• Federal Reserve Chairman Nancy Pelosi announces Quantitative Easing #56; "Ben would have wanted it this way," she declared with teary eyes
  
• Chinese consumers complain about atrocious manners and lack of basic Mandarin grammar at U.S. call centers
  
• EU Chairman Muhammed ibn-Sultan calls in NATO troops to quell rebellion of Christians in northern England
  
• UN Security Council condemns Israel for not undertaking any military operations for over three months, "which is evidence of secret preparations to conquer the Arab countries"
  
• Gold hits $1 million per ounce, still holding at price of a good men's suit
  
• Reading comprehension removed from elementary school curricula following outbreak of "passive-aggressive pre-hormonal self-esteem disruption syndrome"
  
• Carcasses of animals electrocuted by Chevy Volts littered alongside nation's roads; PETA and Green Party go toe-to-toe in front of GM headquarters
  
• Five million undocumented Americans relocated to North Dakota to redress state's lack of diversity
  
• Netflix removes from its database all films made prior to 1980, unless its Patriarchy Advisory Board finds that no strong, rational-thinking male characters are portrayed in a positive light
  
• California bailed out by Federal government for fifth consecutive year; to cover costs, Nebraska is sold to consortium of Saudi and Pakistani investors
  
• Transportation Czar Lisa Jackson proudly unveils new windmill-powered subway train connecting Oswego, New York with Burlington, Vermont
  
• Availability of electricity now limited to one hour per day in most metropolitan areas; "finally, our ecosystem is starting to heal," says Energy Czar Michael Moore
  
• In what is to be an annual ceremony, Former First Lady Michelle Obama presides over public execution of most obese person in America
  
• Last independent family farm shut down by Feds when proprietor fails to produce evidence that his crops and soil contain "nothing potentially harmful to babies, nursing mothers, wildlife, air quality, or the sustainability of life on earth."

I am looking for the wormhole to be there now instead of waiting.... ah, the glorious progressive future to address the past. Hail Obama!

They forgot one:

Comrade Whoopie still waiting patiently by his mailbox for a check from Obama's personal stash.

(Goddammit)

AWOL Civilization wrote:Here is what life will be like in the year 2020 if our civilization continues to go AWOL:

• In what is to be an annual ceremony, Former First Lady Michelle Obama presides over public execution of most obese person in America

Former First Lady? Won't she be one of the high officers in General Secretary Barack's USSA administration?

News of the future from 1969 (the actual "news" starts at 1:09, if you want to avoid a rather annoying bit by Goldie Hawn and Sammy Davis).

Царевна wrote:

AWOL Civilization wrote:Here is what life will be like in the year 2020 if our civilization continues to go AWOL:

• In what is to be an annual ceremony, Former First Lady Michelle Obama presides over public execution of most obese person in America

Former First Lady? Won't she be one of the high officers in General Secretary Barack's USSA administration?

I believe she has numerous titles and honors in that administration, as was the case with important members of the Party in the glorious days of the USSR. The headline, of course, is too short to start mentioning them all, so Former First Lady was chosen.

Would you care to cite the other titles, honors, and positions?

Komissar Blogunov, why would Dear Leader pardon obese WHITE 8th grader? Would not fat-boy be the oppressor of persons of coloring past present and future?

Komissar Blogunov wrote:

"In a white house ceremony just before the Muslim holiday of Thanksgiving, His Excellency President for Life, al-haji Barak Hussein Obama, Doctor of Sharia Constitutional Law, Protector of the Beasts of the Field and Fishes of the Sea, Conqueror of Free Enterprise in the West in General and America in Particular, and Professor of Golfing, pardons an obese white 8th grader from Hackensack, New Jersey."

...after which the 8th grader was summarily executed by Her Most Humble and Royal Highness Chief Rootytoottoot Mahatma and Thrice Attaining Nirvana and Clearness Moochelle.

AWOL Civilization wrote:Federal Reserve Chairman Nancy Pelosi announces Quantitative Easing #56; "Ben would have wanted it this way," she declared with teary eyes.

By the way, who is Ben?

Washington D.C. - AP (Associated Potatoes)
Dateline March 31, 2020 - President Recurrent B. Hussein Obama today issued a statement concerning former "tea party" criminals' announcement yesterday from federal gulag that he STILL isn't eligible to be president no matter how many millions of Renminbi (人民币) he spends hiding the truth. The President And Supreme Dear Leader stated, for the record, that he was actually born in both Hawaii AND Connecticut, and that the persistent rumors about the former nation of Kenya - now a USSA national shrine - being his birthplace are nonsensical and absurd.

"The Tea Party (sic) has known for over 10 years that Obama's an imposter", said an anonymous tea bagger via laikaPhone® from the USSA federal gulag at Tripoli, in the former nation of Libya. "He keeps spending more and more SorosDollars™ (approximately 1500 人民币) to hide it, but we aren't fooled!"

Immediately following the televised execution of the anonymous tea bagger, a short but brief celebratory salad ceremony was held by official WonderWomanInChief™ Michelle Obama in the Rose Garden.

Earth Hour 2020: On Saturday, March 28th, people around the world will turn off their lights for one hour at 8:30 pm local time to raise awareness of Global Warming, and the fact that we now have less than 10 years remaining to save the planet from irretrievable catastrophe!

President Weiner commemorates ninth anniversary of Libyan war, promises to turn over primary responsibilities to NATO "any day now". Secy of State John Kerry believes we finally have Kadaffy cornered: "He's either in Mohammed's Market on Bashir St in Tripoli or the Sahara Desert. "

One billionth ObamaCare waiver served!

The nation's first hi-speed rail project from Fresno to Oakland California ("The Train from Nowhere to No-There") first approved in 2011, is scheduled to break ground next month after the last of the 3 million lawsuits delaying it was dismissed recently. The project is now 500 billion dollars over its original 100 million dollar budget.

GM declared bankruptcy for the fifth time yesterday. As part of the government-negotiated reorganization, GM will now produce only one product, the Chevy Volt, and to help deal with the company's crippling retiree health-care costs, each American household will now be required to care for one retired UAW worker in their homes.

The entire state of California lost electric power yesterday when a large number of its billion or so windmills broke loose from their towers and crashed into a large number of its billion or so solar panels. Residents can expect power to be restored... well, they shouldn't expect it to be restored.

Prince Charles of England stated that the Climate Change crisis has reached a very very very very very very very dangerous stage after Britain's third consecutive week of sunny, 72 degree weather. "Don't you see", warned the prince, "that one of the main effects of Climate Change is a lack of change in the climate?"

Царевна wrote:

AWOL Civilization wrote:Federal Reserve Chairman Nancy Pelosi announces Quantitative Easing #56; "Ben would have wanted it this way," she declared with teary eyes.

By the way, who is Ben?

Ben Bernanke.

It is so good to see the Federal Reserve is still in power. With Chairman Nancy Pelosi at the helm I am sure everything is just fine. This news is really exciting. With gold at one million an ounce I am going to be a very wealthy man happy redistributer.

April 22, 2020: Golden Anniversary of Earth Day. Environmentalists commemmorate 50 years of warning the masses that we have less than 10 years to save the planet!

Thanks, that's such a relief Commissarka Pinkie. I was worried we would not make it past 2020. 2030? We can get a lot of the People's work done by '30. Maybe the Glorious Kinetic Progressive World of Next Tuesday will be a reality by then.

Tovarichi wrote:Komissar Blogunov, why would Dear Leader pardon obese WHITE 8th grader? Would not fat-boy be the oppressor of persons of coloring past present and future?

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:

MichelleSalad.JPG

Washington D.C. - AP (Associated Potatoes)
Dateline March 31, 2020 - President Recurrent B. Hussein Obama today issued a statement concerning former "tea party" criminals' announcement yesterday from federal gulag that he STILL isn't eligible to be president no matter how many millions of Renminbi (人民币) he spends hiding the truth. The President And Supreme Dear Leader stated, for the record, that he was actually born in both Hawaii AND Connecticut, and that the persistent rumors about the former nation of Kenya - now a USSA national shrine - being his birthplace are nonsensical and absurd.

"The Tea Party (sic) has known for over 10 years that Obama's an imposter", said an anonymous tea bagger via laikaPhone® from the USSA federal gulag at Tripoli, in the former nation of Libya. "He keeps spending more and more SorosDollars™ (approximately 1500 人民币) to hide it, but we aren't fooled!"

Immediately following the televised execution of the anonymous tea bagger, a short but brief celebratory salad ceremony was held by official WonderWomanInChief™ Michelle Obama in the Rose Garden.

Don't forget the carrots:
.




--Fearless Leader

2020: In his new movie More Green Gore, Al Gore once again predicts climate change will raise sea levels by at least 20 feet sooner rather than later. Scientists note that his latest movie is still using Gore's same doctored graph from all of his other books and movies to prove carbon is the fundamental factor affecting the earth's climate and that anthropocentric global warming is real. Al Gore's graph, say scientists, falsely shows historical carbon levels rising before temperatures instead of the actual graph used by real scientists that shows historical temperatures rising before carbon levels.

Comrade Margaret, just like the chocolate rations in Oceania, all that matters is that global temperatures are ALWAYS GOING UP and we must tax the crap out of all the rich countries change our ways before it's TOO LATE!

April 4, 2020: Washington, PSRofDC, USSA

Now out of subject matter for his genre of films, Michael Moore takes on the last remaining capitalist ... George Soros. Realizing the potential crisis he has created for the international progressive movement, Michael quickly ate Mr. Soros.

Good to see Comrade Michael finally doing something full-filling.

American Pravda MAY 1, 2020:

Sandy "burglar" Berger Strikes Again


Sandy Bergler, ex-National Security Advisor from 1997-2001 under "Slick Willie" Klinton #42, was caught red-faced and red-handed with over 1000 stolen emails from the Climate Research Unit of the University of East Anglia stuffed down his pants. The discovery happened when Mr. Bergler was attending a rage party at ex-Congressperson/Gender Chameleon Barney Frank's Transvestite Brothel and Discount Shoe store. Mzz Frank asked Mr. Bergler if the "bulge" in his pants were classified documents from the National Archives, or 'if he was just happy to see them [Mzz Frank]'.

April 6, 2020:

While irradiated ruins of Paris and Berlin remain quarantined EU leaders have come together in Brussels to discuss constructive dialog with the Muslim world:

"I think it's quite clear - said one of the Union commissars - that we have no one to blame but ourselves. Had we put a little more effort into accommodating our partners in the Middle East those peace-loving freedom fighters would have never nuked our cities".

"Israel is to blame. - said another - I have no doubt about it".