DNA test traces origins of Hillary cackle to hyena ancestors

Animal behaviorist Dr. Kale Crumlin didn't know how close he was to the truth when a few months ago he first shared his observations with a small circle of colleagues in a paper titled, "The Behavior and Habits of Hillary Clinton," in which he compared the former First Lady to the dominant female in a clan of spotted hyenas, also known as laughing hyenas.

"The cackle, the facial expressions, and the predisposition to dominate males were the first behavioral clues," wrote Dr. Crumlin, referring to a known scientific fact that spotted hyena society is matriarchal; females are larger than males and dominate them in a pack, with even the lowest ranking females being dominant over the highest ranking males. ''The males are so nervous around females that it's very easy to tell them apart," he observed, "even if everyone in the room is wearing pants."

"The hyena is the only mammalian species whose females are equipped with a pseudo-penis and lack an external vaginal opening," Dr. Crumlin noted, pointing out that "one route to female dominance is to increase the level of testosterone, which goes hand in hand with aggressive behavior and larger body size.''

Dr. Crumlin concluded his paper by suggesting to test Mrs. Clinton's DNA samples for possible traces of hyena lineage.

This week a scientific analysis of Mrs. Clinton's DNA has finally confirmed Dr. Crumlin's prediction, detecting a significant amount of the spotted hyena DNA in her otherwise English, Welsh, Scottish, French, and French Canadian ancestry, with multiple family relationships to Madonna and Céline Dion

When asked for comment, Hillary for America campaign responded that all information relating to Mrs. Clinton's family tree was lost along with her emails during the unfortunate private server incident. At the same time, being a strong believer in identity politics, Mrs. Clinton is hopeful that these findings will help her to secure the support of minority animal voters in the coming presidential elections.
 

Comrades,

My apologies to the Visual Agitprop Department in advance. I assure you, I didn't manipulate the pixels to make them total 66.6 KB - but somehow it seems fitting...



 

Cackle!

OOPS! Simple spelling error, I was wondering where Our Beloved MTE could be compared to the lower extremities of a hyena...



You folks continue the discussion. I feel so silly...
 

When Heavybeast's press secretary was presented with the evidence that throughout the course of the evening her shoes were lacerated from within he would neither confirm or deny she suffered from sea turtle claw syndrome.
 

She may want to check out Craptek's Safer-Space™ selection of cloven loafers - or something.

 

Captain Craptek

She may want to check out Craptek's Safer-Space™ selection of cloven loafers - or something.cloven-hoof-shoes.jpg
During Stairbender's recent stay in Milwaukee for a private fundraiser in February of this year ($500 a plate/$2700 for a photograph) the maid reported that the hotel's bedding had been replaced with a Kevlar mattress pad and custom bedding comprised of silk and heavy canvas. Analysis of the shredded canvas suggests the tears were made by a claw-like appendage. The type of failure of the shattered grinding stones left in the hotel's waste bin further supports the theory they were employed for claw maintenance. I concede you cannot rule out the possibility a claw can be fashioned from a hoof.
 

Ivan the Stakhanovets

Cackle!

OOPS! Simple spelling error, I was wondering where Our Beloved MTE could be compared to the lower extremities of a hyena...



You folks continue the discussion. I feel so silly...

At 22, young and full of c fun, the Beast was well on her way to developing an impressive set of cankles.
 

Biff Henderson

Ivan the Stakhanovets

Cackle!

OOPS! Simple spelling error, I was wondering where Our Beloved MTE could be compared to the lower extremities of a hyena...

You folks continue the discussion. I feel so silly... At 22, young and full of c fun, the Beast was well on her way to developing an impressive set of cankles.

An impressive set of buttocks as well - based on the stress fractures in that poor rock!
 

Possibly of interest:


 

Captain Craptek

An impressive set of buttocks as well - based on the stress fractures in that poor rock!


 

 

 

Sharp Sans No. 1 ExtraBold


 

Wait which one was the Hildebeast ?
 

Biff Henderson

Ivan the Stakhanovets

Cackle!

OOPS! Simple spelling error, I was wondering where Our Beloved MTE could be compared to the lower extremities of a hyena...



You folks continue the discussion. I feel so silly...cankle 22.jpg At 22, young and full of c fun, the Beast was well on her way to developing an impressive set of cankles.

She is definitely an alien... her elbows are in the front.
 

StimulusMaximus

Biff Henderson

Ivan the Stakhanovets

Cackle!

OOPS! Simple spelling error, I was wondering where Our Beloved MTE could be compared to the lower extremities of a hyena...



You folks continue the discussion. I feel so silly...cankle 22.jpg At 22, young and full of c fun, the Beast was well on her way to developing an impressive set of cankles.

She is definitely an alien... her elbows are in the front.

You're ri korrekt! Thanks for pointing that out!


 

I bet late at night her head spins completely around and she can projectile vomit 20 feet, if history indeed repeats itself...


 

 

 

 

San Francisco- Today, Hillary ordered every human to be on a leach at her rally. Last rally, disobedient humans outbursts brought Hillary on edge. It was disgraceful and the babble was all about her being a criminal, black lives matter, and other random facts about her omega male, Bill Clinton.

She told all the dogs at the previous rally, “Since your humans cannot control their speaking problems, the humans will be on leashes for the next rally in San Francisco.”

This rally, Hillary brought out the chatter collars to prevent any more outbursts from the humans. The pack gave Hillary some baying and woofs as she proceed to the stage.

Hillary barked to the crowd, “What a well-bred audience. Thank you for collaring your humans. I am glad there are no more interruptions. I will give out free human neutering and trainings for my supporters.”

Some at the rally were pleased about the commands, but others felt Hillary was barking up the wrong tree. Why would they abuse their humans because of a few? Those who disagree with Hillary must be Trump or Sanders supporters, because no Hillary supporter will question Queen Hillary.
 

Hammer and Loupe

San Francisco-Queen Hillary.

What's in a name? You think to yourself, something's not quite right...then, out of the blue - it makes perfect sense.