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COOL is Not, Officially

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Comrades,

All right-thinking tolerant and inclusive progressives are still in mourning over the international community's loss of Hugo Chavez, the embodiment of 21st century Socialism. Flags are flying at half-mast, rallies are being held, emotional compassionate eulogies are being penned, dewy eyes are being daubed, a great leader is being mourned. Hugo Chavez' body, still warm with his infinite love for the masses, is being prepared for eternity to continue to serve the people as one in a growing line of post-corporeal leaders for the life-giving thought of 21st century Socialism.

Typical of their kind, the reactionary capitalists and their runnings dogs have already succumbed to abusing the life-challenged. While the world mourns the loss of a DCEM (i.e., Dead Communist Ethnic Male, pronounced "dik-em"), the necrophiliac Right responds with yet another DWEM (i.e., Dead White European Male): Calvin Coolidge. Let us take a closer look at this diabolical misanthrope, the misery he wrought, and the desperation and moral outrage that is his elevation to a hateful meme.

Consider the following propaganda poster, typical capitalist apery. Trapped in its own vacuum of primitive mental drives unable to accommodate any thought higher than procreative and exploitative urges, capitalism must pilfer the intellectual and artistic fruits of progressive civilization. Who on the planet has not been moved to tears by Obey's famous HOPE poster of President Obama? But even Neanderthals have some awareness of their surroundings and a most base sense of appreciation, if one little more evolved than "not pain = good." Given the mean-spiritedness of all reactionary thought, rather than emulate the consciousness-raising HOPE poster in a rightfully hagiographic manner, some capitalist pig lickspittle has perverted that masterpiece of our pure proletarian master to create the following incendiary socio-economic political outrage that not only steals progressive design but even fraudulently proclaims itself to be "cool" in self-important fatcat all-caps, as if there could ever be anything cool about someone or something not Party-approved, let alone an avowed Republican DWEM:

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Let us consider the imperialists' "aculture" war strategy behind the promotion of Coolidge.

First, as always, we have the racism inherent in the capitalist system of exploitation. Hugo Chavez was a warm loquacious Sun person; Coolidge was frigid, silent, pale, and pasty, as white as the bloodless lifeless Ice person zombie he was. With whites set to become a minority in the US, they will gin up racial animus everywhere to further hatred and societal collapse in order to establish fascism. Has any past president been whiter, hence more racist, than Coolidge? Dredging up this stiff is a cheap call to atavistic racial legal warfare, a subconscious trigger of support for a bloody return to Jim Crow laws.

Second, Coolidge was a clear misogynist; in the never-ending war on women, he was the five-star general. His marriage of 28 years was indicative of the bigoted views of his thankfully bygone era, when women were so effectively only much chattel to be bought and sold. A tight-fisted bourgeois, Coolidge never shared his vast undeclared incomes with anyone. Certainly not with his wife, who was clearly unable to buy herself free of her contract of servitude and, preceding the New Deal, lacked the means to support herself and thus had no option but to resign herself to domestic slavery in service to Silent Abuse Cal. His perpetration of such crimes against the Y-chromosome-free half of humanity are part and parcel of the reactionary line.

Third, victim of false-consciousness, traitor to her sex, and New Deal blasphemer Amity Shlaes has recently scribbled a tract of lies designed to trick comrades into imbibing the intellectual hemlock of capitalist pseudo-thought: Coolidge. While utterly mendacious to the core, the pamphlet's surprising degree of literacy suggests this Shlaes was somehow allowed to obtain an education in one of our institutions of higher education. This literary saboteur and her work gives inspiration to other reactionaries, urging them to struggle against their congenital intellectual limitations, with the unfortunate result that some might somehow manage to penetrate higher education to twist that social good to their own subversive ends.

Fourth, flogging Coolidge is an admittedly devious attempt to divide the Party by appealing to its long distinguished New England heritage. Some comrades deficient in class-consciousness or understanding of reactionaries' devious viciousness might be tempted to view Coolidge as a fellow traveler, as he was born in Vermont, and unwittingly infect themselves with the capitalist pathogen. While Vermont is today a progressive beacon, in Coolidge's day it was a nightmare of laissez-faire exploitation and a Protestant theocracy. Those willing and able often fled through New Hampshire to Massachusetts or across Lake Champlain to New York or into Canada. It was not until the 1990s, long after the Coolidge junta had passed, that Vermont rejoined civilization and took its rightful place among the Blue States.

Fifth, Coolidge was not initially elected. Rather he climbed the government ranks by introducing the sanguine tactics of dog-eat-dog capitalism. Coolidge's assassination of President Harding, abetted by countless saboteurs, none of whom were allowed to live long enough to confess their roles, turned the will of the people into Coolidge's will. Promotion of Coolidge is thus promotion of the idea that The Other is expendable, that human life has value only so long as it can be crushed and exploited, to be trampled underfoot in the pursuit of satiation of individuality.

Sixth, upon establishing his junta, Coolidge immediately launched a campaign of genocide against the American people: the Roaring '20s, when the united voice of the people roared in opposition to Coolidge, who eventually responded by intentionally starting the Great Depression, although he caused it to start under his handpicked successor-oppressor Hoover. What elicited the proletarian roar were the myriad Coolidge outrages the Right wants to resurrect today: tax cuts, government spending cuts, and more cuts for the sake of cuts and the joy of seeing the streets of America littered with the tattered, crippled, emaciated bodies of capitalism's human fertilizer and detritus. The jitterbug and other '20s dance crazes were spontaneous mass protests to Coolidge's iron-fisted rule; people jitterbugged until they collapsed, their bodies broken by capitalism gone wild. The original people's protest music, jazz become part of the Loud War against Silent Cal; Louis Armstrong had to invent scat singing, because actual profanity for describing indescribable suffering of the heinous Coolidge junta was forbidden and sound-and-word-bleeping technology was still primitive, yet progressives read between the lines (and bleeps). Coolidge spurned fund flood victims, cut agricultural subsidies (thereby directly contributing to mass starvation and the Dust Bowl), refused to appear in newsreel cameos (lest his "walking dead" appearance repel even sycophantic voters), worked with the mafia a la St. Valentine's Day Massacre to obtain extra-judicial "settlements," and made secret trips to almshouses where, for a pittance, he started "pauper fights" and "urchin vs. waif fights," the predecessors of today's "bum fights." That is what the Right wants, Right Now and Forever!

Seventh, Coolidge was indeed born on Independence Day, a call to arms for all reactionary war parties reared on fanciful pernicious notions of independence, of "life" without the Party. Congenitally reactionary, Silent Cal often played on the strength of his propagandized silence, such that when he directed the Rightist media lackeys to report scripted rants, the people--stunned by an outburst from Silent Cal--could not help but succumb to his proselytized conservative reactionary slogans, like the following, which helps clarify the mass national insanity (and par-for-the-course ballot-stuffing) that led to Coolidge's "re-election":

Coolidge Speech on 150th Anniversary of the Declaration of Independence
About the Declaration there is a finality that is exceedingly restful. It is often asserted that the world has made a great deal of progress since 1776, that we have had new thoughts and new experiences which have given us a great advance over the people of that day, and that we may therefore very well discard their conclusions for something more modern. But that reasoning can not be applied to this great charter. If all men are created equal, that is final. If they are endowed with inalienable rights, that is final. If governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed, that is final. No advance, no progress can be made beyond these propositions. If anyone wishes to deny their truth or their soundness, the only direction in which he can proceed historically is not forward, but backward toward the time when there was no equality, no rights of the individual, no rule of the people. Those who wish to proceed in that direction can not lay claim to progress. They are reactionary. Their ideas are not more modern, but more ancient, than those of the Revolutionary fathers.

Comrades, the next time you see a COOL poster or anything else promoting this dead tyrant Coolidge, give vent to righteous anger at those uppity Rightist squares. The loathsome brownshirt pinstripes-and-wingtip crowd might think they're "cool," but the masses are led by a community-organizin', Oahu-surfin', mom-jeans-wearin', teleprompter-readin', choom-smokin', drone-firin', budget-bustin', Right-shreddin', eco-freakin', fatcat-skinnin', 18-hole-golfin', Blueberry-usin', more-equal-comrades-fundin', skeet-shootin', Russia-resettin', Arab-Springin', Michelle-fearin', gun-bannin', food-stampin', Bush-whackin', seas-partin', alien-freein', Constitution-teachin', your-pain-feelin', fair-share-tax-hikin', influence-redistributin', phone-dealin', media-playin', Nobel Peace Prize-winnin', health-carin' articulate Chi-town Hero of the People, First Class, bad-ass!

And They only have some mean dead white guy named Cal.

Comrades, the Party says that Coolidge is totally UNcool. And so it is.
Last edited by Red Square on 3/9/2013, 8:52 pm, edited 4 times in total.
Reason for editing this post: enhancement



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An example of Coolidge's misogyny: Dorothy Parker, seated next to him at a dinner, said to him, "Mr. Coolidge, I've made a bet against a fellow who said it was impossible to get more than two words out of you." His famous reply: "You lose."

Sexism in action! He only did this so that the womyn would lose the bet to the man! Ted Kennedy would never do such a thing to a womyn; in fact, he would've made her a sandwich.

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Comrade Tovarich,

Thank you for this lesson. I never knew how much I hated Coolidge.

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President Coolidge had a cat named Tiger (which he called Tige without the r) which he brought from his Vermont farm to the White House in 1923. Tiger was subjected all sorts of embarrassment, such as being forced to run to Coolidge like a dog whenever the President called his name. The President would also drape Tiger around his neck and wear him like a scarf when they were in the Oval Office. https://www.calvin-coolidge.org/coolidge-pets.html

coolidge-cat.jpg

Tiger managed to escape his cruel confinement at the White House on March 20, 1924. However Coolidge organized a cathunt and had the D.C. police issue missing cat bulletins. He even sent a Secret Service agent to a local radio station to broadcast that Tiger was missing. https://tenwatts.blogspot.com/2007/01/presidential-radio-address.html

Tiger was found a few days later at the State, War, and Navy Building where he had stopped by to microfilm the plans for a new class of heavy cruiser before heading to the Soviet embassy to seek asylum. He was forcibly returned to Coolidge and fitted with a green enslavement collar that said, "Tiger, The White House." Fortunately Tiger was able to slip out of the White House again four months later and this time made good on his escape to the Motherland.

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Is it just my old eyes, Chairman, or does Tige bear a striking resemblance to, er..., you?

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I.M. Craptek wrote:Is it just my old eyes, Chairman, or does Tige bear a striking resemblance to, er..., you?
tiger.jpg


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Comrade Anyer Marx,

Indeed: narrow minds, narrow budgets, narrow Weltanschauung. That is the best the reactionaries can offer. Starvation of mind and body, whereas the Party continues to mount success in feeding an ever-increasing record number of citizens.Forward and Upward!

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Chairman Meow,

What an inspiring story! Where are the schools teaching this exemplary tale of how the Party transcends species?


 
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