WASHINGTON, DC - At a White House press briefing earlier today, Obama-appointed Secretary of Homeland Security, Jeh Johnson, stated that after years of surveillance and probes of numerous Bible camps nationwide, the U.S. Government has obtained enough conclusive information to deem such institutions as a threat to national security, officially designating them "Terrorist Training Grounds."

"These camps serve the exclusive purpose of undermining the very foundation of our nation by means of indoctrinating children by Christian extremists into a subversive radical ideology," Johnson stated to a room full of reporters and photographers. "The unsuspecting children are taken to secluded locations, away from populated areas, where they have no access to mainstream media or the internet, and are ruthlessly bombarded with dangerous ideas about the existence of a power that's higher and more omnipotent than the U.S. Government."

"We have discovered that this epidemic is spreading at a disturbing rate from coast to coast, and those are just the Bible camps we know about," Johnson said, adding that some of the larger camps even have electricity and running water, which indicates that these terrorist organizations may have considerable resources and help from the outside. "This threat must be dealt with if we want to keep our citizens, our freedom, and our very way of life safe," said Johnson.

The Secretary of Homeland Security has confirmed that the process of indoctrination has now been researched down to the last link. According to DHS, children as young as seven are taken from their friends and family into remote locations, where they are being groomed by ultra-right-wing Christians until they reach adulthood and are old enough to start spreading the same hateful ideology to newer generations, acting like an aggressive virus.

Today's statement follows an earlier 22,345 page DHS report, detailing the looming threat and the dangerous incorrect ideas forced onto impressionable minds by Christian fanatics. The report's terminology leaves no doubt about the level of the threat posed by these "breeding grounds for an ideology of violence and hate,"which "teach intolerance towards minorities" and "creating a distrust of government." These assertions are backed up with abundant photographic evidence, showing children holding or reading Bibles, or participating in similar disturbing activities, which date back to 2009 when the program presumably started.


DHS Director Johnson painted a disquieting picture of the graduates' subversive activities, which included child insurgents sneaking assault Bibles, which they smuggled from some of these camps, into a public school, and using it to preach onto unsuspecting staff and students.

"I'm here to tell you that we will no longer idly stand by allowing this danger to grow," Johnson said. "It is time they felt the full force of the federal government as we crack down on these domestic insurgents, as well as on anyone who gives them aid and comfort. You're either with us or against us in the fight against domestic terror."

It was later revealed that during Johnson's speech, DHS agents raided three camps within a 100 mile radius of the capitol. The federal agents broke down cabin doors and tore open tents, rounding up camp leaders and trainees and bringing them to a undisclosed location.

In a Tweet later this afternoon, Johnson promised that "Our work is just beginning, we won't rest until this #BibleCampMenace is shut down for good ."

Tovarisch Chedoh. Is Tovarisch Jeh Johnson any kin to Tovarisch Hank Johnson of Guam capsizing fame?

...It is good that Tovarisch Johnson has targeted evil Christians but could some of these camps be Black Liberation Christian camps? Let's hope he's able to tell the difference so that the right people are sent to the korrekt re-education camps. (pun intended)

Dasvidaniya, Tovarisch Chedoh! (FYI, Tovarisch is Russian for "good communist comrade")

Kommissar Uberdave wrote:Tovarisch Chedoh. Is Tovarisch Jeh Johnson any kin to Tovarisch Hank Johnson of Guam capsizing fame?

...It is good that Tovarisch Johnson has targeted evil Christians but could some of these camps be Black Liberation Christian camps? Let's hope he's able to tell the difference so that the right people are sent to the korrekt re-education camps. (pun intended)

Dasvidaniya, Tovarisch Chedoh! (FYI, Tovarisch is Russian for "good communist comrade")

Thank you, Comrade!

As I am sure you are aware, an enemy of the state is a enemy of the state. But I will admit that being a minority is a mitigating circumstances in the show trial. But you can be assured the the unmatched competency of our glorious leaders will allow them to without a doubt dispense justice equally and "fairly" as we wipe these islama-homo-gynophobic pest out of the political spectrum.

Comrade Chedoh, thank you for alerting us to this horrifying indoctrination program. However, should you not have put a "trigger warning" at the beginning to warn us about the appearance of a (shudder) cross in the picture of the young victims? When I came upon it suddenly and without warning, my very whiskers stood on end. I am still attempting to recover from the shock and anguish that this picture triggered.

Comrade Chedoh, I am APPALLED that this has been going on. I'll do my part to put some pressure on Comrade Jeh Johnson to take immediate action! I will instruct my operatives at the DNC's P.R. Dept. (i.e. ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, and msLSD) to begin getting the word out to the rest of the State Run Media apparachniks!

HAIL OBAMA! 2016