Thank you so much for writing the letter to America’s president. As planned, that instrument is already doing its work. Now people of the world can really see that you and your government are poor, misunderstood victims of Zionist lies and American imperialism. Your rhetoric is most impressive!
I see you took my advice and accused Bush of invading Iraq on nothing more than the pretext of WMD - implying it was his sinister conspiracy. That line never fails. Loved the bit about the war not being fought to topple Saddam. ROFL! Leftist politicians will go along with that, they always smudge their memories if that fits their petty political hatreds. What UN resolutions? There has never been Resolution 1441! There has never been a warning to Saddam to step down or be attacked. Excuse me if I sound like our mutual friend Baghdad Bob. I met him just last night and he's as perky and reliable as ever. He loved your letter and was asking if you perhaps are looking for a speechwriter or an Information Minister.
Again, thank you for creating that instrument. We are all at war against the Imperialists. War is chaos. Lies and misrepresentations create and foster chaos. As Ramsey Clark said at our last meeting "A world in chaos is a malleable world. Chaos creates the conditions necessary for world socialist revolution. Out of chaos can arise great men. I am a great man. I like chaos. Chaos is great!" You are a great man too, Mahmoud - and a friend.
As one great man to another I feel I need to give you a heads up. The Great Satan will soon demand UN economic sanctions against you and I can do very little about it. I think we should get together and discus some of my ideas on humanitarian Food for Oil operations.
To THE DAY!
PS – I understand that Syria is in possession of some inexpensive yellowcake. I would be honored to broker any transaction you wish. What are your nuclear needs?
Text submitted by Comrade Otis
To: Kofi Annan
Subject: Confidential Investment Proposal
Date: Friday 12 May 2006 14:03:47 -0000
X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3110.1
X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.72.3110.3
FROM: JAUHARA AL KAFIRAH
UNION BANK PLC.
E-MAIL: email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org
Dear Mr. Annan, (May I call you Kofi?)
First, I must solicit your confidence in this transaction, this is by virtue of its nature as being utterly CONFIDENTIAL and TOP SECRET. Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day. We have decided to contact you by e-mail due to the urgency of this transaction.
Let me start by first introdusing myself properly to you. I am Miss Jauhara al Kafirah, a Manager at the Union Bank Nigeria PLC, Lagos. I came to know of you in my private search for a reliable and reputable person to handle a very confidential transaction which involves the transfer of a huge sum of money to a foreign account requiring maximum confidence. I am not too really sure if you are my long lost contact whom I am trying to reach, but in anyway, please do take this message with a good heart and report back to me if you are not the person I think you are. I would explain more latter.
A foreigner, former Ambassador Joe Wilson, who was also an Oil Merchant / contractor with the federal Govenment of Nigeria, until his disappearance from public six years ago, banked with us here at Union Bank PLC., Lagos, and had a closing balance of USD$38.M ( Thirty Eight Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) which the bank now unquestionably expects to be claimed by any of his available foreign next of kin or alternatively be donated to a discredited trust fund for Alms and Yellow Cake Production at a military war college here in Nigeria.
Fervent valuable efforts are being made by the Union Bank to get in touch with any of the Wilson family or relatives but all have proved to no avail.
It is because of the perceived possibility of not going to be able to locate any of former Ambassador Joe Wilson's next of kin (either his "known" wife Valerie, who is a super secret spy, and twins) that the management under the influence of our Chairman, board of directors, Retired Major General Kalu Uke Kalu, that an arrangement for the fund to be declared "UNCLAIMABLE" and then be subsequently donated to the Trust Fund for Alms and YellowCake production which will further enhance the courses of war in Iran and the world in general.
In order to avert this negative development, myself and some of my trusted colleagues here at the bank now seek for your permission to have you stand as former Ambassador Joe Wilson's next of kin so that the fund, USD$38.5M would be subsequently transferred and paid into your bank account as the beneficiary next of kin. All documents and proves to enable you get this fund have been carefully worked out and we are assuring you a 100% risk free involvement.
For your assistance, your commission would be 30%. 10% has been set aside for expenses while the rest would be for myself and my colleagues for investment purposes in your country.
If this proposal is OK. by you and you do not wish to take advantage of the trust we hope to bestow on you and your company, then kindly get to me immediately via my e-mail furnishing me with your most confidential telephone, fax number and exclusive e-mail so that I can forward to you the relevant details of this transaction. Thank you in advance for your anticipated co-operation.
JAUHARA AL KAFIRAH
UNION BANK PLC.
N.B. PLEASE, FOR CONFIDENTIAL REASON, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO SEND ME YOUR RESPONSE VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS:
I sure hope Kofi didn't fall for that Jauhara al Kafirah scam. Then again, Mahmoud fell for it, so who knows?