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Doctors 'R' Us

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Oh, Comrades, I'm here to share the Joy of Obamacare™ with my fellow travelers here on The Cube! It's a glorious thing, and it wouldn't be right left not to share it!

Yes, yes, I know - Obamacare isn't fully implemented yet, but it's starting to be felt in fully equal ways already - in my case, my primary care physician, probably the best doctor I've ever had, quit her private practice about a year ago to join the Collective at the local hospital as a "hospitalist". I hear it's a trend, and we're better for it! In fact, a recent survey of currently practicing physicians showed that 60% said that, with the advent of Obamacare, they expect to retire from practicing medicine much sooner than they had originally planned. And many are simply leaving private practice. I say Good for THEM! Get out of the way and let the Collective run the show!

I've had issues with a shoulder for a couple of years, and about a week ago it started hurting a LOT, so I picked up my Obamaphone and called my local orthopedic surgeon. It turns out that I can't get in to see him without a referral from my primary care physician, and I can't get in to see my new one until some time in May! You see, with all the paperwork and fewer doctors working every day, it's critically important that our doctors not rush things!

Of course, once I get in to see my primary care physician in May for a referral, I expect that making an appointment with the orthopedic specialist will take at least another month, so - if I'm lucky - I should be able to have my shoulder looked at some time in June; if surgery is required, well, there's bound to be some more paperwork, federal approval, and what not, so the crux of the biscuit is that I just can't use my left arm from now until sometime in the fall (or possibly winter).

Now, normally I wouldn't care - after all, what's best for the People is best for me, and we all know that Obamacare is fundamentally changing the >spit< capitalist dog Amerikkkan medical system for the better.

But comrades.

It's my LEFT arm!!!

And while I have no problem with duct taping it to my side on a daily basis to keep it from moving (and me from screaming), this means that I will be doing everything with my RIGHT arm!!! And that's just not right left.

We live in a marvelous time, comrades, and it's only going to get better!

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Such carping, Comrade ROCK - tsk,..tsk... What difference does it make now anyway? Even as I type this arrangements are being made to have the left arms of all USSA males duct taped to their sides just to make everything fair and equal. Now stop complaining and pass the beet stew. (you can still handle that, right?)

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comrade ROCK, have you turned in your Shoulder Needs Assessment survey, form AARP/256, in triplicate, had it notarized, blessed by the Pope, and carried by courrier to your local Obamacare clinic? (We're a little behind in getting the forms internet ready, I"m afraid) We have to make sure that it's more utilitarian for you to have a painless shoulder than, say, someone who contributed a little more to the Obama campaign.

Hope you don't write with your left hand....

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I've heard that you can get some relief just gazing at a photo of Obama. You know, laughter is the best medicine.

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This morning my first duty - well, my second, actually, the first being my standard 15-minute gaze at the life size photo of Dear Leader on the ceiling above my bed as I opened my eyes - was to fill out and send form IS329.42a86 Beet Vodka Ration Increase Request Due To Medical Necessity (BVRIMC), so - assuming that it's approved - I should at least have some pain reduction by mid-summer.

Thank you all for your caring, comrades. It's a sacrifice I'm proud to make, for the good of the glorious Age of Obamanus and the improved health of the citizens of our nation.

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This does bring to mind the glory days of the USSR! The joy of enjoying waiting and waiting and.... well, it was a time of comrades.
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Which of course, lead to waiting, cachinnating and guffawing with our best comrade, Vodka!

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Fraulein Frankenfeinstein wrote:This does bring to mind the glory days of the USSR! The joy of enjoying waiting and waiting and.... well, it was a time of comrades.

Which of course, lead to waiting, cachinnating and guffawing with our best comrade, Vodka!


Fraulein - I took the liberty of enlarging your reminiscent photo because I recognized it! We did have a fun night out. Look at Debbie - she is so shit-faced! She looks like she just witnessed her first wiener... unless, of course, it was Anthony then it would be her first Weiner!

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Comrade R.O.C.K., the lines are shorter at your local veterinarian. Plus, your spay/neuter certificate might get you a discount on your "O-Tag" ... coming soon to a gulag near you!

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Comrades, I have a good news - my primary care physician is willing to sneak me in for an estimated 3 minute appointment on April 11 so that I can get a referral!

I will, of course, be reporting her for this slight against the People as soon as my appointment is finished. She could have seen at least three other subjects citizens in that amount of time!

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Anyer Marx wrote:... the lines are shorter at your local veterinarian. Plus, your spay/neuter certificate might get you a discount on your "O-Tag" ... coming soon to a gulag near you!

Most health problems will also be treated under Obamacare with a cone of shame:
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I wonder if the Cone of Shame™ can be worn at shoulder level, with appropriate attachments?

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But I am not - NOT - considering a spay/neuter certificate.

:O

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Image Under Obamacare, we recommend having serious work done on Mondays when the weeks new glove is distributed...

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Better the cone than a newly minted vote for The One.

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Whet's all tha hob-bab? I gat in to scc my nem Obamacares ™ optamotrest nexxst dey.
All thu crop yau heer about coozts going up & ductors retooring is all e banch of the wat reichwing conxparacies liies. Taa jozt hake a bwock mon baaaing prostitent.
Tome ta cheng mi frea eyespotch.


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As promised, ObamaCare provides treatment for Pre-Existing Conditions, such as "Tea-Party Syndrome" or other sociopathic afflictions such as the desire to own a firearm without reasons deemed suitable under new requirements for a "Universal Background Check":

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--KOOK

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As Nancy Pelosi so wisely said, now that ObamaCare has been enacted (and upheld by John Roberts), there are many wonderful things we are finding in it. It's the Key to Everything for our Utopian Egalitarianism, Safety and Our Own Good Generally (remember John Conyers wisely directing our attention to the "Good and Proper" Clause in the Constitution?)

--KOOK

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Obamaclause is giving us free good-n-plenty?

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Comrades,

[img]images/clipart/Prog_Off.gif[/img] When I get something in the mail from AARP that says, "Don't Bend," guess what I do with it.

Yep! You guessed it! My recycle bin. Round, firm, and fully packed. And bent, many times.

I regard every mailing from AARP as a death threat. Why would I fear monger about this? I have nothing to gain. Except freedom from death mongers.

Oh dear, I've gone and said it.

p.s.- Good and Plenty is something I used to chomp at the movies. That has to be at least 25 years ago. Okay, maybe thirty. Don't press me on this.


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And Pamski, (may I call you Pamski?) when you're done singing along with the above tune, be sure to vote Obama in his next election.

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Tovarichi wrote:Sing along, Pamski....
Um, Tovi?I can't say I actually recall this, but, hey, thanks for the memories!

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I.M. Craptek wrote:And Pamski, (may I call you Pamski?) when you're done singing along with the above tune, be sure to vote Obama in his next election.

I recall when you said anyone could call you "Crap" for short. I have taken this shortcut to heart. So, in fairness™, you can, of course, call me Pamski!

Your pal in Stalin,

Pamski

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I'm shocked. Shocked, I tell you! Pamski, I figured with your advanced age knowledge of contemporary music and development of culture, you'd have been singing along with this as a child, following mama up and down the empty aisles of the grocery, looking pathetic as possible to get mama to barter another beet for just one box of G&P... Oh well. nevermind.
Image THis commercial actually played into the mid 60's...

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Comrade Tovarichi - I too am mystified. Charley's jingle is as famous as, well, the alka-seltzer jingle, i.e., plop-plop, fizz-fizz, Oh what a relief it izz.

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Comrade Crap, I agree, Speedy Alka-Seltzer was a stud, and a hero of the People!

His product is reported to have ahhh shall we say "adverse affects" on seagulls, but I can neither confirm nor deny the conduct of any such experiments on creatures alive, dead, or incarcerated.

(kids, don't try this at home...)

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Tovi and Crap,

I remember the Speedy Alka-Seltzer thing but, after I left home, I couldn't afford a TV so, for at least 15 years I was relieved of this horrible indoctrinating device, and, in retrospect, I was so much the better for it.

I am now employing this same "strategy" to keep what's left of my sanity. I can no longer watch "same-shit-different-day" news channels. And, that would be cable.

Multiple rehashes of endless crap! (Sorry, Crap)

I do, however, listen to Rush daily, and have since 1999. I also, because I can't help myself, peek at many sites online. I confess to an addiction for wanting to know what's going on. There are times when I wish I could just be unconscious for the next 3.5 years. That's not gonna happen. So, I "compromise" by "peeking."

It doesn't work. (Sigh!)

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Comrades - and especially Pamalinski for refreshingly bumping this thread - today is the big day of my 3-minute-squeezed-in appointment I have been granted in order to get a referral for a medical problem with my left shoulder.

Of course, it will take my physicianal unit approximately 45 minutes to fill out all the governmental paperwork after my 3 minute appointment; it must then be forwarded to the appropriate federal committees and departments for approval and further distribution to the FBI, BATFE, DHS, and CIA for copying, filing, and possibly redacting, and will thereby ultimately employ many government employees for several days.

It's a joy to be a part of The Progressive Solution, dear fellow travelers!

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OMG, Dear ROCK! You bring me to tears!

In this post you are ranting, Sweetheart. I have done this myself. Ranting, that is.

Honey! It's gonna be OK! Really. All we have to do is think our most special "Positive thoughts,™" and we'll be just fine!

ps: Don't mean to make a mockery of your post. I, myself, feel the same as you.


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"Doktors "R" Us" should read: "Kids "R" Us". In other words, your kids are not yours, they belong to the state!

Hey! Thanks for breeding!

Your pal,

The State

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Comrade Pamalinsky, the Kids 'R' Us building complex is across the street.

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Comrade ROCK, suffice it to say, we have all been elucidated about this "healthcare" upgrade by none other than the buffet provocateur prophet himself, Fat Mikey Mooreon, on his most informative propamentary "Sicko" as his vast research into what is best for Cuba is best indeed, and that for the world --especially the USSA.

Such impressive State of the Art of statists systems that Cuba is blessed with can only serve as the substantially iconic role model that OBAMACARE™ is crafted after -- that and Mittens Romnoid Romcare™.

It would be best if we could ALL be physicians so that we could fulfill the words of the famous Demokrats of old when they shouted, "PHYSICIAN! HEAL THYSELF!"

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I have, to the best of my ability, become my own physician. I did actually find a way to reduce my cholesterol levels by half simply by using a natural remedy. Yes! It does work! I refuse to take a statin drug, with all it's hideous side-effects. I did this in 2 months. Soon, it will be at "acceptable" levels.

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Pami,

I, too, reduced my HDL number by natural means - beets - and plenty of them. I find the highly distilled liquid variety particularly effective if consumed exclusively for a 2 month period.

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Very funny, Crap. Very funny. :•)(Smarty pants)

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Comrade Pamalinsky, I - like Comrade Craptek - have lowered my cholesterol by drinking large quantities of beet vodka. But I must ask - what natural remedy have you found that works as well?

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Dear R.O.C.K.,

Of course I would be most happy to share this info with you, and any other Comrade.

After some pretty extensive research, I found this company, based in New Zealand. Their website is:
www.xtend-life.com


The products I chose for elevated cholesterol were:

Cholest-Natural, Omega 3/QH ULTRA, and Cardio-Klenz. I chose the recommended combo because I figured that if I had elevated cholesterol, chances are pretty good that my arteries need some cleaning, too.

Also, they have a "loyalty policy" that ensures the cost of your continuing order keeps declining. I was able to speak to someone there who wanted to make sure I didn't take something I didn't actually need.

Based on my current results, I can recommend them.

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R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Comrade Pamalinsky, the Kids 'R' Us building complex is across the street.

I went there and they didn't even have any transgendered Barbie dolls.
What gives?

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Thank you, Comrade Pamalinsky! I, too, have been taking natural supplements for the reduction of reich wing cholesterol, but I shall look into this New Zealand company, since all of New Zealand and Australia are, I believe, Gun Free Zones.

I wonder if they have anything for left shoulders (rotator cuffs), since my doctorial unit won't provide me with a referral to see a specialist who could actually diagnose my specifics until I've spent many ObamaBucks™ on physical therapy - which I find ridiculous due to the fact that this is a recurring problem, over years, and even if physical therapy "fixes" it (for now), it's just going to come back. But such is life under our glorious Obamacare system! Why waste precious medical specialist resources on anyone in middle age or later?

It's for the children.

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I love Chairman Meow's new avatar!

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Chairman Meow was recently rescued by Comrade Alan Grayson.
Therefore the new expression...

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Comrade Putout wrote:Chairman Meow was recently rescued by Comrade Alan Grayson.

"So easy even a CAVEMAN can do it."

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Hey Gulag!
Way to nail it, Comrade!
I said, "Kids R Us"
You said "Kids R Ours"
Yours is much more, like, relevant!
Ding, Ding, Ding!
Wonderful!

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Comrade Putout wrote:Chairman Meow was recently rescued by Comrade Alan Grayson.
Therefore the new expression...
Or ... it could have been because of this:
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Comrade Putout seems to have the very way into our "consciousness."

Go! Comrade Putout! Show us what we are truly being, now.


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Comrade Putout,I can't find an armpit hair tool in this version of PaintShop™. Please advise.


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Was her...
Chairman Meow didn't clean...

My, look at the time! I think I have to weed the beetfields.

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Hey Tovi,

My understanding about beet field weeds is: The weeds are the same as the beets! Nothing else can survive in a beet field except beets! That's just the way it is.

Nice try, though. A beet is a beet is a beet. (Does that have a beat?)

Maybe you meant you have to beat the wheatweed fields?

Just a "thought."

I denounce myself for this shameless play on words and actually having one of those dangerous "thought" thingies!

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Meanwhile, Comrades, things are moving along ahead of schedule! I had an MRI done on my shoulder last week, and found that I do, indeed, have a partially torn rotator cuff.

Now, considering that this all started in mid-March, and it's now May, is it not glorious that I'll be seeing the local orthopedic surgeon for a consultation next week?

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That is, indeed, glorious, dear R.O.C.K.!

Please let us know how it all turns out.

Last year I woke up with an inflamed trapezius muscle on my right side. I experienced excruciating pain trying to get myself out of bed. It hurt so much I couldn't even brush my hair. When you experience that much pain, you realize just how connected all muscles are.

The doc I went to prescribed a muscle relaxer and a pain killer. It was gone within a week. Each day of this therapy I experienced less pain during this remedy. The pain killer knocked me out! Slept all day!

When I asked what might have caused this, they were clueless. I attributed it to the stress of moving twice within 6 months.

I am now free of this and have since worked out, while very hard, to my benefit.

Still, my working out hurts much more than it used to. I wonder if I am hurting myself.

Once again, I am my own physician. So far, so good!


 
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