"WANT IS WEALTH
POVERTY IS PROSPERITY
SQUALOR IS LUXURY"
Today my Kollektiv 0partment neighbors said their son has been
Since all my neighbors and their children have been
After I finished and read the note to my neighbors, then explained some of the harder multi-syllable words, they were so delighted (to them a laundry list is prose and federal forms are epic interactive masterpieces) that they insisted I share it with our dear People’s Cube tovarisches:
“Dear Leader Husseinovich:
For The Children™!
We, Your loyal followers, grovel at Your very name.
We know You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and we want to express our undying loyalty as Your people to carry out Your every Dictate and Demand.
Yes We Can™!
We reject the Evil Tea-rrorist Teabagger™ notion of private property and their supremely selfish and Inkorrekt unwillingness to spread the wealth of their labors, since we Korrektly Groupthink, with You, that the very concept of keeping what one earns is greed of the lowest and most despicable form, and that Evil capitalists must contribute their
We want to stay on Your and Your Party’s plantation so that You will house us, feed us, 0’care for us, tell us what to think, and teach us only what we need to know to serve You and Your Party alone.
We promise to You, in return for Your beneficent care and magnanimous oversight, our undying and unquestioning loyalty, as we know that our
We Are The Ones We’ve Been Waiting For™!
We denounce the hateful rhetoric of all racists and Tea-rrorists, and we know them because You tell us who they are. You and Your Media have
We need You to protect us from everything, but we know You have no control over anything, like the horrible bad luck you have had: the Arab Spring You encouraged and supported that turned into a vicious mess, the devastation in Japan, the turmoil in Europe (that You blessedly wish to be bestowed on us in the USSA), the disasters here at home (we all know the Tea-rrorist Teabaggers™ create floods, hurricanes, and tornadoes because (Bush) they hate Gaia), the USSA Downgrade, and the numerous wars we are embroiled in. We know we would have already arrived at our Utopian Statist Nirvana if only the Teabagger™ RethugliKKKans™ hadn’t blocked Your Glorious Leap Forward that You were implementing at mach speed for Your first two years with Your Congressional Supermajority. But We have confidence You will prevail
We cannot survive without Your 0’care and Your Programs. We need You as we need the very air Gaia gives us and so we will not allow anyone to decrease Your Government, Your
Hope And Change™!
It is enough that You lower the seas and take care of the old folks, giving them needed pain pills and not wasting pacemakers on them. Yet even more, You are destroying the ability of Evil capitalist private energy companies that produce nuclear power or process and refine oil and coal by regulating and blocking the life out of them, causing energy prices to “necessarily skyrocket”, so we will be forced to pursue Clean Green Sustainable Energy™ with Workable Solutions™ like Rainbows and Unicorn Farts. You defend a woman’s right to
You give us equality of outcome, not equality of opportunity, because You are our opportunity, and in You we trust.
You demand so little of us – only our loyalty, our labor, our lives. And in return You give us so much. The Blessings of Your Hope And Change™ are everywhere in all things and to all life evident. You are the Culmination of History, the Realization of the Statist Utopia.
Stay Strong Mr. Husseinovich, our Dear and True 0’Leader!”
I sit here, at my computer, tears running down my cheeks, having just read the beautiful missive above. Comrades, I have never heard my own love for and dedication to The One™ expressed so clearly, so succinctly, with such glorious Irish sub-Overtones!
My fellow O'travelers, we have arrived at a moment which shall stand out forever in the anals of history. To know that Dear Leader is there for us always, that he cares so deeply and stands ready to spread our wealth around, that FLATUS herself is shovel-ready to make sure we ingest only Gaia's very best foods - comrades, words fail me. Even though they may not seem to. They do, really.
As I bask in the radiant glow of Our Barry Who Art in DC, I feel that I should wish you all a redistributed Friday, with a reminder that - let me be clear - Next Tuesday is truly right around the corner!!!
R.O.C.K. in the USSA~sniff~
I sit here, at my computer, tears running down my cheeks ... we have arrived at a moment which shall stand out forever in the anals of history. To know ... that FLATUS herself is shovel-ready to make sure we ingest only Gaia's very best foods - comrades, words fail me. Even though they may not seem to. They do, really. ....
You are quite right that FLOTUS is shovel-ready to make sure we ingest only GAIA's very best foods and NEVER, EVER ingest such capitalists' poisons such as French Fries (or especially Freedom Fries):
--GAIA Minister Neytiri
Tovaisch Blessed Be Gaia Minister, I rack my addled
By the way... In your Korrekt McD's Health Kontrol image you included, it appears FLATUS Moochelle is about to scoop out Ronald's stomach. Is it possible M. is confused into believing that the Ronald she is about to take on is the 40th President of the US of KKK?
I commend you on your emotionally moving letter to Dear O'Leader. So many times he has admonished us that he can't do this alone. He can't do WTF without our help and support. Your inspired letter is just the thing he needs to hear
And I want to commend you for the civil tone throughout your prose. This is exactly what O'Leader was lecturing to us about ad nauseum. Well done, comrade. And I'm sure you'll find an extra ration of last week's beets in your burlap bag.
Comrade, the shovel in question that MOO-chelle likes to drag around with her is, in all reality, an industrial-sized lobster pick. It also doubles as a butter spoon to douse the tail in the fragrant, warm butter. She's just pointing it at Mc O'Ronald as part of a thug mob rampage that you don't see going on in the background of the photo.
Tovarisch Corporeal Big Bear Whinny,
I’m (not Barney) frankly surprised Dear 0’Leader’s ratings are not
Thanks for pointing out the Korrekt spelling of MOO-chelle. That is poignant in the current context; she has that industrial-sized lobster pick at the ready and is exercising those biceps mightily at Martha’s Vineyard, where the livin’ is easy and the butter flows like
It is heartwarming to know our FLATUS is working so hard to ensure that she is MOO-chelle and MOOCH-elle rolled into a tantalizing cheese-and-pretzel logic-like Combo. There are many facets to our Jewel of a FLATUS, no doubt. Roiling the thug (must be ReTHUGliKKKans) mob just beyond the view of Gaia Minister’s image into a frenzy to prepare for the
Just thinking about a few more of last week’s beets has my mouth watering more than butter, lobster, and cheese. Not that I can recall what the latter three taste like anymore… But does anyone have a bit of thread and a needle I can use? My burlap bag has developed a hole in the bottom, and moths are flying out of it.