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A New Mascot for the Democrat Party

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For years the United States of AmeriKKKa has chosen the bald eagle to be its symbol. AmeriKKKa's imperialist crimes of course mean that the bald eagle has come into disrepute. Who after all could admire a bird which has been the symbol of the most brutal oppressor in the history of humankind?

If it were not for AmeriKKKa, I would not have witnesses the trauma of seeing the Berlin wall collapse. It had been my most cherished socialist dream for the Berlin wall to be made entirely unnecessary--because everywhere on earth would be behind the Berlin wall.

We need a new symbol for AmeriKKKa. A fitting symbol for progressives. And I, Father Prog Theocritus, will hereby give the party the proper symbol.

It is the candiru. It is a fish which lives in the Amazon which is attracted to urine and swims up the urethra of any man micturating in the Amazon river. And it has spines which face backward, and which mean it cannot be pulled out.

We progressives are perfect candirus. We enter the body politic by swimming up a private and personal place, and once there cannot be dislodged without a very painful and long surgical operation, which can sometimes result in amputation of the reproductive parts. And since we will be in control of all health care, we shall make sure who keeps to keep his goodies and who does not. The Death Panels will be augmented by the Extreme Circumcision Panels, which will make sure that no leader of industry or creator of wealth can be self-sufficient because we'll have a parasite fish in his willie telling him everything that he can and cannot do, and keeping in in constant pain.

There is no better mascot for the progressive than the Candiru.

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Comrade Father Prog,

This is the perfect emblem for our movement. Besides the endearing qualities you mention, your selection is slimy, and has no spinal column just like career politicians, excluding Dear Leader. Vision, if it has any, is highly restricted, so it has to function on feelers, rather than facts.

A more suitable candidate could not have been chosen.

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Tooorisky, I thank you. But I am worried about our Comradettes. in particular, what will happen if Pinkie finds out that I'm dissing the Comradettes? And Leninka?

Every time she goes to have work done at Olga's House of Industrial Strength Shellac, she comes back looking even more like, and this scares me, Miss Resentment, Moochelle.

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When I think of all workmen who struggled to assemble the Berlin Wall only to see it vandalized by West Germans my heart goes out to them. They must've felt like those British POWs who built that railway Bridge over the River Kwai.

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Ah yes, and you know that that was the 3rd Berlin wall. It was so hard to get it right. You know, the urge for freedom is hard to stamp out, although dear O'Leader, by making us all 110% whining tiddy-babies is having a good run at it.

And just as they'd gotten it down: 100% effective total soul-shriveling, mind-numbing complete totalitarian control (pardon while I adjust my underwear here), it came down.

BTW, I got a really good tip from Rahm the other day. Use boxers. That way when you get a sudden "flush" of excitement thinking about, oh, a death panel or death camp--soon to be the same thing and near you--it's nearly as crippling to adjust things.

But frankly I didn't have the heart to tell Rahm that I'd tried that. He didn't realize the problem, what with his little, tiny hands.

Not that they're not great for getting around children's necks and into grandmothers' accounts and health, but as far as an indicator of something more interesting down below?

Fugeddaboutit.

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Maybe a better image of our new Mascot?:

candiru02.gif


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Grigori E.R. wrote:Maybe a better image of our new Mascot?:
That's great! But we also need to think of the new Official Seal of the Democratic Party.

Candiru_Parasite_Seal_Dem_P.jpg
This replaces the previous Official Seal of the Democratic Party.

Seal_Democrat_Party_Moocher.jpg
If not for the lack of dollar bills in the first image, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the two.

~Pinkie

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A lovely seal, Red, but is it not giving false hole to the RethugliKKKans to pretend that the Democrat Party is democratic?

Just think of the elections that we've stolen: Al Franken, Mary Landrieu, Sanchez in California, why the list is endless.

There never was a less democratic group than the Democrat Party.

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Rasputin, I do like your seal. It's the scythe, or the fish in the pecker.

Kind of like signing that check on April 15, isn't it?

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Thank you, dear FPT for your new topic. It saved me the trouble of eating my lunch.

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Of course, Krasnodar, of course. I'm always happy to serve.

I perfectly like the symbolism. I recall so many times that our Many Titted Empress was over at the Rancho gloating about the new cloisonné Fabergé box she'd found for Bill's huevos, the next time he exposed himself to an intern.

"See that there, Theocritus?" she grinned. She pointed a manicured trotter at a velvet depression about the size of a thimble, just above two more depressions the size of a marble.

"Bill's junk will fit perfectly in there."

"But, Empress," I gasped. "How will you get our First Black President to put his junk inside that box which has, I now notice, jagged teeth all around the opening?"

"That's easy, Theocritus. Ain't I taught you nothing? See how big those depressions are."

"Empress, that's about enough for two M&Ms and a bite-sized Snickers bar."

"That's right, Theocritus! He'll fall for the flattery! I'm still laughing. It's ten years since Bill has lived at the White House and I'll bet you that the wall sockets are still packed up. That man'll screw anything but then he's hung so he can. Including light sockets, water hydrants, and once he even put his willie in a Chinese finger trap.

"It fell off. The finger trap, that is."

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Dear Collective,

Hide your extra vodka and beets quick! It seems the <s>Commisar</s> Father Prog is on a fish rampage, which can only mean one thing.... he's hungry... and your wallet is next!

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I am for one, which is all that matters, am perfectly impressed. This is a most interesting and dare I say, glorious example of dear Leaders regimeadministration. Eat'um up while there is still an up.... or something like that.

Congratulations Comrade Father, for yet another progressive idea. (who ever wanted an eagle, I ask??? is it not like any chicken, which reminds us of KFC and churches, both of which I denounce!()

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I am more literally minded. Therefore, the seal of the Demoncrats should be


seal.png

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Father Prog Theocritus,

Er, uh, no need to worry about us Comradettes.

Surely Dear Hillary aka the Many Titted Empress will be quite pleased to see the capabilities of this little creature. I can imagine that she must regret Comrade Bubba not taking a little trip down the Amazon, before he met Miss Cigar.

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Leninka and other female comradettes! Do not drop your guard for a moment! This creature is not only attacking males, but guess what - women and minorities are, in fact, hardest hit!

Just read this description by William S. Burroughs who wrote about the candiru in his novel Naked Lunch. You'll have to read it on Wikipedia because I'm afraid that if I quote Mr. Burroughs here, Google will punish us again for something that only their own supervisors can see as strangely erotic.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candiru#In_literature

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Hmmm, this little fishie might prove useful for Jifi-Lobos when introduced into the nostril.

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Yikes! You are most korrect, Comrade Red Square. We should warn Comrade Oprah, who loves to go where no woman has gone before.

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Vladimir_Scratchanitch wrote:I am more literally minded. Therefore, the seal of the Demoncrats should be


seal.png
Comrade VS,Great Idea! The screw should be laid across a capital "U".This will complete the message!Great Work!CT

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Comrade Father Prog Theocritus,
I shall from this point forward write out your entire name and title instead of abbreviating it............... FPT also means " female pipe thread " to those in the trades. I am certain that someone of your intellectual capacity will have a respectful regard for the sort of confusion that the casual application of " FPT " would have for yourself personally as a form of derogatory reference. Just say'n.

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Comrade Tooorisky wrote:
Vladimir_Scratchanitch wrote:I am more literally minded. Therefore, the seal of the Demoncrats should be


seal.png
Comrade VS,Great Idea! The screw should be laid across a capital "U".This will complete the message!Great Work!CT

I was thinking about putting the screw through a ball.

But the Google turds might see something erotic about that too.

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In Douglass Adams's Hitchhiker novels, Babel Fish was inserted into the ear to help you communicate with any alien species. What function does Candiru Fish perform when inserting itself into genitalia? Helps you to finally figure out the way to communicate with mermaids?

Mermaid_Variations.gif


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Red Square wrote:In Douglass Adams's Hitchhiker novels, Babel Fish was inserted into the ear to help you communicate with any alien species. What function does Candiru Fish perform when inserting itself into genitalia? Helps you to finally figure out the way to communicate with mermaids?

Mermaid_Variations.gif


Well, old sailors always said the problem with mermaids was the best part was fish.

And after being married to a woman all these years, I wouldn't mind no noise coming out of the mouth.

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Vladimir_Scratchanitch wrote:...

Well, old sailors always said the problem with mermaids was the best part was fish.

And after being married to a woman all these years, I wouldn't mind no noise coming out of the mouth.

umm, you have brought a thought to mind. After being married a number of decades myself, I am thinking the best part of a husband unit might be the entire fish.
ha ha, cough, just joking, of course.

I do think Comrade Whoopie has his first good idea of the year though. Something to seriously ponder, comrades - these could be most useful at Jiffy-Lobo, could they not?

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Fraulein Pulloskies wrote: After being married a number of decades myself....

Frau... how are you for being married for many of the decades to yourself? Were you for being married to yourself when you were for being married to the late Mr P?

I have now done some of the research on the new mascot and was for reading that it is liking to be in the mud. We are all for knowing that the Washington D.C. was for being erected in a swamp and so therefore there was being so much of the mud. Father Prog Theo has been for finding the most fitting mascot which is the candiru. In some way too it can be for saying that the candiru is like the ancestor that has now evolved into the Democratic Party peoples.

I was for the enjoyment of the reading again of the William Burroughs who was one of the favorite authors of my youthtime. I was always for the reading of him and could be for good understanding of all that he was for writing. I was most special in the enjoyment of the cut-up passages as I am good at cutting-up.

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Red, the Bonnie Fwank Candiru is just perfect. After all, Bonnie's a known pickle puffer.

Bonnie Fwank's Perfect Page Pickles! Third door past the janitor's closet in the basement of the Sam Rayburn Office Building.

Whoopie, I am much impressed, and it is good for you that I am, with your idea of inserting the candiru into advanced treatment by Jiffy-Lobo. For example, why use heparin when you have lice? Especially when you can unionize the lice?

I think that we need to have a Candiru Corps which will ensure that there is no thought but Korrect Thought.

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Mrs Al Czarweary wrote:
Fraulein Pulloskies wrote: After being married a number of decades myself....

Frau... how are you for being married for many of the decades to yourself? Were you for being married to yourself when you were for being married to the late Mr P?
.....

I am so sorry you have trouble with our English style language, it is difficult I understand. But, what I am saying, which is clearly understood, is something along the likes of, "...being married a number of decades myself" to mean, I, myself, have been married a number of decades... or being married a longtime myself, etc. It is a precise way of speakage, within the language. It is not saying I am married to myself since marriage requires an additional unit in this country. And unlike some other country's, regions and or religions, only one additional unit is in requirement.

"Bonnie Fwank's Perfect Page Pickles" oh my! How interesting to pickle a page. And who else is more deserving to have a pickled pages, than bonnie brother Barney.

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Red, in Adams' novels, he used the Babel Fish, which lived on thoughts and simultaneously translated all the languages of the universe, to make his conceit that anything that spectacularly useful had to prove the existence of God, but then God required faith and so then God disappeared in a puff of logic.

I propose that the Candiru Corps merely refine this to the level of 2010 technology. A Jiffy-Lobo for everyone, and his/her/its own candiru fish. What the Roto-rooter in the prefrontal lobes doesn't get, the fish will.

And there's none of that pesky cognitive dissonance when you want to scream, "What the fuck is the matter with you, you insane, money-grabbing wannabe concentration camp guard who can't even make meetings for shepherding his bitch wife around the world."

You just smile. Because that's what it takes.

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Red Square's talk of mermaids begs the question...What did fish smell like before women learned to swim?

Bada boom.jpg

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Whoopie, you'll get in trouble. I don't like the look in Fraulein's eyes--or dugs, for that matter.

Bear in mind Ron White's bit about his dog Sluggo, the bull dog, and the man who wanted to sell him some flavored treats for Sluggo.

"What's his favorite flavor?"

"Ass."

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Vladimir_Scratchanitch wrote: And after being married to a woman all these years, I wouldn't mind no noise coming out of the mouth.

I got this Frau! ATTACK!!!!

chicken-goat-fuck.jpg

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Well, I see the sophisticated side of the Cube is making itself known this morning !

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Rooster, is that you or one of your white-trash relatives? There is little family resemblance. In fact, that rooster looks a lot like Congressman Weiner.

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Krasnodar wrote:Well, I see the sophisticated side of the Cube is making itself known this morning !

Well you know, men have issues too. For example, why can a woman give her husband a cordless drill to help him do all the household projects she wants done...But if he gives her a new mop and bucket she has a fit and goes off to sulk?

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Because, Whoopie, we women know how much you men love to play with your tools, whereas we women are never happy with our mops.

Not to mention we get our own share of pleasure from men's tools.

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Pinkie, have you not received the Official Memorandum of Truth? Just as the head of the Swedish state will be king regardless of his or her plumbing, from now on all People's Commissars will simultaneously be both bitches and pricks.

That way we can all have fun playing with everything all the time.

And I don't know what Krasnodar is talking about with all this vulgar shit. I done been couthed for decades.

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The collective wisdom of the Cube has always amazed me. This thread is no exception. For years I've pondered the Theory of Evolution, but it just made no sense:

Comrade Director Red Square posted the Bonnie Fwankenfish:

Barney_Frank_Fish02.jpg

Mrs Al said;"[highlight=#ffff99]In some way too it can be for saying that the candiru is like the ancestor that has now evolved into the Democratic Party peoples.[/highlight]"

The missing link! It all makes sense now. The Fwankenfish one day crawled up on land and the rest.......well, we now know the rest.

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:Well you know, men have issues too. For example, why can a woman give her husband a cordless drill to help him do all the household projects she wants done...But if he gives her a new mop and bucket she has a fit and goes off to sulk?

Many years ago, my uncle was instructing us boys about giving gifts to our mother.

Uncle Ben said- "Never, EVER get your mother a gift that is something to work with. Get her something frilly".

Which we understood was NOT a dress pattern-

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However, in those days the family was sending Uncle Ben to the flouring mill to buy the years supply of bread flour. He had the newest pickup truck and we usually bought about 20 sacks.


The object was to get enough flour sacks with the same print pattern so the girls could make themselves dresses.
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My father's mother raised four boys with little money, and when sheets would become threadbare, she'd cut them down the center, flip each half, and sew them together. She'd milk the cow, and churn butter as she rocked and sewed, and had a large pan of fresh biscuits every day for five men.

Mom was born on a homestead in New Mexico. Her mother would wet a sheet and hang it from the ceiling around a pot-bellied stove, to keep out the sand blowing through the house in the bitter cold of a northern New Mexico winter with nothing between you and Canada but a barbed wire fence.

All this, by the way, utterly true.

I am only embarrassed that my ancestors, despite my paternal grandfather being born on a covered wagon and going on cattle drives, they always used more than one square of toilet paper per session.

I will never be able to hold up my head again in this august company.

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:Red Square's talk of mermaids begs the question...What did fish smell like before women learned to swim?

Bada boom.jpg
YOU CAN TAKE THAT PHONY DRUM ROLL, MR. WHOOPIE, AND ***** *** *******!!!! The real question might be, what did you head ornamentation smell like before your ax was shoved in?!! I am going to be forced to put a mark in your permanent records!

Thank you most loyal and gracious Comrade Rooster, once again, you have come to the defensiveness of the female ladies and proved that we should be shared equally . . . that equality must be shared. In fact, I have a tear in my good eye.

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Father Prog Theocritus wrote:My father's mother raised four boys with little money, and when sheets would become threadbare, she'd cut them down the center, flip each half, and sew them together. She'd milk the cow, and churn butter as she rocked and sewed, and had a large pan of fresh biscuits every day for five men.

Mom was born on a homestead in New Mexico. Her mother would wet a sheet and hang it from the ceiling around a pot-bellied stove, to keep out the sand blowing through the house in the bitter cold of a northern New Mexico winter with nothing between you and Canada but a barbed wire fence.

All this, by the way, utterly true.

I am only embarrassed that my ancestors, despite my paternal grandfather being born on a covered wagon and going on cattle drives, they always used more than one square of toilet paper per session.

I will never be able to hold up my head again in this august company.

For shame, Theocritus, for shame.

Yes, it is true, you are in august company. I hear tell that Comrade Fraulein's ancestors used the phone book, one sheet at a time, and Comrade Whoopie's ancestors made do by re-using and re-using the bladders of cows, and it was rough, and my ancestors used one banana leaf at a time.

So again, for shame.

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Fraulein, I do understand your desire to be used equally by all, and since you manned up and told us about your one good eye, i have double sympathy, realizing that you have to get in twice the goggling that I do.

For this I would recommend a crash course with Chairman Punchenko. He's the one who taught Bruno how to gauge the color and weight, and guess at flaws, of a diamond on a woman's finger across a crowded room.

Meow did this of course for purely monetary reasons but there's no reason that you can't adopt his techniques to your delightfully prurient ones.

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Leninka, you got some 'splainin' to do. Here cue "Babalu." Do you mean that your family is so haute bourgeoisie that you used an entire banana leaf?

This is shameless profligacy. Do you know what Pinkie could have made with that extra vegetable? Miles of rope, and a form of peasant beer which was the inspiration for Dr. Jonah Salk.

And what did you do with that extra half banana leaf?

I am ashamed, Leninka, I am ashamed. When a Made Prog like you goes bad, what hope is there for the rest of us?

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Comrade Whoopie wrote: Well you know, men have issues too. For example, why can a woman give her husband a cordless drill to help him do all the household projects she wants done...But if he gives her a new mop and bucket she has a fit and goes off to sulk?
Commissarka Pinkie wrote: Because, Whoopie, we women know how much you men love to play with your tools, whereas we women are never happy with our mops.

Not to mention we get our own share of pleasure from men's tools.

And men like to get mopped!


O.k. you two look, here is shovel and her is mop, now trade presents! Is either enthused?

Of course not!

O.k. here is multi-tool Reciprocating / Chop Saw that cuts wood like butter and automates repetitive cuts -- and here is Front Load Washing Machine Dryer In One that finishes a load in 15 minutes. Is either enthused?

Of course!

Now here is shovel and here is shovel now shut up and dig beets!

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Fraulein Pulloskies wrote: . . . that equality must be shared. In fact, I have a tear in my good eye.

*sniffle* *snirk* *sniffle*... poor poor frauline...

HER EYE!!!! HER EYE!!!!!


I know how this is, imagine having to look out of both sides of your head TWICE! -- just to know whether the Commissar Father Prog is stealing you wallet or not... it's frightening at parties at the Rancho. By the end of the night I have to borrow Bruno's neck brace.

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Red Rooster wrote:
Vladimir_Scratchanitch wrote: And after being married to a woman all these years, I wouldn't mind no noise coming out of the mouth.

I got this Frau! ATTACK!!!!

I DENOUNCE RED ROOSTER (because The Party™ wouldn't approve of approval like statements that this is indeed twisted, Schlitz ready, cheese crust worthy and totally progressive!)

The song remains the same...


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Father Prog Theocritus wrote: For this I would recommend a crash course with Chairman Punchenko. He's the one who taught Bruno how to gauge the color and weight, and guess at flaws, of a diamond on a woman's finger across a crowded room.

Meow did this of course for purely monetary reasons but there's no reason that you can't adopt his techniques to your delightfully prurient ones.

I would too Commissar Father Prog, why I remember the time Meow saw Princess Diana's diamonds in that tunnel in England, he was traveling east bound in his Zil, her west bound through the tunnel, Meow snapped on target....

...and we all know the rest of the story.

That's Meow!

A fine Progressive (*sniffle*) a mighty fine Progressive.

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I don't get it. What's a mascot? I want to be a mascot. Why can't I be a mascot? This isn't fair. All the guys I've dated say I'd make a good mascot. Can't I do it? Please. Pleeeeease.

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As long as none of you comrades have used the pages of the Pravda newspaper or any other Party organ for personal hygiene below the waist, let's close the subject as irrelevant to the world revolution of the workers and peasants. Drop it before the workers and peasants discover the existence of toilet paper, or else the revolution will be in trouble.

If that sucker fish really is Democrat-leaning, then there's no mystery why it's sneaking into people's orifices. It is obviously hoping to chew a tunnel all the way to the wallet. In which case the obvious remedy is to wave a $100 bill in front of the infested organ, and the sucker will be suckered out. Then you are free to do with it as you will - like, register the sucker as a Democrat voter or something.

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That would be LEFT leaning most astute People's Director....

Ahhhrrrrrmmm... In my deep and conclusive research.... (*ahem*) it has been discovered that this so called Aquarian entity is in fact a CAT FISH!!!

CAT FISH, comrades. Which (ahrrmmmm)... further proves my collective point about the Darwinian Origin of Species.

Bend over and grab your shovels! There's beets to be sewn!

(now then, hand me the 'fish' Igor)

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Leninka wrote:...
For shame, Theocritus, for shame.

Yes, it is true, you are in august company. I hear tell that Comrade Fraulein's ancestors used the phone book, one sheet at a time, and Comrade Whoopie's ancestors made do by re-using and re-using the bladders of cows, and it was rough, and my ancestors used one banana leaf at a time.

So again, for shame.

You say that as if it were a thing in the past, dear Leninka. What else is there to use but phone book paper??

Yes, Red Rooster, it can be troubling, keeping an eye on fellow progs. That is why I keep my monies and wallet tucked safely in my bosom area, for safe watching. When around personages such as Comrade Rangel, I wear turtle necks.

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RR, so that's where Bruno's neck brace went. Do you realize how hard it was for him to come down the winding staircase with a #100 headdress on his head, one foot in front of the other size-14 foot, without the next brace? He had a half an ostrich ass on his head. And you stole his neck brace.

Also I don't get why people aren't tearing up about my deprived childhood. I mean, I didn't know that I ought to use only one square of toilet paper.

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News flash, comrades. I'm told that the reason for the the Holy Gore's divorce is that he was pronging Laurie Davie, the ex-wife of Larry. Laurie is a uber-prog, who assaults people who don't drive hybrids, but takes her private jet, bought with the blood money she got from Larry, to Hollywood to confabulate with the fabulous.

What a perfect foil for Al. The Smug Field would make the earth fall into the sun.


 
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