Global Warming Denier's Yearly Statement on Groundhog Day

Today, a world-famous Amerikkkan animal once again denied the undeniable truth of global warning - a truth declared by every real scientist - and claimed that we are in for six more weeks of winter.

Reich wing propaganda media outlets stated that a so-called Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow - probably a Teabagger trick generated by combustion engines - and then returned to his lavish 1-percenter home and went back to sleep.

Algore™ was unavailable for a statement; rumors are that he, FLATUS, and flabulous film maker Michael Moore were seen chowing down on a strange mix of lobster, tacos, and corn dogs on Martha's Vineyard.
 

This stupid rodent does not know the difference between weather and climate. "Weather" is any anomalous, one-time only chance event which seems to disprove the Settled Science of Global Warming ™ but it doesn't because it's an anomalous, one-time only chance event. "Climate" is what officially approved science, which has access to secret historic temperature data going back 4.6 billion years (including historic temperature data from oceans, where most people think there are no thermometers) says it is.

Now that the explanation is clear to all, there will be no further questions.
 

Speaking of historic data, here are collective excerpts from our last year's coverage:

Punxsutawney Phil: "I don't see Obama's shadow."

- Obama: How long until the Progressive World of Next Tuesday?
- Phil: Next Tuesday.

- Phil: How come I do all the work but you and Al Gore make all the money????

- Phil: And I should know you from where?

- Obama: Hey Phil, don't lock the door on your hole, I may be following you down.

- Phil: Where the f^%& is all that global warming I keep hearing about?
- Obama: HAVE YOU NOT RECIEVED THE UPDATED, REWRITTEN MEMO FROM 2 YEARS AGO?! It is no longer "global warming" but climate change, which can be changed and fit anything & any weather conditions and pre-conditions. Please rethink your thinking... Carry on.

- Obama: The weather is not the climate during those months that have an "r" in their name. The rest of the year any spell of hot weather proves Global Climate Change.

What's the difference between Obama and a groundhog?

• One is a smelly varmint and the other has fur.
• When they find themselves in a hole, one never stops digging and the other lives there.
• One makes his living by scavenging and scamming other animals and the other has a tail.
• One is full of s**t and the other s**ts when he's full.
• One is a rodent and the other is a rat.

Now, how are Obama and a groundhog the same?

• Neither of them wrote their autobiographies.

- WTF = Win the Future. I say, win the here and now and the future will take care of itself.

- "WTF" should be a required addition to the New Prog Lexicon of Acronyms™ - as prescribed by Dear Leader.

- One must be most cautious in who one quotes. Some of us are more quotable than others... we just haven't figured out yet who those people are.
 

 

I believe this rodent has a promising future in service to Comrade Michael Moore. I think possibly deep-fried, with a light cream gravy, mixed veggies and a medium sized sweet potato...
 

Global Warming deniers are stoopid. They have not yet gained access to Uncle Al's Playground. Membership can be reinforced by buying everything he sells, and making large donations to support his humble life style!
 

Tovarichi

I believe this rodent has a promising future in service to Comrade Michael Moore. I think possibly deep-fried, with a light cream gravy, mixed veggies and a medium sized sweet potato...
And a nice Chianti!
 

Pamalinsky

Tovarichi

I believe this rodent has a promising future in service to Comrade Michael Moore. I think possibly deep-fried, with a light cream gravy, mixed veggies and a medium sized sweet potato...
And a nice Chianti!
Not to be picky, Pamalinsky, but we ARE talking about Michael Moore here.

I'm thinking a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
 

An alert reader sent us this image - apparently it had already been posted on IcanHasCheezburger.com for caption editing.



 

LMAO!! (and putting it back on before anyone notices) - most excellent!
 

Comrades I propose we move swiftly to establish laws banning or at least heavily regulating the ownership and public display/distribution of groundhogs! If they are not with us, they must be regulated out of existence!
 

Received this email and thought that it belonged here.

COFFEE HURTS

I was eating lunch on the 20th of February with my 8-year-old
grandson and I asked him, "What day is tomorrow?"
He said "It's President's Day!"

He is a smart kid. So, I asked "What does President's Day mean?"
I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln etc.

He replied, "President's Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have one more year of unemployment."

You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose!!!
 

"From the mouths of babes..."