In a surprise move, the CPUSA (Communist Party USA) has announced a lawsuit against the Democratic Party and its leadership for the alleged theft of intellectual property. The plaintiffs claim that the entire so-called "new" Democratic agenda is, in fact, the product of a decades-long, painstaking campaign by CPUSA theorists, agitators, and underground subversive cells - which makes it the intellectual property of the Communist Party USA, protected by American copyright laws. "They stole our entire platform, rebranded it 'progressive', and claimed it as their own," declared a CPUSA spokesperson at a press conference in San Francisco. "And we communists say, not so fast! Not in this country anyway, where we still have property rights and the rule of law, thank God! Actually, let me rephrase that..."
~
The Communist Party representative explained that government ownership of the auto and financial industries, redistribution of wealth, and free rationed healthcare have always been among the glorious CPUSA objectives: "We held on to these goals through all the difficult years of factional infighting, purges, denunciations, and heroic espionage on behalf of the Soviet intelligence services."This may seem like a foreign idea to you, but we sacrificed everything for it - our friends, our neighbors, and our nation. We suffered from all kinds of ulcers and split personality disorders by blindly following Stalin's directives. We risked our chances of promotion within US government agencies by dutifully advancing Soviet foreign policy. And for what? So that some spoiled Democrats could ride on our backs to power while throwing us crumbs in the form of minor cabinet appointments?
"It's just like taking someone else's hard-earned income and redistributing it! ... Never mind, bad example... It's like infiltrating a respectable organization and taking over its management while engaging in subversive propaganda and the rewriting of history... Whoops, bad example again... It's like being devoid of moral standards and rejecting all the norms and values of Judeo-Christian civilization... No, that was totally inappropriate. Scratch that...
"It's time we got our fair share of credit from the current administration. As a gesture of good will, we would be pleased to accept the credit in the form of stimulus checks, subsidies, and loan guarantees for our members. If not now, when?"
CPUSA lawyers presented documents to the press showing that the Democratic platform of 2010, almost-line-for-line, reiterates the CPUSA platform of 1963. As the lead attorney for the plaintiffs pointed out, even a casual reading shows that while the rhetoric occasionally varies, the underlying policies are nearly identical.
"If the public knew that all the Democrat ideas are ours, we'd have more high-paying jobs in the Obama administration," remarked the CPUSA spokesperson. "While all our members can't be czars, we should at least get royalties. We can't survive on government handouts alone, not yet anyway."
This announcement seems to overturn past communist policy favoring the liquidation of czars and royalty.
The Democratic National Committee has declined to issue an official comment on the lawsuit, but a high-ranking White House official stated privately that this development is the result of an historically inevitable "convergence of opposites" - a philosophical concept outlined by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels - whereby the American public catches up with the glorious promise of communism, while the CPUSA becomes so American that it becomes embroiled in litigation. "Don't quote me on this," he added, "but Barack and I believe we can easily reconcile whatever minor differences we have with the CPUSA, and work together to prepare Americans for the final march, in well-organized and neat columns, towards our radiant progressive future."

Special thanks to Will Beria for contributing to this story
Comrade Whoopie
It has been suggested that Dear Leader pick another female to fill the SCOTUS vacancy. I think this young lass would make a fine appointee.

Red Square
But then again, who can forget the wild Party-approved celebration of the International Woman's Day on March 8th 2008, when the entire Politburo present at the bunker unanimously voted Commissarka Pinkie as Miss Progressive World of Next Tuesday?
Red Square
But then again, who can forget the wild Party-approved celebration of the International Woman's Day on March 8th 2008, when the entire Politburo present at the bunker unanimously voted Commissarka Pinkie as Miss Progressive World of Next Tuesday?
Red Square, if you want me to whack you upside the head with my shovel, why don't you just say so? I thought we agreed this picture was not of me, but surveillance footage of the cleaning woman getting into my vodka, cigarettes, newspaper, and--well, whatever that thing is lying on its side, it's not mine! But of course you are absolutely right that I should be appointed judge, for I have the rich experience of a wise Commissarka; I presided over the last show trial that sent at least three denounced comrades to the wall; and most importantly, I possess the most necessary qualification of all--a compelling life story.
Leninka
Comrade Khruelchev,
Quote:
McLean said the call center had been inundated by uninsured consumers who were hoping that the overhaul would translate into instant, affordable coverage. That widespread misconception may have originated in part from distorted rhetoric about the legislation bubbling up from the hyper-partisan debate about it in Washington and some media outlets, such as when opponents denounced it as socialism.

Grigori E.R.
What happens when no one produces and there are no longer goods to redistribute? No homes to live in? Comrades, Comrades, let us not sail off into Bourgeous fantasies. Everyone knows there will always be goods to redistribute. Capitalist stooges cannot help but overproduce in the same way we cannot help but redistriibute! You also forget that there will always be enough for proper party redistributive methods, as long as party controls what is considered 'enough'. Only have one bottle of vodka and no beets? Guess what the new nutritional requirements just changed to? See? It is just that easy!Comrade_Tovarich
Comrades,Comrade Kupkake
Comrade Whoopie
It has been suggested that Dear Leader pick another female to fill the SCOTUS vacancy. I think this young lass would make a fine appointee.Khruelchev
Premier Betty has it correct Comrades. The DNC is mearly redistributing the parties message.Commissar_Elliott
Who shall we bribe, love, or off Premier?Comrade Kupkake
Comrade Buffoon, I am humbled by your keen sense of ahhh knowing. I'm sure Dear Leader's captured thoughtful expression isn't mere "spam" as he is rarely seen without his "JFK" posture even while digging (not to be confused with shoveling) out the spacious cavities of his vast-ness. Why, have you seen the top of his desk in the Oval? Almost as clutter-free -- truly a paralleled Leader -- such inspiring equalness.Comrade Buffoon
Comrade Kupkake
Comrade Buffoon, I am humbled by your keen sense of ahhh knowing. I'm sure Dear Leader's captured thoughtful expression isn't mere "spam" as he is rarely seen without his "JFK" posture even while digging (not to be confused with shoveling) out the spacious cavities of his vast-ness. Why, have you seen the top of his desk in the Oval? Almost as clutter-free -- truly a paralleled Leader -- such inspiring equalness.Kulak
By all means (I really mean that) never let the befuddled middle class realize that they have within their power a means to amend their Party-damned Constitution. For example - the peon Kulaks could simply limit Federal Taxation to 10% and require that Federal spending not exceed its revenues - that would be the end of American Communism right there - Party forbid! With such an amendment, the 10th amendment would automatically rise from its ashes - State Governments would find themselves in a position to take over all social programs such as retirement, healthcare and education - and get this - there would be tax-break opt outs for citizens of each State should they prefer to pay for those things themselves - through their own creative labor - Party forbid!
Will Beria
As co-author of the article "Communists Sue Democratic Party For Stealing Platform" for The People's Cube, I don't know if it's a failure or a compliment that someone would pick up the satire as a real news item. Perhaps we have reached the parody horizon here, the reality of the Left is so absurd it can't be surpassed.
Quote:
"I have been making a living telling people Obama is not a socialist," says Frank Llewellyn, national director of the Democratic Socialists of America. "It's frustrating to see people using our brand to criticize programs that have nothing to do with our brand and are not even working."| Related Articles | Author | Replies | Views | |
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