby appoint Comrade Strangelove as the Czar of Induced Multiple Orgasms.

Genosse Kamerad!

Freude, schoener Goetterfunken! Now I can say that I did not intend anything! Prog-thought is so liberating.

I wanted to provide the de-valuta'ed 10 Mark coin to restrike it as a medal. Aluminum is very flexible.

What is with the funny hats on German bank notes? I think yours was snazzier.

Funny hats? It seems that everyone in Europe wants to be French--with a French beret.

Comrade Theocritus,

this is not a beret. It's a medieval Laika receptor made of wool, before the invention of aluminum foil.

prog off...

I miss the (D) Mark... sniff...

Me too, Comerade Pieck.  This Euro crap is killing me!

Comrades! How dare you question the successful imposition of a huge, unaccountable bureaucracy in Europe and a unified currency? This is treasonous. It is the obligation of the Germans, with their strong currency, to help along say the Spanish. And do not question the wisdom of Brussels. For some while Ireland has been a magnet for businesses because of its low income-tax rate. Brussels wants to "harmonise" the tax rates to make sure that everyone has a huge dirigiste tax rate.

It's the Prog Way.

Comrade Pieck--we must conserve aluminum to make foil hats!  Therefore, paper makes a much better currency.  

And you can burn your wheelbarrow full of cash to keep warm!

I hereby appoint Commissar Obammisar Vodkavich as Czar over Euro Crap.

I hereby appoint Comrade Laika as Czar of Fire Hydrants and Other Public Pissoirs.

Yes, we must conserve aluminum for the foil hats. But why use paper for currency? We should do what the Golgafrinchans do: use leaves as currency.

Oh. I live in the desert without any forests for leaves. This is grossly unfair.

Yes Commissar, but we can also do as the Golgafrinchans did and burn the forests to prevent inflation.  

However before we do that, I will dispatch a very large load of compressed leaves to you from the forests around Olympia.  

Would you like a hundred pounds of fir needles as well to make small change with?

Thank you, 7.62, for the leaves. But I don't need the fir needles. I have greasewood leaves for that. Ah, the smell of creosote. Sometimes I can't tell if it's the impaling stakes or the shrubbery.