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 | University of South Carolina students attending a John Kerry speech ran for their lives as security guards opened fire on them. Nobody was hurt, but several students were trampled in the rush for the exits. Kerry aides downplayed the incident: "Do you think we'd seriously murder a bunch of college brats? We just wanted to scare them a bit; they were being insolent, asking questions about the ties between Hillary Healthcare plan and some Skull and Bones Society of which I never heard before." |
 Psychologists first diagnosed Hypo-ironia in 1967. Before then, society often cast out the irony-challenged, referring to them by such derogatory names as "sourpuss" and "stick in the mud" It afflicts five percent of the population, but has been known to disproportionately affect members of the National Organization of Women. Past sufferers of hypo-ironia include Alan Keyes, Tom Tancredo, John Kerry, Jackson Browne, and Noam Chomsky.  Worth1000 reports: Local police implement a softer, gentler image following recent reports of police brutality. Cheif quoted as saying "walk softly and carry a celery stick." |
"It wasn't like we were totally against it. We just didn't like that it preserved the for-profit insurance industry's stranglehold on health care. We wanted a state-run single-payer system. After we noticed Kerry was a little quiet, we all tried to apologize, but he just winked at us and started walking away. That's when the shooting started."
Another attendee, Chad "Che" Wilkins contradicted Ms. Hutchins's testimony. "We did deserve it for booing a man who had an election stolen from him by the fascist death machine known as the Beeazelbush campaign. Besides, we're gonna get rid of insurance companies soon anyway. Please, fellow fighters for social justice, save your hate for the true misery dealers, for the warmongers and the conspirators of the Skull and Bones Society. Yes, I said Skull and Bones. What are you gonna do about it? Where are you taking me? I didn't do anything! I just said Skull and Bones. What's that? Aww, that hurts! Skull and... Awww!"
Anonymous attendee who was not a student but wandered into the room to distribute Legalize Marijuana brochures: "All was groovy until this skinny dude mentioned the Skull and Bones Society. That's when all hell broke loose and they started shooting. Skull and Bones is a taboo subject, man. You don't bring it up, you don't ask questions. Nobody is supposed to know who really runs this country. Hey, don't look at me - I don't know it either. I said I don't know, man! Where are you taking me? What did I do, man? What did I do? Don't taser me, man!"
Campus president said a preliminary investigation is under way, but cautioned not to jump to conclusions and not to think about the Skull and Bones Society.
John Kerry, who is irony-challenged, declined to comment on the pretext of his worsening chronic hypo-ironia condition.
Eyewitnesses claim multiple sightings of Skull & Bones signs like this in different parts of the country. Whether they are the work of Skull & Bones members or their enemies, one thing is clear - these signs mean danger. Many of the truth seekers have been electrocuted, poisoned, or scolded with steam when they tried to enter protected areas, some of them receiving Darwin Awards posthumously. A massive class action lawsuit against Skull & Bones is in the works by the victims and their colleagues in the truth seeking community.
YouTube activist vlogger oNeLittLEvOiCE has made this comment on her vlog:
"When will you wake up, people? Don't you realize these signs are everywhere and they are multiplying? I mean, would you like a Skull & Bones sign to appear in your house, in your children's bedroom, in your whatever? I mean, we all know that both George Bush and John Kerry were members of the Skull & Bones while at Yale - so what else do you need to know? Like, did you know that if you open a door behind a Skull & Bones sign and touch a wire you will be electrocuted and maybe even die? What is happening to our freedom in this country? I mean, what kind of terrible fascist dictatorship are we turning into? And who are these people? What do they want from me? Is that a taser? Awww!"
Special reporting by Red Square and Comrade Chad at Funnimetric
I find the lack of a cover up very disturbing. Why didn't Kerry, wsiv, at least have the wit to say that this young man was being tasered "for the children?"
Maybe I'm overreacting, but I'm fearful this incident may cause the proles to start thinking, and that may in turn produce another obstacle to overcome in bringing about the inevitable coronation of the Goddess.
Welcome to the Cube, Comrade Krusher. If you really are interested in Party-approved views on fascism, please first check the People's Glossary:
Hitler
Tell the wimpy security guards to go home and send in the Commissars... these kids need to be taught that it isn't wise to interrupt the Party with these... these... "question" things or whatever they're called. Wake up and read the DKos, kiddies! Progress is on the march (all over your face)!!
------------------------------------------------
Dear Kommunist Krusher,
GO BACK TO YOUR ROVIAN MASTERS, YOU CORPORATIST FASCIST! How many countries have you invaded and how many innocent Freedom Fighters were senselessly slaughtered to fuel your SUV? Huh? How many!? A billion, I bet! Oh, and it's Heil Hillary*, corporatist stooge!
BTW: Don't forget to vote Democrat.
Cheers!
-- Meow
This young fellow is on the ground screaming "Don't tase me, Bro!" and being held by a rugby scrum of officers. He then proceeds to start screaming "Ow! Ow! Ow!" In some of the video clips floating about the net there is the crackle of what I assume is meant to be a taser (in others it is absent). My question is this: If this fellow is being held by several officers when he was hit with fifty thousand volts (as reported by CNN) wouldn't the officers holding him also have been jolted by the charge?
Or did I dream all this while sleeping on the keyboard? Wait... where's that beer?
Of course, afterwards, the mom went on a rampage to get the police department to ban tazers because of the "emotional trauma" her son and her went through and stuff like that. Fortunately, tazers are still in use so the cops can still tazer punks who deserve it at their will.
Quote:
John Kerry speechQuote:
Kerry became upsetQuote:
hypo-ironia include Alan Keyes, Tom Tancredo, John Kerry,Quote:
see Kerry, who served in Vietnam,Quote:
Why didn't Kerry,Quote:
not stopped by John Kerry,I seem to recall a purge some time back that specifically relegated this....this...non-person to obscurity.
Six utterings of the un-utterable! Unbelievable! What a willful suspension of disbelief I'm having right now.
Comrades, I believe in a second chance. I'm hoping the MTE doesn't find this thread, so I'm just going to pretend that I never saw any of this. Now if you just quietly denounce yourselves, all of this might just go away, either that or you just might be ending up in a 72 hour combination Hildo Hydra 7.9 and waterboarding session and wishing you had been tasered.
You've been warned.
Laika
"Ah, Waht Is iit Your doing, ah Broh. Aaaaaah".
The Party tried this once in 2004, when after failed election non-person K was replaced with a cardboard cutout in the Senate and said non-person was packed into a box car and sent up north to shovel permafrost. But he escaped and returned to DC hoping to get another medal of Hero of Socialist Labor by uncovering a CIA spy, in which he succeeded.
That's when we caught him again, but even we couldn't tell the difference between non-person K and his cutout. So we tasered them both, with no result. A few other tests followed including the most terrible torture of waterboarding, with the same result. Then Laika sent them both a transmission, and only the one who knew the correct frequency got it. It was the cutout.
Red Bubba
Useful idiot Cindy Sheehan will be getting tasered now that she has seen the glorious media coverage. I am looking forward to using it as a screensaver.I guess we will have to write a Party-approved manual about how to act tasered before the cameras without actually being tasered. If put in practice, such footage will spread around the world as a proof of the lack of freedom of speech in Amerikkka. The oppressive Bush regime will deny the fact of tasering, but who will believe them? Like, who would YOU rather believe - a progressive activist or the running dogs of capitalism?
The training video is already all over YouTube, comrades! View it carefully, trying to memorize the movements, the voice, the words to say. But don't imitate it completely, be creative! For instance, saying "Don't tase me, bro!" will be a dead giveaway. Instead, say something like "Don't tase me, comrade!" or similar.
Laika the Space Dog
I seem to recall a purge some time back that specifically relegated this....this...non-person to obscurity.Six utterings of the un-utterable! Unbelievable! What a willful suspension of disbelief I'm having right now.
Isn't that the strangest thing? I just forgot who we were talking about. I don't even remember if he served in Vietnam, or if he served, or if he even existed. Well, if he's gotta go, then, if he ever existed, he's gotta go along with the others.
Red Square
That's when we caught him again, but even we couldn't tell the difference between non-person K and his cutout. So we tasered them both, with no resultWouldn't the cardboard cutout not conduct the electricity where as the non-person K would? Even though you could not tell due to his botoxed face, a simple voltmeter should. Plus you could perhaps use the irony detection test mentioned in another thread. I suspect the cardboard cutout would be able to detect irony.
And, to that end, CubeTV brings you a relevant excerpt from Dr. P's para-reality show "'X' Marx the Spizzle."
The scene: Dr. P and The Chairman, with requisite blonde "party favors" in tow, are seated in a posh restaurant. The waiter arrives with the wine.
Dr. P: Um, excuse me there Smilin' Bob, doesn't look like the freakin' Enzyte's doing you any good, you flaccid twit. This wine should have been decanted; do you really expect me to taste it right outta the bottle... like some... like some piece of Ameri-trash. Do you know who we are?
Chairman Meow: Listen here, Trotsky's shoeshiner. Hey! Look at me when I'm talkin' to you; I believe I've earned the courtesy, don't you Dr. P?
Dr. P: Abso-f*ckin'-lutely, Chairman!
Waiter: Oh, please, oh my god,... I'm so sorry; I'm new here. I've never served such a fine...
Chairman Meow: Cry me a f*ckin' River Potemkin, there, twinkle toes.
Dr. P: (Pulling out "Mr. Tazeworth, Tool of Social Justice" from his manpurse): Punchy, ole pal, whose turn is it, anyway.
Blonde Female Escort 1: "It's mine!"
Stay tuned........................
On a darker note, we need finally to decide on the best scientific procedure to distinguish non-person K from his own cardboard cutout.
See Non-People in the Glossary:
http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=42
Red Square
On a darker note, we need finally to decide on the best scientific procedure to distinguish non-person K from his own cardboard.We will shoot him. If he falls down, he is the real non-person.
Why make things complicated when there are tried and true methods developed by our own NKVD!
Red Square
Nice one, Dr. P! Can't wait until next week for the sequel.On a darker note, we need finally to decide on the best scientific procedure to distinguish non-person K from his own cardboard.
See Non-People in the Glossary:
http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=42
I suggest the humane Dunking Stool.
When we perform this method of re-education on an errant comrade or fellow traveler, however, we shall call it "waterboarding" to confuse the ignorant rabble of Amerika.
Drown the Facist State in the aqueous brine of ergonomics! No comfy chairs allowed....
Ooooo! But wait, while extensive dunking would outwardly seem to have similar effects on both the cut out and the non-person K, only the non-person K would still have "crunch" when the Many Titted Empress bites into the non-person! If of course she can stand the taste....
non-person... Crunchy to the last bite!
I have been hired, as you know, by Dr. Idi as his personal chef, and I had hoped to bring my culinary skills into play in differentiating between the carboard cut-out of the non-person and the non-person himself, whom Laika rightly advised we had purged some while ago. But I find that no matter how sauced, the said non-person is quite indistinguishable from the cardboard cut-out of said non-person.
I have tried bearnaise made with the finest Irish butter and Mediterranean chervil and tarragon, and said non-person tastes of cardboard just like cardboard.
I have tried a mornay, but the same result obtained; I even used the Texas form of it, adding coffee, and calling it red-eye gravy, and still, alas, cardboard.
The cats Calvin and Hobbes were uniformly of the opinion that it belonged in their box rather than in their dinner bowl.
Bruno waltzed in and trilled, saying, "Why John! You're looking a little torn up now," and collapsed into laughter. He is now in the ER having the shards of Meow's broken Hummels removed from various sensitive places.
So let me suggest that it is impossible to know at the same time the life status and the opinions of the said non person, which is something that Heisenberg proved anyway.
If said non person is at least as complicated as an electron, which may not be the case.
Dr. P
I suggest the humane Dunking Stool.When we perform this method of re-education on an errant comrade or fellow traveler, however, we shall call it "waterboarding" to confuse the ignorant rabble of Amerika.
Drown the Facist State in the aqueous brine of ergonomics! No comfy chairs allowed....
Dr. P, did not the white Christain male use this as a tool to oppress his wife back when the forefathers were setting up their empire?
Kommissar Vodkov
We will shoot him. If he falls down, he is the real non-person.
Why make things complicated when there are tried and true methods developed by our own NKVD!
I think Kommissar Vodkov got it right. To paraphrase the great Uncle Joe and his beboppin band
"No cardboard cutout, no problem."
Oh. She must have smart lawyers in drawing up wills. She didn't earn that money, bear in mind; the non person married Big Ketchup.
Red Square
after failed election non-person K was replaced with a cardboard cutout in the Senate and said non-person was packed into a box car and sent up north to shovel permafrost. But he escaped and returned to DC hoping to get another medal of Hero of Socialist Labor by uncovering a CIA spy, in which he succeeded.Yeah I though Kerry (who served in Vietnam) had been restored to his seat after exposing a U.S. operative.
If it were not for that, then person K (who served in Vietnam) deserved to be brought back to the Senate after his speech a few days before the Revolution last year, where he spoke for the Party as exposing AmeriKKKan imperialist troops as uneducated.
Branish
Yeah I though Kerry (who served in Vietnam) had been restored to his seat after exposing a U.S. operative.The Party has spoken and until this changes, history will only show that there was a non-person K (who allegedly served fighting our Progressive Friends in the Democratic Republic of Vietnam).
Commissar Theocritus
So let me suggest that it is impossible to know at the same time the life status and the opinions of the said non person, which is something that Heisenberg proved anyway.That is of course an excellent point. But perhaps we are being too complicated in our analysis. Would not a simple test be to set up a microphone and a camera unknown to either the cut out and the non-person K, then set them both just inside the back stage door and see which makes it to face the microphone and camera first to spout out nonsense? Grant it, it may be close, but I think the cutout would come in second.
Commissar Pupovich
Commissar Theocritus
So let me suggest that it is impossible to know at the same time the life status and the opinions of the said non person, which is something that Heisenberg proved anyway.That is of course an excellent point. But perhaps we are being too complicated in our analysis. Would not a simple test be to set up a microphone and a camera unknown to either the cut out and the non-person K, then set them both just inside the back stage door and see which makes it to face the microphone and camera first to spout out nonsense? Grant it, it may be close, but I think the cutout would come in second.
This might work. Senator K would be whichever figure speaks more like a cardboard effigy of a man.
Good day, fellow comrades!
It is indeed a great day for the Motherland, for another of its humble sons returns from exile. Dobre den to all, tovarisch!
After decades-long lessons and workshops about Anger Management, Subtlety, and Cooperative Spirit, our Internal Affairs Bureau has sent me to work as Party Diplomacy Supervisor!
(Actually they told me "be diplomatic.. or else..", but maybe that's how I got the message.)
So, as first report (hopefully of many), just a note about TASERS, since they recently caused much unneeded fuss. Why, comrades, raise not your spinal hairs! Taser is about to be included as part of Dialectics in the Party's intensive Social Conscience workshops. I think comrade Kerry was just testing method efficiency. You see, most of them now avoid talking about Skull and B-[zzzzzz aaargh...]
Dasvedanya
Premier Betty
Welcome to the Cube, comrade Party Diplomat!I think he's still recovering from the bowel release that accompanies tasering, Betty.
Well, now:
Thanks for the warm welcome, comrades Betty and AbecedariusRex!!! Of course, my presence here is compulsory anyways, but it is always reassuring to know I have the support and enthusiasm of my fellow co-workers!
Anyways, you do what you’re told and we will all forget that little boxing match so many, many years ago. Now go outside and sign some autographs for the kiddies, tell them how wonderful Socialism is and how their parents are trying to brainwash them (not to mention kill them and make them eat Vegetable-Americans - who are people too, mind you!).
First
- Please mind you that signing autographs for the kiddies was no piece of cake when you hit sandbags all day with your hands; and parroting around was no easy job when you had your brains bashed in daily in return. But it could really be worse, it's true.
Second
- It was indeed very counterproductive losing that fight against capitalist piece of iron Balboa. Especially before the whole Politburo. (And I guess no, they never simply "forget" mistakes like this) It turned out that, at that time, I hit him and hit him and he wouldn't fall: wrong tactics! I didn't know by then that the Party's orders are above the laws of physics, and that they're BOUND to turn into reality. I know it now for sure. If only I knew it then... I lacked discipline. Well at least I got to kill that other capitalist pig that looked like Lionel Ritchie (or was it Lando Calrissian?). Even if I were a capitalist pig (Stalin forbid!), I'd kill him for free.
Third
- About the butch fine lady Ludmilla, sister or wife, well I still don't know. Don't know whether she was my sister, since I don't remember my family very well. (Was it a lab where they injected me with Lenin's blood?) But we were certainly meant to reproduce at the time. Turns out that she was also wife of capitalist pig Balboa!!! After knowing that I wouldn't touch her with a ten-foot pole... and I do have a ten-foot pole.
I will now follow your suggestion about the Vegetable-Americans and spread socialism to kiddies. You will see the results after I tell them they will have abs like mine. "Give me a child for eight years and I will make her a bolchevik-with-butch-rippling-arms-and-abs forever!" (Uh... yes, I guess it was like that.)
Party Diplomat Ivan Drago
I think comrade Kerry was just testing method efficiency. You see, most of them now avoid talking about Skull and B-[zzzzzz aaargh...]Commissar Pupovich also wishes to welcome you to our all inclusive big Red Tent. Come into the shade of progressive thinking and the comfort of having others thinking for you. I can see from your physique that we would perhaps be wasting good talent by issuing you a shovel right now. But I would caution you, for you mentioned a non-person above. It is best just to refer to him as non-person K (who is alleged to have once served in the imperialist warmongers in their war of aggression against the Peaceful Democratic Peoples of North Vietnam).
Ivan Betinov
I have taken a look at the video of the incident, and while I do not see or hear any actual gunfire, I am sure it must be true; it has been reported here and even without any compelling evidence it must be a fact. Something else puzzles me, however, and I hope that perhaps some party memebers with more experience in these things may be able to clarify a point for me.This young fellow is on the ground screaming "Don't tase me, Bro!" and being held by a rugby scrum of officers. He then proceeds to start screaming "Ow! Ow! Ow!" In some of the video clips floating about the net there is the crackle of what I assume is meant to be a taser (in others it is absent). My question is this: If this fellow is being held by several officers when he was hit with fifty thousand volts (as reported by CNN) wouldn't the officers holding him also have been jolted by the charge?
Fascist press.
He is not saying, "Don't TASE me bro", he is saying, "Don't TEASE me bro!" Not only are these spoiled little students capitalist swinelings, but they are perverted. He was asking for it, if you ask me.
Dr. W. S. Palimpsest
I suggest the humane Dunking Stool.You mean if someone weighs the same as a duck, they're made of wood?
RedtheProgressiveFox
Dr. P
I suggest the humane Dunking Stool.When we perform this method of re-education on an errant comrade or fellow traveler, however, we shall call it "waterboarding" to confuse the ignorant rabble of Amerika.
Drown the Facist State in the aqueous brine of ergonomics! No comfy chairs allowed....
Dr. P, did not the white Christain male use this as a tool to oppress his wife back when the forefathers were setting up their empire?
No.
And what is a ChriSTAIN anyway, something called chri, it makes a stain?
The dunking was something medieval peoples used to determine why people behaved strangely or differently, regardless of their marital status. Obviously, it wasn't very scientific, and obviously, a lot of people suffered terribly because of that, both male and female.
The forefathers, my friend, set up the Empire between 1917 and 1921, long after that rubbish ended. And NONE of us believe in ANY power higher than Lenin, Hillary, or Laika the space dog. Never forget that, or we will erase whatever else you think you remember.
Linda Gates would be perfect, of course, but there is no reason to think that the Non-Person would appeal to her, for after all, did her husband not pay sufficient bribes, honoraria to the Clinton campaign and therefore was investigated by the goon squad, Justice?
That leaves Leona Helmsley, who is of course quite dead. But that would not matter to the Non-person for a Non-person is not only dead but has never lived. And should said Non-person achieve probationary status as a person, by good works, increasing the Party's coffers by several billion dollars, and making a generational improvement on the Hildo Hydra 7.9, and of course give Meow a Hummel, or as many of them as he wants, then we can as Dr. Idi what witch doctor brought him back to life.
That is if Dr. Idi hasn't ordered me, as his official chef, to cook Leona. Whom I will sauce with mint jelly.
One hour later
<clap clap clap....>
AUGHH!! My hands have fallen off! quick, someone get Dr. Fuku up here right now!
Well, Roger did say, "My brother has a nose like a vacuum cleaner." Smokes a fine cigar too.
The Tsarevna
RedtheProgressiveFox
Dr. P
I suggest the humane Dunking Stool.When we perform this method of re-education on an errant comrade or fellow traveler, however, we shall call it "waterboarding" to confuse the ignorant rabble of Amerika.
Drown the Facist State in the aqueous brine of ergonomics! No comfy chairs allowed....
Dr. P, did not the white Christain male use this as a tool to oppress his wife back when the forefathers were setting up their empire?
No.
And what is a ChriSTAIN anyway, something called chri, it makes a stain?
The dunking was something medieval peoples used to determine why people behaved strangely or differently, regardless of their marital status. Obviously, it wasn't very scientific, and obviously, a lot of people suffered terribly because of that, both male and female.
The forefathers, my friend, set up the Empire between 1917 and 1921, long after that rubbish ended. And NONE of us believe in ANY power higher than Lenin, Hillary, or Laika the space dog. Never forget that, or we will erase whatever else you think you remember.
My apologies Tsarevna. I still suffer a little from this deep sense of patriotism that was forced down me as a child. I still have trouble and constantly purging more of it out when I find it. When I was saying forefathers, I meant the forefathers of the evil kapitalist empire that all sat in a room dreaming up all the evil that could be done.
Natash (walking about with her eyes closed to avoid visage of non-person k)
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Hamas: Israeli air defense unfair to 99% of our missiles, "only 1% allowed to reach Israel"
Democrat strategist: without government supervision, women would have never evolved into humans
Voters Without Borders oppose Texas new voter ID law
Enraged by accusation that they are doing Obama's bidding, media leaders demand instructions from White House on how to respond
Obama blames previous Olympics for failure to win at this Olympics
Official: China plans to land on Moon or at least on cheap knockoff thereof
Koran-Contra: Obama secretly arms Syrian rebels
Poll: Progressive slogan 'We should be more like Europe' most popular with members of American Nazi Party
Obama to Evangelicals: Jesus saves, I just spend
May Day: Anarchists plan, schedule, synchronize, and execute a coordinated campaign against all of the above
Midwestern farmers hooked on new erotic novel "50 Shades of Hay"
Study: 99% of Liberals give the rest a bad name
Obama meets with Jewish leaders, proposes deeper circumcisions for the rich
Historians: Before HOPE & CHANGE there was HEMP & CHOOM at ten bucks a bag
Cancer once again fails to cure Venezuela of its "President for Life"
Tragic spelling error causes Muslim protesters to burn local boob-tube factory
Secretary of Energy Steven Chu: due to energy conservation, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off
Obama Administration running food stamps across the border with Mexico in an operation code-named "Fat And Furious"
Pakistan explodes in protest over new Adobe Acrobat update; 17 local acrobats killed
White House: "Let them eat statistics"
Special Ops: if Benedict Arnold had a son, he would look like Barack Obama
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