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Damn You Meow

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Damn you Chairman! I gave you a freshly laundered Hsu wad to take care of the little people on the campaign trail….you know, the ones who actually work for a living and expect silly things like "tips" for service in those shitty little restaurants that I must eat at to show I'm one of "them".

The bill was only a minuscule $157.00 and thankfully your buddy Dr.P had a spare Ben to shut them up for the time being. I'd give the Hsu wad to him if I could trust him but I learned my lesson after that horrible Mandalay Bay fiasco with the 50lbs of Crisco, 100 Gillette razor blades, and the inflatable Helen Thomas doll... I know it's not entirely P's fault, but I told both of you to look after Roger Clinton and that things tend to get out of hand when he's around and that you both need to be more careful.

From now on when I go schlupping with the proles I want the tab picked up no matter what, and to be more like the Europeans, leave 10%. People are now accusing me of receiving free lunches which I believe I'm entitled to, and come the Revolution we won't have to worry about that anymore, but for the time being, let's pretend we always actually pay for services.

Example:

$157.00 bill = $15.70 tip.

If people complain and say it's customary for Americans to tip 15%, tell them we're more sophisticated like Europeans and 15% is gauche.
Understood?

H08

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You want us to leave a... a... t... ti... tip, Your Excellency!? <clutches heart> I... I... I just don't know what to say!? We never leave a tip, Your Excellency! It just isn't kosher for us to leave a tip! I'm utterly confused about this whole "tip" business, Your Excellency -- I really am.

As for Roger it was Bobby Reich's fault for letting him get loose again. I told Bobby that Roger had to be sedated at least nine times a day and that no one -- and I mean no one -- should unlock the basement door. I specifically told him not to unlock the basement door under any circumstances.

Dont' worry your progessiveness, I'll confiscate the Chairman's hummels as punishment for his blundering (and resell them at a ridiculously over priced rate).

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You want us to leave a... a... t... ti... tip, Your Excellency!?
Yes, for the time being. I know, I know....it hurts, it REALLY HURTS.....but you know the old refrain...It's For The Common Good™
Get on the line to Theocritus. I remember from an old Doobie Brother's song called China Grove that that's an actual place down in Texas. I don't recall having that on my "Chinatown" shakedown list, so tell him to put the squeeze on and that should generate enough soft ca$h to take care of this gawdawful "tip" business thing.

H08

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I just tried to post a blog about the shameful right wing attack on Our Beloved Empress, but much like the Rose Law Firm billing records I have taken care of that.

It is simply shameful the lengths the VRWC will go to to drag our Many Titted Empress through the mud. Shameless!

Yes Chariman, get on the line right now if you would to Commissar Theocritus. I know he has the cash lying about to take care of this tipping problem. They even tip cows down in Texas so tipping Hillary should cause no discomfort for Theocritus.

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OK....

Denver is not too far off.

Stevie Nicks has AGAIN refused to perform for the Conventio....Coronatio...ummmm....you know, not coronation....anointment. Phew...Convention!
See, it was there all the time.

<takes a deep breath.....sigh>

I thought I'd bring back "Don't Stop" by Fleetwood Mac and... you know...a little nostalgia, but China Grove got me thinking.

Is it too obvious?
Meow....Pup....Betty?
Anybody?
Buehler?

H08


P.S. This state of the art animation. You'll be amazed!
I know you trust me.

Or ELSE!



<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/CcfEmG3TrMg&r ... ram><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>

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Beloved Glorious Leader, perhaps a purge will make you feel better?

I nominate David Brock of Media Matters. He hasn't been doing enough to discredit your critics in the right wing media, leaving them able to spread this malicious propaganda about you. In fact, his attempts at character assassination have been so lame, the "noise machine" has been emboldened. Most of the major dissidents have even had the gall to point out that you told the moonbats that you helped start Media Matters. If Brock had done his job properly, this "tip business" and the "I helped start Media Matters" statement would have never gotten out.

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Hillary wrote:
I thought I'd bring back "Don't Stop" by Fleetwood Mac and... you know...a little nostalgia, but China Grove got me thinking.

Is it too obvious?
Meow....Pup....Betty?
Anybody?
Buehler?

H08


P.S. This state of the art animation. You'll be amazed!
I know you trust me.

Or ELSE!

Oh your Highness, it is brilliant! Amazing! Breathtaking! Visionary! The animation was also truly state of the art. I thought the horse drawn wagon and collapsed bridge a perfect illustration of the state we are in after Bush and his lies.

As usual, you inspired me to work even harder, and I found another video that I believe you will find quite to your liking... some young campaign workers showing how they bundle cash for you!

<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/Ih8wZFP1WJ4&r ... ram><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>

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]Wait, we are supposed to pay for meals? And give tips? I've definitely been doing the wrong thing for the past... <counts fingers> shoot....

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There are some things I'm willing to do for the revolution and there are other things that I'm not willing to do – and this is one them, Your Excellency. This whole paying for a meal and leaving a tip thing is really bothering my conscience and contradicts my core values as a Progressive Democrat.

I mean, today they ask us to “pay” for things and leave this… this… “tip” thing and tomorrow they will ask us to disclose campaign contributions, open up your estranged husband's papers at the Little Rock double-wide Presidential Library, admit to all the people we Fostered off and so on and so on. It just isn't fair, Your Excellency, and my conscience is too small to allow me to go through with paying for a meal.

We as humyn beings can't let the Repugs make us do things that we find immoral, wrong and just plain evil. They simply can't expect us to “pay” for meals and other goods and services – they just can't expect that from us.

And if my mother was still around and not rotting in the Gulag after I denounced her, why, she would be ashamed to actually see her son pay for a meal. I just can't do it, Your Excellency. It goes against everything I was taught and believed in growing up.

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I have an idea on how we can solve this “paying” for goods and services thing without it being with our hard stolen dollars.

First we round up people with decent Living Wages (lawyers, doctors, business people, union members, etc.) and call them Meal Ticket Volunteers (which will be a non-partisan PAC so that the FEC won't suspect a thing). Next we ask them politely (threaten) to “adopt” several Comrades each as "interns" who they will:

1 – Take out to breakfast, lunch and dinner (also bars, strip clubs and whore houses)

2 – Pay for all living expenses (which includes the basics along with any vices)

3 – Foot the bill for any hotels, special campaign stops, campaign office supplies and trips for our staff to get much R&R (Vegas, of course).

After these MTVs are bled and bankrupt we will quickly dispose of them and call it suicide (standard operating procedure, of course).

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Sorry, sorry, sorry, I'm late. Just whipping the peasants. I don't know what's gotten into Bruno lately; he's just no good any more with this whipping thing. I keep rubbing that cream that removes scars on his back, you know, Empress, those scars that you left when you were drunk on virgins' blood down at Rancho del Rio Grande, but all he does is sit in the corner and whimper. I never thought that I'd wish for him to appear in those goddamned ruby-red slippers any more. What's life coming to? Peasants that won't stay whipped, and a silly queen who won't even wear ruby-red slippers? Next Meow won't steal Hummels and my world will go dark.

Tell me, Empress, that you will <i>always</i> be your real self: vicious, money-grubbing, dishonest, lying, power-mad: you know all of those things that make you a lion among us. Don't change. I really <i>need</i> a constant point of reference in my life, when even ruby-red slippers don't tempt a silly queen.

I've been thinking a lot about a song for your H8 campaign. I think that we're really missing out on some good advance work done for us by Dear Leader. You know, there's always something really good about a cult of personality. After all, reason--ha. Wet 'em. Facts? They are to laugh at. Character assassination? Well, if you must, but that's just training wheels for the real stuff, real, honest-to-Lenin assassination, and butcher shops selling long pig in North Korea. Hmmm. It's true.

So I think that we ought to have Big Bad Voodoo Daddy's <i>I Wanna Be Just Like You</i>. The entire nation could sing it at your <s>coronation</s> inauguration. Not that anyone <i>could</i> be just like you, for you're sui generis, er, sooey deGeneris, er, pseudo generous, there, got that right at last, but it's something to aspire to.

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote: I just can't do it, Your Excellency. It goes against everything I was taught and believed in growing up.

Wait a minute!!! Chairman! You are telling her Majesty no about something?!


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Comrade Red FoXXX wrote:Wait a minute!!! Chairman! You are telling her Majesty no about something?!

No, I'm explaining to Her Excellency that us paying for goods and services - with our own stolen dollars, mind you - is the same as making an honest living, raising a family, or worse... stepping foot in a church for non-political reasons <gasp!!!!>. It just isn't right and we shouldn't let the Republicans bully us into being honest people... we just shouldn't do it.

If anything we should adopt the MTV program and have others available to take us out to eat at fancy restaurants AND pay for the bill with the added 25% tip (to show just how generous Her Excellency is with their... err.... her money. Yes, her money). It's a matter of progressive principles, Comrades. Remember that!

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Ah, ok. Whew! Thought that you were getting ready to take a free trip to the happy camp at the cold place. Like the MTV part, very klever.

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Meow Speaks Truth to MTE
No, I'm explaining to Her Excellency that us paying for goods and services - with our own stolen dollars, mind you - is the same as making an honest living, raising a family, or worse... stepping foot in a church for non-political reasons <gasp!!!!>. It just isn't right and we shouldn't let the Republicans bully us into being honest people... we just shouldn't do it.
Chairman, believe ME when I say I feel your pain. Using OPM for other than personal hedonistic uses is against our core beliefs, I know that!
I also know that perception is reality and visa versa. How are we to sucker all the working stiffs if we don't mimic them?

Doubting Theocritus asked
Tell me, Empress, that you will always be your real self: vicious, money-grubbing, dishonest, lying, power-mad: you know all of those things that make you a lion among us. Don't change. I really need a constant point of reference in my life, when even ruby-red slippers don't tempt a silly queen.
Oh ye of little faith! Well, no faith actually...Yes Theocritus, I haven't changed....not at all. Solid as a rock.
Deception, people! Deception!
Notice how it rhymes with perception?
I am not demanding from any of you anything I haven't demanded in the past.
Not at all!
Just pure, simple, strong communist inspired deceit.

As a matter of fact, I want to take this "tip" thing a little deeper.
I know this is going to be a huge sacrifice and many of you will have a hard time adjusting. You only have to do it in public among the proles. Privately among The Party™ you don't have to do it.
What is it, you ask?
Sit down, all of you. I don't want anybody standing.

Good.

From now on, only in public, I want you all to use the words "please" and "thank you".

<thud...Meow falls of his chair onto the floor in cardiac arrest>
<thud....Theocritus faints>
<bwaaaah!...Betty bawls out of control>
<plop....The Pup craps on the carpet>
<Commissar M. disappears as usual>
<The two Reds sit in a willful suspension of disbelief>

Thank Stalin I was prepared for this reaction. Nancykins, take this defibulator over to Meow and give him a few jolts.
Bruno, take these Chinese smelling salts and jam them up your master's snout.
Now Bruno! Dammit!

Good. Are we all awake and paying attention?
OK.

It works like this:
Before you take something, say "please".
After you've taken it, say "thank you".

I've never tried it myself but I've been told that's how it works.

Any questions?

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Hillary wrote:

It works like this:
Before you take something, say "please".
After you've taken it, say "thank you".
Any questions?


This...this.... this is only until your coronation da?

To misquote an old song....

Hillary, your will is hard, but you hold every card...

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This...this.... this is only until your coronation da?
Of course! Now move your little hush puppies over to the mess you left and clean it up before SMO shows up and sees it. She just had the drapes and the rug shampooed last week. Make sure there is no stain. You know how I hate stains.
BTW...is that Little Hsu in the video? He's just the spitting image of his old man.
Kidnap him and hold him for ransom until Big Hsu does the honorable thing. I still can't believe he's alive.

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:I have an idea on how we can solve this “paying” for goods and services thing without it being with our hard stolen dollars.

First we round up people with decent Living Wages (lawyers, doctors, business people, union members, etc.) and call them Meal Ticket Volunteers (which will be a non-partisan PAC so that the FEC won't suspect a thing). Next we ask them politely (threaten) to “adopt” several Comrades each as "interns" who they will:

1 – Take out to breakfast, lunch and dinner (also bars, strip clubs and whore houses)

2 – Pay for all living expenses (which includes the basics along with any vices)

3 – Foot the bill for any hotels, special campaign stops, campaign office supplies and trips for our staff to get much R&R (Vegas, of course).

After these MTVs are bled and bankrupt we will quickly dispose of them and call it suicide (standard operating procedure, of course).

Great idea Comrade Chairman. If I may add my humble two potatoes to your glorious scheme, er progressive enlightenment. No need to go mucking about 'rounding' up these 'wage earners'. We already know who they are and where they live and how much they earn through the glorious efforts of the IRS. So all we have to do is just take their money, as much as we want. Of course if they whine and complain we just smack them about the head and call them selfish louts, do they not want to help the less fortunate? After all it is their duty as a wage earner to support those who are not as fortunate as to have these 'job' things.
Once we have their money we simply take what is our due, for processing and overhead fees of course, and then spread the rest around to the masses as their 'entitlement'. Viola! Done and done.
Something is sounding very familiar about all of this though.....
Has this been done before?

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

From now on, only in public, I want you all to use the words "please" and "thank you".

<thud...Meow falls of his chair onto the floor in cardiac arrest>
<thud....Theocritus faints>

(grabs Chairman's and Theocritus's wallets) HELP, HELP, SOMEBODY HELP (counts money) 500, 600, hey a "get out of gulag free" card.

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Hillary wrote:
Of course! Now move your little hush puppies over to the mess you left and clean it up before SMO shows up and sees it. She just had the drapes and the rug shampooed last week. Make sure there is no stain. You know how I hate stains.
BTW...is that Little Hsu in the video? He's just the spitting image of his old man.
Kidnap him and hold him for ransom until Big Hsu does the honorable thing. I still can't believe he's alive.

Damn Bush for causing all these problems! Your Highness, as you know the Chinese are known for their cleaning skills, so I have imporvised so as to be efficient for the Party and <s>kidnapped </s>...took Little Hsu into my care until his father <s>can be tracked down</s> is free to pick him up, and in his gratitude, Little Hsu has chosen to clean up that unfortunate "donation" I made on your carpet. He just finished and has done an excellent job of cleaning. I had considered having this comrade Dirk do this as he is certainly deserving of such a task and seems to take delight in cleaning out other comrades homes, but he is such a thief that one can't bat an eyelash when he is around.

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<becomes conscious again> Ugh, that was a close one. Thank Stalin we ripped that hospital off and took their defibrillator. Hmm? Where did Comrade Dirk's wallet go? It was in my pocket before I collapsed? Oh well, I'll steal another one later after I change my soiled shorts.

Her Excellency, President for Life and Thereafter Hillary wrote:Chairman, believe ME when I say I feel your pain. Using OPM for other than personal hedonistic uses is against our core beliefs, I know that!
I also know that perception is reality and visa versa. How are we to sucker all the working stiffs if we don't mimic them?

Hmmm… I never thought of it that way, Your Excellency. So, in theory, we will be doing something even more evil by deceiving the masses that we are “honest” and “ordinary” people just like them (which we clearly aren't because we're filthy rich perverts on a power high, ha!). Hmm… that was strange… I had a little Chris Matthews laugh after that last sentence. That jolt must have cooked my brain a bit. I better get that checked out right away.

Her Excellency, President for Life and Thereafter Hillary wrote:From now on, only in public, I want you all to use the words "please" and "thank you".

Yes, but we can also say <gulp> “please” when forcibly taking things away for the Common Good™, right? I mean, for instance, when Mr. Reno marched on Waco it would be appropriate to say “please come out” while watching the place burn to the ground, right? Can we do that? Also, after I take the things I want for the Common Good™ and throw the Kulaks up against the wall to be shot, is it appropriate to say “thank you” once their lifeless bodies hit the ground? Will that pass for having “good manners”? I'm really trying hard to appear as a “good” and “decent” person while not abandoning our core values as Progressive Democrats. I'm really trying hard, Your Excellency.

O'Brien – Where in Detroit have you been? We must have sent about a dozen Commissars to look for you in Mexico and now here you are out of the clear blue. <looks around nervously> You aren't working for the CIA are you? Have you defected!? Who sent you back!? And where is Comrade Dirk's wallet!? Did you take his wallet from my pocket!?

Where did Comrade Dirk's wallet go? It was in my pocket before I collapsed

Here it is Chairman (hands Chairman Theocritus's wallet) happy to oblige.

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Also, after I take the things I want for the Common Good™ and throw the Kulaks up against the wall to be shot, is it appropriate to say “thank you” once their lifeless bodies hit the ground?
Hmmmmm....?
If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a sound?
OK.
If a dead kulak falls on his farm and he becomes a non-person is it appropriate to say thank you?
WWJD?
What would Josef do?
I believe in that case you thank the rifle squad and the wisdom of The Party™ for having the kulak liquidated.

H08


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<off character>

Meow...that's hilarious. If you click there and then on NPR's link they have on their "fact check" it gets worse. NPR is now stating that nobody knows who left the $100 buck tip or who it went to and the waitress said it was never divided up among the wait staff. Read it, you'd think Hillary's hacks would have done that before they linked it.

From the NPR update:
Esterday, speaking to NPR from home later Thursday, said the Clinton campaign staffer who visited the diner apologized to her and said a $100 tip was left on a credit card the day of Clinton's visit. Esterday said the staff member said the money was meant to be shared.

"I explained to her that our credit card machine, you know, doesn't add on the tip," Esterday said. "And she said, 'Well, then, they left a $100 bill there.' And I said, 'Well, it didn't get divided up amongst us, because I had gotten nothing.'

"She just said, 'Well, there was one left,'" Esterday said. "She just kept repeating, 'There was one left.'

After the campaign staffer stopped at the diner Thursday, Esterday said, the $100 tip was a hot topic.

"Two others that had worked with me that day turned around and said, 'We didn't know about any $100 tip,' because they both turned around and said 'We didn't get a part of it.' And they didn't. So, it's like 'OK, where did it go?' That's the mystery question: Where did it go?"

Esterday said it would surprise her if money that was intended to be split among the staff was never shared.

"The ladies that were working that day have been working there for years — some of them for 30 years, some of them for 25 years," Esterday said. "And I've known a lot of these ladies most of my life living here, too. And I can't imagine them pocketing it."

The campaign has made the the tip question the top feature on a new Web site it has created called "Fact Hub." Campaign spokesman Phil Singer said in a statement: "In the minute-to-minute media cycle we live in, we believe it is critical to correct the record in real time."

I love it when the Left eats it's own.

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How much of Comrade Dirk's meager wallet should we tip when the left eats it's own? Damn Bush! There is hardly anything left in there.... What's this? A cancelled check from ... can hardly make it out.... K...A....R...L..... R...O...V.......

You can tip as much as you want out of this wallet (that's weird, it says "LoneRedStar" on the back).

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I found this at a lefty site of all places.


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Bon apetite, Lefties!

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Not only is it an insult to demand that you, Empress, Bearer of Womyn's Suffering, and Savior of Children should have to pay tips, but that your wisdom would even be called into question!

How brilliantly you showed up the opposition (now on the extended purge list) in your magnificent campaign ad! How you leveled them with your devastating logic "for a reason" without even giving a reason, and making them all feel like stiffed, proletarian mucous waitresses! Ha ha! Brilliant! Brilliant!

But a word of caution, Empress: one of these vile scoundrels might be tempted to say, "If you can't stand the heat, go back to the kitchen!" For all of you on the collective, that phrase is strictly verboten! It is not to be used outside of the Cube. If you're reading this, we know who you are. Obey!

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Hillary wrote: From now on, only in public, I want you all to use the words "please" and "thank you".
<Commissar M. disappears as usual>

Oh no, no Your Highness, I would never disappear on you. I simply dropped my tube of lip balm under the desk and had to reach way under there to retrieve it.

Remember that last year, right around this time, your informed me that you had need of my services in Wyoming. I was to no longer simply be a Free Range Commissar, I was to help with a very special project. And when I asked "The William J. Clinton Reeducation Center and Uranium Mine?" you corrected "NO, asshole, The William J. Clinton Memorial Reeducation Center and Uranium Mine!" Recall that I did not flinch at the implication or at your bone chilling cackle.

Neither do I flinch now at the prospect of saying "please" or "thank you" because I do as I am ordered. I am, as always <s>an ass-kissing sycophant</s> a loyal Party member and what serves you, serves the Party.

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Your Hightness, Great Stalin's Ghost! It has happened again! Yet another vile attack on you and where are our apparently not so useful idiots in the MSM? For that matter, where is the Chairman? Why am I having to be the first to try and ease your anger by sending as much $oft ca$h as I can round up at such a late hour?

Clinton Campaign Confirms Planting Town Hall Question, Says It Won't Happen Again

"Clinton campaign spokesman Mo Elliethee admitted that the campaign had planted the question and said it would not happen again."

Who is this Mo Elliethee and how could this worm possibly admit to such a lie?

Your Highness, I can only hope my contribution of $oft ca$h will help ease your ire, that and the 15 cases of the finest vodka that I know the Chairman would have donated had he been aware of this story in a timely manner, along with all the various and sundry items that I have confiscated from comrade Dirk that he pilfered from everyone he could. But I am a big pup, with broad shoulders, so if you want to do some damage to my body, well your Highness, I know that anything that helps you out is For the Common Good™ and I will try and bear up to it as best I can.

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Not to worry, Commissar Pup. The Hillary Hub will twist and manipulate this inconvenient truth into one that is more appropriate for the masses. Instead of hearing about rigged town hall meetings, we will instead hear of happy town hall meetings full of eager human sacrifices willing to give themselves and their families to the glorious cause of Hillary Rodham Clinton. Yes, these headlines are no match against The Hillary Hub. Not even Rupert Murdoch can stop us now! Mwahahahah! Mwahahahaha <cough><hack> hahahaha!

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Meh, just consider the source my good comrade Pup. If it came from Faux News, it's obviously a lie.

To expand on The Glorious Leader's comment about trees falling, if a tree falls in the woods and it isn't reported in the New York <s>Pravda</s> Times, then picked up by the actual broadcast media, did it really happen? I submit that no, it did not.

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Well, I certainly hope you are both right, but we have yet to hear from Hillary. While I have risked considerable discomfort For the Common Good™ if that will help Hillary get over this latest attack, I certainly do not relish it like some might. The Hillary Hub will no doubt help, but it's still a drain on precious resources, bot OPM and OPT that could be used defeating the enemies of progress.

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Well, I have no doubt that if this did happen, it was engineered by Rove. A number of Very Smart Progressives™ on various message boards around the 'net (most of which aren't political boards but of course, to True Believers, all boards are political) have spent years exposing the dirty secret of right-wingers planting operatives into Progressive political campaigns in order to undermine them. Virtually all PR gaffs committed by Progressive campaign organizations can be traced back to Rovian minions planted in those groups.

We must remain vigilant, comrades!

P.S. I've also heard a rumor that certain wingnuts run obvious "satire" blogs and websites that mock the Left by pretending to support Progressive ideology. This is utterly unfounded since, as we all know, wingnuts are ignorant, uncreative and have no sense of humor. No True Progressive would ever confuse one of these satire sites, if they existed, with the real thing. This rumor does help us to justify creating spoof sites for supporters of Rethug candidates, global warming deniers and various other hate mongers, to draw out their true feelings and show them up as stupid and gullible.

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Who is this Mo Elliethee and how could this worm possibly admit to such a lie?
I just received a dispatch from Smersh:

Mo or less, Mo is no mo.

Well, that problem of having planted questions seemed to have disappeared.

Even still, that question needs to be asked and to each according to their needs and I needed it asked! I don't see a problem here.

My answer to Global Warming? Once elected, I will tell it to stop and it will or I'll send in the ATF and Mr. Reno

H08

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You have no idea how relieved that I am that Your Highness is not overly upset about that incident. Does this mean that contribution of $oft ca$h, 15 cases of the finest vodka, and sundry items that I have confiscated from comrade Dirk can be re-distributed in other ways? Oh wait, *ducking* no, it's not what you think! I simply meant it can be sent by the standard manner not by the "Red I" express?

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Hillary, Most High and Exalted Empress, I... I.... oh, I don't know how to say this other than just come out with it! I am afraid SMERSH may have let you down!

Clinton Campaign Accused for the Second Time of Planting a Question at a Public Appearance

"In a telephone interview Saturday, Geoffrey Mitchell, 32, said he was approached by Clinton campaign worker Chris Hayler to ask a question about how she was standing up to President Bush on the question on funding the Iraq war and a troop withdrawal timeline."

SMERSH sent you a dispatch suggesting "Mo is no mo?"

"Mo Elliethee, spokesman for Clinton's campaign in Iowa, told Fox that Hayler and Mitchell "had a previous relationship" and that a discussion about Clinton arose out of a normal conversation between two people who knew each other well.

"They had a previous relationship and were talking before the event and the topic of the senator's position on Iraq came up and Geoffrey said he had some questions," Elliethee said. "Chris suggested Geoffrey ask a question."

Dear Stalin.... I can't believe it is I that have to report this second incident. Lenin help me!

I did note that in the video attached to the article that it was said that your were "reaching out to people." Well, no one here would dispute that.... but I know you are busy, so please, please, don't feel like you have to reach out to me. Hillary 08!

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WHAT THE HELL IS GOING AROUND HERE!? HOW COULD YOU LET THIS LEAK OUT TWICE!?! WHO IS IN CHARGE ON THIS OPERATION!?

<sigh> Can't send a boy to do a man's job. Comrades, I'm calling in Mr. Reno to "handle" the obvious sloppy performances that have been plaguing the collective as of late. Everyone has been warned.

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I have arrived and I'm not wearing any underwear. Fear me.

Hillary – Winkle and Dimple will no longer be joining us and their LAX bungalow has been converted into a Hillary '08 Get Out The Vote phone bank. Their sacrifice was a great one and one that will be forgotten for the Common Good.

My operatives within the DoJ will make sure that Mr. Hsu never has outside contact again, Hillary. Our fundraising operations are safe and sound.

Chairman Punchenko – I'm very disappointed with your inability to leave a sufficient tip at some rube diner. Therefore, after tonight's Jefferson-Jackson Dinner fundraiser, you will report to your suite at the Waldorf-Astoria where you will be grounded for the next week. While grounded, you will only be permitted to sleep with your second tier harem and will not be permitted to enter any restaurant under a five star rating unless you are accompanied by a handler. Also, your means of transportation for the week will be limited to your stretch Rolls Royce and personal helicopter. YOU WILL NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LEAVE MANHATTAN OR RETURN BACK TO THE PCVA UNTIL YOUR SENTENCE IS COMPLETED!

Dr. Palimpsest – You too have failed to leave a sufficient tip and will therefore share the same fate as Chairman Punchenko. Due to your position as an academic, it is my will that you be given a full week of paid suspension from your institute of higher learning and for you to only be permitted to your graduate student harem.

Commissar Pupovich – You too have failed and will be punished by eating not one but three cans of Alpo.

Commissar Theocritus – I'm leaning towards a bubble bath and pray to it that you get in my good graces before I run some lukewarm water. PRAY TO IT, MAN!

As for everyone else: IDEOLOGICAL PURITY IS OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE. DO NOT WITHER IN THESE TIMES OF HARDSHIP AND TRIAL. I WILL BE WATCHING ALL OF YOU!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a dinner to attend with the Madam Speaker (who is currently on stage) and with Hillary. Turn to C-SPAN to watch OR ELSE!

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Chairman, it was Smersh! It was Smersh that sent the Empress a dispatch saying the problem was taken care of! I am just doing what any good party member would do and ratting him out!

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Janet wrote:
Commissar Pupovich – You too have failed and will be punished by eating not one but three cans of Alpo.

*sob* *whine* Buy why? Why? It was Smersh who failed! I am but a messenger! It was Smersh! Or SMO? Where was Housekeeping when this mess was first reported? I filled out all the proper forms and signed off on them (Dagnab it, where are those forms? I know they are around here somewhere. Ah, there they are. Ok, filled out, signed. Comrade Bubbles, get this off immediately! Yes, you look lovely tonight, now get going!) It wasn't my fault!! I am a victim! *Sob* Why can't I be disciplined like the Chairman? It was Bush's fault! Damn Bush! I just run prostitution, it was not one of my workers who done this! <Kicks Comrade Dirk trying to rob me again> *Whine* But the Party is always right! I will do what's best For the Common Good™ and eat my 3 cans of Alpo! (Much better than my usual fare!) Oh Woe is me! Slurp slurp slurp <belch><Kicks Comrade Dirk again just for general principle>

<Kicks Comrade Dirk trying to rob me again>

Crap! I think you dislocated my shoulder.
<Kicks Comrade Dirk again just for general principle>

Crap! my other shoulder.

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It was all Pupovich's fault, Mr. Reno. His prostitutes were distracting me when screening potential scripted question idiots. If it weren't for him and his hot whores, why, this would have never leaked out. However, I do accept some blame -- only some, mind you -- and will be more than happy to accept my punishment for the Greater Good.

Oh, BTW, I think Comrade Dirk should be punished too or take full blame. Yes, I think Comrade Dirk was distracting Commissar Pupovich which ultimately distracted me and Dr. P from carrying out our duties. If anything Comrade Dirk should pay... pay dearly, that is.

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As usual Chairman, you have seen through the murky mud puddle and got to the facts. I see now that I must accept some blame for having perhaps encouraged my workers to be a bit too hot, I was just trying to make sure they provided the sort of services that you have grown accustomed too and perhaps a bit more. But I should have given more consideration to the distraction that could cause.

Why did I not give this the thought it required? Comrade Dirk is why! He tries to steal you blind without even so much as a purpose other than his own twisted purposes. You have to lock down, lock up, hide everything when he is around, You turn your back and he is trying to steal eve the most worthless item. It is high time indeed for this Dirk to pay for his crimes! Pay dearly as you say.

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Mr. Reno wrote:Commissar Theocritus – I'm leaning towards a bubble bath and pray to it that you get in my good graces before I run some lukewarm water. PRAY TO IT, MAN!

Great Stalin's Ghost, woman, man, s/he/it, you gotta telegraph that stuff to me. I've just been unconscious for three days and missed all that good run-up time to Veterans' Day: you know, cutting off the power to VFW halls, revoking parade privileges, all of that stuff that we do, that nice little stuff that we do, to kick our military as much as possible. To make room for the real military of use to us, like the ATF, but who am I, Mr. Reno, to tell you about that?

Really. I was passed out cold here in my bedroom here in Rancho del Rio Grande, the one with the 12' ceilings, the one that used to have mirrors until the time that you, Nansky and our MTE broke out the untested and uncertified Hildo Hydra and it had a memory leak which corrupted the driver stack and broke every goddamned mirror in the house and even caused a wriggle on the Rice seismometer 500 miles to the east. It ruined an entire nights' viewing at the McDonald Observatory in Fort Davis. I'll never live that one down, for that's what I used as a lookout for the wetback crossing from El Paso to Marfa.

But, Empress, don't you know that I <i>always</i> say please and thank you? I say please and smile, although it hurts, it hurts, and then I ask the fool who just entered the room behind him. And he turns. Geddit? The only problem is if Meow's there I have to be damned quick to get that wallet first.

And I must say that Comrade Dirk does show some light-fingered promise although he did make the mistake of eyeing my wallet. Well, a little reeducation for him from Bruno will solve that problem. You really tend to mind your Ps and Qs--especially your Qs--if someone like Bruno has a whip and is making you scrub out the tiled room with the drain in the center after it's been used by our MTE. And Bruno has gotten <i>very</i> good with the whip. A master class from our MTE and Mr. Reno.

And I always say thank you, but only to corpses. Whaddathink I'm gonna do? Change now?

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Commissar Theocritus wrote: I'll never live that one down, for that's what I used as a lookout for the wetback crossing from El Paso to Marfa.

Really Commissar, is that any way to describe our undocumented voters?

Commissar Theocritus wrote: And I must say that Comrade Dirk does show some light-fingered promise although he did make the mistake of eyeing my wallet. Well, a little reeducation for him from Bruno will solve that problem.

Sadly, it is now clear that his problems go far beyond that... for he has clearly shown himself to be seriously deranged.

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Commissar M wrote:
Oh no, no Your Highness, I would never disappear on you. I simply dropped my tube of lip balm under the desk and had to reach way under there to retrieve it.

Slightly O/T here. First, I'd like to remind everyone that since stumbling into The Cube, intellectually speaking I have never claimed to be anything more than a dumb, simple-minded prole.

I once saw a Simpsons episode where Sideshow Bob was in a prison cell, and in one of those little background details (though in this case I seem to recall it was in the foreground), they show one of his fellow inmates handing a tube of lip balm to another inmate.

What the heck is that about? "Blue Boy" didn't know; in fact he expected me to explain it. (He's always telling me that I'm "the one who's supposed to know everything", don't know where he gets that idea.)

Something tells me M's reference is similar to Simpsons'.

And by the way, if I were the easily grossed out type, then why would I hang out here all the time like I have no other life?

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I see it falls to me to explain the lip balm. I believe, and this is from what I have <i>heard</i>, that it is to soothe chapped lips which have worked overmuch. I wonder what flavor Monica likes?

La Pinkie wrote:First, I'd like to remind everyone that since stumbling into The Cube, intellectually speaking I have never claimed to be anything more than a dumb, simple-minded prole.
Yeah, you never claimed to be more but I have eyes. I'm still laughing over that reworking of Carville's line.

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Attention Comrades.... this is breaking on that right wing blog Drudge Report, but apparently Our Highness is putting them on notice!

CNN's Wolf Blitzer has been warned not to focus Thursday's Dem debate on Hillary. 'This campaign is about issues, not on who we can bring down and destroy,' top Clinton insider explains. 'Blitzer should not go down to the levels of character attack and pull 'a Russert.'' Blitzer is set to moderate debate from Vegas, with questions also being posed by Suzanne Malveaux... Developing...

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Teddy K. wrote:I see it falls to me to explain the lip balm. I believe, and this is from what I have <i>heard</i>, that it is to soothe chapped lips which have worked overmuch. I wonder what flavor Monica likes?

Thanks, Uncle Teddy. And here I thought it might be something more--more--well, I guess I thought that maybe it acted as a sort of lubricant, or maybe it enhanced sensation on the receiving end, or maybe--well, maybe I just have a filthier mind than I thought.

I should think Monica would go for something with a distinct Cuban tobacco flavor.

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If she can eat with both ends that explains her weight.


 
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