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Facebook Kills (Baby?) Seals!

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NOSEALS.jpg

Comrades, it has come to my attention that the formerly-believed-to-be-appropriately-progressive "Facebook" >spit< has been discriminating against seals, and I can only assume that that also includes the baby ones (which are SOOOOOOO cute and cuddly and sweet and generally delightfully dependent and progressive).

Imagine my shock when I read that Facebook's management has been actively "timing out" seals who are attempting to communicate via their social media with the rest of society!

Disturbing, comrades - and what's next? Will Facebook soon be promoting clubbing these seals to bloody pulps, just like what you would expect from Rethugglikkkans?!? And all this time I thought that Facebook was run by good progressives!

Comrades. We MUST Occupy Facebook!!!

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No. I refuse. If I just ignore it, it will go away. It's working for Flouride in drinking water, and its working for Blockbuster, and BY LENIN it will work for Facebook.

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Well, in much more positive news for good statists, Dear Leader has a policy of permitting the clubbing of evil, capitalist NAVY SEALS. All kollektivists may sleep more soundly.

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Comrade ROCK,

It would appear that Facebook is drawing distinctions again: Baby seals = good progs. Navy seals = bad progs. Terms of service = Current Truth™.

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Comrade Bear With Shovel, I think you are onto something.

Say, have you heard from any of your polar relatives lately? I've heard that the Navy SEALS have been clubbing them as they swim around in circles looking for all the missing ice.

But then I do sometimes get my stories confused. Thank Lenin for Current Truth™!

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Comrade ROCK,

Thank you for asking about my white polar compatriots. Last time I checked, they were busy doing photo-ops for Algore's next blockbuster Current Truth™ release that will be required curriculum in all public skools. Its ALL about the Children™, and my polar friends care enough that The Children™ learn the proper science about climate change™.

Some of the other polar comrades are enjoying living large at the local zoos enjoying what OPM is doing for them. Why struggle in the wild doing for yourself what others can -- and should -- do for you? That's what they always tell me. I believe them, too.

I'm sure you have seen the popular Future Children's™ video. Again, inspired by the polar agitprop of my fellow comrades drowning because of melting polar ice caps caused by the breath of republikkkans and conservatives. It's all because WE CARE.

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Just an addendum: don't feel sorry for the polar bear comrades occupying your local zoos. They are only representing what all us progs dream of: Utopia and Next Tuesday™. Where else can it be more illustrated than to be dragged against their will, forced to live in an artificial environment created for them by the good will and wishes of people with higher intelligence that know better than they, be fed things they would never ordinarily eat, but are nonetheless "good"for them, all the while staying safe and comfortable without having to do anything except eat, sleep, shit and procreate. It's a wonderful life.

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Am I to think that we are not to be serving seal'n noodles???

Comrades, please disregard Friday's menu!! . . . while I investigate. I will place Mr. Penetta on the matter immediately.


 
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