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Gaia Swallows Bush: Case of Mistaken Identity?

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In her continuing effort of preserve Earth for current and future Progressive comrades, Mother Gaia may have erred.

Mr. Jeff Bush was sleeping soundly earlier today when The Earth Mother - apparently in a case of mistaken identity - reached up and grabbed the slumbering man, dragging him deep into the Earth. When the sinkhole opened, Bush's brother, Jeremy, said he tried pulling him from the hole. He spoke to Fox News Friday morning:

"We heard a loud crash. I ran in there and heard somebody screaming, my brother screaming, and I ran all in there," he said, choking back tears. "And all I see is this big hole. All I see is the top of his bed. I didn't see anything else, so I jumped in the hole and tried getting him out. And I couldn't get him. I could hear him screaming for me, hollering for me."

Gaia could not be reached for comment, but UN observers suspect she mistook the innocent Jeff Bush for the infamous Republican John Ellis "Jeb" Bush.

One UN official noted that, “The names are so similar. Anyone could have made this mistake. Mr. Bush had the same last name as the Republican, the same first initial, lived in the same state, and was flying an American flag on his property. She made a natural mistake. I don't think we can hold this against her.” He added under his breath, "Maybe she'll get the right one next time."

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I swear to Laika, I thought this was about my lesbian 'granola-head' neighbour, Gaia, who lives down the hall, accidentally choking to death!... and it took me reading all the way to the the beginning of the second sentence to be sure it wasn't... In future, you might want to lead with "Mr. Jeff Bush"... just for clarity's sake. Also, I get anxiety attacks when I'm confronted with the notion of having to get to know new neighbours!

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My Lesbian Granola-Head Neighbour, Gaia...

Whew!
Sis

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Yes, Gaia must learn that she can munch bush but ought not to swallow.

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But it is a good thing that Gaia did not eat Republican Jeb Bush. The resulting indigestion could have caused massive earthquakes and volcanic activity!

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Chairman Meow wrote:But it is a good thing that Gaia did not eat Republican Jeb Bush. The resulting indigestion could have caused massive earthquakes and volcanic activity!

Not to mention toxic gas and exacerbation of climate change. Oh, my aching carbon footprint!

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After years of scienificic study I may say with confidence that any ush, absent Greek Godessial intervention, may not be swallowed. Nibbled around the edges to the delight of all, perhaps, but any attempt to swallow might result in a phenomenon peculiarly similar to an experience of Comrade Meow, with the resulting coughing and hacking thingy. Scientifically speaking, of course.

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The contractions from SEQUESTER are starting early. This is just the beginning.

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Anyer Marx wrote: ... any attempt to swallow might result in a phenomenon peculiarly similar to an experience of Comrade Meow, with the resulting coughing and hacking thingy.

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Comrade Fhalkyn,

Gaia has the memory of an elephant Dear Leader. She cannot forget any and all environmental affronts rained down upon Florida by Bush when he was Governor. Her mind dwells on things past - in the way of all good progressives. To quote her most recent comment on the incident: "I have avenged the honor of all things natural. The Bush was not a natural thing. It was a Rethuglikkkan, and as such, was in need of swallowing! I have swallowed it. Gaia has spoken."

I hope this clears things up.

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Indeed. Comrade reporters were there. Here is a taped interview with Gaia:

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I want to congratulate my fellow Cubists for making it all the way through this thread so far without mentioning the words "muffin dive" or "hair pie"... ... ..

... ... ah crap...


 
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