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EARTH LIBERATION FRONT CALLS FOR END TO BEAVERS!

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In a recent troubling discovery, it appears man isn't natures only menace. An errant DHS spy satellite mistakenly snapped a photo of the worlds largest beaver dam in northern Canada instead of Mr. Michael Skiabikk of Flint, MI a known veteran and conservative.

Within minutes of this information going public, the Earth Liberation Front (ELF) was on the move to rescue mother Gaia from destruction.

Image "Beaver makes me sick!!" proclaims River Sunraisen, ELF spokesperson
"I don't give a broken birkenstock who is raping mother Gaia!! We will rush to her defense!" proclaimed River Sunraisen, ELF spokesperson and organizer of the defense initiative. "Beavers have too long raped Gaia of her wooden children!! Beaver makes me sick!! I would much rather prefer some nice big wood over beaver any day!! The beaver menace must be stopped! Unchecked, our computer models show that the beaver will decimate Gaia of her wooden children by 6:43 PM next Tuesday."


When questioned about their timeline Mr. Skiabikk flatly stated that the science was "settled" and no more questions. "As we speak the beaver is decimating the spotted horn billed yellow throated blue haired tree mite! What kind of troglodyte doesn't care about the spotted horn billed yellow throated blue haired tree mite!" Mr. Skiabikk then proceeded to stamp his feet ball up his fists and yell at no one in particular. ELF is not going unchallenged, however.


Image "We should all love beavers not wood!!" declares Ms. Edna Hofenfritz of PETA
Ms. Edna Hofenfritz, of PETA, was quick to denounce ELF. "They're all just a bunch of beaver-bigots!! We should all love beavers not wood!! Whats happens when you kiss a beaver? The beaver kisses you back!! What happens when you kiss wood? You get a faceful of sap thats what!!!"

Both groups converged on the site of the massive beaver dam and cleared out roughly a square mile of forest to use as sites for drum circles and other such protest activities.




**BREAKING DEVELOPMENT**

Roughly an hour ago, the ELF camp detonated a small firebomb at the headquarters of the PETA camp, burning it to the ground and killing 3 PETA protesters. The fire quickly spread (this being a forest and all) and now roughly 45 acres of woodland are ablaze.

PETA quickly responded by releasing a pack of mountain lions they intended to reintroduce to the wild in the midst of the remaining ELF camp. They made quick work of the remaining ELF delegation but then turned on the indigenous beaver population because, well, because they were there and lions are a hungry sort.

More as the story develops.

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I've gotta side with PETA on this one... SAVE THE BEAVER! I love beaver! I can't live without beaver! I always enjoy a plate of fresh beaver with muffins for breakfast! Don't take away my beaver!!!

mi
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The beavers — with their knack for individual hard work on building comfortable family (rather than communal) dwellings and otherwise modifying their surroundings to suit their needs — are the true Kulaks among animals.

And to think, that M.I.T — the progressive school, home of Naum Chomsky (!) — considers this parasite its mascot!..
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That's one big beaver that Edna's got there. Anyway, I like beavers, they give a dam:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSOqFJv ... re=related

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Feh! They can keep their rat! Gimme some BEAVER!

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Comrades! Some pictures from the scene!

Here is an ELF propaganda poster:
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Booby trap set by ELF commandos:
Owned-Beaver.jpg

Beaver caught in the act!
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Ariel picture of the dam the beavers built. Note the lack of trees in the area:
hoover-dam-picture.jpg

Forest fire set by ELF:
forest-fire_1076.jpg

Mountain lion released by PETA. It appears to have some sort of gastrointestinal distress from eating the ELF delegation:
mountain_lion_aggressive.jpg

More as the story develops...

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I'm not proud of this - but I figured someone would eventually find it on the internet.

beaver-fist1.jpg

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Comrade Pootski, you're fisting a beaver. How progressive!

funny-pictures-beaver-cant-hear-you.jpg

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Comrade Whoopie - OK, that first one was a fake.

This one is real.

beaver-fist3.jpg

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What a conundrum for progressives everywhere! At least the forest fire masked the scent of all that patchouli.

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All the phallic and yonic imagery is hilarious. Oh, and while it is out of character for me to bring such things, anytime anyone brings up a beaver, it's a sort of an automatic assumption. I blame my college and the internet.

On a serious (still in character though) note, aren't we doing more harm to Mother Gaia if we destroy the beaver dam? The beavers then would be harmed as a species and would be oppressed by some capitalist fat cat.

S(h)ave the beavers and up with wood!

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Comrades, some distressing news has just come to my attention. For every hardwood tree harvested, two new hardwood trees are produced. Apparently we have wrongly maligned the humble beaver. They're the only thing standing between us and a wholesale takeover of planet Earth by trees.

But take heart activists, I found this posted by the Progressive Coalition for Birds and Small Furry Woodland Creatures. Here are some screen shots from a .pdf file that they posted...

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Comrades, cats are a grave threat to Gaia and must be eradicated.

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Uh oh! Wait until General Mousey-Tongue see this!

mi
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Comrade Whoopie wrote:Comrades, cats are a grave threat to Gaia and must be eradicated.
Of course, we they are -- what, carrying our their weapons with us them everywhere (even to the meetings with President)!..

Especially dangerous are those among them, who dare defend their "right to kill" by talking back to their betters in Congress!

I denounce myself for being a cat... Would the Party help pay for a species-changing operation?

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Mi,

No.

Report to Chedoh for gulag orientation and bunk assignment.

Bring your shovel and don't expect special treatment because you are a volunteer.

On a side note, I propose we promote Chedoh to Gulag Event Coordinator for his exemplary performance in the gulag. As such he will be in charge of the weekly beet socials and the annual Gulag Ball.

Do I have a second?

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH


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I mentioned beaver to Bruno and he turned quite green--which is a sight in and of itself--and ran to the little Bruno's Room. It's not done in pink but lavender.

We know that beavers are not prog animals because they spend their time working. Whereas I, as a Made Prog, spend my time scheming and plotting.

See the difference? I'm a complete and total parasite and I love it.


 
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