Comrades! Such Progress Our Progressive Progressivism the World Has Never Seen!
The Festivus of Communism!
Who would have believed that after our victorious November Revolution of 2006 we would be in the position we are today, less than two years later?
High gasoline prices, rice rationing, food prices soaring, the failure of the capitalist credit system (loud applause) and record foreclosures on so-called "private property". All our hard work is paying off.... ummm.... bearing fruit.... hmmm.... nooooo.... Well, let's just say all our hard work is making The Party™ stronger than ever before.
What could be better?
The Complete Victory in November that has been assured by our Troika of Triumph, The Candidates Three!
Never before have we had such success in making sure America gets what it deserves in the struggle for International Socialism. Sure, there was Wilson, FDR, and Carter in the last century, but this is a new millennium and ....and ...and... I'm getting so giddy with glee, I think I'm going to faint!
Barack, can you toss me that bottle of Evian under your podium?.....glug, glug, pshhhht, gasp, gag, gag, cough.... Whoa!...No, Senator Obama, that was Teddy's Evian... er... a... bottle of "water" he keeps for emergencies just like this. There must have been a mixup.
No matter what, power is ours for the taking and take we will.
Not Yes We Can.
( leans over and whispers to Red and Meow ..."gimme another sip of Teddy's water, it's friggin' freezin' cold up here on this granite mausoleum. Who had the stupid idea to do this every year? Stalin? Hell, he always had two litres of Hy-Test in him, no wonder he didn't give a flying Yak's ass )
( Red Square stops clapping, applause stops )
Yes We Will Comrades! Yes We Will!
Yes We Will (fill in the gender, species, transgender, or favorite appliance) the Barricades is Denver!
Yes We Will Recreate not only '68! but '05! & '17 too!
Yes We Will Riot if a Black Man or White Woman isn't Nominated!
Yes We Will Distribute Revolutionary Justice and Re-Distribute Goods!
( much applause, mob howls and drools )
This year's theme is an essay contest open to every 12-year-old Young Pioneer who isn't "home schooled" and that goes without saying.
The essay theme is "What May Day Means to the Collective, Not Just Me, Because That Would Be Reactionary and Selfish."
Since there are no winners, a random essay will be chosen and that child will get a free "Laika the Space Dog" T-shirt because everything should be for free.
It's still a contest though, the only score we'll keep will be the ones who get a shovel and a one way ticket to the gulag for failing to submit an essay.
You may submit your essays below on this thread.
Premier BettyI wonder what they're thinking....
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoCommissarka Pinkie heads for the exit
Quote:(Leaves podium amidst thunderous applause and sighs of relief. Commissarka Pinkie reenters the chamber and says, loudly, “Thank Stalin that is over!” Audience roars into laughter.)
Lenin 'n ThingiesLaika ate my essay.
Lenin 'n ThingiesLaika ate my essay.
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