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    		Page 1 of 1   View previous topic :: View next topic
    List of Forbidden Rock Bands in the USSR in 1985
    By Red Square
    8/31/2009, 3:12 pm


    This is a translated list of Western rock bands that Soviet Komsomol (a Communist Party for young people) singled out for deletion from the list of permissible music to be played at Soviet dance clubs, due to their "ideologically harmful compositions." I never saw it before because it was for internal use only, but I felt the invisible presence of such lists throughout my entire life in the Motherland.

    Now that I live in New York, my daughter showed me this page her professor of Russian history distributed for discussion. It is taken from a book by Alexei Yurchak "Everything Was Forever, until It Was No More: The Last Soviet Generation." The chapter is called "True Colors of Communism: King Crimson, Deep Purple, Pink Floyd." The entire text can be found in Google books. Scroll to page 215 for this diagram. Read the chapter for more context.



    This one was manufactured by ideological hacks in Ukraine, but similar things were going on all over the USSR. Please note that this was a more "liberal" time in the Soviet history. The previous decades were much tougher.

    Imagine ACORN or AmeriCorps activists telling DJs in America what music they can't play due to politically incorrect content. Who would they purge? Most bands are already in Obama's camp, performing "ideologically beneficial compositions." I can't think of anything to purge besides country music, but most of it has already been purged for much the same reason.

    Can someone think of a band that should be purged from playlists in 2009 America due to "ideologically harmful compositions"?
     
    Reply with quote
    By INGSOC
    8/31/2009, 3:59 pm


    My theory is that you have to completely break down society and degrade culture before the state can take total control and convince the population that it is necessity.

    Democrats are in effect prepping their acolytes for the institution of the nanny state.  

    Materialism, physical beauty and sex, financial success without effort or practical ability (i.e. music industry, sports stars, Hollywood) are all championed by popular culture.  Take a weekend to watch MTV and you'll see exactly what I'm talking about.  You're acting "white" if you speak English correctly and do well in school.  Ambition to be materially successful is looked down upon unless you're a celebrity or old money.

    This is classic.  Make people dependent on the State and the few control the many.  It is straight out of 1984.  The proles are kept contented by the primal commodities that the Party encourages them to partake of, whether it be booze, sex, gambling or whatever.

    Forget personal responsibility.  The Party wants to be responsible for you.  The Party exists for its own sake, power and ends.  If they can break the system thoroughly enough you can bet that the Party will take control even down to the micro level because it is the only path to true human equality and happiness.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Ivan Betinov
    8/31/2009, 5:59 pm


    Quote

    Can someone think of a band that should be purged from playlists in 2009 America due to "ideologically harmful compositions"?


    The arch-Fascist Lee Greenwood comes to mind...to phooey with his "Proud to be an American!"  A thought crime in every line.  Charlie Daniels as well.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Superkommissar Maksim
    8/31/2009, 6:57 pm


    Red Square wrote
    manufactured by ideological hacks in Ukraine

    Hacks! I'd say so. What the hell is The Clash doing on the list, when lead man Joe Strummer was the most useful of idiots. The title of their fourth album was Sandinista for crying out loud. The Clash should have been the adopted national Rock Band of the USSR. Having said that, their third album London Calling is in my top 10 of all time.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Comrade_Tovarich
    8/31/2009, 10:07 pm


    Julio Iglesias and Depeche (Com)Mode? I wonder if Julio knew this and whether he thought, As I wow the women to swooning so I wow the Soviets to sweating. Were it not so sad, this would be a hilarious list of "threats."

    Does this mean Pink Floyd before 1983 was OK? Something tells me Syd Barrett wasn't a New Soviet Man kind of guy.

    I'm with Superkommissar Maksim about including the Clash. I think it's the first Clash album that has them pictured wearing "Red Guard" armbands.

    And the Village People? I think "In the Soviet Navy" would be a big hit, as would the communal and formative lifestyle of the "YMSA."

    Surely similar lists were made for internal bands like Kino, Laibach (in Yugoslavia), Boris Grebenshikov/Aquarium (spelling probably wrong). I know Boris is still at it. Apparently he plays to decent crowds of Soviet emigrants in NYC. I'd like to see him for a variety of reasons, but I don't live in NYC or wherever he does (I assume still in St. Petersburg).
     
    Reply with quote
    By Comrade_Tovarich
    8/31/2009, 10:10 pm


    I hear Ned Rorem is a reactionary. I think he even sat an interview once with a kulak from National Review!
     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Square
    8/31/2009, 10:39 pm


    I thought the first name everyone would mention would be Ted Nugent. Reasons: guns, violence, jingoistic imperialistic tendencies, as exemplified by his refusal to denounce George W. Bush when all other musicians of his stature declared their resounding, unanimous, non-conformist denunciations.

    And also ZZ Top. I don't know why, I just want to see them on the thoughtcriminal list. That'll show them.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Rooster
    9/1/2009, 2:23 am


    Oingo Boingo and their fascist song Capitalism, definitely should top the chart of any song thoughtcrime list...




    and Only A Lad...



    Only A Lad (Composed for your Marxist Social Stratification Crack Pipe Addiction)

    Johnny was bad, even as a child everybody could tell
    Everyone said if you dont get straight
    Youll surely go to hell

    But johnny didnt care
    He was an outlaw by the time that he was
    Ten years old
    He didnt wanna do what he was told
    Just a prankster, juvenile gangster

    His teachers didnt understand
    They kicked him out of school
    At a tender early age
    Just because he didnt want to learn things
    (had other interests)
    He liked to burn things

    The lady down the block
    She had a radio that johnny wanted oh so bad
    So he took it the first chance he had
    Then he shot her in the leg
    And this is what she said
    Only a lad
    You really cant blame him
    Only a lad
    Society made him
    Only a lad
    Hes our responsibility
    Only a lad
    He really couldnt help it
    Only a lad
    He didnt want to do it
    Only a lad
    Hes underprivileged and abused
    Perhaps a little bit confused

    His parents gave up they couldnt influence his attitude
    Nobody could help
    The little man had no gratitude

    And when he stole the care
    Nobody dreamed that he would
    Try to take it so far
    He didnt mean to hit the poor man
    Who had to go and die
    It made the judge cry

    Only a lad
    He really couldnt help it
    Only a lad
    He didnt want to do it
    Only a lad
    Hes underprivileged and abused
    Perhaps a little bit confused

    Its not his fault that he cant believe
    Its not his fault that he cant behave
    Society made him go astray
    Perhaps if were nice hell go away
    Perhaps hell go away
    Hell go away

    (repeat chorus)

    Hey there johnny you really dont fool me
    You get away with murder
    And you think its funny
    You dont give a damn if we live or if we die
    Hey there johnny boy
    I hope you fry!
     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Rooster
    9/1/2009, 2:38 am


    Oh, 2009 list, nyet...  please check the current list from the Department of Homeland Scrutiny.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Reiuxcat
    9/1/2009, 9:18 am


    Dead Kennedys - Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables
     
    Reply with quote
    By Commissar_Elliott
    9/1/2009, 10:16 am


    INGSOC wrote
    My theory is that you have to completely break down society and degrade culture before the state can take total control and convince the population that it is necessity.

    Democrats are in effect prepping their acolytes for the institution of the nanny state.  

    Materialism, physical beauty and sex, financial success without effort or practical ability (i.e. music industry, sports stars, Hollywood) are all championed by popular culture.  Take a weekend to watch MTV and you'll see exactly what I'm talking about.  You're acting "white" if you speak English correctly and do well in school.  Ambition to be materially successful is looked down upon unless you're a celebrity or old money.

    This is classic.  Make people dependent on the State and the few control the many.  It is straight out of 1984.  The proles are kept contented by the primal commodities that the Party encourages them to partake of, whether it be booze, sex, gambling or whatever.

    Forget personal responsibility.  The Party wants to be responsible for you.  The Party exists for its own sake, power and ends.  If they can break the system thoroughly enough you can bet that the Party will take control even down to the micro level because it is the only path to true human equality and happiness.

    While all you said it true INGSOC, I have to ask, have you read "Brave New World" by Aldus Huxley? If you haven't, you should, and I'll give you a summary. In this world, people are encouraged to be hedonistic, people drink a thing called "soma", a hallucinogen of some sort, people have sex not only freely, but in groups and ritually.

    On both stories (BNW and '84) I find America is running down a path in combination of the two. Where BNW is one where thought is not needed, '84 makes thought painful. Where in 84 there is a strong centeral government, in BNW, there is a government, but not very strong.

    What do I mean by a combination of the two? I see an America closer to BNW, but a nasty totalitarian government which will rewrite history, kill off thoughtcriminals, and stay in power over the general population. I hope I die before the day comes, but if I'm alive when we see such a thing happen, you can bet your account, I'll be heading to some remote island in the Pacific I can govern myself, that or find somewhere there's a foreign land of people like here on the Cube, because America would not be worth saving by then.

    Without order, there is chaos.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Stalin for Time
    9/1/2009, 10:32 am


    The Beatles.  Their song "Back in the U.S.S.R." makes a mockery of the Rodina.

    First off, what would a good commisar be doing in Miami Beach anyway?  Hmmm?  There are plenty of fine warm resorts on the Black Sea.  If you don't like them, I'm sure we can find something a bit colder.

    Why fly BOAC?  And of course it was a dreadful flight.  Isn't Areoflot good enough, where everyone flies First Class in their very own Torquemada seat?

    I would hope the Ukraine girls can knock someone out.  Pinkie, are you from the Ukraine?

    The only singing and shouting Moscow girls make anyone do is when they are pointing out the failure of capitalism and the west in general!  Singing and shouting - as if they should be having a good time!

    It is not your daddy's farm.  It belongs to the state!  Where the next five year plan (or the one after that, I can't remember) will feed the entire population of The WorldTM*.

    Though I could do with a little comradely good-fellowship to keep me warm!


    * The WorldTM = definition to be decided at the next politburo meeting.
     
    Reply with quote
    By INGSOC
    9/1/2009, 2:41 pm


    Commissar_Elliott wrote
    INGSOC wrote
    My theory is that you have to completely break down society and degrade culture before the state can take total control and convince the population that it is necessity.

    Democrats are in effect prepping their acolytes for the institution of the nanny state.  

    Materialism, physical beauty and sex, financial success without effort or practical ability (i.e. music industry, sports stars, Hollywood) are all championed by popular culture.  Take a weekend to watch MTV and you'll see exactly what I'm talking about.  You're acting "white" if you speak English correctly and do well in school.  Ambition to be materially successful is looked down upon unless you're a celebrity or old money.

    This is classic.  Make people dependent on the State and the few control the many.  It is straight out of 1984.  The proles are kept contented by the primal commodities that the Party encourages them to partake of, whether it be booze, sex, gambling or whatever.

    Forget personal responsibility.  The Party wants to be responsible for you.  The Party exists for its own sake, power and ends.  If they can break the system thoroughly enough you can bet that the Party will take control even down to the micro level because it is the only path to true human equality and happiness.

    While all you said it true INGSOC, I have to ask, have you read "Brave New World" by Aldus Huxley? If you haven't, you should, and I'll give you a summary. In this world, people are encouraged to be hedonistic, people drink a thing called "soma", a hallucinogen of some sort, people have sex not only freely, but in groups and ritually.

    On both stories (BNW and '84) I find America is running down a path in combination of the two. Where BNW is one where thought is not needed, '84 makes thought painful. Where in 84 there is a strong centeral government, in BNW, there is a government, but not very strong.

    What do I mean by a combination of the two? I see an America closer to BNW, but a nasty totalitarian government which will rewrite history, kill off thoughtcriminals, and stay in power over the general population. I hope I die before the day comes, but if I'm alive when we see such a thing happen, you can bet your account, I'll be heading to some remote island in the Pacific I can govern myself, that or find somewhere there's a foreign land of people like here on the Cube, because America would not be worth saving by then.

    Without order, there is chaos.


    I haven't read BNW but have been aware of it and will read it shortly.  

    The language that is used to describe opposition in our domestic political discourse is getting more poisonous.  Objectors to the direction of the government are subjected to ridicule in the press, “tea-bagging” being a prominent example.  

    I don’t recall this treatment in the media with the code-pink or moveon.org crowd over the past decade.  Opposition candidates and leaders are mocked openly, i.e Palin.   Resistance to leftist policy is “astroturf” while SEIU members or other union thugs in practical uniform are trucked in with no mention of manufactured support or intimidation.  Unions and organizing are accepted methods of leftist politics that are apparently exclusive and frowned upon if similar methods are used by anyone else.
      
    I try to remain centered and objective in my observation but you really do have to retrain your mind and curtail critical thought to observe what is happening in the United States as anything less sinister than extreme leftist subversion of the foundation of the nation.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Leninka
    9/1/2009, 6:10 pm


    This song takes me back, way back, I mean way, way back to a time I was so stoned, I can't remember what year it was.   Listen, and you'll feel like you're stoned, too.


     
    Reply with quote
    By Comrade_Tovarich
    9/2/2009, 4:20 am


    Leninka wrote
    This song takes me back, way back, I mean way, way back to a time I was so stoned, I can't remember what year it was.   Listen, and you'll feel like you're stoned, too.


    But it is a good song! I recall when it was a beer ad song, for Michelob, I think, when I was in college or nearly so. Had an older buddy that was a serious pothead who always endorsed an album of Canned Heat and John Lee Hooker, but I never listened to it: I couldn't find it. It was like every copy of it had been bogarted.

    While I'm too lazy to check the date, I think the '80s album Speak English or Die by SOD (Stormtroopers of Death) should have made the list. It assaults both the ears and certain progressive values, as in the 27 second number "F**k the Middle East." Then there is the repudiation of diversity and multilingual immigration with "Speak English or Die." In just 4-5 seconds, the "Ballad of Jimi Hendrix" insults the entire Age of Aquarius and dares to remind the hippies of mortality! Why, it is amazing the album isn't banned in the West. That it wasn't is proof of the hollow compassion of capitalism and Western classical liberal values.

    Let us not forget that flagrant hooligan Sammy Hagar who refused to drive 55 in the '80s. Typical capitalist pig: He kept repeating "I Can't Drive 55," as if that is a legitimate excuse. He even dares to drive a Ferrari or Lamborghini (some frivolous elitist vehicle surely acquired outside official channels), not a Volga, Trabant, or even VW Microbus!
     
    Reply with quote
    By Lenin 'n' Things
    9/2/2009, 8:01 am


    No Madonna? Surely she warranted a ban for her sexual exploits?

    Of course in 1985 she was just getting started. Hadn't debased herself enough at the point,I guess.

    i do love me some madonna though. I'm going to hell.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Comrade_Tovarich
    9/2/2009, 10:26 pm


    Comrade Lenin 'n' Things,

    I say, to paraphrase the evil Boosh, "Bring it on!" The hell, the "boy toy" Madonna, and the Revolution!

    Say, why isn't there a rock band called The Revolution? Or was there, but they were sabotaged from inside by foreign agents and reactionary elements? For what it's worth, I've never trusted singers with tambourines--too outré to be real reactionaries?
     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Square
    10/17/2009, 11:16 am


    This story is suddenly bringing a lot of traffic from FARK.com , which may last for a day or two. Re-education of the masses has begun!
     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Rooster
    10/17/2009, 2:45 pm


    Comrades!  We are most impressed, there are some glorious useful idiots Party Faithful™ on fark!  That's right you Party Faithful™ the Bushhitler's KKKapitalist 9/11 ideological indoctrination must be stopped!  The Rethuglikkkans must be reigned in and reviled in the name of Social Justice™!  All  thoughtcriminal tea baggers must stomped out with the boot of Revolutionary Justice™!

    Hail Obama!!!!

    The only song, the song of The Party™ must reign on supreme:


    1.
    Союз нерушимый республик свободных
    Сплотила навеки Великая Русь!
    Да здравствует созданный волей народов
    Единый, могучий Советский Союз!
    ПРИПЕВ:
    Славься, Отечество наше свободное,Дружбы народов надёжный оплот!Партия Ленина — сила народнаяНас к торжеству коммунизма ведёт!
    2.
    Сквозь грозы сияло нам солнце свободы,
    И Ленин великий нам путь озарил:
    На правое дело он поднял народы,
    На труд и на подвиги нас вдохновил!
    ПРИПЕВ
    3.
    В победе бессмертных идей коммунизма
    Мы видим грядущее нашей страны,
    И Красному знамени славной Отчизны
    Мы будем всегда беззаветно верны!
    ПРИПЕВ
     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Square
    10/19/2009, 2:42 am


    Curiously enough, almost two months after posting, this topic is drawing attention from all over the world. It started with Fark.com, and now it's an article on the British Rock Radio site (someone was industrious enough to type the list of bands) with a nice illustration...



    ...and a Finnish (apparently news) site Aamulehti with this illustration:



    Given such an attention, I added the following clarifying paragraph to the original description:

    Now that I live in New York, my daughter showed me this page her professor of Russian history distributed for discussion. It is taken from a book by Alexei Yurchak "Everything Was Forever, until It Was No More: The Last Soviet Generation." The chapter is called "True Colors of Communism: King Crimson, Deep Purple, Pink Floyd." The entire text can be found in Google books. Scroll to page 215 for this diagram. Read the chapter for more context.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Square
    10/31/2009, 5:41 pm


    Rock and roll lives in Russia!


     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Rooster
    10/31/2009, 9:55 pm



    OwwweeeEEEEEEEHHHH!!!!

     
    Reply with quote
    By The Tsarevna
    11/2/2009, 2:33 am


    The wisdom of the Soviet People was prescient.  Alice Cooper should be banned here, too!  He is a right-wing evangelical Christian who once campaigned for Public Enemy #1 of the People, Barry Goldwater!!!!  He glorifies the ignorant, misfit rantings of Sarah Palin:

    http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=106541

    And he starts sentences with "totally".  I know some of our comrades do too, but it still annoys me.

    While we are at it, I formally denounce Ted Nugent.  He is an unapologetic Konservative ™, and although I don't think he wrote "The Federal Reserve Isn't Federal At All", he used to play it all the time on his radio show.  Spreading state secrets....the traitor!
     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Rooster
    11/2/2009, 2:46 am



    TOTALLY!!!
    TOTALLY!!!

     
    Reply with quote
    By The Tsarevna
    11/2/2009, 2:51 am


    Sorry for the double posting, comrades.  Rooster, are you mocking the Princess?  Remember, we are all equal now....but some of us are more equal than others.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Rooster
    11/2/2009, 3:17 am


    Not at all comrade, here please accept these coupons as a token of my appreciation...

      
    of your royal hieny highness.
     
    Reply with quote
    By The Tsarevna
    11/2/2009, 2:47 pm


    ....can I just get the toaster without the bank?
     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Rooster
    11/3/2009, 12:00 am


    Sure...  huba, huba.... er I mean, would you like the English culture club version (which toasts on one side) or the American rock and roll version (good and toasty all over)?
     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Square
    11/14/2009, 4:10 pm


    Red Square wrote
    Most bands are already in Obama's camp, performing "ideologically beneficial compositions." I can't think of anything to purge besides country music, but most of it has already been purged for much the same reason.

    I was wrong - there is a progressive strain within country music. For example, this country musician shall be spared of the purges. Watch him getting his nose brown all the way to the tonsils as he performs to the Obamas in the White House. I can't imagine anyone in WH having a slightest inkling towards country music. They must have suffered through it to improve their "street creed" with the "rednecks."


     
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    The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand


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    Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
    Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
    Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
    ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
    Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
    DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
    Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
    CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
    White House tree commits suicide over economic policy

    Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
    Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
    In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
    Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
    Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
    Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
    Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind

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    Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
    Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
    Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
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    Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
    Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
    Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
    Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
    Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
    Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
    Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
    DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberry
    Dow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
    WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents use
    DHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
    Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
    Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
    Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
    Segway and GM launch a
    2-wheeled contraceptive
    Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"
    Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism

    Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism
    Obama gives Queen a shovel


    click here
    NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
    Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'

    click here for the story
    Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans'
    After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape
    Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh
    Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside
    Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend

    Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube

    CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY
    Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes"
    Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest
    Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
    Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it

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    Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice
    Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing

    Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge
    Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans
    Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge
    No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention
    Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies
    MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush'
    Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.'
    More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers
    Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama
    Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20
    Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America
    You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy
    Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK.
    Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers
    Somali pirates hijack international space station
    Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!"
    Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers"

    CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide




    Seven Obama cousins found living in voting booth
    US choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria
    US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force
    Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber
    Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check!
    Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word


    FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud
    Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan'
    Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them
    World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you'
    Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail'
    Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crash
    Dead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN
    Biden calls taxes patriotic
    Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter
    Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected
    KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists

    Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter"
    Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine"
    Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby
    Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart
    Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked
    Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan
    Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals
    International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes
    Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement
    February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so."
    Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag
    US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph
    Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score
    Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years
    NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq
    Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia
    Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached
    Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge
    Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it.
    Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day


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    How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint

    Word of the day:
    HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to Hussein
    Obama: we have always been at peace with Hillary Clinton
    Grand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt
    Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans?
    Lou the Looter In Iowa
    CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company
    Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problem
    Hillary supporters organize against Obama
    Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists

    Elian Gonzales - my kid is a Communist Party Honor Student
    Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest
    Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures
    Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake
    Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew'
    NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station



    Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans'
    Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination
    Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media
    Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead
    Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up
    New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar
    As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved
    Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off

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    Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket
    Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it
    International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma
    Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
    North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria
    Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children!
    Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools

    Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich
    Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise
    Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich
    Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare

    Stop and smell the Sharpies
    Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy
    Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month
    NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes
    Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes"

    Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment
    Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person"
    Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself
    New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey
    KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next'
    London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard
    Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg
    USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp
    Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity
    Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote
    Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!'
    Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint
    John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement
    To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam
    NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama
    NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp
    Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General
    Brokeback Mountain loses climber
    NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on Mars
    Las Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers
    Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib
    Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak
    Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign

    Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope

    Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners

    Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change
    Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday
    Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush
    Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
    Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course
    Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally
    High school Meth teacher starts new class
    Holy Mitt!
    Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000%
    Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick
    Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive
    "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway
    Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate
    Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes
    "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad
    New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline.
    Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish'
    NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others
    Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough
    Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress
    Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news"
    US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November
    Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit.
    LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead
    USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller
    Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia
    MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home
    Reid: The war on fire is lost
    Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire
    Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California
    NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires
    Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far.
    Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore
    Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed?
    San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault
    Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark
    End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France
    Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!"
    Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland"
    Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!"

    Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics
    Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants

    CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground"
    Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
    Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart
    Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming
    To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama
    Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes.
    George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam
    Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers
    John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care
    Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't kill
    Democrats select 2008 presidential slogan:
    "Death to America"
    Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense
    "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues
    Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's death
    New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
    Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison

    Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry
    China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists
    Al Gore to recall the Internet


    Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month
    First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle
    Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead
    William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package
    Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis
    Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program
    Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
    Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability
    London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings
    Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"
    Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos"
    Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship

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    Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric
    Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it?
    US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in Iraq
    US Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for?
    Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"
    MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
    Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page
    As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem"
    Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant
    Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory
    Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain"
    Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey
    Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists"
    French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results
    Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture
    Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely
    Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time
    Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids
    ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists'
    Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops
    Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling
    Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision
    Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves
    Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases
    Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro-
    mote Global Warming Jelly
    New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system
    Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket
    Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!"
    Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up
    Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards
    Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries
    Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again?
    Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues
    Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial
    House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED
    Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission
    North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright
    Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission
    Is it time for Pinochet yet?
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    Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History

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