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Frontal Obamaty, the Unintended Consequences

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Comrades, as Commissar of Mental Health, it is time I explain a fewthings about our useful idiots and some of even our Kommissars.... Ithink we all know who we are referring to.

These individuals,while of utmost use to the Party, must always be handled in a special manner, for they are "special" indeed, In fact, they are in need of a small, tiny, subsidy as they areunable to pull a full load if you catch my drift. These are people who follow Obama, not for ideological reasons as such thinking is far beyond their capability, rather it is the result of their condition,They come to the institute for a variety of reasons, due toThoughtCrime™ they are unable to control, proles that were simply slow on the uptake, and some were willing volunteers drawn to the privilege to serve the State and the free beets and potato vodka.

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The research involved the effects of some simple surgery based on theout standing work we discovered in the hidden files in Germany during the war from the original HMO, the Hitler Medical Organization. This operation, what we call either a prefrontal or in more dire cases, a frontal Obamaty can have some rather extreme consequences.

A person who has undergone a frontal Obamaty is likely to show some or all of the following characteristics:

1.They will accept silly slogans such as "Dare to Hope" or "We need Change" for deep ideology or as a fearless stand on the issues of theday.

2. Almost all will show signs of "messiah worship." In their limited mental state, they can see no contradictions in whattheir hero says or writes, their hero's hstory of fratenizing with people of most questionable history, nor will they allow others to point out these contradictions without screaming and crying "racism,""bigotry," "Islamophobia," "dirty politics," "the politics of personal destruction" or other similar signs of denial.

3. Easily impressed by an almost non-existant record of meaningful legislation passed, many having been taken in simply by what they perceived as a brilliant speech they heard.

4. Willing to part easily with their money (one of the more pleasant discoveries I might add).

5. A tendency to stalk more equal Comrades and accuse them falsely.

While I am disclosing some of the research done to date, I feel that I must also confess to an error. Let there be no doubt, I and my comrades felt we were on the foreskin of medical technology that would prove useful to the State. However, we also assumed that many of our victims...er...patients would at remain useful "building blocks" if you will for the tremendous public works. and we were correct in that assumption. Why, many of you drove here due to the work we done, while some of you may even work on the foundations we laid. But no, that is not what I feel sorrow for. We had expected that the more viable subjects would at best make lively party entertainment. You can well imagine the myrth to be had as we drank cocktails and dined on exotic endangered species around the White House or perhaps the Rancho Del Norte while the Empress, in the full glow of her power, regaled us with her famous wit and erudite wisdom; all the while as some subject of ours went around praising the virtues of his Obamaty and praising some upstart, unqualified senator as the leader of the free world. Little did we know back then that the world would call for this nobody.Cest la vie... I suppose you can guess now that it was our work that spawned the "A mind is a terrible thing to waste" campaign.

I didn't know that you could perform brain surgery and other procedures to help your fellow Comrades become True Progressive workers for the Party.

I hope you use the Party approved anasthesia when you perform the needed surgery on these needy Comrades.

May Lenin be with you to guide your hands!!!

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Anasthesia! We don't need no stinkin anesthesia!

Sorry, it is an old joke in the OR. Actually, the truth be told, other than a little local anesthesia (as in local distillery) to get through the bone and the brain meninges, the brain itself feels no pain. That is why we can get so much useful info out or a brain for the victim patient can speak while we probe the brain. Oh, that is such fun! You can not imagine the things I have gotten a comrade to confess to just with a simple brain probe.


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Permit me, please, to join this august assembly of progressives! I am Dr. Gno, Chief Genetic Morphologist for the People's Institute for Socialist Sciences (PISS). I have long been an admirer of the Cube and your glorious leader. This is my first post, hopefully of many as I endeavor to enlighten all for the Greater Good, and in turn receive enligtenment from the Collective.

Ehh...your techniques are primitve, Commissar, but no doubt effective. A bit like using a cannon to swat a fly, don't you think? Heh heh heh. However, we must maintain standards in the medical resarch community, Commissar. You must remind your medical staff to remove their surgical implements before closing the patient. My staff has recently seen several former survivors patients from your clinic who had, shall we say, 'something on their mind'.

This comment is intended for the good of all, and in no way is meant to convey criticism. We want a happy, healthy, easily distracted collective! Our MTE deserves nothing less!

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Now wait a minute Commissar Pupovich!

Who is that patient?

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Dr. Gno wrote:Ehh...your techniques are primitve, Commissar, but no doubt effective. A bit like using a cannon to swat a fly, don't you think? Heh heh heh. However, we must maintain standards in the medical resarch community, Commissar. You must remind your medical staff to remove their surgical implements before closing the patient. My staff has recently seen several former survivors patients from your clinic who had, shall we say, 'something on their mind'.

I appreciate the comments Dr, Of course you are correct, but remember, this picture was taken back in the 50's with the latest technology then available..... *What do you mean nurse? You mean this was taken last year?* Er.... What I meant to say is this procedure was an emergency and was done on site at a collective farm using the only tools available at the time. But sometimes the old ways are the best, and a lesser drain on the State's resources.

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Kommissar Vodkov wrote:Who is that patient?

Does he look familiar Kommissar? Good, the healing is coming along nicely.

Did you use sterilized instruments when you performed the surgery, Dr. MengeleCommissar Pupovich? Is that a pair of rusty pliers and a rusty nail that you're using in the photo? How many other comrades have you performed this procedure on?

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Not to worry Kommrade, I always keep some potato vodka that didn't quite make the grade for drinking purposes on hand to clean my tools. As for how many I have performed this on....only Lenin and my database knows, But the database only runs once or twice a day, if there is enough power available on the collective. But I can assure you.... it is in the millions....

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Commissar Pupovich wrote:
Kommissar Vodkov wrote:Who is that patient?

Does he look familiar Kommissar? Good, the healing is coming along nicely.


I'm not going to take part in your mind games, Pupovich!

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Commissar Pupovich wrote:Not to worry Kommrade, I always keep some potato vodka that didn't quite make the grade for drinking purposes on hand to clean my tools.


Additionally, rest assured that after I removed the feeding tube from the last Obamatized patient, I wiped it off on my sleeve before inserting it into Vodkov's nose, just as I was taught when I was a student at the Guantanamo Bay School of Nursing, Koran Care, and Interpretative Clog Dancing.

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Kommissar Vodkov wrote: I'm not going to take part in your mind games, Pupovich!

Of course not. Participating in mind games requires that one person has a mind....

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Komissar Vodkov, please! Your thrashing and protests will only require the use of patient restraining devices.

You must submit to the neurological correction deemed by your superiors, who are equal in Marx' sight, to be for the Greater Good. Come now, you will feel better before you can say "Uncle Josef" three times. In just a few months, you will regain your speech, your large muscle reflexes, and you will finally be able to resume a productive life in the collective.

You will become a better Kommissar; if not willingly, then by the needle and shackle!

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Dr. Gno wrote:You will become a better Kommissar; if not willingly, then by the needle and shackle!

And if that doesn't work out, there are still outstanding opportunities available in the field of fast foods.

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What happened to the show trial I was supposed to get?

Ohhh yeah, Commissar Pup's incompetent agents couldn't locate me! He himself "searched" every whorehouse in Asia for me. What makes you think you can do any better Dr. Gno? Many Trotskyite hit squads have attempted to find me but without success. Most of them are in fact taking a nap as we speak, behind my dacha, face down under 6 feet of mud.

Good Doctor Gno; I'm certain you are doing an important job for The Common Good™. Don't make any rash decisions because the party needs you. You won't be of much use to the People if you are napping behind my dacha or in exile in Sweden like the Premier.

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This denial is only hurting yourself, comrade Vodkov. Come to Lenin, and have peace.

Commissar Pupovich, I must question how comrade Vodkov has not yet been stripped of his Party credentials. Why does he still hold rank as a Kommissar? He still receives potato and vodka rations? He has not even been kicked out of his dacha?

I work long hours in my laboratory, but the collective I knew had a conscience and an effective way to deal with such turncoats! I am most displeased, Commissar, with the apparent lack of progress in bringing this traitor to justice. As you are the ranking Commissar on this thread, I must believe you are responsible for ensuring the criminal Vodkov is subjected to correction and discipline.

Clearly, only my knife can relieve the cerebral trauma he faces daily. But dammit, Pupovich, I'm just a simple country doctor! I cannot go out and get him from his dingy hole. That is your job, comrade!

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Kommissar Vodkov wrote:What happened to the show trial I was supposed to get?

Ohhh yeah, Commissar Pup's incompetent agents couldn't locate me! He himself "searched" every whorehouse in Asia for me.

You can not lay that upon me, I have the records to show the truth, Rather, it was the failure of others that failed to show up. But this can be overlooked and corrected at their whim.

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Dr. Gno wrote:But dammit, Pupovich, I'm just a simple country doctor! I cannot go out and get him from his dingy hole. That is your job, comrade!

Be careful where you point that scapel "Dr Gno" or it will be Kommissar Vodkov rightly calling for your trial. Let me remind you, I am Commissar of Eco Prostitution and Mental Health. As such, I approve ALL licenses to practice in the field of mental health, and your application has not been approved as of this date.

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Commissar Pupovich wrote:
Dr. Gno wrote:
Be careful where you point that scapel "Dr Gno" or it will be Kommissar Vodkov rightly calling for your trial. Let me remind you, I am Commissar of Eco Prostitution and Mental Health. As such, I approve ALL licenses to practice in the field of mental health, and your application has not been approved as of this date.

Good point Pupovich. I think the good Doctor is overly zealous. I'm starting to suspect he's a right wing plant. Maybe we should in his case dispense with a trial and do this the old fashioned way: a bullet in the back of the head in the basement. Better safe than sorry.

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Kommissar, is it not wonderful the way the Party looks out for itself? On many issues we have disagreed, yet in this, the evidence is simply building so quickly it can not be ignored, The recent "immigration" problem here at the Cube, alleged unexplained disappearances, attempts to use authority not yet granted. Yes, things are afoot, or rather, I suspect we could say, watch where your foot comes down or you will surely be stepping in it.

In fact, I agree that you may have the left idea....better safe than sorry is a great maxim and bullet's are cheap.

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Well, there you have it...Pupovich siding with the criminally insane Vodkov. And I suppose when you two sellouts to the Party have sucked the collective dry for your personal gain, you will take it on the road as 'Commissars on Ice'!

Hmm. the title 'Commissars on Ice' does evoke a compelling image, doesn't it?


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You got that right, Premier! They won't be able to give tickets away, not even here in entertainment-starved Novosibirsk!

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Will it be the entertainment for the re-education camps?

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God damn it! Dr. Gno is attempting a coup! And the Premier is just sitting back and watching it happen. Pupovich, we must join forces and eliminate the Doctor immediately! Then send the Premier to re-education in Lapland.

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What did I do?!? I'm not doing anything wrong! I'm just asking questions! What more do you want from me?

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Leave the Premier alone! You're lucky he even performs for you,you b*st*rds!!
Leeeeeave the Premier alooooooone!!

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The Premier is suffering. He needs treatment now, not form a butcher like Gno but from traditional socialist re-education healers. He's the Premier for crissake! I'm not going to suggest we chop his head into little pieces.

Ok, where was I? Oh yeah, the Premier. The Premier spends his time eating hot pockets and indulging in other capitalist pleasures while he watches the Party being torn apart - snug in his Swedish hideaway. Then he intends to step in and assume total control when everybody has stabbed everybody else in the back.

So comrades, it is obvious that Dr. Gno is the Premier's agent, sent here to cause dissent. The Doctor's first assignment is to destroy my close friendship with Commissar Pupovich and by that weakening the Party apparatus beyond repair.

Pup, where are you? Get your ass over here and do something!

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But... but... I didn't do anything!! Do you really expect me to have the motivation to do all that stuff?!? JUST LOOK AT ME! I barely have the motivaion to stab others in the back and to take sides in a war that will tear us apart, how on earth would I have the motivation to come up with a conspiracy like that?

I don't even have the motivation to finish this senten....

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....

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Not to worry Kommissar Vodkov, the Premier is merely asking such questions so this Comrade "Gno" will continue to hang himself with the very rope he is providing for us. His web of deceit, or shall we say, his "litter box of lies" will be his undoing.

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Comrade Vodkov, if you would just let us balance the pressure in your cerebral cortex, you'd be right as rain.

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I knew it! No wonder we can never get a show trial going for Vodkov! He and Pupovich are in cahoots!

Pupovich, I am so dismayed! And to think I let you read my notebook where I wrote the name of my current love-of-my-life over and over!

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Dr. Gno wrote:Comrade Vodkov, if you would just let us balance the pressure in your cerebral cortex, you'd be right as rain.

My neocortex has been replaced with pages from the Communist Manifesto. Are you implying they are somehow defective?

Your thoughtcrime can easily be remedied with a quick brain surgery. I have performed many of those with my Makarov - 100% success rate.

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:
Pupovich, I am so dismayed! And to think I let you read my notebook where I wrote the name of my current love-of-my-life over and over!

Pupovich told me about that. He said it was:

VodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkov
VodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkov
VodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkov
VodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkov
VodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkov
VodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkov
VodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkov
VodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkov
VodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkov
VodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkov
VodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkov
VodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkov

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Like Republicans controlling the House and Senate and White House and Supreme Court it was!

Vodka, yes, but you, Vodkov? I may like my men Insane, but not Criminally so.

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Like Republicans controlling the House and Senate and White House and Supreme Court it was!

Vodka, yes, but you, Vodkov? I may like my men Insane, but not Criminally so.

The Empress said I was reformed. Doesn't that count for anything?

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:I knew it! No wonder we can never get a show trial going for Vodkov! He and Pupovich are in cahoots!

Not exactly Commissarka, but Kommissar Vodkov, yourself, and I are inadvertently bound together in that we all three have noticed that there is clearly something un-natural and suspicious going on around here. I do also sense that the Kommissar has genuinely been striving to achieve Party correctness, and so we, as good comrades, need to encourage him where we can, and come down on his head like a load of peat moss when he doesn't.

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What un-natural and suspicious things? Tell....tell!!



Alright,fine,I didn't really want to know anyway......[pouts in the corner w/ her reference book]

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Kommissar Vodkov wrote:
Commissarka Pinkie wrote:
Pupovich, I am so dismayed! And to think I let you read my notebook where I wrote the name of my current love-of-my-life over and over!

Pupovich told me about that. He said it was:

VodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkovVodkov....

Oh Kommissar, I really wish you hadn't done that.... I thought we were making such progress. Go read the other posts I made to you tonight.... "sleep" on things, and maybe you might re-consider? I do hope so.


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Kommissar Vodkov wrote:So comrades, it is obvious that Dr. Gno is the Premier's agent, sent here to cause dissent. The Doctor's first assignment is to destroy my close friendship with Commissar Pupovich and by that weakening the Party apparatus beyond repair.

Pup, where are you? Get your ass over here and do something!

Commissarka Pinkie, the final card has been turned over! We can now see the entire trail of deception, lies and greed leading straight to the Leningrad Lads...the criminals Vodkov and Pupovich!

If we were in Mother China, we would invite these criminals to a Struggle Session in which the entire precinct would participate. We would discuss things, and point out the error in their thinking. With clubs and other useful tools, we would influence correct speech and thought. Then we would haul them before a tribunal followed by a firing squad, and then lunch!

Something like this: Image
Commissarka, can I sit next to you at the trial? Wear that pink taffeta outfit, that one sets off your gold shovel nicely.

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Comrade Cat, to put this as plainly as I can, with the info I have on your recent activities, I really do not think you wish to take this seriously.... for you can be sure, there would indeed be a seat for you at any trial....

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Who is this "Kommissar" Mouse anyway? He looks like a Maoist agitator, probably here to steal our secrets. I say we purge him.

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When did you become the focus of the sexual fantasies of militant Siamese Twins, Pup?

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Ivan Betinov wrote:When did you become the focus of the sexual fantasies of militant Siamese Twins, Pup?
Pupovich is the focus of many fantasies....he's naughty...and that breeds many fantasies...it's his own dam* fault.

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Ivan Betinov wrote:When did you become the focus of the sexual fantasies of militant Siamese Twins, Pup?

Actually, I never noticed that ThoughtCrime™ the cat committed. It is just one more in a line of them. I can only hope he reaches an understanding (a worthy bribe for instance) with me, or I could feel compelled to release some of my findings.

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You have been fingering those findings for some time now, Commissar. You two three should get a room!

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Kommissar Vodkov wrote:Who is this "Kommissar" Mouse anyway? He looks like a Maoist agitator, probably here to steal our secrets. I say we purge him.

Though it is a complete waste of time, I shall attempt to educate the Criminal Vodkov. It's 'General Mousey-Tongue' to you!

I must remind you, Vodkov, that the PRC is a soverign Communist state and by Mao's Ghost, no degenerate Russkie psychopath will dictate terms to me! If you choose to climb out of the feces-strewn spider hole in which you are hiding and come to me, I will offer you a present - a magazine, to be precise. It is titled 'The 30 Lessons of Sacrifice'. I will teach you all of them, round by round, until you are 'cleansed' of all rebellion.

Meeeeow!

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Kommissar Vodkov wrote:Who is this "Kommissar" Mouse anyway? He looks like a Maoist agitator, probably here to steal our secrets. I say we purge him.

Though it is a complete waste of time, I shall attempt to educate the Criminal Vodkov. It's 'General Mousey-Tongue' to you!

I must remind you, Vodkov, that the PRC is a soverign Communist state and by Mao's Ghost, no degenerate Russkie psychopath will dictate terms to me! If you choose to climb out of the feces-strewn spider hole in which you are hiding and come to me, I will offer you a present - a magazine, to be precise. It is titled 'The 30 Lessons of Sacrifice'. I will teach you all of them, round by round, until you are 'cleansed' of all rebellion.

Meeeeow!

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General Mousey-Tongue wrote:
Kommissar Vodkov wrote:Who is this "Kommissar" Mouse anyway? He looks like a Maoist agitator, probably here to steal our secrets. I say we purge him.

Though it is a complete waste of time, I shall attempt to educate the Criminal Vodkov. It's 'General Mousey-Tongue' to you!

I must remind you, Vodkov, that the PRC is a soverign Communist state and by Mao's Ghost, no degenerate Russkie psychopath will dictate terms to me! If you choose to climb out of the feces-strewn spider hole in which you are hiding and come to me, I will offer you a present - a magazine, to be precise. It is titled 'The 30 Lessons of Sacrifice'. I will teach you all of them, round by round, until you are 'cleansed' of all rebellion.

Meeeeow!


Ummm yeah. Whatever mousey. You Chinese heretics are not real communists anyway. You allow rampant capitalism. What's up with that? Don't you know that misery and abject poverty is the essence of collectivism? You should be ashamed of yourselves. And purged, all of you.

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Vodkov, it was Chairman Mao who drove out the capitalistic influences, which were brought back after his forced retirement. He returned to power twice, and twice the People's collective was brought to utter ruin, but I think that was mere coincidence. The true Communist wing of the party wish to end this corrupt capitalism and return China to the 7th century.

How about a sedative?


 
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