The end of summer rapidly approaches, but there is still time for your child's indoctrination at Kamp Obama!
At Kamp Obama we educate young skulls full of mush in such progressive activities as groupthink, activism, denunciations, and show trials. From Marx and Engels to Alinsky and Ayers, your child will learn the best tactics, thinking techniques, and viewpoints.
In addition to fun, your child will be trained in the following useful skills that he, she, or it will need as a progressive adult:
Pie Throwing
Bullying
Shout Down
Physical Intimidation
In Your Face
Punch Twice As Hard
The Chicago Way
~
Kamp Obama's secret of success is a scientifically measured formula that associates pleasure with awareness in all areas of social and economic justice, as evidenced by the following useful activities:
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DIY Raft Building
Soon this country will no longer be the shining light on the hill; those wishing to escape Marxism have nowhere to go. Homemade raft building is expected to become the fastest growing recreational sport and a useful way to unload all those GM and Chrysler cars the government owns.
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Found Objects Shelter
Learn to build eco-friendly shelters from found objects! Course instructor is the President's own brother George, who lives in just such a structure even today. He will teach your child the benefits of living in a non-imperialistic socialist third world country.
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First Aid and Basic Surgery
Socialized healthcare is just around the corner and with it comes extended waiting periods for medical care. So it’s important that all progressive citizens have a working knowledge of most procedures. At Kamp Obama your child will receive training in self-surgery and many other useful cost cutting measures.
Campfire Sing-A-Longs
Every night all campers will gather around the fire to roast tofu wieners and sing a recommended number of progressive songs:
This Land is Not Your Land, You Blood-Sucking Capitalist Pig.
He Ain’t Heavy, He’s Big Brother
If I Had a Hammer and a Sickle
Obama’s Got the Whole World in His Hand
New York Times, They Are Never Changin’
Where Have All the Republicans Gone
Your child's awareness will skyrocket after playing these fun games:
Leap Prog
Pin the Tail on the Running Dog
Hide, Seek, N Report
Hot Beet
Shovel-Ready Races
After two weeks of vigorous re-programming your child will return as a well-trained prog, ready to beat, bully, and shout down any and all crazed right-wing protesters.
If standard public school indoctrination isn’t enough for your troubled kid - if you child is still acting out, showing signs of free thinking and individually - Kamp Obama might just be the answer.
Perfect! I hereby volunteer the Colonel for Kamp Obama! Stalin knows he needs it! So many thought crimes, so little Understanding™, and he has never had the fine privilege of being fully indoctrinated.
Comrade Ayers will be instructing little minds full of mush on the correct manner of starting camp fires and the use of incendiary devices. As an extra added attraction he will teach how to write ghost (written) stories to read around the campfire.
Darn it! I wanted to enroll when I was younger, but now that I'm 20, that isn't going to happen. On this note, please don't tell me Bonnie Fwank is a camp councilor.
Comrade Ayers will be instructing little minds full of mush on the correct manner of starting camp fires and the use of incendiary devices. As an extra added attraction he will teach how to write ghost (written) stories to read around the campfire.
Without doubt Ivana, also note that the poster depicts our very own Pinkie marching the Obama Youth to an Out On A Ledge protest. At Kamp Obama Pinkie is a professor of prog arts which includes shovel whacking.
I was just getting ready to send my kid when I saw the fine print on the back of the pamphlet...........
*** WARNING: Kamp Obama assumes no liability for damages incurred when your newly programmed youngster rats you out and bites the hand that feeds them by reporting parents to the authorities for anti-government thought crimes. ***
We really must have a beauty contest for the most Useful of Useful Idiots. And the prize? A bullet in the head. But the useful idiots don't know that will be the prize.
Only if Perez Hilton Mario can ask the questions at the pageant. In fact, we think he should be head of inquisition training at Kamp Obama. He sets a fine example for The Children™.
Suggested summer book for Kamp Obama, by the (DeMAOcratic) party!
Publius
An excellent piece of work, Comrade. Our Dear Leader expects to receive rave reviews for the book after you ghost write it for him.
In honor of your achievement, Comrade Nanski wishes you join her for a trip aboard her new private People's aircraft. Bring your mop and bucket. Also, bring your latex gloves (Nanski just loves having her footsies massaged.)
hmmmmm.... i was thinking of sending my akachan to samurai school where they'll learn the finer arts of kenjutsu, intimidation and the formal rituals of seppuku in case they shame the family.... but kamp obama seems pretty good too... will obama kamp instill the guilt needed to commit harakiri if necessary? ...hmmmmm
The glorious Řbama Kiddie Kamp akademik kurrikulum should konsidered for use in konjunktion with adult remedial rice paddie vokational re-edukation, in this komrades humble opinion.
Thank you komrades for this very patriotik announcement! Please to be enrollink my little babushkas for proper enlightenment into becomink another hammer and suckling to the kause!
What a glorious idea, Supercommissar! (Note to self: investigate if title 'SuperCommissar' is not ThoughCrimeTM, as superlatives generally foment dissent among the proles. Oh kittyscat, what the hell, he's good with PhotoShop).
I can see a whole new generation of groupthinking Community Organizers ready to usher in the bright future of Next Tuesday! How can I grovel my way in and get some OPM help?
Ivana Tinkle wrote
Comrade Ayers will be instructing little minds full of mush on the correct manner of starting camp fires and the use of incendiary devices. As an extra added attraction he will teach how to write ghost (written) stories to read around the campfire.
Comrade Tinkle, splendid to see you on the Cube! We as a class are far under-represented, and are in a struggle to free the collective from the opression of caninies. I raise my paw in support, with yours and those of our countless comrades, all for The KittensTM.
What a glorious idea, Supercommissar! (Note to self: investigate if title 'SuperCommissar' is not ThoughCrimeTM
Thanks Mousey and I felt the same when Red Square assigned me the title, but who am I to argue with the boss. In fact I denounce General Mousey-Tongue for daring to question the Head Red.
Because of Obama I am inspired to be Astroturf.
Because of Obama I am inspired to turn in my 67 year old father in the "Cash for Clunkers" exchange.
Because of Obama I am inspred to wait for months for medical treatment.
Because of Obama I am inspred to relinquish all individuality for the collective.
Because of Obama I am inspired to purchase toys, shirts, posters, and coffee mugs on The People's Cube, even though I dont drink coffee.
Because of Obama I have become a community dis-organizer, "mob"ster, and Un-American.
Because of Obama I LMAO reading the posts of my fellow travelors on The People's Cube.
Because of Obama I now use the word "stupidly" in my daily conversations.
Because of Obama the inspired teacher who made the above video and posted it on the internet without parental permission like all good progs who think their property is yours and your children are theirs got a civil spanking...
Quote
A middle school teacher in Missouri was suspended Monday forputting a video on YouTube of his students chanting lines from BarackObama speeches and wearing military fatigues.
The video, called"Obama Youth -- Junior Fraternity Regiment," was posted by a YouTubeuser named "keepitwildtv" on Oct. 2. The school learned the video wason the Internet and took action against the teacher Monday morning.
JoyceMcGautha, superintendent of the Urban Community Leadership Academy, acharter school for students in fifth through ninth grades in KansasCity, Mo., said that the video was probably taken last May during theJunior Fraternity's morning meeting at the school.
She would notdisclose the teacher's name. "At this time because of the legal actionthat we'll probably have to take against the teacher, I'm not going togive his name," McGautha said.
Students at the school have30-minute group sessions four times a week during which they aresupposed to work on reading and writing. Once a week they are allowedto have "activities," McGautha said. There are 12 groups at the publiccharter school.
The Junior Fraternity students studied Obama'seconomic plan with the teacher, and the superintendent did not knowwhether the teacher or the students scripted the routine. The groupshould have also studied John McCain's economic plan, thesuperintendent said.
In the video, eighth- and ninth-graderswearing military camouflage pants and navy t-shirts chant and perform aroutine in the style of a step show, a dance popular amongAfrican-American fraternities at universities.
The studentsenter the room chanting "Alpha. Omega. Alpha. Omega." Then, one at atime, they state things they were "inspired" to do by Barack Obama,including becoming an architect and a sheriff. At the end of the video,the students make statements about Obama's healthcare plan. "Obama'shealthcare plan will be able to provide participants the ability tomove from job to job without taking their healthcare coverage," onesays.
"People are upset that possibly taxpayer money is beingused to support one particular candidate," McGautha said, "and now Ican understand that. And I didn't condone them. I try very, very hardto remain within the limits of the law. I think this is unfortunate."
Shesaid she was aware of the video, and that many of the school'sactivities are recorded, but that the teacher had been warned in aletter not to put it on the Internet. If he did, she said, he shouldseek legal counsel.
The teacher's fate will be taken up by the charter school's board, she said.
"Certainthings don't happen in public schools anyway, but there area lot ofother ramifications when you take it public," McGautha said.
"Asfar as [the teacher is] concerned, I think he gets what was supposed tocome to him. But I don't think the children should be the victims ofhis stupidity."
Because of Obama I recently had a similar conflict with a prog teacher who got a Rooster spanking...
Because of Obama we can be thankful Alinsky tactics are gaining in popularity with the masses instead of those outdated notions of manners and rules...
Because of Obama we can discuss everything with the cops and judges over a beer...
Comrade Tinkle, splendid to see you on the Cube! We as a class are far under-represented, and are in a struggle to free the collective from the opression of caninies. I raise my paw in support, with yours and those of our countless comrades, all for The KittensTM.
General Mousey-Tongue, I must advise you to be wary of Comrade Tinkle. Over the past few days, he/she has changed their avatar with suspicious frequency. Tinkle may vote for cats today, but could just as easily vote against them tomorrow.
And I don't know about you, but tinkling is something I tend to associate more with dogs than cats.
Comrade Tinkle, splendid to see you on the Cube! We as a class are far under-represented, and are in a struggle to free the collective from the opression of caninies. I raise my paw in support, with yours and those of our countless comrades, all for The KittensTM.
General Mousey-Tongue, I must advise you to be wary of Comrade Tinkle. Over the past few days, he/she has changed their avatar with suspicious frequency. Tinkle may vote for cats today, but could just as easily vote against them tomorrow.
And I don't know about you, but tinkling is something I tend to associate more with dogs than cats.
That's true, Comrade Pinkie, however, Ivana Tinkle's avatar doesn't outshine Comrade Mousey Tongue's, indicating a certain level of respect.
Very impressive. I will get my youngest brother in. what was the age limit again?
The younger the better, Viktor. The sooner he joins and accepts the collective the more resources General Zod-Obama and the statist can obtain from him. Please deposit any older relatives to the state. The "Cash for Clunkers" program pays better than your average Pawn Shop.
State media has obtained archival footage of our dear leader, General Zod-Obama, arriving at the Whitehouse for the first time. With him is his wife Michelle (great arms), along with then Secretary of Commerce nominee, Bill Richardson.
Please be aware that the following footage may not be suitable for those who have not yet joined the Kollecktive. Progressive Advisory is in effect.
What a glorious day......sniff...sniff.
Kneel before Zod, comrades......Kneel beforew Zod.
Comrade Tinkle, splendid to see you on the Cube! We as a class are far under-represented, and are in a struggle to free the collective from the opression of caninies. I raise my paw in support, with yours and those of our countless comrades, all for The KittensTM.
General Mousey-Tongue, I must advise you to be wary of Comrade Tinkle. Over the past few days, he/she has changed their avatar with suspicious frequency. Tinkle may vote for cats today, but could just as easily vote against them tomorrow.
And I don't know about you, but tinkling is something I tend to associate more with dogs than cats.
Most interesting, Commissarka! My absence for the past few days, while cracking down on illicit gambling and prostitution outside of my influence in Kunming, I have been too busy toiling for The Common GoodTM. Your observations are always as sharp as the edge of your shovel.
Time will prove Comrade Tinkle's stripes. Er, true colors. How you say in Amerikka, how she/he roll/slide/get down and boogie. It is comforting to know we have people watching her/him/it, just as people are watching the watchers, and etcetera etcetera. Such a glorious thing, the collective!
Emperor Kakubakuhatsu, I did not know the Party recognizes any emperor other than our Chairman Meow. Anyway, your haiku was most inspiring, and I have inscribed it over the door to my kitty box. The muse has now visited your humble servant General:
Tinkle, tinkle, bright red star
climbing in Collective far
Suit of green and cap of red,
benefactors mostly dead,
tinkle, tinkle, bright red star
betray another commissar!
Let us almost pity the running dog capitalist scum...our collective is mo betta!
Comrade Tinkle, splendid to see you on the Cube! We as a class are far under-represented, and are in a struggle to free the collective from the opression of caninies. I raise my paw in support, with yours and those of our countless comrades, all for The KittensTM.
Do not forget Citizen #50813 .
I am quite pleased to see that a species known for its independence, and who lacks an ability to come when called, has so quickly adapted into the kollektive of our dear leader General Zod-Obama. Your ability to seek out anything "fishy" and destroy it makes you an invaluable resource to the Revolucion.
Now, felines. Go out and spray all territories on behalf of the state.
Comrade Tinkle, splendid to see you on the Cube! We as a class are far under-represented, and are in a struggle to free the collective from the opression of caninies. I raise my paw in support, with yours and those of our countless comrades, all for The KittensTM.
Do not forget Citizen #50813 .
I am quite pleased to see that a species known for its independence, and who lacks an ability to come when called, has so quickly adapted into the kollektive of our dear leader General Zod-Obama. Your ability to seek out anything "fishy" and destroy it makes you an invaluable resource to the Revolucion.
Now, felines. Go out and spray all territories on behalf of the state.
Duly noted, and what a fine feline comrade Citizen #50813 is! These are truly great days for the People!
El Presidente, I will raise my rear leg in salute to your inspiring message. As Commissar of Seafood Testing, it is my responsibility to sniff out anything even remotely fishy and report it to the correct authorities. And take samples, of course.
Citizen Brian Williams, a known "journalistic Obamatron", does appear to bow in the video. This appears to be a significant departure from his usual practice of kneeling in front of "Clueless Leader"!
Publius
p.s Apparently Brian Williams's dog, "KissAss", seen here wearing his NBC blazer, and the new "First Pooch", inspired by the interview, displayed a similar level of affection for each other!
As Commissar of Seafood Testing, it is my responsibility to sniff out anything even remotely fishy and report it to the correct authorities. And take samples, of course.
So noted, dear General Mousey-Toungue. The Revolucion does not frown upon your desire to sample the "fishy" subject. Please remember however, whatever samples you consume should only come from the less meatier parts of the subject, the ass belongs to General Zod-Obama.
Emperor Kakubakuhatsu, I did not know the Party recognizes any emperor other than our Chairman Meow.
ah, hai, shiteimasu,
regretfully, today the emperor is seen but as a figurehead (the way we want the world to see it) and in turn i am no more equal than any other (as far as you know). although back in the day, feudal japan by far had the most equal system of society. four tiers of equality. at the top, being most equal were the samurai class, answering only to the daimyo who answered only to the shogun. in return they 'protected' the other classes equally. secondly, the peasants and farmers were almost as equal, providing food and sustenance to the people. mittsu, the artisans were equal right below the peasants, just like they still are today, but they were the creators of katana and chopsticks so they had value. the least equal and being most deservedly least equal were the merchants, the capitalist criminals of the land who did nothing but sit in a shop and generate money. merchants were ostracized as parasites who profited from the labor of the more productive peasant and artisan classes. nonetheless, many merchant families were able to amass large fortunes. capitalist squid always ruin a good thing. of course a couple people fell outside the system. actors were below the tiers and were deemed worthless, and the emperor was above the system making sure it all ran smooth.
hai, kaeritaidesu. that is the time to long for.
kyou wa, i will do my part within my equality to reestablish the most equal world-society possible and retake my proper place at the top. hai, iidesune, arigatougozaimasu.
atode,
emperor kakubakuhatsu
ps - i do not aim to be pretentious, i just know best.
Emperor, in the Collective it is assumed that you know best. Unless you pretend to know better than His O'liness, or our Many Titted Empress. As to who knows best--BHO or MTE--the jury's still out on that one.
I read that the White House is currently astroturfing the notion that the Pope bows down to His O'liness and asks Him for forgiveness for having an insufficiently broad understanding of the warp and woof of humanity.
Emperor, in the Collective it is assumed that you know best. Unless you pretend to know better than His O'liness, or our Many Titted Empress.
konnichiwa, o'theocritussan,
being new to your collective, and not yet familiar with the subtleties of your population and citizen thought control methods, i don't want the appearance of stepping out of line. although at the risk of sounding blasphamis, i believe the "O" is only the tip of the naginata that pierces the rice paper holding back universal equality, and that a greater 'example of equality' to the citizens of the world will follow.
i'm hoping that's me... you know, for the greater good.
domo,
emperor kakubakuhatsu
ps - who is this manytittedempress? sounds like a good time.
ps - who is this manytittedempress? sounds like a good time.
Our Many Titted Empress is Our Darling Secretary of State:
Also known as the Hildebeest and Hildog.
Or Alvin's Aunt.
ABUNAI!! ABUNAI!!
TENCHI NO SHINIGAMI.... HORRIBLE ZANSHI
SUMMON ONIKUDAKI TO STRIKE THIS BEAST FROM MY SIGHT.... ARRRGHHHH
MY EYES, MY EYES, .....my eyesssssssss........
last time i saw death was when the one they call PELOSIchan spoke riddles at a hall in town, trying to confuse the population by talking circles out of her exhaust hole. the stench still lingers.
no wonder they can demand redistribution of wealth and total obedience, they have the power to unleash the hideousness of true terror.
I like the sound of that. Is it made of raw fish, how much, and will you deliver to a residential address? Also I'd like to see a picture of it. Send menu.
I like the sound of that. Is it made of raw fish, how much, and will you deliver to a residential address? Also I'd like to see a picture of it. Send menu.
And don't forget to send me a sample for testing! Kannichiwa!
There is a reason, comrades, why the term 'mayday' is an international term of distress. I think it had something to do with this:
If comrade Kim Sung were here, he would probably say: "Her MTEEE is rary, rary sexy, I reery reery rike her in browun yooniform. Gives me hot in the pockets!
I like the sound of that. Is it made of raw fish, how much, and will you deliver to a residential address? Also I'd like to see a picture of it. Send menu.
ohayogozaimasu, redsquaresan. hajimemashite.
hai, horrible zanshi IS made of raw sakana.
in ancient japan, these mystical beasts would fall from the heavens in hoards into our lands, covering the country side. no one was spared. their terrific stench and beaming smugness were overwhelming. with their many tentacles they would reach inside our humble homes and remove our personal items, then place these items into our neighboring citizens houses. the amount of disarray was quiet unnerving. no one ever got back all of their belongings that they had worked to obtain. great samurai and equal but not as great artisans alike were annoyed (although some beggars and actors seemed to enjoy their arrival). after multitudes of people no longer had anything that they actually wanted, zanshi would disappear into the ocean. (we normally would have the merchants, capitalist losers they are, to clean up the mess)
here is a recent photo of one of them. you can see why i was so frightened by the many titted empress. the likeness is uncanny. this one was captured and is held in captivity in tokyo. although since being captured it has managed to get a couple of its tentacles wrapped around the economy over here. note the smugness.
but to answer your question. 'how much?' = 9% above GNP. 'will deliver to residential address?' = whitehouse currently has a plan.
Thank you for the information, emperor! In America, these ugly beasts of redistribution are called progs. They infest some of the best areas of the country, such as, San Francisco, Denver, Chicago, or New York, as if indeed falling on these cities from the sky.
Often wearing no clothes, just as in the documentary footage you have provided, you can encounter these creatures at progressive rallies, marches, and "Breasts Not Bombs" events. The latter is the most terrifying of all. HORRIBLE ZANSHI indeed! Very, very horrible zanshi.
I am the word! Me, Karl! Did you comrades forget me in your zeal to create The Gloriuous World of Next Tuesday™???
Comrade Collectvists! Come one, come all, to the glorious world of Shiny Things! For even in the end The Great Motherland sucked viciously, like the evil KKKapitalist, on the black gold of The Motherland!
Oddly enough I like ABBA--they were popular when I was having fun nearly 30 years ago. I saw a documentary though about how they only toured the US once. Because it was so hard for them. I have their stuff ripped into my iMac and on one of my iPods and...I listen to Mozart. Or Schubert. Or Zelinka.
But let's never let Bonnie Fwank down. He's managed to single handedly, with a little assist from Chris Dodd, to destroy the world's economy. Now that's a prog that I can get behind.
Hello father, hello mama
Hope you’re well at, Kamp Obama
Bet you wish you, hadn’t spank’d me
But they say when you get well you’re gonna thank me.
Don’t you worry, ‘bout how I am
In this hope-filled, great and changed land
I get lots of, shots and health care,
School all year, and every day they give us three squares.
Think it’s good that, you both get rest
Know you’re tired from, all those protests
Since you’re old now, you’ll do better
In a place where you can lay around in fetters.
Kamp Obama not just for summer anymore! Our Dear Leader wants to make it possible for all good kinders to attend re-education camps school year round! Let the indoctination fun and games never end!!
We really must have a beauty contest for the most Useful of Useful Idiots. And the prize? A bullet in the head. But the useful idiots don't know that will be the prize.
Because they're idiots.
This is a winning idea, if I may say so. I do wonder who would be in charge of the discharges.
Considering the idiots will wet their pants in fear at the sight of "toys for boys" like rubber band guns and paintball guns, how would getting them in a room with a People's Bong at each chair and a child-friendly (and thus nearly useless) click lighter. When pulling out the bowl, a bullet would be fired up the chamber literally blowing their minds simultaneously.
Ward Churchill's AK-47 had a wood stock. There's got to be a connection in there somewhere.
Those who survive will appreciate the anti-nausea effect of the bong "hits." Free reloads, naturally.
here is a recent photo of one of them. you can see why i was so frightened by the many titted empress. the likeness is uncanny. this one was captured and is held in captivity in tokyo. although since being captured it has managed to get a couple of its tentacles wrapped around the economy over here. note the smugness.
Comrade Emperor Kakubakuhatsu,
It reminds me of Hokusai's "The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife," which is not work-friendly (unless you're an intra-species sex-worker). Climaxing to the sucking tentacles of the Party? Bring it on!
I had to look it up as the first character eluded me, but the two characters forming one word on this distinguished photo must be a mistake, for they read zanshi, "tragic or violent death."
Oh, wait, of AmeriKKKa? Then bring it on!
{prog off}
Japanese has too many pronunciations for characters, which gives rise to lots of puns and play. Thus I propose for Hillary, 非ラリ (hi ra ri). The first character means "faulty" or "not" and rariru is slang for getting high (probably outdated since it's in my dictionary). But the short end of it is that this name makes Hillary a buzzkill.
{prog on}
It reminds me of Hokusai's "The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife," which is not work-friendly (unless you're an intra-species sex-worker). Climaxing to the sucking tentacles of the Party? Bring it on!
Photoshopで良く頑張った、天皇核爆発！ご苦労さま！
hai, tovarichsan, konbanwa,
i appreciate your appreciation of the photo effort. i try to do my part for the party™. soudesu, zanshi kanji is correct as tragic death as if citizens try to dissent they would be overcome with great STD case of fatal crab infestation. horrible death for all people objecting to their presense. many times the wailing cry of あなたの奥さんと一緒にいたいです could be heard across the hills. sounds very similar in tone and intunation to the mating call of billclintonsan. and many times the seats of citizens would feel discomfort.
by the way, have the two un-journalists that regrettfully left beautiful country of korea had their obligatory case of party™ crabs yet?
hai, arigatougozaimasu.
emperor kakubakuhatsu
ps - redsquaresan, not uncommon for nihonjin to be intimate with shellfish and other ocean beings. not wierd, just difference of culture, i think. 蛸, octopus, for example, can be very intuitive.
ps - redsquaresan, not uncommon for nihonjin to be intimate with shellfish and other ocean beings. not wierd, just difference of culture, i think. 蛸, octopus, for example, can be very intuitive.
The two courageous AlGoreTV truthworkers were released, but I don't think anyone here much cared. There's more concern about the DPRK boat, named something like the Myungbyungho, that occasionally arrives in Niigata (when Japan doesn't block it for DPRK firing missiles over Japan) to take Japanese trash (especially old bicycles) back to the Worker's Paradise of juche.
Adding Comrade Guardian of Pravda,
Octopus gets very unslimey after boiling; we get a nice salad here with sliced octopus, sliced cucumbers, seaweed, and rice vinegar. Try octopus like the Greeks: slightly broiled/charred with some olive oil--simple but tasty! But not if the 'pus is frozen. That's a no-go.
As for seafood, I prefer the type that I eat, that doesn't eat me. Was it Comrade Brezhnev whose favorite decadent Western movie reserved for the Commissariat only was Jaws? And shellfish, gimme shichimi, asari, or Russian-imported crab (from the Soviet-stolen Kurile Islands) of various types any day.
Being an island nation where people eat plenty of octopus, invariably there are TV shows with non-fisherproles going out to do so. Octopi seem able to live pretty long out of water and slither about and the novice fisherproles always hold them up to show the TV camera. This usually leads to the octopus wrapping its tentacles around an arm and shoulder (at least) and often a yelp or grunt of pain, because all those suction cups can hurt; they leave welts.
As foretold by the mighty mighty Goracle, Gaia fights back!
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans
of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent,
by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant
pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other -
until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's
official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
NY Times, Newsweek offer editorial inoculations to concerned readers of Sarah Palin's book
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Charlie Gibson: Neil Armstrong went where?
Obamacare, it’s finger-licking good!
Ben and Jerry release 'Hate Monger Bigot' flavor to celebrate those who support traditional marriage
'Shiver me Timbers!': Somalia unveils People's Institute for Redistribution, Adventurism & Thalassic Extortion (PIRATE)
Energy Czar: to save energy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off
Other 49 states impose carbon tax on California due to wildfire smoke
Following Scotland's lead, US Justice Dept releases Charles Manson, citing battle with chronic hemorrhoids
Obama to media: Please respect our girls' privacy, especially Mr. Letterman
Teachable moment: Obama to hold 'beer summit' between offended Post Office and UPS
Taliban sends protesters to Afghan town hall meetings in attempt to get Obama administration to withdraw Gotham villains working for the Common Good™
White House recalibrates description of town hall protesters from 'terrorists' to 'man-made Nazi fascist pigs'
Experts: when buying Astroturf, remember to look for the Union LabelNational-socialist health care?
Drudge insulates self from White House anger by naming his site MoveOn.Drudge
ABC greenlights epic 12-part miniseries based on Beer Summit
Moveon.org petitions Dems to leave Bush/Cheney alone and 'move on to pressing issues facing the nation'
Palin: Critics ipso facto are quitters
Honduran ex-president Zelaya holds press- conference, presents birth certificate for examination
Cambridge: fighting racial bias, Obama picks black scholar Henry Louis Gates as Door Jigging Czar
Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from George W Bush
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
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Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy
Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind visit our new Che Heart store
Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberryDow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents useDHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a 2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism Obama gives Queen a shovel click here NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'
click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
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Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
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Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
