I'll always remember where I was at when I first heard the news.

Comrades, lower the Red Banner to half staff, get out the riderless horse with the backwards boots in the stirrup, grease the caisson wheels, and light the Eternal Flame.

There is speculation it was a Lone Stage Grip who committed the heinous crime.
As you read this The Sotomayor Commission is being formed.
Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann are said to be in a state of deep shock.

Comrades,

I propose building a mausoleum and embalming the TOTUS so we can worship forever. July 14, 2009 will live in infamy, exactly 220 years after the proletariate began the revolution in France. 220 is significant, as it is the predominant voltage in Eurabia! May the perpetrators meet said predominant voltage quickly, and without a trial. We can have that later, for shits and giggles.

Ummm....Teleprompter died last night. July 13th.
I'm not nitpicking or nitwitting.

Some Cubist are claiming suicide but it happened on stage, not Ft. Marcy Park.
Some witnesses claim they saw a Lone Stage Grip running out of the auditorium yelling "Sic Semper Telepromptus!".

Reports of this tragic death are still trickling in....
Stay tuned for more details.

I hear that Obama was momentarily speechless at the loss of his dear friend and adviser.

Hillary is now in control of the situation claiming "The Alexander Haig Rule" amended to the Constitution.

I also watched in horror, as the events unfolded. The TOTUS was definitely assassinated by the evil CIA.

Laika the Space Dog wrote:Ummm....Teleprompter died last night. July 13th.
I'm not nitpicking or nitwitting.

Laika, what, um, does it matter, um?

1. All days are, um, equal.
2. It serves the Ministry of, um, Propaganda very well. Perhaps, um, we can find some other real or unreal, um, "facts." Remember our mantra: "No crisis is too, um, small not to take advantage of... for the, um, Greater Good." ™

Heil Honecker!

Genosse Pieck

Laika the Space Dog wrote: Some witnesses claim they saw a Lone Stage Grip running out of the auditorium yelling "Sic Semper Telepromptus!".

That's RIGHT!!!! I did it damnit!!! I DID IT!!! I ADMIT IT!!!

Sic Semper Telepromptus!

Sic Semper Telepromptus!

Sic Semper Telepromptus!


Try and catch me you Commie Pigs!!!!

Genosse Pieck wrote:Comrades,

I propose building a mausoleum and embalming the TOTUS so we can worship forever. July 14, 2009 will live in infamy, exactly 220 years after the proletariate began the revolution in France. 220 is significant, as it is the predominant voltage in Eurabia! May the perpetrators meet said predominant voltage quickly, and without a trial. We can have that later, for shits and giggles.

I'm bleeding.... I'm bleeding....

Help me Comrade Genosse Peick, it has been such a traumatic experience... that Lone Wolf just ripped my cord from the womb of my life source and fried my circuitry... all 220 volts dead...

..and here I float...

embalm me...

embalm me...

I am your sacred TOTUS of The Revolooshin(TM)!

July 14, 2009 that faithful day of martyrdom for The Party(TM).


Heil Honecker!

I have already executed, then interrogated several suspects. The clearly were guilty. Also I found that two of them had Stalin's pipe.

All Hail TOTUS! Morituri te salutant!

How will we live without you, O Great Master of All That Reads? Perhaps the Obamessiah can resurrect thee?

As you are now in the presence of the Saints of Electronics, perhaps you could ask Deep Thought the Ultimate Question? After all, you are the brain of The One!

Obama never liked using a teleprompter. He wants to replace it with a certain cute sixteen year old girl holding cue-cards.

Comrades,

it matters not who killed him. Just round up some proles that have been acting a bit suspiciously for a Show Trial. What matters most is that the TOTUS is now and forever will be a martyr for our cause!

All Hail TOTUS #1 (In Prog Heaven)!

We will catch that Kapitalist Pig Lone Stage Grip, Dear Totus, don't you fret, we see that he resides in The Lone Star State, go figure!?!

Let the embalming begin!

Genosse Pieck wrote:All Hail TOTUS! Morituri te salutant!

How will we live without you, O Great Master of All That Reads? Perhaps the Obamessiah can resurrect thee?

As you are now in the presence of the Saints of Electronics, perhaps you could ask Deep Thought the Ultimate Question? After all, you are the brain of The One!

Ummm... I don't know, the White House Intern forgot to type in the answer before I left.

TOTUS #1,

I forgot to welcome you to prog paradise. If I remember that's just east of Karl-Marx-Stadt.

What, was Monica too busy? Filthy Joo-ess! *spit*

You know, the ultimate question, about life, the universe, and everything! The previous answer given was "42." Perhaps Deep Thought had some time to rethink it in Electronics Eternity...

No, her name is Moisha, but she's friends with Monica, I'll have to get back with you as soon I have a conversation with Deep Thought, right now my Deep Thoughts are somewhere else...

I think that we need a Babel Fish Mark Two. This Babel Fish doesn't translate everything that it hears. It makes you think that no matter what you hear that it's a very good idea and that only a Reich-Wing Rethuglican would disagree with it. In fact I propose that we give out a Babel Fish Mark Two to everyone who doesn't have time to stop in for a tune-up at Jiffi-Lobo.

This would serve in case a comrade was say in a tunnel and out of range of the space transmissions of Laika, noble space dog, to his tin-foil hat.

("Taps" begins to play)
Comrades, my heart is jerking and my splitting at the news of this! I feel now our Dear Leader will be at a lost for words, and we'll hear more hypnotic "Uhs" and "Umm"s.

Don't even speak the words "cat" and "tounge" unless it's "there's something wrong with my cat's tongue."

Take off your hats, bow your heads and repeat after me "TOTUS. . . TOTUS. . . We shall miss thee. . . TOTUS. . .TOTUS. . . Hit the return key! (As in, the controller of the teleprompter needs to hit the return key to put up another round of the chant.)

Elliott, do not worry. There is always another TOTUS. Just as there are two Air Force Ones, there is another TOTUS. So His O'liness will not be without his brain.

Now we just need to make sure that they're synchronized, and that that Boxer Bitch hasn't screwed with them...

But Comrade Theocritus,

Might not the TOTUS get overworked one day, and get confused? I mean, after all, it is going to be more and more difficult to keep everything straight. Oh, no, I'm falling, falling into . . .



. . . oh, what a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive (sorry--I had to go into Prog Off to finish the thought).

Hahahahahahahaha!!!

Get any kinda new damn TOTUS you commies want! I'll shred the damn thing like an old Christmas tree.

I gaffed Star Wars in The Sahara, this craps nothing!

Die Commie Pigs!!!!

Lone Stage Grip, haven't you figured out that you're on a Progressive Site? We are nothing if not caring and compassionate, and to prove it we'll take all your money and do what we want to with it.

We Concerned Progs are going to spread enlightenment to the world, and if the world doesn't like it, we'll just build more concentration camps.

I mean, if it worked for Stalin it ought to work for His O'liness, Barack Lord Obama.

Lone Stage Grip wrote:Hahahahahahahaha!!!


Die Commie Pigs!!!!

Is Lone Stage Grip serving bacon this morning?


What is that smell?
My mouth is watering.

Navigator, have I mentioned how I so love your avatar? I mean...cars humping. If you're very lucky the progeny will be Lexuses or Acuras. But since we are all Progs here, you'll probably get Trabis and Yugos.

Commissar Theocritus,
Shirley you jest?

Is it not the avatar for a party that knows where you have been and knows where it is going?

If not I fear I have been misled by our fearless leader who assured me all would only need one simple gaze to understand my avatar in all it's succinct forms.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Elliott, do not worry. There is always another TOTUS. Just as there are two Air Force Ones, there is another TOTUS. So His O'liness will not be without his brain.

Now we just need to make sure that they're synchronized, and that that Boxer Bitch hasn't screwed with them...

That or Henshaw leaves it alone.

Lone Stage Grip wrote:Hahahahahahahaha!!!

Get any kinda new damn TOTUS you commies want! I'll shred the damn thing like an old Christmas tree.

I gaffed Star Wars in The Sahara, this craps nothing!

Die Commie Pigs!!!!

Oh fun, another troll who doesn't understand the phrase "highlight the absurd with absurdity."

Navigator, I have to confess that your navigator has always made me think of my cats Calvin and Hobbes, sniffing each others' butts. But then that is a sort of junior league version of knowing where we've all been an where we're going, isn't it?

Theocritus,

That's capital J and capital L on Junior League, thank you.

Oh. When I lived in Midland Junior League was big, bleached, blonde hair. My bad.

In Denver, Junior League meant sweet, phony, and you had better not be attractive and single. Attractive and married, yes, but attractive and single, no.

In Atlanta, Margaret Mitchell was once snubbed by the very Junior League members who held a party in her honor the night that Gone With the Wind premiered. That night, Margaret snubbed them.

Navigator wrote:

Lone Stage Grip wrote:Hahahahahahahaha!!!


Die Commie Pigs!!!!

Is Lone Stage Grip serving bacon this morning?


What is that smell?

My mouth is watering.

Nah, no bacon, but I'll share a beer if you like...

Comrade Lone Star,

I love that you are filled with hate. It's so, so, un-Christian, so Progressive, so visceral.

Ah, yes, hatred. Hatred is the fuel of all revolutions. It fueled the Mongolian hoards. It fueled the rape of Nanking. It fueled the Third Reich. It fueled the Bolshevik Revolution, Stalin's purges, Mao's mass executions and Pol Pot's killing fields.

Our Dear Icon Che Guevara taught Cuban children how to conduct acts of hate towards those who didn't support the regime.

So, that you hate Commies tells me that you are already halfway there to being a full-fledged prog.

Welcome hater. One cannot be completely and fully progressive until one is full of hate.

Leninka wrote:Comrade Lone Star,

I love that you are filled with hate. It's so, so, un-Christian, so Progressive, so visceral.

Ah, yes, hatred. Hatred is the fuel of all revolutions. It fueled the Mongolian hoards. It fueled the rape of Nanking. It fueled the Third Reich. It fueled the Bolshevik Revolution, Stalin's purges, Mao's mass executions and Pol Pot's killing fields.

Our Dear Icon Che Guevara taught Cuban children how to conduct acts of hate towards those who didn't support the regime.

So, that you hate Commies tells me that you are already halfway there to being a full-fledged prog.

Welcome hater. One cannot be completely and fully progressive until one is full of hate.

When one is full of hate, there is no regret for your actions, i.e. there is no fault to the individual.