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Great Moments in (Revisionist) History with Today's MSM!

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How today's objective unbiased MSM would have covered past events in history
(Remember, It's THEIR job to decide!)


Dec 7, 1941 (Attack on Pearl Harbor)

US Forces Japan to Declare War!!!

Planes lined up wing-to-wing at Wheeler Field calculated to encourage attack, psychologists say

Parking American battleships in Hawaii is "an act of aggression", claims centrist legislator

"We should've used the RESET button" claims time-travelling future American President

President May Issue Apology Tonight



Nov 22, 1963 (JFK Assassinated)

President Assassinated by Right Wing Extremists!

Violent Militarists, enraged by JFK's reluctance to destroy world during 1962 Missile Crisis, Finally Get Revenge

Police begin search for peaceful Marxist to use as scapegoat
~


Oct 29, 1929 (The Crash of '29)

Capitalism Fails as Predicted!

Thousands in streets of NY cheer as imperialist stock market collapses.

Equitable Humane Soviet Communist model will last forever!" - NY Times Editor
~


July 18, 1969 (Chappaquidick Incident)

Ted Kennedy Framed for Co-worker's Death!

Political enemies get Senator drunk, drive his car into pond with young lady trapped inside

Nixon vacationing in San Clemente at the time, so he says
~


Nov 4, 1980 (Reagan elected President)

President Carter Overthrown in Coup d'Etat!

National election served as cover for Right-Wing takeover

8,423,116 Democrats claim they were prevented from voting, would've swung rigged election to Carter
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August 23, 1939 Molotov–Ribbentrop Pact (Soviet-German Non Agression Pact)

World's Utopian Societies Germany and USSR Sign Peace Pact!

Treaty will put an end to war forever; all nations of Europe should expect great economic and social benefits!

Capitalist war-mongers US, Britain, refuse to join, as usual
~


June 17, 1994 (OJ Simpson Arrested in Death of Nicole Brown Simpson)

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACISM!

Football Star and Actor OJ Simpson Accused of Killing White Prostitute

Accusations of prior abuse suspicious; woman pushed her own face into Simpson's fist, witnesses claim

Psychologists Speculate woman committed suicide by cutting her own throat

N.O.W. demands officials begin search for real killer, patriarchal heterosexual phallocentric society
~


June 4, 1968 (RFK assassinated)

Israeli Masquerading as Palestinian Murders Future President!

Suspected Mossad agent Sirhan Sirhan (probably fake name) may have had ties to CIA

L.A. detectives scramble to begin coverup
~


Sept 11, 2001 (Another day that will live in infamy)

Airplane Hits Building in NYC; Pilot Error Suspected

Flimsy Construction Techniques blamed for subsequent collapse

Unlikely anybody from Middle East Involved in calamity, sources attest

"REALLY Smart Amerikkans Wonder What GWB's Role Was In This" - Yale Graduate Van Jones

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Opiate of the People wrote:How today's objective unbiased MSM would have covered past events in history
(Remember, It's THEIR job to decide!)



Hurricane Katrina Faked

The Real Disaster Was Created When The Army Corps of Engineers Blew Up The New Orleans Levees To Exterminate People Of Color.

The Hurricane Was Only A Diversion.

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JUNE 3, 1968: WIFE BEATER ANDY WARHOL SHOOTS VALERIE SOLANAS

JULY 3, 1968: Warhol Write's treaty entitled Society to Cut Up Women, Blames vast right wing conspiracy for creating the evil washing machine and clothes dryer to ease household duties for women, and relieve needed women's Patriarchal Suffering(TM).


 
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