™ - The People's Trademark indicating that a word, phrase, or a concept has been monopolized by the Party for its exclusive use, to be filled with whatever progressive content the Party deems necessary at any given moment, which can change without notice at the Party's convenience. The People's Trademark is used to liberate progressive meanings and words from the pool of neutral and reactionary meanings and words exploited by the knuckle-dragging reactionaries who stand in the way of progress.
For example, by adding ™ to The People* we were able to liberate and revise its meaning to include animals, vegetables, household appliances, Necro-proxies, and other Democrat-voting entities historically disenfranchised by the speciist and necrophobic capitalist oppressors.
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*The People™: All rights reserved. Not all qualify. Check with your local Commissar to see if you qualify for The People™. Not available in Red States. Void where prohibited by Current Truth™.
Abortion
(see Choice). After the revolution all pro-choice debates, focus groups, and parental notifications will become obsolete. The only notification a woman will need is that of the local Commissar who will perform the abortion himself based on visual assessment. The expected post-revolutionary drop in labor productivity will call for more strong and healthy workers and peasants. To fight off enemies of the socialist Motherland the Party will need more strong soldiers in the Red Army. Breeding workers and soldiers will no longer be a choice but a grave responsibility of every female citizen. Commissar's decision will be based on the prospective mother's strong built and good proletarian stock. If the above conditions are met, abortion will be denied and violators thereof will be punished by various terms of corrective hard labor. For sickly individuals, substance abusers, and bourgeois offshoots abortions will be mandatory. It will be required of the Commissar to experience pleasure while extracting such uselessness from the ranks of future citizens of our caring society, and to submit the fetal matter to the nearest stem cell recycling center.
Altruism
Self-sacrifice for The Greater Good™. Cornerstone of progressive morals and ethics and a primary characteristic of the New Man. Mandatory in progressive socialist societies. On our planet with limited resources, an ultimate act of Altruism would be to stop eating and starve to death. Progressive science has determined that being deprived of food and water produces a sense of euphoria and those who die from starvation experience painless, tranquil deaths. In 1932 alone, six million Ukrainians altruistically starved to death, thus furthering the advance of socialism and industrialization in the USSR. (See "Ukraine: Altruism on the Rise as Socialism Leaps to New Heights" by Walter Duranty, the Pulitzer Prize winning correspondent for The New York Times in Moscow.)
Aristotle
Dead White European Male and an unindicted co-conspirator. Invented logic as a tool to subdue the oppressed masses and minorities by imposing the so-called "rationality" as part of the international White male hegemony. The oppressive "reason-oriented" Western societies are the direct result of his conspiratorial efforts.
Arms (the right to bear)
The path to the new society lies through discipline and submission to the authorities. This becomes impossible if half of the population own guns and may join organized resistance. Despite our progressive efforts, the ban on gun ownership has fallen behind schedule. It was originally scheduled to expire simultaneously with bourgeois morals. But thanks to Welfare, feelgood schools, the ACLU, and through the promotion of drug culture, we have achieved the deterioration of morals and personal responsibility in inner cities ahead of schedule. This lapse in timing has created a rather unpleasant urban mix of guns and drugs, which makes us want to move to the suburbs.
Big Lie(s)
Falsehoods invented by capitalists in order to fool and subdue the masses. Examples include: War on Terror, Booming Economy, Patriot Act, Iraq's WMDs, and weekly weather forecast.
Capitalism
A system that forces people, through a false concept of private property, to pay for the goods they already have the right to own. This pressures the masses to work for a living instead of organizing and representing (a.k.a. Fascism)
Choice
Abortion. On a planet with limited resources, giving birth to more consumers is irresponsible, especially to white males who by definition are the most useless caste on a progressive egalitarian scale. To further this progressive worldview, we must organize Sacrificial Death Drives demanding all to sacrifice their children for The Greater Good™. We must attend pro-abortion rallies, acting as living proof of the terrible mistake our parents had made by not aborting us. It is best exemplified by a statement that Maxine Waters, a US Congresswoman (D-Calif) made at a Pro-Abortion Rally in Washington, DC on 4/25/04: "I have to march because my mother could not have an abortion."
Collectivism
Individual is nothing, the collective is everything. We, the People's vanguard, would have no power if we were to rely on the individual. But if you divide people into minority groups, each fighting for more collective rights and entitlements at the expense of all other groups, then pitch them against one another and act as a mediator, you will own the world! Abandon your puny notions of surviving with an individual mind, learn to think with the collective brain which speaks through our Party representatives. The rewards are obvious: in a collective you automatically gain the same rights and entitlements as the next member without moving a finger to earn them. Group reality gives one a strong feeling of selflessness, belonging, and protection against all other such collectives, also known as special interest groups.
Competition
Barbaric, insensitive ritual steeped in social Darwinism. We cannot allow the fittest to survive in our society. Your loss is someone else's gain, and your gain is someone else's loss. Therefore, losers contribute to the society and winners take away from it. Being a winner is unethical, while a society of losers is happy, moral, and prosperous as a collective. A progressive society of the future, steeped in diversity, inclusiveness, and collectivism, shall have no winners. Everyone will be a loser, which in our book means ethical team player.
Dead-Americans
(also Necro-proxies) are playing a progressively important role in the American democratic process, consistently casting their votes for the Democratic Party. According to "Countdown" on MSNBC, the International Coalition of Dead Voters has endorsed all Democratic candidates in this election cycle. "We have always sided with progress and unilateral disarmament, and it is very important that this November all dead people of good will, once again, vote Democrat," said the Coalition's spokesperson in a segment called Bush Disenfranchises The American Dead.
It is not a coincidence that elections in the US happen around Halloween, the most progressive and accepted of all religious holidays.
Democracy
Bourgeois democracy doesn't work. The re-election of imperialist villain Bush is the best proof of it. Once again Americans have shown a glaring lack of ability to elect their own government. No matter how easy we make it for them, Americans resist the truth contained in our award-winning documentaries, improved university courses, and Multicultural Social Awareness re-education programs. The hour is upon us to implement the great Lenin's doctrine of the Party's dictatorship (see People's Democracy)
Earth Day
a day of action to save the earth from farmers, ranchers, mining, timber, oil, chemical companies, and anyone else who seeks to utilize the earth's resources to enhance, enrich, and extend the lives of Americans and others worldwide. Characterized by the media's massive awareness drive to (a) remind the world that American capitalists are raping the earth and stealing its riches, thus causing all of the planet's environmental problems; (b) advocate a greater government control of land, resources, and industries; and (c) increase the constantly growing white male guilt levels. A great way to politicize spring cleaning and give an ideological rationalization for the rebirth of nature.
Education
The process of cleansing the children of conservative parents of bourgeois falsehoods, and conditioning them for the life in a progressive society, through instilling the correct ideas of multiculturalism, moral relativity, collectivism, and sacrifice for The Greater Good™. No anarchic free market of schools should be permissible. All schools must be within the nationwide government system, manned with Party soldiers teaching the same controlled message to ensure a majority mandate for a continuation of orthodoxy. Children must be encouraged to report the misdeeds of one another to authorities and to denounce their parents as well as those teachers who stray away from pre-approved textbooks. Lowering educational standards is advisable for the rabble as well as the elite at this phase; a weakened America filled with morons will offer us an emptiness to be filled by ourselves. A thorough education encourages children to think of themselves as lords whose very existence is valued by nature to the point of supporting their sloth, whim, and curiosity. This breeds contempt for the masses and their vanguard, the Party. We hope none of you have children.
Evil
George Bush. (See Morality)
Exploitation
A coercive mechanism through which capitalists steal poor people's food.
Family
The family is a repository of wrong ideas, archaic values, violence, perversity, and home cooking. Parents are the scum of history. They are unsightly Neanderthal vermin who will be replaced shortly in our lifetime by experts whose skill at social engineering will make the family a defunct nightmare. Children must be removed from these scoundrels as early as possible and be taught correct facts and values by our Party-approved professionals. The new generation must be pre-conditioned to live in a new society based on Marxist science.
Free Speech
In our hands, a powerful weapon to destroy America through media scandals and by protecting our agents in the academic, news, and entertainment industries. We must eradicate all memories of the classical version of Free Speech whereby the government shall not meddle in a citizen's free expression of political views. In its place we must establish a modified, Party-approved version: Free Speech entails no consequences and necessitates no responsibility. Anything goes. The government must meddle head over heels, coercing individuals and businesses to provide material support to those expressing the views they personally oppose. It is accomplished by forcing businesses to pay for anti-business advertising, as well as by using taxpayers' (and students') money to pay tenures to Marxist professors, give grants to progressive artists, and subsidize anti-American propaganda on public radio and TV channels. In the past decades we made the government force private media establishments to share pulpit with us so as to ensure a fair spread of opinions; that stage is over, comrades - the media is ours now and we can dispense with that regulation lest capitalists use it to express their dangerous views. To make sure our opponents don't invoke their right to Free Speech we have come up with the concept of Hate Speech. After the revolution Freedom of Speech will be replaced with a more progressive concept - Freedom to Agree with the collective opinion expressed through a Party representative.
Giving back to the community
Returning stolen goods to the victims of crime while admitting that businesses activity is morally reprehensible as it takes away from the community. Must be universally encouraged. The more a business "gives back to the community," the heavier the aura of shame and guilt on the one side - and the bigger the sense of entitlement on the other. For example:
BUSINESS: "I'm the douchebag that stole a child swing from the poor minority playground - but look, I'm giving it back now."
COMMUNITY: "Just put it over there and get out before we hurt you. Wait, I think there was a golden statue of Leon Trotsky in front of the project, make sure you put it back there too!"
Global Warming
A modern-day equivalent of class struggle. Global Warming is an easily understood, historically inevitable concept in Marxist Science designed to help the Party to crush capitalism and fulfill the mankind's utmost desire of appointing Al Gore President For Life and establishing a planned centralized economy world-wide (Global Socialist Revolution). In the absence of classical Marxist preconditions for the Revolution (global crisis of capitalism combined with massive poverty and despair), Global Warming stands out as the most convenient replacement thereof, providing both the means to manipulate the masses and a moral justification for doing so. As such it replaces the previously promising but failed agitprop tools as "Overpopulation," "Ozone Holes," "Global Famine," and "Ice Age 2." Until the time when it gets replaced by another convenient agitprop tool, Global Warming must remain an unquestionable dogma in all political discussions (you will be notified of any change, if any, by NPR and the New York Times.) The importance of Global Warming for the Revolution is too great to leave it in the hands of scientists. The masses must believe that it is beneficial to have faith in Global Warming whether it can be proven or not (see Pascal's Wager). If Global Warming didn't exist it would be necessary to invent it.
Global Warming encompasses four dogmas: 1) Global temperatures are rising.
2) This is a bad thing.
3) Rising temperatures (if they exist) are caused by human industries.
4) We must place human industries under centralized control and issue production quotas to stop rising temperatures.
Note: if you can't prove Proposition #1 & #3 you must quickly move to #4 by invoking People's Cube Wager.
The importance of Global Warming for the Revolution is too great to leave it in the hands of scientists. That was why Al Gore, with a collective of comrades in the Propaganda Directorate, produced a movie called "An Inconvenient Truth." Many people have difficulty with things like driving directions, balancing a checking account, and releasing the "Caps Lock" key. And yet, after watching Al Gore's film, they figured out Global Warming just as easily as they had figured out the Iraq war after watching Michael Moore's "Fahrenheit 9/11" before that.
Good
That which helps to advance progress towards The Greater Good™, no matter how injurious the act that advances the cause of the oppressed classes. Developing individual concepts of good and evil may impair revolutionary struggle and turn you against comrades and the Party (e.g., traitor David Horowitz). Only the Party can decide what's good and evil at any given moment.
Halloween
A progressive international holiday. On this day, in the countries of non-capitalist economic sector, workers and peasants under the leadership of Great Leaders commemorate all the dead communists who, in the name of human progress, died at the hands of other communists as well as non-communists - and also dead non-communists who died in the glorious class struggle for human progress, at the hands of communists and by non-communists alike. In the 20th century alone, victorious ideas of human progress helped hundreds of millions of people to advance from life towards death, so that new generations could enjoy even more progress in the name of advancement.
Indeed, if progress means rendering objects of humanitarian help incapable of doing things on their own, taking risks, making choices, developing independence and self-esteem, then being dead pretty much describes the ultimate goal of social progress and the result of advancement. In this respect, African countries like Zimbabwe, Somalia, Angola, and some others have become the most socially advanced nations of this century, having left behind such former bulwarks of human progress as China, Cambodia, and the former USSR.
In the capitalist United States, where progress and human advancement are obstructed by conservative culture, Republican running dogs, and the Second Amendment to the reactionary Constitution, Halloween is especially important due to its calendar proximity to election days. Around Halloween, thousands upon thousands of Dead-Americans routinely cast Democratic votes, helping the living to advance towards a more progressive society exemplified by the country's quiet and orderly graveyards.
Hate Speech
Expression of views that denigrate or mock the prevalent Marxist doctrine of political correctness. Thus, President Bush is guilty of Hate Speech, while Luis Farrakhan is not. You are guilty of Hate Speech if you disagree with such politically correct statements as "Republicans are idiots," "Bush is a moron," "white men are stupid," "America is evil," "capitalism is an abomination," "death to corporations," etc. If you do, will sue the crap out of you for the lack of sensitivity to our sacred dogmas. We'll make sure you can never vote again. We will make you regret you have ever learned to speak and think. Don't dare even mention favorably anyone guilty of Hate Speech. The concept of Hate Speech is a celebration of our victory over the obsolete definition of Free Speech that restricts the state's involvement in political expression. The state MUST be involved! It places every American at the mercy of those who interpret the law, which means us. That's why we can't allow any conservative judged on the bench next to us.
Hateful Violent Reactionary Mob
Those who would have you believe that there is any other way of understanding the human condition and the nature of Man other than the proper doctrinaire Marxist interpretation and have the temerity and bad taste to say so in public. Commonly referred to as stupid assholes and Nazi Pigs.
Hezbollization
(noun) A process whereby evil murderous thugs are turned into everyday heroes by an overzealous mainstream media. Hezbollize(verb) Assign great social importance to gangsters, treat them as celebrities (Hez-boll-ized, Hez-boll-iz-ing, Hez-boll-iz-es) Example 1: "Cross burnings bring warmth and comfort to homes without central heating, as caring KKK activists distribute clean white clothing among impoverished kids."
Example 2: "Crips, Bloods, MS 13 organize daily after school programs, engage minority children in pharmacological economics and ballistics training"
Hitler
Hitler is an important ideological weapon helping us win just about any argument with right-wingers. As such he must be viewed as pure evil at all times. This, of course, creates a philosophical paradox: it is common knowledge that morality is relative and there is no such thing as absolute good and evil. The answer is that Hitler is a necessary exception. If he didn't exist he'd have to be invented. What makes him so evil? It doesn't matter. He's evil, period. You needn't know unless you are an advanced student of the progressive theory. If you are, then you must know that Hitler was also building socialism, only it was for Arians only (National Socialism), in which minorities would slave for the White man. We the progressives want quite the opposite. Hitler's idea of uncompensated labor for The Greater Good™ (labor camps) was very different from our idea of uncompensated labor for The Greater Good™ (labor camps). That's where it gets tricky and any further discussions should only be allowed to Party-approved professors of progressive science.
Any progressive who takes the Collectivist, Marxist message to any public forum. Commonly referred to as Peace Activist, Environmental Activist or Important Intellectual of our Time. Never to be confused with: Hateful Violent Reactionary Mob
Islam
Today's most progressive, politically correct religion of choice. Its popularity with the Western liberals following the attacks on America has caused the cultural elites to give up Buddhism, Daoism, Paganism, and other progressive cults in favor of Islam. Following Gramsci's teaching, we are currently working on helping the world's Muslim populations to accept our definition of them as an oppressed minority under the umbrella of international Marxism. There currently are about 1.2 billion Muslims in the world, many of whom pray daily for the destruction of Jews and Israel. It is mandatory, therefore, for all progressive organizations to display a fervent support for the Palestinian struggle, its goals, and methods, and to denounce Zionism as the greatest evil, likening the Jews to the Nazis. The opportunity to recruit 1.2 billion Muslim supporters is just too good to let go; if that means watching a few million Jews being pushed into the sea and drown, we say it's all for The Greater Good™.
Islamism
Religious and cultural manifestation of the struggle of oppressed minorities in Third World countries against white imperialists, reactionary Christians, and Zionist colonialists. Islamism's professed disdain for the Western lifestyle, its intolerance towards the bourgeois morals are of vital importance for the international class struggle and have our full-hearted support and cooperation. We will be able to sort our philosophical differences after the Western civilization collapses. We think.
Lenin
In Marxist pantheon, the deity of earth, toil, and light bulbs, the giver of beets, vodka, and happiness. A principal deity of the Soviet People who worshiped his mummy while believing he was still alive. Lenin's birthday is an important Marxist festival, also known as Sacrificial Earth Shoveling, or simply Earth Day.
Liberalism
A normal state of a healthy person whose brain developed under the caring guidance of the progressive establishment. As opposed to the rigid and bigoted Republican / Capitalist / Conservative brain, a Liberal / Socialist / Democrat brain is hard to map because it undergoes perpetual reshuffling of its centers and synapses. Generally it can be characterized by a compassionate concern for not taxing the rich enough, combined with generosity in spending other people's money. A liberal brain is known to have a well-developed "blame-America" synapse, a benign "Smarter Than Thou" tumor, a Global Warming Panic Center, the Entitlement Synapse, Moral Relativity Gray Area, and a "P.C. Lobe" responsible for speech codes, multiculturalism, racial quotas, and alternative lifestyles. The underdeveloped areas of a Liberal Brain usually include those that handle common sense, personal responsibility, sense of humor, patriotism, and work ethics. The eternal motivational force that keeps a liberal going is typically a daily doze of Starbucks coffee combined with the dialectical struggle of the opposites - the feeling of being a victim of oppression and the feeling of guilt for oppressing the others at the same time.
Ethical team player in a collectivist Zero-Sum game.
Martha Stewart
She is rich because you are poor. Sending her to jail was only a half-measure, a compromise on part of the capitalist system, to vent off people's anger. The correct, moral measure would be to send her dig trenches for the rest of her life and divide her property evenly among the activists of Tides Foundation. This should be the fate of every capitalist fat cat except George Soros.
Marxism
Revolutionary theory according to which the more money one makes the less there is left for others (see Zero-Sum). The most important implication of Marxism is that it gives us a moral right to seize other people's property. Although people have always intuitively longed to liberate public property from private pockets (see Spontaneous Marxism), Karl Marx has provided a moral and philosophical foundation for such urges. Another important scientific discovery that Marx made was that our right to other people's property can be institutionalized through revolution, followed by a dictatorship of the proletariat, i.e., the rule of political commissars unrestrained by bourgeois morals.
McCarthyism
The best thing that ever happened to communism. American capitalism pathetically lost the Great Purges of McCarthyism. The idiots at HUAC just scraped the surface in communist-run Hollywood and academia, but forgot all about the news media! We owned the media and used its full force, not only to beat back the capitalist attack, but to destroy Senator McCarthy himself! Faithful comrades like Edward R. Murrow at CBS helped us to get McCarthy censured, after which he took to drinking and died like a capitalist dog he was. We proclaimed McCarthyism the greatest evil of all times and canonized its "victims." No capitalist enabler ever worked in Hollywood again! We have purged Hollywood clean and continue to use it as the greatest propaganda tool that Lenin envisioned it to be. As a result, every student will tell you now that McCarthyism was equal to or even worse than Stalin's purges (that's when our Russian comrades successfully eliminated a few dozen million capitalist enablers). The Left came out of this battle almost unscathed but much stronger than before. Ever since we have been using McCarthyism as a stick against political dissent. If McCarthy didn't exist he'd have to be invented.
Moral Authority
The right of the People to judge others (see Non-People). The poorer they are or their ancestors have been, the higher degree of Moral Authority they have. The ranking system that determines the degree of Moral Authority works just like in an Internet search engine, such as, Google, only the role of web robots is played by progressive journalists, and the role of spiders is played by ACLU lawyers who index every group's poverty level and history of oppression going back as far as 1200 AD. The indexed groups and individuals get shuffled according to their relevance and popularity level. Relevance is determined by the number of times a progressive buzz word (suffer, gay, Muslim, AIDS, abuse, sex, drugs, environment, etc.) pops up in the group's description. Popularity is measured by the the number of TV appearances, police arrests, and interviews in the progressive media. The most relevant, popular, and oppressed of the indexed ones automatically appear at the top of the search list. Currently the highest degree of Moral Authority, according to our search, belongs to Fatima Jones, a homeless female homosexual Pygmy, an HIV positive crack whore of Muslim faith, mentally traumatized by a sexually abusive Catholic priest, and is now serving a life sentence for stealing a motorized shopping cart at Wall-Mart. Then there is, of course, a spot for sponsored listings at the top of the page and in the sidebar, usually filled and paid for by Democratic political candidates. The lowest degree of Moral Authority in this ranking system is ascribed to successful White male professionals, ages 30 to 65. Capitalist exploiters are not being indexed at all as they have no Moral Authority whatsoever.
Morality
One man's evil is another man's good and vice versa. Right and wrong are fully interchangeable. Moral relativity is a complex issue and should be left to trained Party experts who can recognize a beneficial action by its apparent veneer of slaughter and woe. That, comrades, is science. Anything that might hinder progress as we define it, is evil. Noam Chomsky explains terrorist attacks of 9/11 as manifestation of a class struggle of a beleaguered populace against American imperialism. Therefore, George W. Bush and his War on Terror must be evil. But remember - every rule has exceptions including this rule and exceptions from it. See Hitler.
Multiculturalism
Our progressive social scientists and media activists have drawn strict boundaries for every minority group in this country. Such definitions as Blacks, Muslims, Hispanics, Asians, women, or gays do not even begin to describe the infinite hierarchy of groups, subgroups, bands, and clusters. Each has its ascribed role, legend, and grievances. Each is assigned its own enclave where it must remain under the supervision of caring progressive lawyers and Commissars of Ethnic Collectivism who will speak, think, and appoint representatives on their behalf. The job of such representatives is to pull the blanket of privileges and exclusive rights towards his or her respective group, thus rendering existing laws and the American Constitution meaningless. Together, however, they create an illusion of a vast majority, a representative body competing with the US Congress, an alternative government, a massive front battling American capitalism and its individualistic ideology. It is a duty of every progressive citizen to nurture, advance, and recruit members for this genius system generally known as "Multiculturalism."
National Security
Americans cannot be trusted in protecting their country because they just might succeed. For too long has America stood in our way! We must put it under the protection of the United Nations. Nothing in this world succeeds like failure. What's good for Rwanda is good for America!
A quick-moving, hard-shelled, small monosexual creature with a dozen limbs and infra-red vision to operate in the absence of electrical lighting. Has minimal needs; a hole for shelter and grass for nutrition. Runs on pure altruism and self-terminates on demand. Stands superior to the hedonistic, soft-bodied humans of today, who have been spoiled by bourgeois morals and are in a constant need of clothes, comfortable homes, and fresh food three times a day. The difference between the two species is what separates us from the just equitable society in which every citizen gives according to his ability and gets according to his needs.
Non-People
(Singular: Non-Person). Those who fall outside of the definition of the People and thus are subject to People's judgment and wrath. Examples include George Bush, Dick Cheney, and Martha Stewart. In humanistic progressive societies Non-People are purged for their own good. The government humanely isolates Non-People in remote camps to protect them from the People's vengeance and to re-educate them with the hope that they might finally accept progressive moral values.
EXAMPLE: After botched election/revolution in 2004, failed candidate John Kerry (D-MA) was reclassified as "non-person K" and replaced with a cardboard cutout in the Senate. It has been since advised to respond to the sound of his name by saying "Never heard of him." The real non-person K was without delay packed into a box car and sent up north to shovel permafrost. Persistent rumors that non-person K has fooled the Party and had us send the cutout up north, while he is now posing as his own cutout in the Senate, are obviously caused by the fact that it is practically impossible to distinguish one from the other.
Patriot Act
The Patriot Act must be rescinded in Congress as it infringes on the basic inherent rights of militant radicals to kill imperialistic Americans. We would not mind arresting the rogues and scoundrels who reject our sensible anti-American propaganda, but the terrorists aren't among those and should be allowed to roam free. They and us both find America not merely contemptible but despicable and unconscionably insane. They do it for God, we for history, we merely have different goads to take up the same justice.
Peace
"The meaning of peace is the absence of opposition to socialism" (Karl Marx). Also known as World Peace. The essense of the international peace movement is, therefore, to fight opposition to socialism and shake the foundations of capitalism until the Party gains control of the government and silences thought criminals by legislative means. Until then, all those who oppose progress must be denounced as enemies of peace, reactionary warmongers, child murderers, and little Eichmanns. The need to advance World Peace may involve violent uprisings, looting, expropriations, and extermination of enemies of World Peace. To the uninitiated such activities may look like war, but in reality it is struggle for World Peace. When a progressive group engages in mass murder, torture, imprisonment, deportations, and terror, they are only advancing Peace. But when the U.S. government tries to stop them, it endangers World Peace with imperialist wars of aggression. That's why Che Guevara is a fighter for peace, while George Bush is an evil warmonger. Other noted fighters for World Peace include Yaser Arafat, Carlos the Jackal, Unabomber, Saddam Hussein, and Joseph Stalin (who is credited with organizing and financing the first international peace movements).
People's Capitalism
Modified capitalism in which exploitation is tolerated on condition that the people's exploiters profess and support the socialist ideology and return most of their immoral profits to the people through taxes. Why do we need this half-measure if we could just go straight to communism? A communist economy will not function until every single citizen has become the New Man, a new breed of selfless collectivist eager to toil without compensation, for the sheer joy of toiling. Our state-funded scientists are currently breeding the New Man through a combination of stem cell research and education. Until then we must maintain People's Capitalism and allow small amounts of greed and selfishness to create capitalist wealth that we later confiscate for The Greater Good™. A thoroughly cultivated atmosphere of guilt associated with profiteering, forces capitalists to donate even more money for progressive causes. Such symbiosis between wealth creators and wealth consumers has been achieved in most European countries and to some extent in the United States.
People's Democracy
A higher form of government that no longer relies on the outdated and ineffective election process. In the so-called "bourgeois democracies" elections are routinely accompanied by lies, fraud, disenfranchisement of voters, and ballot recounts in Florida. In a People's Democracy voters think with the collective brain which speaks most accessibly and conveniently through Party representatives. The wish of the collective at any given moment is the law, and no one better knows the wishes and needs of the people than the dear leader himself, e.g., Kim Jung Il of the People's Democratic Republic of North Korea.
Political Correctness
Beliefs derived from the fundamental premises of Marxism. By a clever morphing of the old classic "oppressed economic class" to oppressed race class, oppressed sexuality class, oppressed culture class, oppressed female class, oppressed animals class, etc... etc... ad nassium, the New Marxism can change to fit new adherents in the historical class war against capitalism, property and outmoded ideas of personal freedom. Come the revolution all these new Politically Correct oppressed classes who will have helped defeat the forces of capital will be denounced and purged as "The New Trotskyites" and Enemies of the People and their members will either pledge loyalty to The Party or suffer the consequences.
Precautionary Principle
In the progressive community, used to advocate impulsive measures to avoid a perceived danger. When applied to conservatives, "precautionary" becomes "reactionary." For example, if global temperatures have risen 1 degree in 150 years, the Precautionary Principle requires the extreme restructuring of the world's economy and capitalistic ways of life. But any calls for "caution" in such restructuring should be duly labeled "reactionary." In another example, precaution is always required when dealing with tribal cultures lest we damage the gentle fabric of their existence based on cannibalism, slavery, or genital mutilation. But Precaution is pointless if you rip the vulgar fabric of the Western civilization based on reason, achievement, and personal liberty.
The words "conservative" and "cautionary" may be synonyms in a Thesaurus, but in the world of progressive politics they are complete opposites.
Progress
Movement towards The Greater Good™. Anything that destabilizes, defiles, sabotages, weakens, disrupts, impairs, or in any way undermines American capitalism, is progress.
Progressive Culture
A way for progressive individuals and collectives to exercise moral authority over less progressive individuals and their property. Works of progressive Culture are defined by their vigorous rejection of capitalist falsehoods, as well as by manifesting and reinforcing progressive morals and views defined in this glossary. Artistic merits in progressive Culture are secondary and unimportant, being leftovers of the commercialized capitalist culture (see Rap Music).
Progressive Morals
A feel-good moral system characterized by rejection of absolute values. Practiced by individuals and collectives of true moral authority who intuitively know what feels good at any given moment. Morality is relative by definition as it always depends on a person's ethnic, religious, or geographical background. Cutting off people's heads, for instance, is not immoral on the progressive moral scale because such scale does not exist. Differences between the head cutters and the head cuttees must be evened out through mutual acceptance and tolerance. The only exception is made for backward capitalist morals based on the false concept of private property, as practiced by conservative individuals of little or no moral authority.
Propaganda
Verbal or visual opposition to progressive ideology. Use the P-word to neutralize warmongering agents of capitalism. Works like a charm! E.g., when you try to enlighten someone about the absence of choice in the free market system and they ask you to prove it, simply put up your palm and scream "Propaganda!" Observe the agents of capitalism cower in fear and guilt. Proceed by saying that forced labor is the only option under any system. If no more resistance is detected, explain that only under socialism forced labor can benefit everybody equally - inmates and guards alike - which makes socialism morally superior to profit-making. We must spread our truth because the weak-minded masses will never come up with it on their own. Note that our truth is not propaganda, but rather progressive conditioning of the masses for the revolution.
Property
Collective possession. Cannot be private. The false concept of private property is a Big Lie. No one has the moral right to claim ownership to the world's limited resources that belong to everybody.
Pursuit of Happiness
Archaic, selfish notion. Nobody can better plan, monitor, supervise and assess your happiness than a government official or a social worker, sensitive to your and your loved ones' needs and fantasies. Progressive morality encourages us to forfeit happiness and cultivate the feeling of guilt instead. Guilt is a healthy sentiment that gives you the brazen strength of a martyr as you sacrifice your happiness to The Greater Good™.
Rap Music
Created by and for those who stand high in the hierarchy of progressive morals. Contains extremely progressive values and diction. Rejects bourgeois conventions and false concepts of copyright and commercialism that require to use original melodies in every new song. Minority rappers have been put in this position by greedy dead white male composers who already used up all possible melodies. Because our planet has limited resources (see Zero-Sum), the combinations of the seven notes have also reached their limit. Rap music circumvents the "melody" requirement, also leveling the playing field for tone-deaf singers. Important part of progressive Culture.
Reality
Originally the close-minded notion that there is an objective basis for understanding the truth through the reactionary methods of reason and logic. This has been discredited by the implementation of 'alternative ways of knowing', which is thinking outside the brain, whereby one can envision the fake but accurate underlying truth.
The methodology: A hypothesis is intuited as politically correct and therefore valid by all intents and purposes. At which point evidence is generated and classified as convenient or inconvenient. The convenient good evidence is selected out and the inconvenient bad evidence is explained away or ignored. These facts and truths are then tested by the highly scientific process of polling the experts to create a consensus. Any expert who disagrees is declassified as an expert because to be an expert one must believe the hypothesis. Thus the new, higher reality is approved replacing the lower reality, which is merely proved.
This new modality replaces outmoded empirical imperialism with community-based reality, forming the basis for reality-based communities. In this way, reforming facts to higher collective principles necessarily leads to a realer reality and a truther truth.
Redistribution of Wealth
Act of returning world's resources to rightful owners, the People. Must be performed regardless of one's input in order better to erase the false concept of private property. It is constantly under attack by the right-wing ideologues for threatening capitalism's vile celebration of self-interest and individualism. A model of a world-wide wealth redistribution system is being successfully implemented by the United Nations. Equitable society of the future will have no redistribution of wealth because there will be nothing to distribute. The government, the People's only employer, will have a simple distribution system that will reward obedience and punish dissent.
Religion
Anthropological superstition of savages. To win a cultural war we must destroy the bases and even the reality of the antagonists. We must denounce Christianity and Judaism while encouraging alternative cults, the more short-lived and absurd the better. The idea is to pitch these cabals against one another and act as a mediator. Progress requires that religious institutions and mindset be replaced by the Marxist ideology. The Party will firmly replace churches with Party organizations, sermons with Party meetings, ministers by commissars, icons by agitprop, faith in God by faith in the Party. There is no other way! Open yourself to communism and late Lenin's small voice will speak directly to your heart!
Republicanism
Degenerative brain mutation occurring when a brain is allowed to grow without the caring guidance of the progressive establishment. In a deformed Republican (capitalist) brain, areas that normally control life-sustaining processes (the Guilt Gland, the Envy Center, or the Everything for Free Lobe, etc.) are miniaturized - while other regions become bloated out of proportions (the Personal Responsibility Lobe, the Self-Interest Cluster, or the overdeveloped and inflexible Spinal Cord that is connected to the Absolute Morality Lobe).
Symptoms include delusional ideas that democracy is the best known form of government, that capitalism creates wealth, American culture stems from Judeo-Christian tradition, people all over the world desire liberty and prosperity, Third World countries should be self-reliant, moral standards are absolute and objective, the individual supersedes the collective, parents should teach children values and have a wide choice of schools, and similar incoherent ramblings that mimic the speech of the insane. Everyone knows that the complete opposite is true.
This incurable disorder transforms the brain into a regressive biological structure and may be contagious. We recommend quarantine and a warning for the public.
A stratagem used to persuade corporations to bring in progressive consultants (i.e., experts in thought crime detection) who will help employees open themselves to the Party Line. Marketed as means for getting diverse people to accept one another, it is ultimately designed to compel white males to admit their inborn tendencies towards racism, sexism, xenophobia, boorishness, and bad-joke-telling. Such "process of inner discovery" usually results in a progressively heightened sense of shame, guilt, and self-loathing. To be repeated as often as necessary until the end result is achieved: a politically correct automaton who will be the first to volunteer to "take one for the team."
Shovel
A symbol of suffering and sacrifice for The Greater Good™. Used in hard labor therapy or in self-criticism sessions to redeem potential thought crimes. Every citizen must keep his or her shovel in good repair at all times and bring it to the railroad station if called to duty by the Commissar. The shovel is an important part of Earth Day festival, or Sacrificial Earth Shoveling Day, celebrating the death and rebirth of Great Lenin.
Socialism
A progressive political system that takes the power away from wealth creators and gives it to wealth distributors. Wealth distributors are typically a class of highly trained government bureaucrats who are being watched by a class of political commissars, who, in turn, are being watched by a class of secret police, all of whom are banded together by shared progressive morals. Because progressive morals are relative by definition, a certain measure of absolute propaganda is necessary to encourage collectivism and discourage counter revolution. Since such propaganda is delivered through mass media, arts, and schools, a degree of ideological monopoly, uniformity, and censorship is also required in those fields. The resulting mass enthusiasm creates a vibrant state-subsidized culture, leading to great economic successes and technological breakthroughs, e.g., in North Korea.
Spontaneous Marxism
Intent or act of liberating public property from morally wrong private possession. Considered illegal under capitalist law and stigmatized by such non-words as shoplifting, looting, thievery, piracy, larceny, robbery, and vandalism. Spontaneous Marxism does not require a proficient knowledge of the works of Karl Marx as the proletarian instinct is already taking him or her in the right direction. Was legal in the USSR (a.k.a. collectivization). Also known as the "five-finger discount" in the inchoate radical sectors of the populace.
Tax Cuts
Immoral attempts to stifle the return of stolen money to their rightful owners. Tax cuts indicate the strengthening of Capitalism and pose a danger to the people's cause.
Taxes
A form of redistribution of wealth in capitalist countries. In their current form, taxes are a half-measure aimed at self-preservation of the capitalist system. Bourgeois cliques quench the people's wrath by confiscating small portions of money (40%) from the rich and returning it to the People who are the money's rightful owners. In a just and equitable society of the future there will be no taxes as there will be nothing to collect. The State will be the People's only employer and will keep all their earnings. Instead of salaries, the State will distribute goods and services based on one's good conduct.
The Greater Good™
A metaphysical concept designating anything that undercuts capitalism and the frivolous American way of life, and/or promotes the new, progressive mode of being. Any action taken with altruistic intentions in mind, regardless of its practical result or purpose, or of the misery that it may produce, is considered a contribution to The Greater Good™. In various contexts may denote an opposite of capitalism, a euphemism for Communism, or an atheistic alternative to God. Also known as "Common Good." E.g. "We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the Common Good." (Hillary Clinton) The masses invariably find this expression quite analgesic and convincing. Use liberally while enforcing wealth redistribution schemes.
(See The Masses) Rightful owners of everything by virtue of their existence. Have been fooled throughout history and forced to work for wages, until Marxism relieved them of the need to toil in order to claim a share of public property. Collectively, the People have an absolute and final Moral Authority on all issues, mouthed through their vanguard representatives who are scholars of Marxism. Individually, the People's degree of Moral Authority varies. The lowest degree of Moral Authority is found among White males, ages 30 to 65 (see Moral Authority).
The People™ has been revised by progressive thinkers to include animals, vegetables, household appliances, Necro-proxies, and other Democrat-voting entities historically disenfranchised by the speciist and necrophobic capitalist oppressors.
_______
*All rights reserved. Not all qualify. Check with your local Commissar to see if you qualify for The People™. Not available in Red States. Void where prohibited by Current Truth™.
The United Nations
Prototype of the future World Socialist Government, whose task is to subdue capitalist achievers in order to feed and preserve inefficient progressive dictatorships worldwide. Progressive scientists have determined that if capitalist America grows more food, the same amount of food mysteriously disappears in a socialist Third World country. The United Nations employs an army of functionaries to relocate the food to the places from which it had been mysteriously lifted, and the American taxpayers must pay for it since it's all their fault. (See Zero-Sum)
Cornerstone of progressive economics and ethics. Collectively, all losses and gains sum to zero. Your loss is our gain, and your gain is our loss. Whatever you own, it is at our expense. You owe your property to us by the virtue of you owning it. Losers contribute to the society and winners take away from it. Being a winner is immoral and selfish. A society of losers is happy and moral. In this sense, the Unites States is the worst society in the world. Americans eat because other people starve. On our planet with limited resources, the most ethical thing one can do is stop eating and starve to death. Bourgeois ideologues will lie to you that economy is a non-Zero-Sum game and that capitalism creates wealth without making others poor. Such lies must be silenced and mercilessly eradicated.
The trademark buzzword of progressives everywhere. Even though grammatically there can only be "active" and "inactive" adding the progressive prefix "pro" automatically identifies liberals everywhere by it's usage. E.g." You must be proactive on the gun control issue because it's for the children." "I am a progressive proactive." "We need to be more proactive on being pro-choice."
Idealistic Activist
Any Progressive who takes the Collectivist, Marxist messege to any public forum. Commonly refered to as Peace Activist, Environmental Activist or Important Intellectual of our Time.
Never to be confused with:
Hateful Violent Reactionary Mob
Those who would have you believe that there is any other way of understanding the human condition and the nature of Man other than the proper doctrinaire Marxist interpretation and have the temerity and bad taste to say so in public. Commonly refered to as stupid assholes and Nazi Pigs.
Political Correctness
Beliefs derived from the fundamental premises of Marxism. By a clever morphing of the old classic "oppressed economic class" to oppressed race class, oppressed sexuality class, oppressed culture class, oppressed female class, oppressed animals class, etc... etc... ad nassium, the New Marxism can change to fit new adherents in the historical class war against capitalism, property and outmoded ideas of personal freedom.
Come the revolution all these new Politically Correct oppressed classes who will have helped defeat the forces of capital will be denounced and purged as "The New Trotskyites" and Enemies of the People and their members will either pledge loyalty to The Party or suffer the consequences.
An updated, more inclusive form of Marxism that adds the concept of “diversity” to the matrix of Scientific Socialism’s traditional class analysis. (The idea is simply beautiful: People of heterogeneous backgrounds coming together to produce homogeneity of thought.) Forged between the hammer of collectivism and the anvil of moral equivalency, multiculturalism embodies the belief that no culture is objectively better than any other--only different. At first glance, someone uninitiated in the arts of subjectivist rationalization might be tempted to believe that a culture which affords women equal status to men is inherently more enlightened than a rigidly patriarchal one that places women in subservient roles and forces them to cover their entire bodies in public. But this is the type of prejudice that we must strive to overcome.
A notable exception to the cultural equality rule, however, is made for the bourgeois culture of the West, which is based on a miasmal mix of free-market economics, limited government, the doctrine of individual rights, the belief in an objective reality, as well as the exploitation of the earth and everything on/in it. These capitalist cultures must be despised and resisted at all costs, because they stand in the way of human progress and the grand utopian future. Thus, all cultures are equal, but some cultures are more equal than others.
Sensitivity Training
A clever stratagem used to persuade corporations to bring in progressive consultants (i.e., experts in thought crime detection) for the purpose of aiding employees in their ultimate acceptance of the Party Line. Ostensibly, sensitivity training is “marketed” as means for getting people of different ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds to accept, respect, and peacefully coexist with one another. In reality, its message is far more subversive, for it is actually designed to compel white males to confront and suppress their inborn, yet often unconscious, tendencies towards racism, sexism, xenophobia, boorishness, and bad-joke-telling. During this process of inner discovery, white males will develop a heightened sense of shame and guilt, which will eventually render down into a heaping serving of self-loathing. If the re-education is successful, they not only will emerge as politically correct automatons, but also will be the first to volunteer to “take one for the team” (to use the parlance of the derisible sports-metaphor crowd).
Widely credited with inventing Socialist Security. Jailed by the reactionary Republican government for a postage coupon pyramid scheme in the 1920's, later acclaimed as a genius in the FDR Administration during the 1930's for creating the safety net for the working classes. Hero of the Revolution. Order of Lenin.
Once known as "convicted felon" this new proactive term rehabilitates convicts and will make them eligible to vote under Hillary's "Count Every Vote" Act of 2005 therefore increasing the Democratic Party by 1.4 million voters.
The term came into common usage in the early to mid-1990's. Original source is unknown, but believed to have either originated in the San Franciso Bay area or during a policy and strategies meeting of the National Organization for Women (NOW).
The term is used to disparage and denigrate any white male who supports or holds views and values consistent with traditional America, especially Judeo-Christian oriented ideals.
To escape the brand of AWM, white males must admit to being homosexual, socialist, a member of the Democratic party, a fop, loser, whiner, beggar and/or a victim. White males who are confident, masculine, assertive, articulate, educated and/or married are especially targeted for criticism and ridicule that borders on slanderous and moronic.
Until recently, the term "Angry While Male" had dropped from the left's radar screen of 'effective slurs and insults' to use when attempting to castigate the hated AWM. However, in small pockets of infantile progressives across the nation, the term is making a comeback or more accurately, is being recycled. This is not surprising since the liberals do not produce anything but are extremely proficient at recycling, especially worn-out and trite cliches.
The source of all evil and destruction of good in this world. the Straight White Male has cause terrible wars and that have ruined our communist motherland. They have also harbored slaves and even though the Africans were already selling each other into slavery, we must point the blame at the Straight White Male for using them and completely ignore the Arabs continued slave trades.
Care, services or supplies related to the health of an individual to be supplied by the State. Health Care is to be a right and should cost nothing to the individual or the State. "State sanctioned health care officials" (formerly known as "Physicians") are to provide care to the masses at their own expense, and are to be held accountable for their patients' illnesses. At any time, a citizen may accuse a health official of wrongdoing and demand a healthy amount of retribution for ill treatment.
Pharmaceutical Industry
A State sanctioned entity which is to provide medications at its own expense to the people. At no time is profit to be a motive to State sanctioned medicinal entities. At any time, a citizen who feels wronged by a State sanctioned medicinal entity can demand retribution in a Peoples Court.
Corporation
An entity devoted to avarice, consumption, worker exploitation and environmental abuse. The people have a right to create collectives (unions) to combat the overwhelming greed and ill-will of the corporate entity. No worker shall be disciplined, relieved of duty, or harassed in any way. At any time, a worker who feels wronged may demand retribution from the corporate entity through the Peoples' Court.
Free Market
A market in which supply and demand are unregulated resulting in exploitation of the masses and unfair pricing schemes designed to enrich oligarchs. The State is set in opposition to the free market to protect the people. The State controlls the free market excesses by redistributing ill-gained wealth to the people. At any time, a citizen may contact his local citizen representative to request further regulation. Regulation will be attempted whenever possible to prevent collapse of the Peoples' State.
(a.k.a. Prize(s) - e.g. Oscars, Pulitzer, Nobel, etc.) Originally established or taken over by the Progressives, Awards are a great way to promote and popularize those useful to the progressive movement, and to put down those who pose a threat. Progressive Awards destroy rational criteria while judging a public personality. Inexplicable and unjustified Awards disorient both the public and the awardees, making them less likely to trust their own judgment in the future, and more likely to seek advise from "intellectual trendsetters," conveniently located on the left-hand side of the political aisle. We at The People's Cube are working hard to get ourselves displayed under the "intellectual trendsetters" label. Just one more great leap forward, comrades! We're almost there!
The People who made this website, who seem to have no idea about Political Throey or Thought.
You're right. We have no idea about "Political Throey". It sounds quite abstruse and esoteric, though. Our interest is definitely piqued. Perhaps you would be so kind as to enlighten us, o' sapient one. Please bring us out of the throes of ignorance...
A despicable state of relations between a neighboring people, which will be abolished under a progressive system. This is often used by Republicans as a way to distract The People from the truly important issues, such as universal health care. This should not be confused with The Revolution, as it is not an uprising of The People against the bourgeois elite. As with any topic dealing with conservatives, it is immoral, illegitimate, and ultimately a waste of The Worker’s blood. Any use of this is an act punishable by impeachement and a declaration as an un-person, unless it is used by a progressive leader. In that case, war was a necessity.
FRIGONOMETRY
1. Progressive mathematical theory that proves zero sum is power to the People.
2. Described in page 32 of glorious Mao's Little Red Book as theory to deny anything to anybody that stands in way of progress.
3. Expedient logic to acheive total Communism.
RATIONING
See queue. Primary MARXIST economic policy. Money is obsolete and burdensome to Progressive economy. Solganeering is best economic policy: "Free goods and services are rationed by inconvenience." What is little inconvenience when compared to experience total Communism.
QUEUE
MARXIST replacement for money which is filthy and banned by state in order to control disease.
A state of intense disagreement between the beloved Soviet Union and the American juggernaut. It was brought about by the capitalists attempting to impede the progressive liberation of Europe following WWII (often referred to the Soviet Struggle Against Hate-Filled Capitalist/Fascist). This conflict should not be considered important in any historical sense, as the two idealogical difference are VERY similar, despite what Reagan and the other neo-cons brainwashed the world to believe. The conflict ended in the overly aggressive West forcing the communist system to topple, which wouldn't have happened had the West adopted a socialist economy.
A peace-loving, people-supported nation of yesterday that should be remembered with fondness, like a utopian wonderland. Having been disolved because of un-fair practices done by the West, it should be seen as a martyr for The People's cause. Many college-aged students show homage to it by wearing clothing embrazen with its symbols and acronym -CCCP-, a testement that it's memory of greatness will live on, despite evil neo-con intentions.
The ideology of the Nazi party.All similarities with Socialism are entirely coincidental,and the Nazi ideology of a utopia in which class divisions would be abolished by a common racial identity was in no way,shape,or form an organic outgrowth of the socialist idea of a utopia in which racial and national divisions would be abolished by a common class identity.The fact that the ideology of the Nazis was hostile to capitalism,and called for the overthrow and destruction of the old order,and the building of a glorious new utopia of universal brotherhood on its ashes,should generally be kept as quiet as possible,lest people begin to wonder where they've heard this one before.In fact,lower-level progressives should simply consign this information to the memory hole,and any attempts by reactionaries to illustrate the relationship of Fascism to Marxism should be met with shrieking and wailing.Advanced debate on this subject should be left to the most skilled progressive individuals only.
A soviet (Russian: сове́т) originally was a workers' local council in late Imperial Russia. The first soviet (in this sense) was created in Saint Petersburg in January 1905 by workers meeting in the apartment of Voline. The councils and the term later were adopted by the Bolsheviks, who saw it as the basic organizing unit of society....
...much like Rick Warren's 'Purpose Driven Church' and cell groups that also meet in living rooms and must agree to not "be bothered by facts"...
Under the Maoist regime, humor, sarcasm, and irony were banned. The regime invented a new catch-all offence, “Speaking Weird Words,” which meant any comment that could be interpreted as a complaint or a wisecrack could have its speaker accused of being a spy or traitor.
A tyrannical regimeland where people are unjustly forced to THINK and WORK, instead of receiving everything for free and thinking with a collective PEOPLE'S BRAIN, protected from EVIL abominable thoughts such as ACHIEVING, WINNING, or KEEPING THE MONEY THAT YOU EARN by the people's THOUGHT POLICE. Not to worry however. Progressive education is successfully teaching American children to denounce their parents, and accept that America is wrong on EVERYTHING and IS EVIL (just ask Hitler, Chairman Mao, Fidel Castro, Ho Chi Minh, Pol Pot, Saddam Hussein, Colonel Gaddafi, General Noriega, Robert Mugabe, Stalin, dear leader Kim Jong Il, Ayatollah, the Aum Shinrikyo, the Shining Path, Ahmadinejad, Heinrich Himmler, Mussolini, Osama Bin Laden, Hillary, Ralph Nader, Hanoi Jane and Comrade Kerry - how could this many National/International Socialists and representatives of the religion of peace be wrong?), and to get used to hating their country in order to stay away from the long arm of the THOUGHT LAW once comradess Hillary is installed.
That's what I have been taught in the publik skools ever since I started. Thanks to them, I can no longer think and am instead given the privilege of writing essays on the evils of Amerika.
Any use of language, gestures or cartoons that ridicules, criticizes or denounces Progressive Morals and Marxist thought.
Mudslinging is inherently wrong, mean spirited and can expose someone as being insecure, stupid and immature, that is of course if the Mudslinger(s) is a conservative, Republican or person(s) for the survival of Western Civilization. (See: Corporatist Fascist)
Mudslinging and it's free-spirited unshaven sister, censorship, perfectly conforms to the standards of Moral Authority when used by Idealistic Activists or The Proper People (those who the Party selects).
Examples of Immoral Hate Filled Mudslingers who should be censored, outcasted and forgotten about:
Rush Limbaugh
Sean Hannity
Bill O'Reilly
George W. Bush
Registered Republicans
People who voted Republican in the last election
People who make more than 50K a year and ARE NOT unionized.
Examples of Progressive Mudslingers armed with Moral Authority who must exercise 1st Amendment rights at all times:
Alva Goldbook
Mikael Rudolph
Mike Malloy
Air America
The DNC
Registered Democrats
Registered Democrats who have "crossed over". (Necro-proxies)
Bob Woodward
Those who are friends with Bob Woodward
Bob Woodward's family
Bob Woodward’s pets
Buddy the Labrador
1) Bear, Soviet: Symbol of the Glorious Motherland, The SOVIET UNION* *"A peace-loving, people-supported nation of yesterday that should be remembered with fondness, like a utopian wonderland. Having been disolved because of un-fair practices done by the West, it should be seen as a martyr for The People's cause. Many college-aged students show homage to it by wearing clothing embrazen with its symbols and acronym -CCCP-, a testement that it's memory of greatness will live on, despite evil neo-con intentions." - Hammer & Sickle
2) Bear Market: In a Free Market**, a prolonged period in which investment prices fall, accompanied by widespread pessimism
**"A market in which supply and demand are unregulated resulting in exploitation of the masses and unfair pricing schemes designed to enrich oligarchs. The State is set in opposition to the free market to protect the people. The State controlls the free market excesses by redistributing ill-gained wealth to the people. At any time, a citizen may contact his local citizen representative to request further regulation. Regulation will be attempted whenever possible to prevent collapse of the Peoples' State." - Leonid Fuku
3) Bears, The Right to Arm: The natural and bloody outcome of combining public edukation in a Free Market** economy in order to teach the 2nd Amendment to the American Constitution (see also, The Right to Bear Arms).
First of all, I don't think that arming bears is that great of an idea. All we need is a radical group of crazed bears killing our useful idiot hippies who go communing with nature.
Personally, I take my second amendment right seriously, and have several stuffed bear arms above the mantelpiece in my new hunting lodge in one of this countries national parks.
Lastly, I find it a coincidence that the bear is not only the symbol for soviet power, but also the mascot of California.
A necro-proxy is anything or anybody that is deceased or has ceased to function that has the full privilege and right of voting Democrat in every election.
Examples of a necro-proxy:
- Josef Stalin
- Robert Byrd
- Babe Ruth
- George Washington
- Dead animals that have been personified (Mr. Bloopers the Goldfish)
- Dead plants with human-like names (KimIlsungia - flower)
Second Dimensional Voter
A Second Dimensional Voter (SDV) is a fictitious person, place or thing that is guaranteed the right to vote Democrat (for as many times as they like) as outlined in the United States Constitution.
Examples of a SDV:
- Captain Nemo
- Peter Pan
- Darth Vader
- Indiana Jones
- Oliver Twist
- Berungia
- Punchenkoland
- Harold, God of Zippers
- Woozelwazzlepurjumper
- Crabikistan
Trans-Universal Voter
A Trans-Universal Voter is anyone who happens to dwell in one of many infinite parallel universes who wish to vote Democrat (all of whom vote Democrat 100% of the time). Voters from a parallel universe send their absentee ballots via black hole to be properly tabulated by a highly trained and accredited Democrat Election Official to count in any tight race in the nation.
Example: In this universe I am Chairman M.S. Punchenko. In the parallel universe I am Director J.S. Pervenko - both myself and my parallel self vote Democrat, and both votes collectively constitute twenty-nine votes a piece.
Another example: Comrade Otis becomes Brother Gertrude. Laika the Space Dog becomes Binky the Space Cat. Comrade Red Square becomes Brother Blue Circle. Yes, in the other universe a Democrat is a Republican and a Republican is a Democrat. This simply means all Republican votes easily translate into Democrat votes in this universe as well as all Democrat votes translate into Democrat votes also. Either way you want to look at it, we win regardless of Party affiliation in the other universe(s). This is a very complicated topic and can only be further explained by a civil-rights lawyer or by a professional under-paid educator within Academia .
So all Republican votes easily translate into Democrat votes in this universe as well as all Democrat votes translate into Democrat votes also. Either way you want to look at it, we win regardless of Party affiliation in the other universe(s). This is a very complicated topic and can only be further explained by a civil-rights lawyer or by a professional under-paid educator within Academia .
Ouch, that gives me a headache. It's like trying to understand Stephen Hawking. You're really smart.
oops?... what d'ya mean "oops?"... now I'm more frightened...
...personally, I think it's a good compound noun to add to the glossary... "SUFFERAGE: the pain one feels when they realize that their vote counts for nothing"... credit where credit it due.
suffrage was what I meant (I'm sure you gathered that MS. Kanadijan)...but suffer-RAGE fits perfectly to how I feel when my informed, rational vote is cancelled out by some dipshit mime in MN...
The Progressive World of Next Tuesday™ is merely the Hope™ a Party Official uses to spur selflessness, revolutionary zeal and utter self-destruction in order to advance the revolution to its climax. Such an example of mentioning The Progressive World of Next Tuesday™ can only be demonstrated in a dialogue between a prole and a Party Official.
Prole: Comrade Commissar; when will The Progressive World of Next Tuesday™ come?
Commissar: Why next Tuesday of course! That is why we need you to sacrifice more today in order to achieve The Progressive World of Next Tuesday™ – a world where there will be no more want and where all your needs will be met by the State.
7 days later…
Prole: Comrade Commissar; today is Tuesday and still we haven’t achieved ideal Communism? Why is this?
Commissar: Silly Comrade; I said The Progressive World of Next Tuesday™ would come NEXT TUESDAY…NOT THIS TUESDAY- BUT NEXT TUESDAY! That is why you need to work harder for us to get there!
Prole: Oh OK, whatever you say Comrade Commissar!
7 days later…
Prole: Comrade Commissar, today is next Tuesday – yet we still toil and starve to achieve pure ideal Communism? You promised us the utopia would come today!
Commissar: No, no… I said NEXT TUESDAY! Now run along and dig a ditch over there, OK?
Prole: <digs> is this deep enough?
Commissar: Yes, that’s excellent! Now go stand in it and close your eyes!
I think you get the picture now why it is always important to mention The Progressive World of Next Tuesday™ to the hapless unwashed masses – our socialist utopia depends on it!
How many different spellings are there for Potyomkingrad... Potemkingrad... Po... the Red Planet... the one I used is from Comrade Otis and I saved it in my spellcheck cause I kept getting it wrong... but now I'm confused.... what if we're not talking about the same place?
Dearest comrade Sister, there are as many spellings of Potyomkingrad as there are stars under the ever expanding liberation of the glorious Red Banner. The beauty of Potyomkingrad is that the Party has created so many of them. Thousands of new communes throughout the cosmos! While the backward neanderthal capitalists can only touch photos, can only robotically send specimens back to earth, can only scratch the surface of the moon we, the Party, have spanned the cosmos. There are as many Potyomkingrads as there are spellings of paradise.
If you click the picture of the Potyomkingrad 11 SpacePort below you will meet a happy young communist couple enjoying the bliss of communal life on Potyomkingrad 11:
Brilliant Comrade Otis!
I am so happy to see Ptyomkingrad 11 SpacePort, complete with "reformed" Trotsky Stuffed Thing and Poor Grieving Moonbat Lady in a better place. It gives us all hope... Hope that I will be on Ptyomkingrad 12...
... Poor Moonbat Lady... Still... Ptyomkingrad 11 is lovely...
SMO.
The People who made this website, who seem to have no idea about Political Throey or Thought.
In fact it would suprise me if they have any thoughts at all.
You shall report to your nearest re-education camp under penalty of having the crap beat out of you by a bunch of angry pesants with shovels.
Kommissar Betty
PRAT Actually... it's also an acronym Predicted Rage Against Target... Hmmm... Politics Student, you sound like an AWM to me... and A PRAT: meaning a backside... bottom... arse... set of buttocks... derriere... rear... fanny... keister... hindquarters...
Though I s'pose we can forgive you your general inability to count - "people" being plural and "prat" being singular... we are, after all, a mindless collective so I guess we've as much as asked to be lumped together into a single, simple mind...
POLITICAL STUDENT Generally self-important humourless simulacrum of an individual purporting to desire education but who in reality, is incapable of doing more than parroting the doctrine his keepers programme him with. See also: Toff, Git, Bore, Mulva, Puppet, Troll.
<yeah... I know he's long gone, but it felt good... >
Hey,SMO - I'm majoring in Political Science too ya know!
Yes... you are STUDYING Political Science... You don't identify yourself as Politics Student... two are very different things. Prat could be studying Lesbianism in Womyn's Gothic Literature and could call itself Politics Student... Could be taking workshop to become assistant manager at RadioShack and could call itself Politics Student... Is probably studying to be a social worker...
You are Chairman Meowsevitch S. Punchenko, and though you are a student of Political Science, you are no Politics Student. You are a Cubist!
Now get down in that bunker and smack that hooker on the ass... NOW!
Trolltalitarian of or relating to a system of posting on websites that is abusive, intimidating, demeaning, and is done for no other reason than to raise the ire of those who frequent the website.
Trolltalitarianism. A trolltalitarian regime.
Undocumented Americans--a new voting block of vast proportions consisting of unwashed, uneducated victims of capitalism.
The evolutionary link between a real Amerikan and a poor interloping worker wanting to support his family by doing work Amerikans "won't do" in exchange for full access to the Socialized Welfare system and providing the impetus for it's expansion.
Originally the close-minded notion that there is an objective basis for understanding the truth through the reactionary methods of reason and logic. This has been discredited by the implementation of 'alternative ways of knowing', which is thinking outside the brain, whereby one can envision the fake but accurate underlying truth.
This is the methodology: A hypothesis is intuited as politically correct and therefore valid by all intents and purposes. At which point evidence is generated and classified as convenient or inconvenient. The convenient good evidence is selected out and the inconvenient bad evidence is explained away or ignored. These facts and truths are then tested by the highly scientific process of polling the experts to create a consensus. Any expert who disagrees is declassified as an expert because to be an expert one must believe the hypothesis. Thus the new, higher reality is approved replacing the lower reality, which is merely proved.
This new modality replaces outmoded empirical imperialism with community-based reality, forming the basis for reality-based communities. In this way, reforming facts to higher collective principles necessarily leads to a realer reality and a truther truth.
In the progressive community, used to advocate impulsive measures to avoid a perceived danger. When applied to conservatives, "precautionary" becomes "reactionary." For example, if global temperatures have risen 1 degree in 150 years, the Precautionary Principle requires the extreme restructuring of the world's economy and capitalistic ways of life. But any calls for "caution" in such restructuring should be duly labeled "reactionary." In another example, Precaution is always required when dealing with tribal cultures lest we damage the gentle fabric of their existence based on cannibalism, slavery, or genital mutilation. But Precaution is pointless if you rip the vulgar fabric of the Western civilization based on reason, achievement, and personal liberty.
The words "conservative" and "cautionary" may be synonyms in a Thesaurus, but in the world of progressive politics they are complete opposites.
This is the memory of historical events viewed through the progressive filter of the Current Truth. Conventional memory is constrained by history and documented fact. Comfortable Memory is the tool used by the State to enable the People to happily twaddle through life, remembering only what is beneficial for the advancement of Marxism. Comfortable Memory is easily adapted to accommodate changes in the Current Truth as necessary.
Swift-Boating
Coined during the 2004 election stolen by the Criminal Bush and his Cheney/Halliburton cabal, it describes the unwarranted dredging up of facts that are contrary to Comfortable Memory or The Common GoodTM. Example: In 2004, a rag-tag mob of proles dared confront Komrade Kerry with inconvenient truths taken wildly out of context with the intent of inflicting harm upon the State and its Officers.
“Comfortable Memory” I like this very much. Probably because I’m currently reading Liberal Fascism and one of its points are the fact that the left conveniently ignores their Fascist ancestors.
Islamomisia: state of disgust for/revulsion of Islam (Greek: disgust for; revulsion of: -misia)
Source:
http://foehammer.net/2007/08/islamophobia-vs-islamomisia-islamotedium.html
I hope this can be added to The People's Glossary. I've always rejected the idea that shitslamaniacs can dictate the term used for describing me and my ilk. I don't fear shitslam, I simply find it repulsive to the nth degree.
Moderate Republicans Like all good progressives, Moderate Republicans accept the historical inevitability of socialist victory over capitalism, only they prefer the change to come in small, orderly steps, hoping to retain access to the public trough when the world plunges into the normalcy of collectivism. In other words, Moderate Republicans reject the dogma of "the fierce urgency of now" - a mild heresy inside the broader progressive movement; nothing we can't eradicate once our power is absolute.
Extreme Republicans Bitter extremists who reject the notion that the future belongs to socialist governments that will redistribute wealth to the unwashed, sacrificing the successful on the altar of the Common Good. Despite all the evidence provided by progressive journalism, academia, and Hollywood, these scoundrels cling to an old-fashioned belief that individual liberties and capitalism are somehow the only way to grow wealth, increase productivity, and eliminate hunger, diseases, and wars. They must be discredited and discarded.
Your money + our socialist pet projects = Public Investments
Socialized health care? Public investment. Pissing cash on the the teacher's unions? Public investment. Nationalizing U.S. industries/businesses? Public investment. Removing thought criminals and sending them to a forced labor camp? One again, a public investment.
I was browsing through the People'sGloassaryTM and I could not find a definition for the term Tolerance. Because this word is the capstone of most socialist philosophies and it the typical entry point during their assimilation of other societies, I thought it would be appropriate to try and define it for the Cube.
For your consideration for the People's GlossaryTM the word Tolerance defined.
Tolerance:
Is a major tool in The Party's armormentarium that is frequently employed in social, cultural and religious contexts to describe attitudes and practices that prohibit discrimination against those practices or group memberships that may be disapproved of by those in the majority.
The Party understands that Liberal Tolerance is a duplicitous term and it is not what it appears to be when taken for face value. This subtle verbal weapon which can be applied in multiple circumstances by trained Party Officials is actually a partisan philosophical perspective with its own set of dogmas specifically set against the principles of Conservatism.
The term Tolerance of course assumes a relativistic view of moral and religious knowledge. This assumption has been used to carefully indoctrinate the way many people think about issues such as homosexuality, abortion rights, and religious truth claims, leading them to believe that a liberally tolerant posture concerning these issues is the correct one and that by its very nature ought to be reflected in our laws and customs. However, the oblivious "feel-good" masses do not realize that this posture is actually very dogmatic, intolerant, and coercive, for it asserts that there is only one correct view on these issues, and if one does not comply with it, one will face public ridicule, demagogic tactics, and perhaps legal reprisals. The hidden but logical deduction would be that Liberal Tolerance is neither liberal nor tolerant.
By absolute necessity Liberal Tolerance is grounded in relativism, the view that no one point of view on moral and religious knowledge is objectively correct for every person in every time and place. This notion, as force-fed into popular culture by our Mainstream Media, depends heavily on pluralism, the reality of a plurality of different and contrary opinions on religious and moral matters.
This convoluted and mired thinking process creates a wondrous backdrop which works to our advantage. It causes the unsuspecting in our culture to conclude that one cannot say that one's view on religious and moral matters is better than anyone else's view. For example, they assert that it is a mistake to claim that one's religious beliefs are exclusively correct and that believers in other faiths, no matter how sincere or devoted, hold false beliefs. Thus, religious inclusivism is the correct position to hold. Relativism, pluralism, and religious inclusivism are the backbones in our creed of Liberal Tolerance. Tolerance masquerades as open, tolerant, and liberating, but in reality is dogmatic, partisan, and coercive and does not and cannot tolerate any rivals.
I am so sorry!! My old capitalist laptop is about to go to heaven. Between it and my poor capitalist education on computer devices, I just made a mistake. please forgive me. if not I have shovel in hand, ready to report to the train station.
"Love" is a phony bourgeois emotion invented by capitalists to exploit the masses and destroy the environment through the picking and selling of flowers that die slow agonizing deaths;teddy bears (Ever seen one that's biodegradable? I thought not.);Hallmark cards (all those trees slaughtered for something most recipients throw out after three days); and romance novels that send a wrong message to the ignorant masses by glorifying hateful, intolerant,and mean-spirited values like monogamy and lifelong commitments that lead to abominations like this (see Family)
A system that allows businesses, through lobbying, government sanctions, or backdoor payoffs, to grift for a higher standing in the statist marketplace. This frees the masses from actually having to think about what they are buying, and the grueling task of bourgeois "consumer research". We know what's best, comrade, NOW BUY!
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Admire the wares of Socialist Serenity™...
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This Kulak Kommercial Interruption from The Motherland is Sponsored by Fast Freddie's Feline Emporium & Fashion Show. Thank You For Your Support!
A troll is any poster at a website that has the institutional power to counter the comments presented by oppressed posters. Troll = Prejudice + Power. Thus, the worst trolls at any right-wing website are the owners and admin of said right-wing website as they have the institutional power, through the use of the dominant power-structure, to oppress the minority poster. The only true non-trolls at a right-wing website are the posters that speak for change and against the dominant institutionalized power-structure at the root of the website's oppression.
An regressive is anyone who does not follow the Current Truth™ and the Progressive way of thought. Such persons are often portrayed as wishing to reinstate slavery, keep women subjugated to men, and generally are cave dwelling Neanderthals. See also Republican; Libertarian.
REPUBLIC:
1. A form of government in which the powers of sovereignty are vested in the self-righteous individual and are exercised by the arrogant individual, either directly, or through representatives chosen by the selfish individual, to whom those powers are specially delegated. In a Republic, the altruistic collective only has advisory powers, not mandated powers (unfortunately); the sovereign egocentric individual is free to reject the charitable collective group-think.
2. The United States of America is a (egotistical) Republic; the Constitution for the United States of America guarantees each State within the Union a Republican form of government (See Article IV, Section 4, Clause 1); any non-Republican form of governments are repugnant and a violation of the Constitution for the United States of America, therefore, null and void.
3. Many States throughout the world claim to be a "Republic," but do not have the characteristics of a Republic (See 1 above).
4. A Republic shares many aspects that of Democracy; however, in a Republic the sovereignty is in each self-centered individual whereas in a Democracy the sovereignty is in the selfless collective.
5. A) A Republic is repulsive and a threat to collectivist agendas and a Democracy, who want domination of the self-indulgent individual; B) Philanthropic collectivist ideologies and forms of government dislike a Republic for in a smug Republic the self-sacrificing collective does not have power, except advisory authority.
6. A) A Republic, the sovereignty resides in the egotistic people themselves, individually; B) in a Republic, one may act on his or her own or through his or her representatives as he or she chooses to solve a problem; and C) the people have no obligation to the State, instead, the State being hired by the people, is obliged to its owner, the people.
7. EX: Mrs. Powel, a woman of Philadelphia, asked Doctor Benjamin Franklin, “Well Doctor, what have we got - a republic or a monarchy?” “A Republic, madam, if you can keep it,” replied Franklin. [See Farrand’s Records, Volume 3, Page 85 of 685.]
8. See Republicanism
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans
of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent,
by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant
pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other -
until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's
official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
NY Times, Newsweek offer editorial inoculations to concerned readers of Sarah Palin's book
Going Rogue: FEMA braces for massive outbreaks of Palin Derangement Syndrome
Following Fort Hood tragedy, Obama declares all military bases gun-free zones
Pelosi: we won.
Philies: so did we
Study: Global Warming linked to consumption of beans and beef patties
Pro-Obama gamers discover 'cheat codes' in U.S. Constitution
Police trained in using end of life counselingtechniques to negotiate suicide threats
Obama commits more troops to War on Fox News, still awaiting Afghan troop surge
Pass Rush: NFL okays Fidel Castro's bid to buy Miami Dolphins
Study: the road to hell paved with Nobel Peace Prizes
Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize. Wishing all our readers a Happy April First!
Roman Polanski named new School Safety Czar in wake of Jennings scandal
Charles Manson: 'Leave Polanski alone, hasn't he suffered enough?'
Obama loses Olympic bid, will try for Special Olympics next
Carter: if the IOC doesn't give the Olympics to Chicago, they're racists
Saudis: the word 'assassina- tion' will never be the same
Al Qaeda: 'We shove bombs up our butts'
Richard Gere denies Al Qaeda membership
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
Study: 90% of G20 protestors driven to Pittsburgh by mom
Ahmadinejad: Iran needs enriched uranium to purchase large IKEA sofa
Obama: If we don't bomb Iran now, we'll never pass healthcare reform
Taliban hires DC lobbyist in effort to get Obama's attention
Missile defense: Czechs angry at Obama for being canceled
Media study: Caucasian toddlers are more likely to cut eye-holes into "blankies"
Democrat strategist: 9 out of 10 white infants prefer cross burning over mother's milk
Mahmoud’s Liquidation Warehouse: 50% off Israel - this weekend only - it won’t last long
Obama: Black kids still forced to beat people up at back
of bus
Charlie Gibson: Neil Armstrong went where?
Obamacare, it’s finger-licking good!
Ben and Jerry release 'Hate Monger Bigot' flavor to celebrate those who support traditional marriage
'Shiver me Timbers!': Somalia unveils People's Institute for Redistribution, Adventurism & Thalassic Extortion (PIRATE)
Energy Czar: to save energy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off
Other 49 states impose carbon tax on California due to wildfire smoke
Following Scotland's lead, US Justice Dept releases Charles Manson, citing battle with chronic hemorrhoids
Obama to media: Please respect our girls' privacy, especially Mr. Letterman
Teachable moment: Obama to hold 'beer summit' between offended Post Office and UPS
Taliban sends protesters to Afghan town hall meetings in attempt to get Obama administration to withdraw Gotham villains working for the Common Good™
White House recalibrates description of town hall protesters from 'terrorists' to 'man-made Nazi fascist pigs'
Experts: when buying Astroturf, remember to look for the Union LabelNational-socialist health care?
Drudge insulates self from White House anger by naming his site MoveOn.Drudge
ABC greenlights epic 12-part miniseries based on Beer Summit
Moveon.org petitions Dems to leave Bush/Cheney alone and 'move on to pressing issues facing the nation'
Palin: Critics ipso facto are quitters
Honduran ex-president Zelaya holds press- conference, presents birth certificate for examination
Cambridge: fighting racial bias, Obama picks black scholar Henry Louis Gates as Door Jigging Czar
Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from George W Bush
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
SPONSORED BY:
Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy
Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind visit our new Che Heart store
Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberryDow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents useDHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a 2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism Obama gives Queen a shovel click here NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'
click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
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Dead-Americans 
Global Warming encompasses four dogmas:
African countries like Zimbabwe, Somalia, Angola, and some others have become the most socially advanced nations of this century, having left behind such former bulwarks of human progress as China, Cambodia, and the former USSR.
(Singular: Non-Person). Those who fall outside of the definition of the People and thus are subject to People's judgment and wrath. Examples include 
A failed attempt to 
Moderate Republicans 
Extreme Republicans
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
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Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
