This has been floating around since at least 2005, in different versions, one of them with anti-American bits inserted in it, but you can figure that's a fake because it's not as funny as the original. I thought we should have it on the Cube for archiving purposes. The origin is obviously British.

In the face of recent terrorist activity you may be comforted to know -

The BRITISH are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, however, security levels may have to be raised again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of London in 1666.

The FRENCH government also announced yesterday that it had raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". This latest rise was precipitated by a fire that destroyed France's White Flag factory effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

In addition to the British and the French, ITALY has increased its alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The GERMANS have also increased their alert status from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They too have two higher levels "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

BELGIANS on the other hand are all on holiday as usual and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

Finally the SPANISH are very excited, as their new submarines are ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so that the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Awesome. I have heard some of those, but it is good to see them all combined so well. It's better than the individual ones.

I actually had a sticker that had all the French Security Levels. I forget what happened to it though....

I dunno... I think the French one is missing "Capitulate" (I would argue there are subtle differences between capitulation and collaboration)... and "Full On Vichy".

SMO,

I would agree as we found French weapons in Iraq in late spring/summer 2003. Manufacturing date stamp was.... 3 guesses... Spring 2003!!!

So much for the "arms embargo".

Tanko,

Are you really that surprised... The French are whores ... Oh!... we forgot Whore! on the status list... Crap... and Rioting!... We have to have Rioting! and within that are subcategories related to the buring of cars and various types of barricades - cooking temperatures etc... And then the subcategories of Run and Hide - electrocution from stupidity, etc. etc...

Man... the French are way too complicated...

But honestly... are you really surprised?... I can only imagine what kind of shit you'd find in North Korea...

And I saw this interesting thing on a documentary on the History or Military Channel last night at about 4:00 a.m. or so... about the USSR... sorry... it was the Discovery Channel... a show on extreme weather and earthquakes and tsunamis... They were talking about that machine the USSR built to measure seismic waves that sent some kind of EMP down through the ground and how it inadvertently triggered earthquakes - they really had no idea that it would - and apparently, the US bought this thing from Russia after the break up of the USSR but it's 'disappeared'... I had no idea there was a machine that could trigger earthquakes... hmm... and now Russia has their vacuum bomb... Better living through weaponry...

I suddenly have an urge to go and watch Dr. Strangelove... and then go and tinker in Bunker 9... that's where we keep "Meow's Winch" (it's not really Meow's, but we kinda named it in honour of him)... and I saw some really kewl stuff on special at https://www.cheaperthandirt.com/ (thank you Pinkie!)... I think it'll become a fave, like https://www.winchesplus.com/!!! Nothing like a good selection of tritium night sites and shovels, to round out a good selection of winches... makes me all shivery...

SMO