Gaza was rocked with outrage and violence this evening as accusations of religious bigotry against 54-year-old volunteer primary school teacher Titiana Tarsier once again raised tensions in this oppressed part of the world. Already several fires could be seen flaring against the backdrop of buildings shattered by years of entirely unprovoked Zionist attacks as the sun set, and sporadic gunfire echoed as a stark punctuation to the chants of thousands of protestors.

Ms Tarsier, a British national who works as a volunteer for the Palestinian Authority's Department of Education, is accused of maliciously insulting the honor of the Prohet Muhammad when she--callously and with complete disregard for the sensibilities of Muslims worldwide--refused the request of her seven-year-old students to name their class mascot, an adorable, fluffy teddy polar bear donated by the International Panel on Climate Change, after the beloved Prophet.

"I cannot believe the treachery of this infidel woman," frothed Headmaster Hassan bin Soba. "We took her in out of the goodness of our hearts, gave her a place to work, a concrete cubicle to sleep in, did not even require her to take a Muslim husband, and this is how she repays our hospitality."

The stuffed animal in question arrived at the Yasser Arafat Youth Education Center's classroom on Wednesday, donated as part of the IPCC's efforts to educate children to the immediate and life-threatening dangers of Global Warming. Gaza is only a few feet above sea level in many places, and the impending melting of the polar ice caps poses an immense danger for the children there. The controversy arose when Ms Tarsier asked the class to name their new friend.

"She told us to pick a name for the bear," a wide-eyed Tewfiq Madrassa, age seven, recounts. "We all said the most perfect name in all the world is Muhammad, and since the bear is here to save us from the rising waters just as the Prophet saves us from the rising tide of Zionism and American imperialism, we thought it would honor the Prohet to bestow his beloved name on the bear." Tewfiq, an adorable child, went on to describe Ms Tarsier's reaction to their suggestion. "She said she didn't think that it would be a good idea to name the bear after such an important man. We all said "please teacher, let us name the bear after Muhammad' but she refused. That is when we began throwing our stones at her." Tewfiq and his classmates are so desperately poor due to American imperialism that they have only bags of stones with which to defend themselves from the Zionist murderers that sometimes crawl over the security wall protecting Gaza.

Principal bin Soba, alerted by the ruckus, left the athletic field where he was instructing the twelve-year-olds in camera angle and protest-sign placement. "I found the kuffur woman huddled behind her desk surrounded by screaming chilldren," he reports. "I immediately ordered them to put down their stones; it is very bad for children to stone a woman, even an infidel. That is a man's work." He then escorted Ms Tarsier from the building and handed her over to security police. After he denounced her for her hate crime against the Prophet she was taken to police headquaters for further questioning.

She readily admitted to her crime, according to police spokesman Hosni Omar, stating for the record, "She told us she had refused to let the children name the bear Muhammad. Upon further interogation she confessed that she did not think the name Muhammad was worthy of being bestowed on a toy. She further admitted to numerous instances of disrespecting the Prophet and Islam in her daily interaction with the children." He declined requests to interview the criminal for security reasons. "There is no telling what this Zionist agent may try. It would not be safe to allow you in the same room where she is receiving medical attention." Ms Tarsier reportedly lost several teeth when she tried to batter her way through the concrete wall of her interogation cell and multiple bruises inadvertently suffered while her guards attempted to restrain her.

Calls for her punishment were understandably swift. "How long will the West mock us?" demanded religious scholar Ali al-Ioqsenfri. "First they steal our land. Then they force their filthy culture down our throats. Now this infidel woman has told us that the name of Muhammad is not good enough for one of their precious teddy bears! It is blasphemy and I expect to issue an appropriate fatwa demanding her death for this insult to the Religion of Peace!"

He was not alone in his condemnation of this vicious attack on the Prophet. Concerned, knife-weilding parents crowded around the police station demanding the blood of the infidel to atone for the insult, while youths torched cars and buildings in protest. The Palestinian Authority was, however, a voice of caution and reason in this tense time. "I think it is far too early to call for beheading in this case. We do not know all the facts," said PA spokesman Raschid al-Hajj in a prepared statement this evening. "Of course, a trial is out of the question, as the accused is both a woman and an infidel, which means her testimony ranks slightly below that of a chicken. And given her status as a woman and an infidel, we are inclined toward mercy. Although our judgement will be subject to a review of Shari'a scholars, we are recommending fifty lashes in the public square and the loss of her blasphemous tongue."

Tensions remain high tonight in Gaza as scholars debate the fate of Ms Tarsier.

Wonderful. Once again, life imitates the People's Cube! Perhaps we should resurrect the old thread for the holidays...

While as you know, I have consistently warned against siding with radical Islam, one does have to admire their socialist mindset. On the one hand, they can try and stone someone to death for naming a teddy bear Muhammad or depicting him in any form claiming it insults the prophet, while at the same time naming just about every male kid after him. Apparently a young Muslim named Mohammad puking, picking his nose, peeing in his pants, raping a woman etc, does not insult the name?

Well said, Commissar.

I heard that one of her students suggested that name for the bear, and that she will be pardoned for it.

You heard correctly, but she was only pardoned by the president under pressure of Britain.

Again, western imperialism tells countries how to run themselves. Just think how much better the world would be if the west stopped telling other countries what to do and let them do what they wanted. Wouldn't everything be better that way?

Well it was a British citizen being threatened with death by lunatics, so I say no.

Just checked into this thread. Excellent, Betinov! Thank you for sharing your brain with the collective.