Comrades, if the budget is cut, even one penny of it, millions will die or cease to exist. This is the only possible outcome of budget cuts - extremism. You see, the government does everything, and by that I mean everything. But there are extremists who have infiltrated the government and they've brought us to the brink of extremism!
Here's how it works: somebody, call him Lamar, is dependent on the government. An extreme government cut in Lamar's welfare check means he has to do something. Lamar is faced with very uncomfortable options like thinking and accomplishing. We do our best to inform Lamar that his grandparents will die of dog food poisoning, and that we could save him, his family, and the planet if he would just vote for us in the next election. Not heeding our compassionate advice, Lamar is propelled into the extreme measure of doing something to improve his situation. Lamar soon discovers that he is capable. He begins to accept toxic notions about being made in the image of God and being created to overcome obstacles. Lamar then begins to earn income and succeed. Worse yet, he begins to see the government as an impediment to progress! Before you know it, we've lost Lamar to the TEA Party extremists and Rush Limbaugh. Lamar goes on the Sean Hannity show and announces that he has been "Hannitized". Soon, Lamar's friends and family join him in his decadent and depraved behavior, and before you know it government begins to shrink in influence and power. Not long after that, we will find that not even the Party Elite, no, not even those of us who survive the necessary purges, will have the power of those glorious days of the Era of Dependency.
Comrades, this is the end of extremism. We will be forced to pay for our own dachas, even the modest beach front luxury dachas with the half mile driveways and matching yachts. Some among us may have to find employment based on merit and ability. Denunciations will no longer compensate for inherent ineptitude. We, like Lamar, will be forced to work and earn a living.
So, what is to be done? We must expose this extremism before it reaches its extreme. We must warn the public just what it is that will happen with extreme budget cuts falling on them like the blade of a bourgeois guillotine. We must warn them with alarming slogans like the one mentioned above about grandparents dying of dog food poisoning. We must think, comrades, we must think. Make sure no reporters are on the line, and post your ideas for preventing extremism. Remember, our future depends on dependency.
Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна
It's simple. Find a way to get rid of Lamar. Each Lamar, as they emmerge.
I shudder to use the word: "conservatively", the only thing wrong with the Commissar's lead in. The numbers will be Billions and not millions, not including visitors from other planets. the whole planet has become dependent on our foreign aid program.
Foreign governments will fall, anarchy will rule in the streets. How much worse can it get than that?
Comrade commissar, did you get the memo we sent?
Sugar Daddy Bear
Opiate of the People
Blugonov, you are the kind of person that makes the Party work because you have the uncanny ability to sprout the most ridiculous bullshit and yet keep a straight face. I mean that sincerely comrade because, quite frankly, that is all that keeps us going. We have no ideas, we have no integrity, we have no abiding concern for anything or anyone outside of our own selfish asses. How do we sell a product like that, Blugonov? Simple, we make up the stupidest shit we can and babble it endlessly until we get enough idiots to imagine it's true. We are a one-trick pony Blugonov... well, not even a whole pony, just the back end of one. Look at our leaders, Dirty Harry Reid, Botox Pelosi, Nutso Stark, Nostrilitus Waxman, Bawney Fwank, Ketchup Kerry, Debbie Loudmouth-Schitz, and the biggest fraud of all, Barack Obama... not one of them has even enough character to get arrested. If they weren't in politics, every single one of them would be living under a bridge somewhere. Without their gift of bullshit, they'd be nothing. And there would be no party, just a roving band of two-bit conmen. So keep up the good work, Blugonov! Without effective bullshit, we will all have to go and find actual WORK. That would be a tragedy for us, because not one of us is good for anything.
Sugar Daddy Bear
While what you say has merit, the saying goes that it takes two hands to clap. In this case those who defacate the bullshit and those who eat it heartily. I guess one cannot survive without the other.