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I believe Jussie Smollett and here's why

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[img]/images/various_uploads/Jussie_Smollett_Che.jpg[/img]

I love Jussie. I believe Jussie! The police are lying about him. You know how much police hate black people.

By arresting Jussie, the police are only emboldening Trump supporters, making it easier for them to target innocent, defenseless, helpless-without-the-government progs like me.

Why, just last night I was in San Francisco, or maybe it was Los Angeles. It was past midnight and I couldn't sleep because it was pouring down rain and soaking thru my cardboard box. So it had to be Los Angeles. Yeah, I'm camping out here hoping to see some of my favorite celebrities on the red carpet for the Oscars this Sunday night. I might even get to take selfies with them. Maybe Brad Pitt will offer to make me his date.

But I digress.

I was soaked and shivering, so I abandoned my cardboard box and tried to find the nearest open coffee shop. Unfortunately, the only one I found was in the Trump Tower—in which case, maybe I was in New York but there are still always celebrities here, even when it isn't Oscar night.

Not wanting to be seen by my fellow progs going into Trump Tower and thus denounced for being a Trump supporter, I took a selfie of myself passing it by and posted it on social media to signal my progressive virtue to all, as I plodded on through the torrents of rain in search of some other coffee shop that might be open at two in the morning. Teeth chattering, I finally found an open Starbucks where there were only two other customers seated at one of the tables. I ordered a White Russian Mocha Latte.

The barista asked me for my name to write on my cup. I said “Pinkie.” She wrote “Ivanka” on the cup and proceeded to brew my WRML.

That's when the other two customers called out to me. “Pinkie? Commissarka Pinkie? So it's you! We been waitin' for you to show up!”

I was dripping and shivering so hard that I couldn't see exactly what they looked like, except they both wore red MAGA hats and didn't have any teeth save for a single front tooth and maybe a canine or bicuspid but definitely no molars. And there was a laptop on their table open to a Neo-Nazi white supremacist pro-gun website complete with pictures of Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity and Sarah Palin. Oh, and Trump, too.

They said, “You're in MAGA country now, Pinkie. And we're gonna get you for it because even if you report us to the cops, they're eventually gonna accuse you of pullin' a Smollett just to get guys in red hats to hit on you. And everyone knows how much you like guys in red hats—Pinkie.”

“Not anymore,” I said. “And I'm not Pinkie. I'm Ivanka. The barista even wrote it on my cup.”

“You are too Pinkie. Red nose? Red hijab?”

“It's not a hijab, it's a headscarf. I'm not a Muslim—not that there's anything wrong with that. It used to be a kerchief around Che's neck, and I took it to blow my nose while he lay dying and I've worn it on my head ever since.”

“Oh yeah? Then how do you explain that shovel in your hand?”

That's when it occurred to me that I should whack them with my shovel. But at the very same moment, the barista called out, “Ivanka, White Russian Mocha Latte!”

I grabbed the coffee and held it up. “See? It says Ivanka. I'm Ivanka!”

Instead they tore my red headscarf off my head. I had to get it back from them, but I had my shovel in one hand and my White Russian Mocha Latte in the other.

“Who cut off all your hair?” one of them sneered.

Mitt Romney did that years ago at the prom. It was a Sunday feature story on the front page of the Washington Post when he ran for President back in 2012, but of course you toothless wonders don't read that paper. In fact, you don't read anything. You don't know how to read!”

“Then you ARE Pinkie!”

“I told you—and it says so on this cup—I'm IVANKA!” I swung my shovel at first one and then the other, knocking out what few teeth they had left. With my own teeth I picked up my red headscarf. Shovel in one hand and coffee in the other, I ran for cover in the bathroom, but it was already full of homeless people smoking crack.

“Hey, look!” one of them said. “Check out the name on her cup. It's Ivanka! Ivanka Trump! Get her!”

I fled back into the pouring rain, during which time I somehow managed to pull my cellphone out of my cleavage and call Betinov, but then I forgot he doesn't get a signal in his jar. So I called Pamalinsky but she couldn't understand what I was saying because my red headscarf was hanging out of my mouth and I was trying to drink my latte at the same time while running past the Trump Tower to my cardboard box where I've been hiding ever since, waiting for Brad Pitt to give me a call after he learns of my ordeal on CNN.

I just don't know what traumatizes me more—those MAGA hats or being mistaken for Ivanka Trump.

#ibelievejussie #notivanka #shovellife #victimhoodismysuperpower #wheresmyfreestuff

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:

Instead they tore my red headscarf off my head. I had to get it back from them, but I had my shovel in one hand and my White Russian Mocha Latte in the other.

What a heroic prog-tale! Completely believable! I just hope the cops don't conspire against you like they did with Smollett!

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:I love Jussie. I believe Jussie! The police are lying about him. You know how much police hate black people.

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Pinkie - your post is so good that I'm going to separate it into an independent topic, unless you think it isn't necessary.

You have a couple of hours to decide, until I return from Walmart where I'm going to surveil the Trump supporters by counting red hats and measuring their unique and unmistakable odors.

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Separate it if you like--especially if you think it'll smear Trump and his supporters, get me a higher profile, oodles of sympathy, free stuff, that date with Brad Pitt, and maybe a phone call from Obama asking if I'm okay.

Why the hell do you think I came forward with it--because it actually happened?

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Hey, Other Ivan! If I swing by Tractor Barn No. 2, can you rig my jar up with a cell signal booster antenna? I am all aflutter at the thought that I missed a call from Pinkie, especially in the context of her heaving cleavage.

Pinkie, had I but only known, I would have flown to your side to squat (figuratively) in the rain and share your pain. We could have made signs together. What color awareness ribbon do you think appropriate? I am quite willing to sign petitions, too.

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Good Lenin, the antenna hardware is in use for that crystal radio set that may or may not be in use in the bunker that doesn't exist to (ahem) monitor dissident hate speech and propaganda talk-radio broadcasting. But I'll see what I can do. It may cost us a few beets for stuff to make it waterproof, you know, you stewing in that sauce and all...

Say, it seems she didn't even try to call me. Dammit, I feel marginalized and excluded. It's racist, that's what.

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Pinkie - here's a banner from a recent teachers' strike in Oakland, CA. Is that your red scarf on the tiger's face? If so, you were probably in California after all.

Unless it's not a scarf and the teachers are protesting the requirement to wear panties in the workplace. In which case I may have to post this image as a caption contest.

[img]/images/various_uploads/Teachers_Strike_Oacland_Tiger_Panties.jpg[/img]


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I believe Jussie because his fraternal twin is one of us...
and Ivan never lies!!
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Plus they both have:
• dreamy eyes
• dreamy beards
• dreamy cloaks
• great happiness (very gay)
• paid for nefarious activities with a check
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Red Square wrote:... the requirement to wear panties in the workplace...
No. No, no no NO! NYET!

Where is the union? Where is the awareness ribbon? This oppression must not stand.
Down with panties!

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CPD release image of Osundairo brothers lying in wait for Jussie!
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Comrade Putout wrote:.
CPD release image of Osundairo brothers lying in wait for Jussie!
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You are korrect, Comrade Putout, BULK counts!

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:[img]/images/various_uploads/Jussie_Smollett_Che.jpg[/img]


That was an EPIC lie rendition of events! In fact, it's so good I think it could be made into an ORIGINAL SERIES and I am hearing rumors that there may be an open time slot soon.

OK, picture this, we'll call it #IBelieveJussie and use the above agitprop picture for the show logo. Every episode Commissarka Pinkie is on the hunt for MAGA hat wearing rednecks abusing innocent citizens and gives them a thorough whacking. Assisted by a couple of sidekicks, Pamalinsky and May Putout, every episode is filled with VIGILANTE SOCIAL JUSTICE of the EPIC kind!

I will man the casting couch and look for new talent for each episode.

Of course this will be a joint effort with all proceeds going to the kollective.

Check this out, Clara has already cast the theme song........................


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Clara Illbustyourballs Zetkin wrote:Check this out, Clara has already cast the theme song........................

I hereby declare the three-string shovel the official People's Instrument and this song the official People's Cube anthem. Extra beet rations to Clara for this special find.

And to the inventor of the three-string shovel and the performer we give our most prestigious...

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Red Square wrote:
Clara Illbustyourballs Zetkin wrote:Check this out, Clara has already cast the theme song........................

I hereby declare the three-string shovel the official People's Instrument and this song the official People's Cube anthem. Extra beet rations to Clara for this special find.

And to the inventor of the three-string shovel and the performer we give our most prestigious...

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Komrade Komissar, if you liked that, then you will like the Diddley Bow. It manages to be even MORE proletarian!


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Comrade Stierlitz wrote:It manages to be even MORE proletarian!

That already is the official instrument of the Communist Party of Mongolia.

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Comrade Stierlitz wrote:
Red Square wrote:
Clara Illbustyourballs Zetkin wrote:Check this out, Clara has already cast the theme song........................

I hereby declare the three-string shovel the official People's Instrument and this song the official People's Cube anthem. Extra beet rations to Clara for this special find.

And to the inventor of the three-string shovel and the performer we give our most prestigious...

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Komrade Komissar, if you liked that, then you will like the Diddley Bow. It manages to be even MORE proletarian!


I'm sorry Comrade Stierlitz, you like the Diddley Bow, I like the Diddley Bow, Comrade Red Square likes the Diddley Bow, we all like the Diddley Bow but it doesn't quite fit the shovel ready narrative now does it? Who's ever been whacked with a Diddley Bow?

By the way Comrade Red Square, how much extra rations are we talking about?

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Wow. Pinkie really let her hair down for that three-string shovel number.

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[color=#C0392B]Clara Illbustyourballs Zetkin[/color] was ignoring a vital sector of our Kollektive's industry when she wrote:
I'm sorry Comrade Stierlitz, you like the Diddley Bow, I like the Diddley Bow, Comrade Red Square likes the Diddley Bow, we all like the Diddley Bow but it doesn't quite fit the shovel ready narrative now does it? Who's ever been whacked with a Diddley Bow?

By the way Comrade Red Square, how much extra rations are we talking about?
Don't you see, Comrade Clara? His instrument is constructed out of a wooden beam! It represents not only the construction of cheaper rural housing and of our beloved dachas, it also represents the forests, our People's Army and Navy barracks, and the supports used to keep our Kollektive Mines from caving in! If anything, the wooden beam is MORE EQUAL than the shovel!

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Comrade Stierlitz wrote:Don't you see, Comrade Clara? His instrument is constructed out of a wooden beam! It represents not only the construction of cheaper rural housing and of our beloved dachas, it also represents the forests, our People's Army and Navy barracks, and the supports used to keep our Kollektive Mines from caving in! If anything, the wooden beam is MORE EQUAL than the shovel!

I don't see a beam, I see a 2 x 4, or a 1-1/2 x 3-1/2 in today standards and if you have ever dealt with a building inspector you will find a 2 x 4 will never pass as a beam even in rural construction because of all the kommie regulations. Even in it's purest form, a log, it is not as equal as a shovel.

A log is hard but one whack and it's all over......................




With a shovel whacking, the fun never ends....................



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Dearest Komrade Clara,

Your submitted video of the three string shovel shows the awesome scarcity of other keys, which tend to expound upon the original statement, expressing different views, and are eliminated. There's no real blues here, just indoctrination into the greater hole! Excellent!


 
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