Outrage as Egypt plans 'farewell intercourse law' so husbands can have sex with DEAD wives up to six hours after their death
Flowers, air fresheners, everything else is extra.
that's just fantastic, now isn't it? As if we at the People's Morgue ™ weren't busy enough trying to help Dear Leader's re election campaign with the registration drives in full swing, now we have to allow for conjugal visits by bereaved taxi cab drivers? Great Stalin's Ghost, cleanup is bad enough around here and now this? Moral is already low and now we have to put up with the moaning and romantic candle light. The things we do for the Party. The Glorious World of Next Tuesday can't get here soon enough.
....... an Arab Brothel
Wait, is laughter halal?
Great Stalin's GhostOnly six hours? Why, if properly stored, and if he really, really loved her, should there be any time limit?
Not with new Arab Spring™!
Why limit the joy that you and your loved one can still share just because of a little decomposition? New Arab Spring™ is GUARANTEED to keep your love making as fresh as the day you met, for up to six weeks!
Sure, other morgue fresheners make similar claims - but only Arab Spring™ comes through when it counts: in those tricky three-weeks-post-mortem days!
Get yours today! Because sometimes it's just not time yet to say goodbye™.
Great Stalin's GhostArab Spring! Ha ha ha ha ha . . .
Wait, is laughter halal?
Yes, but only if you're laughing at infidels
Death, that hath suck'd the honey of thy breath,
Hath had no power yet upon thy beauty:
Thou art not conquer'd; beauty's ensign yet
Is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks,
And death's pale flag is not advanced there.
... Ah, dear Juliet,
Why art thou yet so fair? shall I believe
That unsubstantial death is amorous,
And that the lean abhorred monster keeps
Thee here in dark to be his paramour?
For fear of that, I still will stay with thee;
How is a successful Jiffy-Lobo different from death? Sexually speaking.
Inquiring peckers want to know.
Great Scott. This is disgusting! State sanctioned necrophillia- what will those Muslims think of next?
Comrades, I just had a horrible thought: why is this only meant for mysoginistic
Our First Black President sleeps with the Many Titted Empress, or did at least once. That is the rumor and I am quite convinced that one of them was dead at the time. Well, perhaps our MTE came into the bedroom and sat on a wet spot left from the last bimbo that Bill had there.
Can you imagine our dear MTE pregnant?
We have to wait of course until Sandra "America's Punch" Fluke shuffles off this mortal coil. Then she will by acclamation be the spokescorpse.
Do not worry that a corpse is not presumed to be able to speak. It's not presumed to be able to vote either but we solved that one over a century ago.
I'll take mine Chicago-style.
I have been absent for a while, inspecting sites for psychiatric hospitals and group mental-health homes for people who irrationally believe that our progressive agenda won't work. After all, we have learned that we cannot crucify them. So we must inter them.
I am a Made Prog. Just like any other Mafioso. Except they're fools; they don't want nearly as much money as I do. And I want control over their lives, too. The Mafia? Pussies. I want to grind people into the ground because freedom means that they cannot regard me enough. Because the only thing that I have is making people regard me for being me, on the terms that I set, because, and this is in camera, I've not done a goddamned thing worth remarking on.
But you see, that's why we're here. We have nothing but our own self-esteem and our viciousness. I'm a TOTALitarian.
Now, pardon me. I need to see to the proles who are setting up another 80 impaling stakes on the new section at the Rancho de Rio Grande. After all, there might be some people who are, er, resistant to seeing the views of his superiors.
Father Prog TheocritusI nominate Mary Jo Kopechne to be the spokescorpse for our Necro Proxy Sex Workers. We can have her speak along with Teddy K., who is also a candidate for spokescorpse for the Necro Proxy Sex Workers.
Yeah, but that's cheating - Teddy K. was dead for DECADES before he was dead.
I nominate our very own Comrade Nansky Peloski - she's still alive (according to rumor), even if her face never moves.
Who woulda thought? And - this weekend only, in recognition of deceased jihadist Osama bin Laden's support - JiffyLobo™ is throwing in a 12 ounce Home-Size canister of new Arab Spring™ Morgue Freshener - with EVERY JiffyLobo™ purchased at regular price!
Be prepared, comrades!
Oh, and why do you think that Jiffy Lobo must be paid for? It's part of the Affordable Care Act. The only way you'd buy into Obamacare, which extends insurance to tends of millions of others, which double-counts a half trillion dollars, and which most eye-watering of all, provides enough contraception for America's Punch, Sandra Fluke, absolutely requires plenty of free Jiffy Lobo.
It's the first thing listed in preventative medicine. Because you cannot be a prog if you think.
Muslim Brotherhood: We put the fun in funeral!
Father Prog TheocritusPutout, I welcome you to the Cube, I intone loftily. For your information, your education, your edification, your elucidation, your instruction, I am Father Prog Theocritus.
(I think this image speaks for itself.)
And both ways, too dammit.
I cannot tell you the amount of dry wall that she's gored with her tusks. And when she takes off her shoes, her trotters dig the hell out of my terrazzo. You ever see size 15 divots of hog trotters in terrazzo? When Bruno saw he, he shrieked, "Theocritus! It's Jurassic Park!"
But then after she passes out, it gets really difficult. As you know, when one dies, one's sphincters lose control. It's a mess. Those Bloody Marys have the same effect and I think that even Mike Rowe would be disgusted by the amount of, er, stuff that manages to leak out on my floor.
Then there's the recovery and the hangover... But I shall draw the veil of silence over that one. It makes strong men pale, women faint, and children cry.