Comrades and sneaky Troles (and we know who you are)

I, your most loyal Fraulein, am asking each and every one of you to contract dearest Democratic Comrade Diane Frankenfeinstein and demand that she demand new law for background checking on people or persons desiring to purchase dangerous, unregulated pressure cookers.

We know said pressure cooker was used by some Rightwinger to explode Boston just the other day.

We also know how easy it is to walk into any store and buy pressure cooker -- no background check is required! No license! No nothing!! And these dangerous implements can be bought in many sizes and sorts by anyone!

We must demand regulation and control by our glorious benevolent government, so we will be safe like when we travel on airplane and enjoy frisking by glorious TSA! We must have TSA gropers in all stores too, so such out of control purchasing can be controlled and managed!

"If it is good enough for 32% drinking cup, it is good enough for pressure cooker"

And besides, nobody NEEDS a high-capacity pressure cooker!

This is clearly the work of some right winger who refuses to accept the dietary recommendations of the great and glorious wife of our Dear Leader!Beware of any chef who won't eat organically grown vegetables, tofu and insists on having a large sugary soda.

NEWSFLASH! Mother "fker" Jones, the SPLC and Eric "Holdem" Holder have intensified their search for the obscure anti-Islamic video that is believed to have been the inspiration for this brutal attack.

On another note, Dem0krat senators under the direction of the vile leadership of Dingy Harry Reid and "dick" Turbin are presently proposing a bill that would require background checks and a 14-day waiting period for anyone purchasing a pressure cooker. Investigations are currently under way issuing subpoenas for retailers' records looking for pressure cooker sales to anyone believed to be connected to the Tea Party or possessing Sarah Palin videos.

A ban is being proposed on the high capacity models that exceed over 25psi. Reid and Turbin heartily believe this will stop any future attacks of this magnitude cold in their tracks and keep the general public safe.

Comrade R.O.C.K. you are of such correctness -- who needs such cookery!? Why, it is unnecessary when frying pan will do.

Rightwingers must be banned to center-wing or at least, to one wing.... so we can.... ummm, do away with all the Righty stuff, which is so divisive according to dear leader.

Anti-moooslim video -- that would explain it all. We can clearly see how offensive this would be to portray mooslim female in such circumstance... when she should be teaching wee ones how to explode.

Worse than a pressure cooker, is a pressure cooker on wheels! And to exactly what destination do you suppose these comrades are laying track - only to ram this seemingly innocent mini steam engine into something important or lay ruin to a national monument? The inventors of the steam engine could never have foreseen such mayhem.

Comrade Craptek, once again you have nailed the donkey to the democrat in correctness. Steam must be regulated and controlled to prevent and pervert such carnage. Where is loyal Sen. Frankenfeinstein with long awaited, overdue Bill? I do not want to wait for next preventible steam explosion -- all Walmarts, Targets and Sears should be closed immediately along with Stanley Steamer, of course. Who knows what mischief could be made with carpet steamers?!

A friend sent me this picture. I pixelated her out to protect her identity.

The problem ...:

There was also a call put out to the Poliburo to ban high capacity trash cans where these unregistered pressure cookers were concealed without permits. The local Comintern has suspended issuance of Concealed Cookware licenses and announced that the steaming of all vegetables will cease due to protests from the Pro Plantlife Movement.
All Party members heed the words of Tom Paxton. "Please don't slay that potato. It's never done nothin' to you."

Nobody "needs" a 6 liter pressure cooker.

Reference Bulletin 558131.2:

Some of our elected comrades seem unaware of the difference between civilian and military version high pressure cookware. Pressure canners and pressure cookers are not the same! While civilian pressure cookers usually have a maximum capacity of 5 to 7 quarts, military issue pressure canners may hold up to 22 quarts, and are able to process at pressures up to 25 pounds, not the puny 7 to 15 lbs of pressure cookers. Sweeping legislation designed to keep military version high pressure cookware from entering the civilian population must be enacted without delay. Civilians don't need military cookware to make a pot roast! The Children™ are depending on us, comrades. Don't fail the little ones.

I.M. Craptek wrote:The Children™ are depending on us, comrades. Don't fail the little ones.

For the children indeed, Comrade - if you're punished with a baby, you might as well get something out of it!

MMmmmmmm, baby stew!

It is painfully obvious this would have never happened if our fellow travelers in the "Occupy" movement totally controlled Boston. We've known for a long time that garbage cans might attract pressure cookers. So far ahead of our time. Proof once again of the superiority of the progressive agenda.

Lenin be praised! Obama Administration to introduce and fast-track legislation banning the sales of pressure cookers and limit the quantities of ball bearings and nails for individual purchase....

Demand a plan! (....or something)

Comrade Putout... I am hating to suspect but said suspect resembles your appearance. Since this must be a mistake, you might be checking into Identity Theft.

Comrade R.O.C.K. -- is that leftovers from loyal comrade Dr. Gosnell's shop of horror's clinic? Waste not; want not.

Indeed it is, Comrade Fraulein - in today's modern progressive world of NextTuesday™ no one who is punished with a baby need ever go hungry!

A person of interest has been identified in the Boston pressure cooker blasts. It appears Buckwheat Angelina Mustafa is under the close eye of our Comrades from HLS. According to reports, Buckwheat is a transgendered, gay, lesbian from Yemen, with a penchant for short order cooking. Officials are reluctant to apprehend Buckwheat, in fear of offending it.

I have been investigating this "tragedy" on the Goracles Interwebs and to my horror have uncovered that the KKKonservatives have been secretly training their young reactionaries
for years, right under our noses to carry out their sinister plan of neo-con bloodlust terrorism in the corporate jet owners quest for world slavery under unfettered non-union capitalism of the workers and dependent peasants.

Comrades - I give you proof of vast "ReichWing White Terrorist Training Kamps".

(Note the fist raised in white power in complete defiance of the current Peoples Administration.)

Once you get past your gut-wrenching disgust -
IT IS YOUR DUTY IS TO REPORT ALL WHITE KIDS WITH BACKPACKS IMMEDIATELY TO: (flag@whitehouse.gov) or SALON'S [url=mailto:[email protected]]([email protected])[/url], preferably with photo evidence if you can safely get close enough.


Remember: IF YOU SEE WHITE KIDS WITH BACKPACKS OR SOMETHING - SAY SOMETHING!
Together we will overcome this latest reign of terror by white conservatives!

Red Walrus wrote:A person of interest has been identified in the Boston pressure cooker blasts. It appears Buckwheat Angelina Mustafa is under the close eye of our Comrades from HLS. According to reports, Buckwheat is a transgendered, gay, lesbian from Yemen, with a penchant for short order cooking. Officials are reluctant to apprehend Buckwheat, in fear of offending it.

Three "heil's" to your for your investigative work. It would be beyond difficult to presume any personage of Mustafa relationship be arrested on any grounds. Dear leaders "Anti- Offensive Tactic" is of higher importance than physical damage to Bostonian's, plus the offensiveness of offending a "transers" it of high priority.
Go investigate further and find a Southern white male to be pointing a finger at. Then you will have found correctness.
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Comrade Gulag4, you have nailed the bag on the Teapartyer! These are the peoples to be watched and investigated as we know they are Racist in Training! Good work..... and you have thusly received the Award of the Day in honor of Queen Hilly. It is worth nothing they have terrorist materials in hand and all need is further evidence of pressure cookers!!