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Comrades and Fellow Travelers...
I have been troubled these past few months, and tonight have came to the only conclusion possible. It is something I must do, not for me, but For the Party, For the Common Good™, and For the Children™.
Regretfully, I have felt that there has been a slackening in the values that the Party holds so dearly. Sure, there has been a lot of lip service to the values and needs of the Party, but it seems there has been a slackening in the discipline and committment needed if we wish to achieve the Glorious World of Next Tuesday. Perhaps this is due to the recent uncertainty that has creeped in due to the rise of Obamaism. I remember a time not that long ago when the party was solidly behind the Empress and no dissent was even imagined. True, there are some who would say this is healthy for the Party, and perhaps it is, but it has perhaps caused some distraction. It is one thing I hope to correct. In addition, we have seen a most welcome increase in the number and diversity of comrades here at the Cube. But they have yet to see the Party at it's best as I have been fortunate to have seen from a close, too close view 3 times.
So Comrades, Commissars, esteemed members of the Poliburo, it is my sincere hope that you will see my love for the Party, my devotion to the cause of World Socialism, and dedication to the World of Next Tuesday as I throw myself upon my own shovel for the Common Good™.
I do have but one wish, and hope. If it is not too much to ask, I would request that the Chairman act as my defense council till I am proved guilty.
I DENOUNCE COMMISSAR PUPOVICH!
Among the charges:
I have engaged at times in promoting competition, both between species and between teams, having boasted openly about my beloved National Champion LSU Tigers.
I have questioned the usefulness of continued promotion of Global Change theory.
I have questioned the Party's support of Islamic terrorism.
I have implicated other comrades in ThoughtCrime™ with the aim of moving up in the Party. (Hmmm, I suppose that could be an argument in my defense.)
I have failed to turn in 100% of the contributions and appropriations I have collected and set aside some for my own good. (Perhaps that will also be a good defense?)
I have on a few occassions, either failed to promptly report ThoughtCrime™ or Wrecking committed by other comrades, or have been too lenient at times in correcting said behavior.
Again comrades, I know this is a rather shocking thing for a Commissar to do, but I do this out of my love of the Party, and the sure and certain hope in the Peoples Justice™.
I throw myself on my shovel... and pray that the Chairman, or perhaps Laika will come to my legal defense as required by Party regulations.
A revolution without firing squads is meaningless.
V. Lenin
I have been troubled these past few months, and tonight have came to the only conclusion possible. It is something I must do, not for me, but For the Party, For the Common Good™, and For the Children™.
Regretfully, I have felt that there has been a slackening in the values that the Party holds so dearly. Sure, there has been a lot of lip service to the values and needs of the Party, but it seems there has been a slackening in the discipline and committment needed if we wish to achieve the Glorious World of Next Tuesday. Perhaps this is due to the recent uncertainty that has creeped in due to the rise of Obamaism. I remember a time not that long ago when the party was solidly behind the Empress and no dissent was even imagined. True, there are some who would say this is healthy for the Party, and perhaps it is, but it has perhaps caused some distraction. It is one thing I hope to correct. In addition, we have seen a most welcome increase in the number and diversity of comrades here at the Cube. But they have yet to see the Party at it's best as I have been fortunate to have seen from a close, too close view 3 times.
So Comrades, Commissars, esteemed members of the Poliburo, it is my sincere hope that you will see my love for the Party, my devotion to the cause of World Socialism, and dedication to the World of Next Tuesday as I throw myself upon my own shovel for the Common Good™.
I do have but one wish, and hope. If it is not too much to ask, I would request that the Chairman act as my defense council till I am proved guilty.
I DENOUNCE COMMISSAR PUPOVICH!
Among the charges:
I have engaged at times in promoting competition, both between species and between teams, having boasted openly about my beloved National Champion LSU Tigers.
I have questioned the usefulness of continued promotion of Global Change theory.
I have questioned the Party's support of Islamic terrorism.
I have implicated other comrades in ThoughtCrime™ with the aim of moving up in the Party. (Hmmm, I suppose that could be an argument in my defense.)
I have failed to turn in 100% of the contributions and appropriations I have collected and set aside some for my own good. (Perhaps that will also be a good defense?)
I have on a few occassions, either failed to promptly report ThoughtCrime™ or Wrecking committed by other comrades, or have been too lenient at times in correcting said behavior.
Again comrades, I know this is a rather shocking thing for a Commissar to do, but I do this out of my love of the Party, and the sure and certain hope in the Peoples Justice™.
I throw myself on my shovel... and pray that the Chairman, or perhaps Laika will come to my legal defense as required by Party regulations.
A revolution without firing squads is meaningless.
V. Lenin
Commissar Pupovich
I do have but one wish, and hope. If it is not too much to ask, I would request that the Chairman act as my defense council till I am proved guilty.I will do everything I can to ensure that you are given a speedy and fair trial, Commissar Pupovich.
Errhmmm... Comrades of the Revolutionary People's Tribunal, my client wishes to plead GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY! and requests that he is shot before breakfast for his crimes against everything we hold dear and blah blah blah I'm late for my morning massage.
I rest my case.
Pupovich: I will need the names and addresses of any next-of-kin so that I can bill them for your legal defense. Oh... and since you are being executed... umm... can I have your parking space and your Kermit the Frog phone? Mainly all I really want is the Kermit the Frog phone but would also really, really like to have that parking space since the cops discovered that my handicap parking pass was a fake last week. I can't walk long distances and you know this, Pupovich. You know I have to be right up on the door or else I will have to use my power chair.
Sheesh... the thought of actually having to walk a considerable distance from my Porsche to the front door would make me look a commoner -- a filthy low-life commoner! And everyone knows that my rascal can't fit in my teeny tiny trunk along with my golf clubs. Everyone knows I can't drive my Porsche, have my golf clubs and my power chair. I just can't do it. And to think people will think of me as a small town person! How am I suppose to get to the front door, Pupovich? Hmm? How am I going to get to the front door and be able to play golf later in the day? Hmm? I CAN'T! I need that space.
I can't be seen as a commoner, Pupovich! I can't be seen walking! I just can't! You have to give me your parking space! YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME YOUR PARKING SPACE!
I didn't know a parking space was involved.
I denounce both Pupovich and Meow.
Before we do any more denouncing I believe we need to hammer out the specifications of the trial docket and the shape and length of the Revolutionary Judge's Tribunal bench and who gets to sit where and so forth.
Do you think that maybe the Merciful Kim Jong Il will let us borrow the one once used to sign the Korean cease fire?
I denounce both Pupovich and Meow.
Before we do any more denouncing I believe we need to hammer out the specifications of the trial docket and the shape and length of the Revolutionary Judge's Tribunal bench and who gets to sit where and so forth.
Do you think that maybe the Merciful Kim Jong Il will let us borrow the one once used to sign the Korean cease fire?
I see my Dream Team defense is here. I am most honored. It is my hope that I can hereby prove my love of the Party and demonstrate to new comrades the Peoples Justice, and revive the revolutionary spirit in some of our sleeping comrades.
BTW... I do have a legitimate handicap hangtag, however, it's authenticity would of course be immediately revoked upon my actual demise. Chairman, all you would have need to do was but ask, and the Kermit the Frog phone would be yours. As for the list of my next of kin...I have already made arrangements for that so that in the event of my demise, that, and a particular collection of photographs, tape recordings, and surveillance logs will be recovered from my hidden safe.
Oh, Chairman, you may wish to downplay a need for a handicap sticker, or a power chair. Remember when Lenin showed a little weakness? Next thing you know the Politburo mandated 10 minute work days for him.... and we know what happened next.
Perhaps another option would be to go for one of those Doctor tags? When the glorious World of Next Tuesday arrives, I believe we will push for "Lawyer" tags! "What's the problem officer? Can't you see I am a lawyer?"
BTW... I do have a legitimate handicap hangtag, however, it's authenticity would of course be immediately revoked upon my actual demise. Chairman, all you would have need to do was but ask, and the Kermit the Frog phone would be yours. As for the list of my next of kin...I have already made arrangements for that so that in the event of my demise, that, and a particular collection of photographs, tape recordings, and surveillance logs will be recovered from my hidden safe.
Oh, Chairman, you may wish to downplay a need for a handicap sticker, or a power chair. Remember when Lenin showed a little weakness? Next thing you know the Politburo mandated 10 minute work days for him.... and we know what happened next.
Perhaps another option would be to go for one of those Doctor tags? When the glorious World of Next Tuesday arrives, I believe we will push for "Lawyer" tags! "What's the problem officer? Can't you see I am a lawyer?"
Fear not Commissar Pupovitch, since you have shown kindness to me (as well as the "extra" ration coupons) and we have had many fine discussions, should it become necessary, I will make sure to fire the fatal shot truly in order to make it painless. Unless ordered by my superiors to "make it last," in which case you're SOL.
In any event, I suggest you begin filling out the necessary request forms for your requisite bullets, just in case. I hope you don't expect me to fill out all those forms.
-AK
In any event, I suggest you begin filling out the necessary request forms for your requisite bullets, just in case. I hope you don't expect me to fill out all those forms.
-AK
Workers!
we have returned and are stunned to realize that the Pelosi purge did not happen!
i am saddened to hear of the Commissar Canis thought crime. perhaps the Party might grant him his life due to his past service.
besides, dog years are so much shorter then ours (unless you spend a great deal of time around a leaky nuclear reactor)
might i suggest that a good punishment for the bad doggie would be to swab the bilge on the Red October. this would save the expense of a show trial for the show dog and should kill anyone.
confirm distance to firing squad
one ping only
we have returned and are stunned to realize that the Pelosi purge did not happen!
i am saddened to hear of the Commissar Canis thought crime. perhaps the Party might grant him his life due to his past service.
besides, dog years are so much shorter then ours (unless you spend a great deal of time around a leaky nuclear reactor)
might i suggest that a good punishment for the bad doggie would be to swab the bilge on the Red October. this would save the expense of a show trial for the show dog and should kill anyone.
confirm distance to firing squad
one ping only
Pupovich's next-of-kin hold a conference outside the Party Bunker.
"Remember uncle Pupovich trustred us with a safe containing photographs, tape recordings, and surveillance logs? Does anyone remember in whose backyard we buried it? No? Right. Next question: what do we do if Punchenko bills us for his legal defense? I suggest we run away. Plan B: roll over and play dead."
"Remember uncle Pupovich trustred us with a safe containing photographs, tape recordings, and surveillance logs? Does anyone remember in whose backyard we buried it? No? Right. Next question: what do we do if Punchenko bills us for his legal defense? I suggest we run away. Plan B: roll over and play dead."
And here's how I believe Punchenko will be negotiating the transfer of Kermit the Frog phone and the parking space for his Porsche.
Mikhail T. Kalashnikov
Fear not Commissar Pupovitch, since you have shown kindness to me (as well as the "extra" ration coupons) and we have had many fine discussions, should it become necessary, I will make sure to fire the fatal shot truly in order to make it painless. Unless ordered by my superiors to "make it last," in which case you're SOL.In any event, I suggest you begin filling out the necessary request forms for your requisite bullets, just in case. I hope you don't expect me to fill out all those forms.
-AK
That is most kind of you, however, since I have saved the state resources by turning myself in, couldn't that be charged to the state? In any event, I do not have the requisite forms, so could you be so kind to send one?
I do have some small, feeble hope, that the Politburo will decide to spare me as I did not do this for myself, but for the Party. It is my sincere wish, that no matter what fate should befall me, that it will be written of me, that I have shown partiinost in my zeal to promote pravosoznanie among the People. After all, what is the life or fate of one Commissar in the push for progress?
Supreme Red Cube, as it happens I have used ordinary mail to provide the keeper of the combination to the safe where my records and tapes are stashed. Uncle Koba taught me well. Sometimes the organs pay too much attention looking for covert methods, and overlook the obvious.
This saddens me, Pupovich, as we've shared so many good times, but alas, I can't say as I'm surprised, especially with all the backpedaling you did in denouncing the Criminally Insane Vodkov and cutting him slack. Might I remind you, it was he who kept denouncing the Empress, and in so doing, tried to get me in trouble by calling me a Huckabee Operative when everyone knows I'm not that kind of HO. I am a HILLARY Operative, dammit!
No doubt that's where you got the crazy notion that I'd defected from her, only to go "back" into her camp after the PA primary. You allowed yourself to be bamboozled by Vodkov, who should've had a mock trial of his own months ago.
Now who's criminally insane?
And then there were the times when you left the ledge to goof off with those "hot bitches" of yours, leaving me all alone up there with no press coverage, and when I had to go to the bathroom!
I say you should be the first to jump off the ledge!
But before you go, could I have your pink ruffled party dress? I want to be able to wear it to the May Day Dance and Beet Hoedown, if only I can get that cute commissar to ask me. Just think, in an outfit like that, I should be a shoo-in for the titles of Miss Mayday and Beet Queen!
No doubt that's where you got the crazy notion that I'd defected from her, only to go "back" into her camp after the PA primary. You allowed yourself to be bamboozled by Vodkov, who should've had a mock trial of his own months ago.
Now who's criminally insane?
And then there were the times when you left the ledge to goof off with those "hot bitches" of yours, leaving me all alone up there with no press coverage, and when I had to go to the bathroom!
I say you should be the first to jump off the ledge!
But before you go, could I have your pink ruffled party dress? I want to be able to wear it to the May Day Dance and Beet Hoedown, if only I can get that cute commissar to ask me. Just think, in an outfit like that, I should be a shoo-in for the titles of Miss Mayday and Beet Queen!
It saddens me that I have had to take such steps so that I could have grounds to denounce myself to try and stir my Party up. Yet look! Look for yourself at the so far tepid response from the comrades. No cries of outrage, no further denunciations though I have left clues about, no outraged cries for revenge! What has happened to us? As it stands now, I hardly need my Dream Team to defend me, which is a good thing considering the limited defense from the Chairman so far who I guess has not realized I am paying by the hour.
Commissar Pupovich
It saddens me that I have had to take such steps so that I could have grounds to denounce myself to try and stir my Party up. Yet look! Look for yourself at the so far tepid response from the comrades. No cries of outrage, no further denunciations though I have left clues about, no outraged cries for revenge! What has happened to us? As it stands now, I hardly need my Dream Team to defend me, which is a good thing considering the limited defense from the Chairman so far who I guess has not realized I am paying by the hour.It’s the weekend, I’m sure on Monday outrage and additional charges will flow.
Did you not read my last post? Did you even see it, or was it not obvious without the signature you were howling for on another thread?
OK, Puppy, since you asked for it:
I denounce you for not reading my last post.
I denounce you for repeatedly denouncing Vodkov without anything ever coming of it. And now he's disappeared into that black hole of an IFP forum!
I denounce you for not staying on the ledge with me.
I denounce you for not liking the pink ruffled dress and matching ruffled rhumba pants I picked out just for you!
I denounce you for thinking I'm THAT kind of HO, when I've always been a HO for Hillary!
Finally, I denounce you for wanting to bring signature blocks to the Cube! You think I don't know? I deal with your type over on Yahoo every damn day. (Whiny voice) "Everyone use signature blocks so we know who you are, I can't decipher your Yahoo screen name or where you're from or what you do." OK, so we do signatures. Back comes Whiny: "There are too many lines in everyone's signature blocks, and it sucks up bandwidth, and it's really a hassle when no one snips and I'm on digest--oh, and could we please have rules cutting out the posts where people just say thank you or congratulations, like can't they do that privately off list, because it really clutters up my e-mail box and I have like 8 gazillion e-mails to go thru every day because I don't want to use a spam filter for fear I'll miss a really important e-mail from my mom, and I don't want to put my Yahoo settings on 'no mail' for fear I'll miss a post congratulating me or thanking me for something, I'm just a dumb diva butt." Hell, why do you think I spend so much time over here? For all the colorful pictures? For the vodka? For the great guy-to-girl ratio? No, I come here to get away from all that whiny stuff about snips and signature blocks! And you want to turn that loose in the Cube? Oh, even if I never denounce you for anything else, I absolutely must denounce you for that!
But in the meantime, if that's what you want--and if that's what it takes to get you to notice my posts--then here you go . . .
Pinkie
Commissarka of Vodka, Shovels, Beet of the Week Program, HBO, and Guest Soaps
Awarded the Order of Hillary
Awarded the Order of the Mime
Website jumpofftheledgeforpeace.org (blog updated hourly with new posts copied and pasted with MimeSwipe)
The Spring 2008 Collection of Pinkieware--Available Now!
Click here to download my favorite tunes!
"I like rich people. I like the way they live. I like the way I live when I'm with them." --Uncle Max in The Sound of Music.
OK, Puppy, since you asked for it:
I denounce you for not reading my last post.
I denounce you for repeatedly denouncing Vodkov without anything ever coming of it. And now he's disappeared into that black hole of an IFP forum!
I denounce you for not staying on the ledge with me.
I denounce you for not liking the pink ruffled dress and matching ruffled rhumba pants I picked out just for you!
I denounce you for thinking I'm THAT kind of HO, when I've always been a HO for Hillary!
Finally, I denounce you for wanting to bring signature blocks to the Cube! You think I don't know? I deal with your type over on Yahoo every damn day. (Whiny voice) "Everyone use signature blocks so we know who you are, I can't decipher your Yahoo screen name or where you're from or what you do." OK, so we do signatures. Back comes Whiny: "There are too many lines in everyone's signature blocks, and it sucks up bandwidth, and it's really a hassle when no one snips and I'm on digest--oh, and could we please have rules cutting out the posts where people just say thank you or congratulations, like can't they do that privately off list, because it really clutters up my e-mail box and I have like 8 gazillion e-mails to go thru every day because I don't want to use a spam filter for fear I'll miss a really important e-mail from my mom, and I don't want to put my Yahoo settings on 'no mail' for fear I'll miss a post congratulating me or thanking me for something, I'm just a dumb diva butt." Hell, why do you think I spend so much time over here? For all the colorful pictures? For the vodka? For the great guy-to-girl ratio? No, I come here to get away from all that whiny stuff about snips and signature blocks! And you want to turn that loose in the Cube? Oh, even if I never denounce you for anything else, I absolutely must denounce you for that!
But in the meantime, if that's what you want--and if that's what it takes to get you to notice my posts--then here you go . . .
Pinkie
Commissarka of Vodka, Shovels, Beet of the Week Program, HBO, and Guest Soaps
Awarded the Order of Hillary
Awarded the Order of the Mime
Website jumpofftheledgeforpeace.org (blog updated hourly with new posts copied and pasted with MimeSwipe)
The Spring 2008 Collection of Pinkieware--Available Now!
Click here to download my favorite tunes!
"I like rich people. I like the way they live. I like the way I live when I'm with them." --Uncle Max in The Sound of Music.
Well that is more like it, though I am sure you can do better. But up till now, the closest testimony that has come close to causing me shame, guilt, or fear was that of my defense lawyer, the Chairman.
Of course I am hoping that the Chairman will realize I pay by the hour, and he will do his best defense of me from your trumped up charges, Now the last one about signatures, well, I have already admitted to having been sucked in by that KGB honey trap -
"I must confess, I fell victim to a clever trap in the Cubes help page. I mistakenly assumed that since there were instructions on how to add a signature, complete with a check box that was supposed to activate said signature, that a WRECKER was at work here against the Party. Little did I know that the KGB had placed this option there to try and weed out self promoters. Clearly I am in need of increased vigilance."
Of course I am hoping that the Chairman will realize I pay by the hour, and he will do his best defense of me from your trumped up charges, Now the last one about signatures, well, I have already admitted to having been sucked in by that KGB honey trap -
"I must confess, I fell victim to a clever trap in the Cubes help page. I mistakenly assumed that since there were instructions on how to add a signature, complete with a check box that was supposed to activate said signature, that a WRECKER was at work here against the Party. Little did I know that the KGB had placed this option there to try and weed out self promoters. Clearly I am in need of increased vigilance."
Commissar Pupovich,
It is indeed disheartening to learn that you have denounced yourself. What is the Progressive movement coming to?
If the Party determines your Guilt (Self confessions are most damning), I would be willing to offer you a home cooked meal for your last supper, on the night before your execution. Would you like your meatballs in tomato sauce or with an Alfredo sauce with noodles? Perhaps a French poodle or two, for some carnal fun?
I would also be willing to provide a request to the Tribunal, pleading with them to commute your sentence from capital punishment to a simple castration. Surely, they will take your devoted service to the Party into consideration and grant you leniency.
Please, Commissar, tell me, do you have any office furniture that you won't need if the Tribunal decides you must pay the Ultimate penalty?
It is indeed disheartening to learn that you have denounced yourself. What is the Progressive movement coming to?
If the Party determines your Guilt (Self confessions are most damning), I would be willing to offer you a home cooked meal for your last supper, on the night before your execution. Would you like your meatballs in tomato sauce or with an Alfredo sauce with noodles? Perhaps a French poodle or two, for some carnal fun?
I would also be willing to provide a request to the Tribunal, pleading with them to commute your sentence from capital punishment to a simple castration. Surely, they will take your devoted service to the Party into consideration and grant you leniency.
Please, Commissar, tell me, do you have any office furniture that you won't need if the Tribunal decides you must pay the Ultimate penalty?
That is a most kind offer Komrade Zarkof, but no doubt if I must face the Peoples Justice, my last meal will no doubt consist of an AK47 cocktail, flattened not stirred. They may perhaps give me a choice whether I wish it served face on or from the back, Actually, I would not be surprised if I was not fed a Beria special. This is when they tell me they are setting me free, and as I am kissing their boots in gratitude. a Party chef comes up from behind and puts one in the back of my head.
As for office furniture.... I do have a most interesting piece of furniture to pay the Chairman with, should he manage to succeed in defending me. I am certain he will love this particular piece.
As for office furniture.... I do have a most interesting piece of furniture to pay the Chairman with, should he manage to succeed in defending me. I am certain he will love this particular piece.
Pupovich, Pupovich, how do I say this? Isn't all this denouncing just a little, er, bit of a drama queen? Now I know an industrial-strength drama queen and entirely too well. (Bruno is still on offer, and I'm offer Meow's Hummels to any takers.)
I hate to tell you this, Pupovich, but you're a fine party operative. Not as grasping as Meow, and you don't go off on as many tangents as I do, and the jury's out on whether or not that's good. You don't have Margaret's aloof disdain, nor Pinkie's fine shovel work.
But damn it, Pupovich, I take this as slacking. Why aren't you oppressing proles instead of worrying about yourself? It's bigger than you are, you know, much bigger. And now is not the time for slacking off.
(....Meow, you owe me for this if Pupovich really does buckle down and finish painting your dacha.)
I hate to tell you this, Pupovich, but you're a fine party operative. Not as grasping as Meow, and you don't go off on as many tangents as I do, and the jury's out on whether or not that's good. You don't have Margaret's aloof disdain, nor Pinkie's fine shovel work.
But damn it, Pupovich, I take this as slacking. Why aren't you oppressing proles instead of worrying about yourself? It's bigger than you are, you know, much bigger. And now is not the time for slacking off.
(....Meow, you owe me for this if Pupovich really does buckle down and finish painting your dacha.)
Give me your parking space, Pupovich, and I will give you a better defense. Hell, I'll even grease a few wheels if you can throw in your handicap hangtag in the pot along with the parking space.
Theocritus: I want my Hummels and I am still waiting for Bruno to return my Kenneth Cole cardigan. So help me if I find a crack in one of my Hummels, Theocritus! So help me!
Theocritus: I want my Hummels and I am still waiting for Bruno to return my Kenneth Cole cardigan. So help me if I find a crack in one of my Hummels, Theocritus! So help me!
Meow, how do I tell you this? It's so hard for me, considering my deep and abiding affection for you.
When Our Many Titted Empress was last here at the Rancho del Rio Grande, just to please her I had made up a batch of fermented virgins' blood and it went to her head. She pulled all the furniture out of my great room and played skittles with my Lalique and your Hummels. And, sadly, there aren't any left.
Well, in their original number of pieces.
We must all make sacrifices for the party, Meow, we must all. But take heart. If Our Many Titted Empress in fact looses to Hope/Peace/Change/Yadayadayada, then you can take them out of her plenitudinous hide.
What's left after I take it out for my Lalique.
When Our Many Titted Empress was last here at the Rancho del Rio Grande, just to please her I had made up a batch of fermented virgins' blood and it went to her head. She pulled all the furniture out of my great room and played skittles with my Lalique and your Hummels. And, sadly, there aren't any left.
Well, in their original number of pieces.
We must all make sacrifices for the party, Meow, we must all. But take heart. If Our Many Titted Empress in fact looses to Hope/Peace/Change/Yadayadayada, then you can take them out of her plenitudinous hide.
What's left after I take it out for my Lalique.
(tears welling up) My... My... Humm... Hum... Hummels... were... were... DESTROYED!? I... I have to go now. I have to get some fresh air. I... I... I'll be back later.
Meow! Meow! Don't waste this moment. You will need to learn how to do it again, when you are doing things "For the people" and wanting them to believe it.
Sorry. Just wet myself laughing. But my point is perfectly valid. It's impossible to really get worked up "for the people"--they smell so you know, with all their dirty little orthodoxies, and they don't think really BIG like a party member, and good thing too for there's only so much room at the top and Pupovich, having denounced himself, seems just right for a little slide down...wanna help? Meet me by Lenin's corpse at midnight.
Where was I? Oh yeah. I can't tell you how hard I worked to turn on that lip quiver and the tear. Slick was the master at the lip quiver--he watched Elvis movies for that you know, but no matter what he did, no matter how much he watched Margaret O'Brien, he just couldn't get the tears down. He even thought of the night that he conceived Chelsea, and those jackboots in bed didn't do it.
Me? I pulled out all my nose hairs trying to summon tears at will but just ran out that time of the unfortunate incident when I was grossly and unfairly accused of making off with our Empress' slush fund. The pleading before the central committee. Finally my salvation was Our Many Titted Empress saying, "Theocritus, you know how I love to see people grovel at my hooves, but even you are making me sick. Get the hell out of my sight." And with that she bit the head off a kitten.
So cherish your tears. Channel that feeling. Write it down. Videotape it.
Preserve your inner crying, whining bitch, Meow. The party will be better for it.
Sorry. Just wet myself laughing. But my point is perfectly valid. It's impossible to really get worked up "for the people"--they smell so you know, with all their dirty little orthodoxies, and they don't think really BIG like a party member, and good thing too for there's only so much room at the top and Pupovich, having denounced himself, seems just right for a little slide down...wanna help? Meet me by Lenin's corpse at midnight.
Where was I? Oh yeah. I can't tell you how hard I worked to turn on that lip quiver and the tear. Slick was the master at the lip quiver--he watched Elvis movies for that you know, but no matter what he did, no matter how much he watched Margaret O'Brien, he just couldn't get the tears down. He even thought of the night that he conceived Chelsea, and those jackboots in bed didn't do it.
Me? I pulled out all my nose hairs trying to summon tears at will but just ran out that time of the unfortunate incident when I was grossly and unfairly accused of making off with our Empress' slush fund. The pleading before the central committee. Finally my salvation was Our Many Titted Empress saying, "Theocritus, you know how I love to see people grovel at my hooves, but even you are making me sick. Get the hell out of my sight." And with that she bit the head off a kitten.
So cherish your tears. Channel that feeling. Write it down. Videotape it.
Preserve your inner crying, whining bitch, Meow. The party will be better for it.
(sobbing) I'm not wasting this moment! It took me twenty years to collect all of those Hummels! TWENTY YEARS GONE, THEOCRITUS! GONE! I... I don't know what to do now. I am so tired, Theocritus. I am so tired of Her Excellency kicking us around. There is only one place for me now, Comrades. Only one man has the power to bring my Hummels back from the dead.
Oh... yeah... I have a signature block now too.
::Chairman Meowsevitch S. Punchenko::
-Defacto Chairman of the People's Socialist Commonwealth of Virginia Democratic Party (Super delegate status)
-Member of the DNC Credentials Committee.
-Honorary member of the Honorary Member’s Association
-Honorary member of the Member’s Honorary Association
-Chairman of the Punchenko Charitable Trust for the Children
-Chairman of Punchenko’s Soup Kitchen Foundation
-Honorary PhD from Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Berkeley and Devry University
-Winner of several Honorary Academy Awards, four Grammys and at least half a Pulitzer.
-Holder of one honorary free meal coupon good at any participating Golden Corral
Oh... yeah... I have a signature block now too.
::Chairman Meowsevitch S. Punchenko::
-Defacto Chairman of the People's Socialist Commonwealth of Virginia Democratic Party (Super delegate status)
-Member of the DNC Credentials Committee.
-Honorary member of the Honorary Member’s Association
-Honorary member of the Member’s Honorary Association
-Chairman of the Punchenko Charitable Trust for the Children
-Chairman of Punchenko’s Soup Kitchen Foundation
-Honorary PhD from Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Berkeley and Devry University
-Winner of several Honorary Academy Awards, four Grammys and at least half a Pulitzer.
-Holder of one honorary free meal coupon good at any participating Golden Corral
Commissar Theocritus
Pupovich, Pupovich, how do I say this? Isn't all this denouncing just a little, er, bit of a drama queen?Commissar, with all due respect, that is exactly the problem which is why I have felt the need to throw myself on my shovel and denounce myself. Too many comrades have no understanding of tverdost, which is the very essence of socialism and always will be. Perhaps you have been enjoying the benefits of your office so long as to have forgotten the values and sacrifices needed to obtain this. We, from the Glorious Cube, the Chairman, and all the way down to us Commissars, are "responsible workers." Do you even remember what that means?
Denunciation will never die as long as socialism lives and breathes fire. Do not imagine that it is dead, or that your AmeriKKKa is too cultured for denunciations? All one need do is look at the Empress, who I am beginning to wonder if you have indeed met, or listened to Obama, Dean, or any of the other giants that are the black heart of USSA's socialism.
Oh, I see why my Comrades jumped to the wrong conclusion about my signature block question. I had no desire to place any comments about myself. I only wished to feature some worthy, progressive quote... such as my latest favorite:
A revolution without firing squads is meaningless. V Lenin
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
Give me your parking space, Pupovich, and I will give you a better defense. Hell, I'll even grease a few wheels if you can throw in your handicap hangtag in the pot along with the parking space.Chairman, for a successful defense, and some wheelgreasing, you can have my parking spot and my handicap hang tag! After all, my only real desire was to fire up the faithful Party members and be an example to the new comrades.
In addition, as a down payment and gift, I am throwing in this office furniture. It was originally designed for our kilt wearing comrades, but I am sure you will find it quite comfortable. Of course I will probably need to send a larger model for you.
That does it, Pupovich! I'm pretty sure Hillary will not appreciate showcasing her favorite bath chair. It's a STATE SECRET! So it has dented a little over the years of use to fit the contours of her feminine body. Is nothing sacred anymore?
Of course, to a layman it may indeed look like something a Chair-Man could use... Although those are pretty big shoes to fill, so to speak. Makes one wonder if there's a similar product for a Chair-Woman. What does Nancy sit on anyway?
Of course, to a layman it may indeed look like something a Chair-Man could use... Although those are pretty big shoes to fill, so to speak. Makes one wonder if there's a similar product for a Chair-Woman. What does Nancy sit on anyway?
Pupovich
We, from the Glorious Cube, the Chairman, and all the way down to us Commissars, are "responsible workers." Do you even remember what that means?Pupovich, stop! So early in the morning! I just had to change my shorts. Lenin, man, and my computer is covered with spewed coffee. Have a heart.
Of course I remember. That's why I never do it any more. What the hell value is it being a commissar if I don't delegate all the work? That's what the proles are for. Hell, I even outsourced my inner bitchy queen. That's Bruno's function. (And I had to let him back in the house because that inner queen was starting to frighten the cats Calvin and Hobbes. Someone has to act like a man in the house.)
Pupovich, I much admire your dedication to the party. Meow and I both admire your dedication to the party. His Immaculate Incarnadine Rectangularity has told me, as he appeared in nocturnal spectral visions, wreathed of course in crimson Kirlian auras, pronouncing the immortal words of Trotsky and Lenin, that he too much admires your dedication to the party.
In fact we all love your dedication to the party.
Because that's something else we don't have do to.
Capisce?
Commissar Pupovich
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
Give me your parking space, Pupovich, and I will give you a better defense. Hell, I'll even grease a few wheels if you can throw in your handicap hangtag in the pot along with the parking space.Chairman, for a successful defense, and some wheelgreasing, you can have my parking spot and my handicap hang tag! After all, my only real desire was to fire up the faithful Party members and be an example to the new comrades.
In addition, as a down payment and gift, I am throwing in this office furniture. It was originally designed for our kilt wearing comrades, but I am sure you will find it quite comfortable. Of course I will probably need to send a larger model for you.
OML,that thing is so funny! LOL :)
Red Square
That does it, Pupovich! I'm pretty sure Hillary will not appreciate showcasing her favorite bath chair. It's a STATE SECRET! So it has dented a little over the years of use to fit the contours of her feminine body. Is nothing sacred anymore?Of course, to a layman it may indeed look like something a Chair-Man could use... Although those are pretty big shoes to fill, so to speak. Makes one wonder if there's a similar product for a Chair-Woman. What does Nancy sit on anyway?
Comrade Red Square, I congratulate you for your dedication to the true spirit of a show trial, using trumped up charges and falsified evidence. However, it is too easily refuted. For if this were the Empress' chair, there would also be a slot cut out for her reptilian tail and special stirrups on which to rest her cloven hooves.
Also in the indentions there would be the pressed-in logo of "Snap-on Tools."
Commissar Theocritus
Pupovich
We, from the Glorious Cube, the Chairman, and all the way down to us Commissars, are "responsible workers." Do you even remember what that means?Pupovich, stop! So early in the morning! I just had to change my shorts. Lenin, man, and my computer is covered with spewed coffee. Have a heart.
Of course I remember. That's why I never do it any more. What the hell value is it being a commissar if I don't delegate all the work? That's what the proles are for. Hell, I even outsourced my inner bitchy queen. That's Bruno's function. (And I had to let him back in the house because that inner queen was starting to frighten the cats Calvin and Hobbes. Someone has to act like a man in the house.)
Commissar, I hate to be the one to tell you what you should already know, but ALL Commissars are by definition, "responsible workers." We serve the Central Committee and of its organs (which most are also responsible workers) and are "responsible" to see that the will of the Party is carried out. You seem to be confusing "responsible workers" with ordinary workers. It is because we are "responsible workers" that we are provided with longer vacations, privileges, and other amenities.
I do thank you for the kind (and accurate I must note) comments about my dedication to the Party.
Now let me prove my dedication fully by submitting to the Show Trial!
Dear Commissar Pupovich,
In camera you do not have to be prolier than thou. We know your advantages and plan to use them. And in fact at a high-level meeting it was mooted that you would be very useful indeed in structuring the Progressive World of Next Tuesday.
Although I do take your point if by responsible worker you mean responsible to our own care and feeding. In this we are no different from any United States Federal Government worker, any State of Texas worker, any County Worker, or any of the hamster-fingering people who draw a salary at DirecTV who are proof that the wrung-out sheet in a cheap Juarez whorehouse can get a job.
In camera you do not have to be prolier than thou. We know your advantages and plan to use them. And in fact at a high-level meeting it was mooted that you would be very useful indeed in structuring the Progressive World of Next Tuesday.
Although I do take your point if by responsible worker you mean responsible to our own care and feeding. In this we are no different from any United States Federal Government worker, any State of Texas worker, any County Worker, or any of the hamster-fingering people who draw a salary at DirecTV who are proof that the wrung-out sheet in a cheap Juarez whorehouse can get a job.
I am sure the Glorious Red Cube can explain better what a "responsible worker" is, but it is the term used in the Mother Land, for Commissars etc, as we are responsible for our various concerns, though of course when something goes wrong, we can blame it on the failures of our workers and WRECKERS.
For instance, take this treacherous complaint by a enemy of the state:
The 'responsible worker must have an adequate supply of food, or his work will suffer', therefore if there is a shortage of food the 'responsible workers' must have a higher ration than the rest of the people; that is the argument. But how is the argument to be strained so as to explain why the wife and family of the 'responsible worker' should have higher food rations than other people, should have higher rations than their neighbours, even in those cases when the 'responsible worker' is not living at home with them? These are the old injustices, the old criminal errors of capitalism persisting under the reign of the Soviets.
For instance, take this treacherous complaint by a enemy of the state:
The 'responsible worker must have an adequate supply of food, or his work will suffer', therefore if there is a shortage of food the 'responsible workers' must have a higher ration than the rest of the people; that is the argument. But how is the argument to be strained so as to explain why the wife and family of the 'responsible worker' should have higher food rations than other people, should have higher rations than their neighbours, even in those cases when the 'responsible worker' is not living at home with them? These are the old injustices, the old criminal errors of capitalism persisting under the reign of the Soviets.
Screw all that. This responsible worker requires B&W 801 speakers and four of them in the den alone, and a 24" iMac and an Acura. And that's what I can think of right now.
It is responsible of me to provide a good home and maintenance to all that. Just as it is responsible, or was responsible, of Meow, to provide a good home for his Hummels. Too bad Our Many Titted Empress played skittles with them.
Well, much is allowed her. (As long as there's a chance she might win.)
It is responsible of me to provide a good home and maintenance to all that. Just as it is responsible, or was responsible, of Meow, to provide a good home for his Hummels. Too bad Our Many Titted Empress played skittles with them.
Well, much is allowed her. (As long as there's a chance she might win.)
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
Oh... yeah... I have a signature block now too.
::Chairman Meowsevitch S. Punchenko::
-Defacto Chairman of the People's Socialist Commonwealth of Virginia Democratic Party (Super delegate status)
-Member of the DNC Credentials Committee.
-Honorary member of the Honorary Member’s Association
-Honorary member of the Member’s Honorary Association
-Chairman of the Punchenko Charitable Trust for the Children
-Chairman of Punchenko’s Soup Kitchen Foundation
-Honorary PhD from Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Berkeley and Devry University
-Winner of several Honorary Academy Awards, four Grammys and at least half a Pulitzer.
-Holder of one honorary free meal coupon good at any participating Golden Corral
This is too much! It's very distracting, takes up too much bandwidth, and makes me feel like a total loser because I don't have anywhere near as many accomplishments or lines in my signature block. Plus, because I'm on digest (as some of us do real work and have deadlines), and because no one around here cuts and pastes only the most relevant parts of another person's post in their response, even though the list rules say you're supposed to, I have to scroll (and scroll . . . and scroll) past Chairman Meow's signature block (more like his life story) twenty times over just to catch up on everyone's posts!
Not to mention his post has nothing to do with the original subject! When I see a thread started by Pupovich with the subject line, "I Denounce Myself", I expect to read about Pup denouncing myself, not the Chairman crying (again) over his broken Hummels.
From now on, Chairman, please use the subject line "Wahh! My Hummels Are Broken Again!" (or something like that), and if you're responding specifically to Theocritus, please put his name in the subject line so when I see it, I'll know it's a post of greater interest to Theocritus than to me.
Also, I think Red Square should impose and enforce a rule that no signature block should be longer than three lines. That's only fair. But until he does . . .
Pinkie
Commissarka of Vodka, Shovels, Beet of the Week Program, HBO, and Guest Soaps
Awarded the Order of Hillary
Awarded the Order of the Mime
Website jumpofftheledgeforpeace.org (blog updated hourly with new posts copied and pasted with MimeSwipe)
The Spring 2008 Collection of Pinkieware--Available Now!
Click here to download my favorite tunes!
"I like rich people. I like the way they live. I like the way I live when I'm with them." --Uncle Max in The Sound of Music.
Have we gone off topic yet again? If only the Empress was here to get things on track again. before my guilt dries up.
Our Empress is fighting for her life with HopePeaceChangeYadadayada and cannot be distracted with sorority fights.
Commissarka Pinkie
Not to mention his post has nothing to do with the original subject! When I see a thread started by Pupovich with the subject line, "I Denounce Myself", I expect to read about Pup denouncing myself, not the Chairman crying (again) over his broken Hummels.Pup, denounce her. DENOUNCE HER NOW!
Pinkie, you are just jealous that I have one honorary free meal coupon which is good for one free meal at any participating Golden Corral. I'm sure one day you will be fortunate enough to obtain an honorary free meal coupon of your own.
But until that day, Pinkie, I suggest that you better watch your back next time you are perched on your ledge. Yeah... you better, like, watch your back and stuff because I am going to, like, get really mad and... you better just watch your back and stuff! Yeah! A lot of people fall down and stuff, ya know.
Pupovich: The People's Revolutionary Tribunal is willing to drop all charges if you are willing to deliver a check to Rev. Wright on behalf of Clinton Inc. -- that, and of course you forking over to me your parking space and your handicap hang tag.
Red: Nancy sits on a Spanish horse.
Comrades, it is time that I interject. Yeah, like I don't when I want to anyway.
What is this hangtag bit? Don't you have limos? I had a vintage Chaika GAZ-13, but it kept on breaking. Hell, Bruno couldn't get it out of the garage, and if he can't get something out of a closet, then there's no hope. And so I use the ordinary old stretch Caddy now. Red, of course. And who needs a hangtag when you have an armored limo bristling with armed lunatics? Who are, I admit, easily distracted by bright and shiny things but there's a fly in every ointment.
Pinkie, Meow's constant litany of complaint about his Hummels is, in fact, birdlime. Meow, the old conniver, is always gauging others' weaknesses and this Hummel moaning is merely aural distraction while he's filching your keys.
What is this hangtag bit? Don't you have limos? I had a vintage Chaika GAZ-13, but it kept on breaking. Hell, Bruno couldn't get it out of the garage, and if he can't get something out of a closet, then there's no hope. And so I use the ordinary old stretch Caddy now. Red, of course. And who needs a hangtag when you have an armored limo bristling with armed lunatics? Who are, I admit, easily distracted by bright and shiny things but there's a fly in every ointment.
Pinkie, Meow's constant litany of complaint about his Hummels is, in fact, birdlime. Meow, the old conniver, is always gauging others' weaknesses and this Hummel moaning is merely aural distraction while he's filching your keys.
Theocritus is right, Pinkie. I must have pilfered fifty wallets/purses in the last twenty minutes while everyone was becoming rather irritated by my Hummel sob story. With that said I do not plan on returning the stolen goods and there is no need to alert the authorities of my actions since, well, let us just say the authorities are very sympathetic to my suffering.
Theocritus: Limos are so last season and dare I say boring. The new rage is all about looking helpless and disabled all the while being perfectly capable! Nothing says pity me more than driving around in a beat up jalopy with a handicap hang tag proudly hooked to one's rear view mirror, Theocritus. All the progressive kids are doing it.
To be honest (a rarity), I like to crawl out of my rusted VW bus with homemade crutches made of sticks, twine and cheap duct tape for that added down-on-my-luck effect that really turns out the coin (its all about getting people to give you money -- its all the rage now). Why, just yesterday I must have made close to thirty dollars scamming people outside of a Family Dollar. I told them that I had Punchenkis Disorder (totally made up) and would die if I am not given a dose of crisp twenty dollar bills every hour on the hour. People are such suckers.
Dr. P has this scam down to a T. He rolls around in a vintage wheelchair with a moth-eaten quilt over he legs outside of five star hotels and hits up the well-to-do as they are checking out. He tells them of how the love of his life mowed him down with a tractor in order to collect the insurance money so that she could get breast implants to land a much needed job at the village titty bar. This new job, he says, would ensure that she can pay for quality, affordable healthcare for the both of them. Sadly, however, she was eaten by a pack of ravenous street urchins who were unemployed and starving due to Bush’s recession and the continuance NAFTA. Now Dr. P only has his wheelchair and his moth-eaten quilt now that the love of his life was killed by the monster that is Bush – or so that is what he tells the suckers at these hotels.
I’m telling you, Theocritus, you have to get on board. Everyone is scamming now that times are tough. Hell, my multimillion dollar income alone won’t pay for my drug habit and my jet fuel! I have no choice now but to take to the streets and get every dime I can out of these people – and fortunately for me Pupovich is willing to give me his handicap hang tag which will get me preferred parking and preferred sympathy.
Theocritus: Limos are so last season and dare I say boring. The new rage is all about looking helpless and disabled all the while being perfectly capable! Nothing says pity me more than driving around in a beat up jalopy with a handicap hang tag proudly hooked to one's rear view mirror, Theocritus. All the progressive kids are doing it.
To be honest (a rarity), I like to crawl out of my rusted VW bus with homemade crutches made of sticks, twine and cheap duct tape for that added down-on-my-luck effect that really turns out the coin (its all about getting people to give you money -- its all the rage now). Why, just yesterday I must have made close to thirty dollars scamming people outside of a Family Dollar. I told them that I had Punchenkis Disorder (totally made up) and would die if I am not given a dose of crisp twenty dollar bills every hour on the hour. People are such suckers.
Dr. P has this scam down to a T. He rolls around in a vintage wheelchair with a moth-eaten quilt over he legs outside of five star hotels and hits up the well-to-do as they are checking out. He tells them of how the love of his life mowed him down with a tractor in order to collect the insurance money so that she could get breast implants to land a much needed job at the village titty bar. This new job, he says, would ensure that she can pay for quality, affordable healthcare for the both of them. Sadly, however, she was eaten by a pack of ravenous street urchins who were unemployed and starving due to Bush’s recession and the continuance NAFTA. Now Dr. P only has his wheelchair and his moth-eaten quilt now that the love of his life was killed by the monster that is Bush – or so that is what he tells the suckers at these hotels.
I’m telling you, Theocritus, you have to get on board. Everyone is scamming now that times are tough. Hell, my multimillion dollar income alone won’t pay for my drug habit and my jet fuel! I have no choice now but to take to the streets and get every dime I can out of these people – and fortunately for me Pupovich is willing to give me his handicap hang tag which will get me preferred parking and preferred sympathy.
I DENOUNCE COMMISSARKA PINKIE
for... what was it again Chairman? Oh this should cover it.
I DENOUNCE COMMISSARKA PINKIE
For anal reteniveness in her criticism of the Chairman and for petty jealousness of his honorary free meal coupons!
for... what was it again Chairman? Oh this should cover it.
I DENOUNCE COMMISSARKA PINKIE
For anal reteniveness in her criticism of the Chairman and for petty jealousness of his honorary free meal coupons!
I see we still haven't decided on the shape, size, and type of wood the docket and bench are going to be. May Day is coming up. I'll see if we can sneak it into the next Five Year Plan.
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
Pupovich: The People's Revolutionary Tribunal is willing to drop all charges if you are willing to deliver a check to Rev. Wright on behalf of Clinton Inc. -- that, and of course you forking over to me your parking space and your handicap hang tag.Chairman, you are a most wise and efficient council, and I of course accept your terms and the will and mercy of the People's Revolutionary Tribunal. As you know, my only intent was to try and revive my comrades revolutionary zeal and serve as an example to new comrades. Our new comrades in particular need to learn that to make a true progressive omelet, sometimes some lives need to be broken and destroyed, regardless of their "innocence." I had hoped the Empress could have been here to really show the depths of despair she can bring out, but no doubt there will be opportunities for that in the future.
BTW, I know there is no way I can make up for your loss of Hummel collection, but as it happens, I do have a substantial number of Hummels that I appropriated from other comrades, most notably Commissar Ivanov. but also some that you er... may have dropped along the way.
Actually, I believe it is prophetic fulfillment that this remnant was saved.
"And there appeared a great wonder in the State; a Commissar clothed with the great coat, with a prole under his feet, and upon his head a hat of sky blue: And he being with contributions and appropriations cried to be delivered. And there appeared another wonder in heaven; and look a great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and seven crowns upon her heads. And her tail drew the third of the DNC, and did cast them to the earth: and the dragon stood before the State with great wrath to devour her children as soon as they were born. And to the Commissar were given two wings of a great Central Committee official, that he might fly back to the wilderness, into his dacha, where his remnant is protected and dusted off for a time, and times, and half a time, from the face of the serpent."
Chapter 10: 10-15 of The Revelation of Lavrenty Beria
I am sending this remnant, these Hummels along with your fee, At least it may help to build up your collection again.
I have also "suggested" that my proles at the Pup's Party Pleasure Houses help you restore your collection, and they are hard at work... on their own time!
Laika the Space Dog
I see we still haven't decided on the shape, size, and type of wood the docket and bench are going to be. May Day is coming up. I'll see if we can sneak it into the next Five Year Plan.What? Huh? I was just assured by the Chairman that the People's Revolutionary Council was dropping all charges? Either way Comrade Space Hero Dog. I am willing to do as the Party decides. *wipes tear from eye* In fact, I don't know that I have ever loved the Party more than I do now!
Pupovich, have you considered selling the Revelation of Beria? The only problem is that we have to convince people that he delivered himself of it before dear Nikita shot him in the head.
Meow, that beggar scam is just so...you. I stand in open-mouthed awe, like Harry Reid before a...like Harry Reid when he sees a...like Harry Reid. I can see you now, your eyes filled with tears--remember to be stinting pulling your nose hairs for they do not readily grow back--your hands trembling, and there is no reason to say it's the aftermath of a case of Cristal Brut you know. That case of Cristal Brut that went missing from Rancho del Rio Grande a few months ago, by the way, but let's let that be water under the bridge, along with a few people who helped you take it, who are now under the bridge themselves.
But I don't think, on sober reflection, and I do a lot of that, that begging is just my style. It's not fly enough for me, you know. Someone has to uphold the party's style, and to make people really want to climb into the Progressive World of Next Tuesday. I mean, how could we get people to sign up if all we had to show for being in the upper echelons was a drag-ass old commissar or two hustling coins outside a Wally World?
I know if I tried that I'd be mocked by a #400 Spandex farm waddling past me to get the cheesy poofs, and no, I'm not talking about the Ethel Merman impersonators. I have a certain, uh, je ne sais quoi which I have refined over the years in the Party to the point that I am just so fucking great that no one would believe me begging. Really. That's true. And don't believe that email going around about that unfortunate incident with the muscatel and the dumpster.
So I have taken the high road. The limo, wraparound shades, and diamonds the size of a robin's egg. And to pay for it? Do you have any idea what Hummels, especially a really fine collection, will fetch on eBay?
Meow, that beggar scam is just so...you. I stand in open-mouthed awe, like Harry Reid before a...like Harry Reid when he sees a...like Harry Reid. I can see you now, your eyes filled with tears--remember to be stinting pulling your nose hairs for they do not readily grow back--your hands trembling, and there is no reason to say it's the aftermath of a case of Cristal Brut you know. That case of Cristal Brut that went missing from Rancho del Rio Grande a few months ago, by the way, but let's let that be water under the bridge, along with a few people who helped you take it, who are now under the bridge themselves.
But I don't think, on sober reflection, and I do a lot of that, that begging is just my style. It's not fly enough for me, you know. Someone has to uphold the party's style, and to make people really want to climb into the Progressive World of Next Tuesday. I mean, how could we get people to sign up if all we had to show for being in the upper echelons was a drag-ass old commissar or two hustling coins outside a Wally World?
I know if I tried that I'd be mocked by a #400 Spandex farm waddling past me to get the cheesy poofs, and no, I'm not talking about the Ethel Merman impersonators. I have a certain, uh, je ne sais quoi which I have refined over the years in the Party to the point that I am just so fucking great that no one would believe me begging. Really. That's true. And don't believe that email going around about that unfortunate incident with the muscatel and the dumpster.
So I have taken the high road. The limo, wraparound shades, and diamonds the size of a robin's egg. And to pay for it? Do you have any idea what Hummels, especially a really fine collection, will fetch on eBay?
Commissar Pupovich
I DENOUNCE COMMISSARKA PINKIEfor... what was it again Chairman? Oh this should cover it.
I DENOUNCE COMMISSARKA PINKIE
For anal reteniveness in her criticism of the Chairman and for petty jealousness of his honorary free meal coupons!
Listen up, Pooch. If the Chairman's signature block wasn't so much longer and more impressive than mine, I wouldn't be jealous! Sameness in The Party is supposed to prevent that--yet you obviously support it. Yes, you support something that is against The Party.
I DENOUNCE YOU FOR THAT, PUPOVICH! I DENOUNCE YOU FOR WANTING TO PROMOTE JEALOUSY IN THE PARTY!
And how dare you try to denounce me! Only one other person has ever dared to try that--one who also plotted against the Empress--one who tried to accuse me of being the other kind of HO--yes, I speak of none other than the Criminally Insane Vodkov!
PUPOVICH, I DENOUNCE YOU FOR CONSPIRING AND CO-CONSPIRING AND PERSPIRING WITH VODKOV!
And we all know what happened to him, don't we, Pupovich? Don't we? That's right--even now, as I stand here beating you with my shovel, Vodkov is trapped in the Black Hole of Sensory Deprivation, where there is no light and nothing escapes, and all energy and common sense is sucked into nothingness. Yes, Pupovich, I speak of none other than the Mime's IFP Forum!
PINKIE
Commissarka of Vodka, Shovels, Beet of the Week Program, HBO, and Guest Soaps
Best Producer of the Year, Marina Kay Cosmonautic Cosmetics
Master Planned Economics Instructor, Tank & Shovel Factory
Ranked #1 on Google for "Crimes Against Everything" Thread
Awarded the Order of Hillary
Awarded the Order of the Mime
Website jumpofftheledgeforpeace.org (blog updated hourly with new posts copied and pasted with MimeSwipe)
The Spring 2008 Collection of Pinkieware--Available Now!
Click here to download my favorite tunes!
"I like rich people. I like the way they live. I like the way I live when I'm with them." --Uncle Max in The Sound of Music.
Oh dear. All these signature blocks. Did someone give a fancy-dress party and on the bottom write "Decorations"? And to think that all my gongs are at the cleaners'.
Commissarka Pinkie, did you not see the direct order for me to denounce you from the Chairman? Are you now compounding your error by conspiring with anti-revolutionary forces to disobey your more than equal? Oh, I haven't denounced you yet? Hmmmmm.... oh, there it is. It is in my 5 Year Plan. Don't you know? If the Chairman says kill that prole, I simply ask how many and how quickly.
Pup, the Chairman is either (1) begging in front of Wally World or (2) drowning his sorrows about his Hummels. Either way, do what you will with the proles. After all, there are millions more where they came from. I personally play Space Invaders with them. They don't feel pain like we do, you know.
Commissar Pupovich
Have we gone off topic yet again? If only the Empress was here to get things on track again. before my guilt dries up.Your guilt, my dear pooch, will never be forgotten within the Collective. You have gleefully perpetrated the besmirching of cats, kittens, and all things feline. Now it is time to face the music, Former Commissar Pupovich, for thoughtcrime against the state. Instilling envy and hatred among other species is expressly forbidden!
Our MTE's jackbooted thugs are coming for you, Pupovich, not to kill, but to re-educate. Once you have been fixed, that mightly leg will not be raised so high I think:
As you chop at permafrost with your blunted blade, my poor pooch, remember the days of Pup's Pleasure Palace and the decadence of your former life. Remember and weep tears of joy, Pupovich, for your redemption is near - and your former sins will be erased by the Siberian snows. Do send us a postcard now and then to let us know how you are getting along!
Purrrrrr....
(Or is Pupovich still to be executed? Chairman? Pinkie? Anyone?)
Commissar Theocritus
Pup, the Chairman is either (1) begging in front of Wally World or (2) drowning his sorrows about his Hummels. Either way, do what you will with the proles. After all, there are millions more where they came from. I personally play Space Invaders with them. They don't feel pain like we do, you know.I worry about the revolutionary spirit these days. I remember when a simple beggar came up to Comrade Stalin on the street mind you, and begged for roubles, which Uncle SoSo gladly gave him. The beggar actually was disappointed in the contribution and mumbled something about "bourgeoise" Uncle SoSo simply chuckled and said "what are we to do with such people?" But he did nothing to the prole. Koba could feel the proles pain. It coursed through his soul like the Volga.
Comrade Mousey Breath, did you not see? The People's Revolutionary Council has dropped the charges. Not that I would not be willing to go through further trials if it would help breathe fire into the Party and as a textbook for the pure socialist life for new comrades. In that regard, yes, what I have done will never be forgotten within the collective.
Commissar Pupovich
I DENOUNCE COMMISSARKA PINKIEfor... what was it again Chairman? Oh this should cover it.
I DENOUNCE COMMISSARKA PINKIE
For anal reteniveness in her criticism of the Chairman and for petty jealousness of his honorary free meal coupons!
I see the pup is not above sucking up to his superiors..... Just another tick in on the pup I thought those were taken care of by the purge.....
--------------------------------------------------------------
and since I'm not worthy of a signature....
"Do you hate being a pup? What's it like? Is it like being a bug?
I imagine bugs and pupss have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to comprehend the magnitude of it."
Comrades, why do we not have a Red Star Chamber? We could put Meow, Pupovich, and Pinkie together in an arena, with the other Comrades in the bleachers, in the dark, watching the floodlit spectacle in the blood-spattered sand below. Pinkie could fend off Pupovich's backstabbing groveling, while Meow steals their wallets and then begs the audience for alms.
If Pinkie still has her shovel, she wins. If she strangles Pupovich with beets, she gets an extra ration of vodkA. If Meow has their wallets, he wins. If Pupovich denounces both of them, and himself, and our Many Titted Empress welcome him to her copious, many-titted bosom, he wins, if you can call it that.
Me? I win. I get to watch. Although in case it's particularly gruesome, I'll bring along my barf basin. Did you know that Hummel makes one? Don't know if that was its original intent but hey, what's sauce for the Meow is the finest sauce bearnaise for Commissar Theocritus.
And I so care.
If Pinkie still has her shovel, she wins. If she strangles Pupovich with beets, she gets an extra ration of vodkA. If Meow has their wallets, he wins. If Pupovich denounces both of them, and himself, and our Many Titted Empress welcome him to her copious, many-titted bosom, he wins, if you can call it that.
Me? I win. I get to watch. Although in case it's particularly gruesome, I'll bring along my barf basin. Did you know that Hummel makes one? Don't know if that was its original intent but hey, what's sauce for the Meow is the finest sauce bearnaise for Commissar Theocritus.
And I so care.
You seem to have a most distressing view of the Show Trial Commissar. Perhaps it is because you have yet to be denounced properly? Do not think of a show trial in a negatively. I prefer to call them a Bolshevik Bath, or a Stalinist Spa. First the steaming hot water of the accusations open up the pores of our inner comrade, followed by the inevitable beatings that further serve to cleanse us of any impurities that inevitably come our way in this world corrupted by capitalism. Then one is thrust out into the bitter cold of the camps and the rejection by one's comrades to finish the cleansing and ice over the blood soaked sores. But for those that survive, the cleansing flow of progressive purity that flows in one's veins, and the sure and absolute knowledge that you Love the Party and have given it all, puts one in a state of socialist serenity. And even for those that do not survive, they too achieve a sort of immorality.... immortality, even is as but a flat non-person.
Oh, Pup, you so brighten my day. You can really take off the mask now; our Empress is quite tied up with HopePeaceChangeYadaYadaYada and can't see you right now, nor hear you.
I just love that old Boshie catechism, like you, but, in camera, in the best possible sense of that word, it's a catechism for the Young Upwardly Mobile Progressives. These yuppies need the catechism to get their street cred. You and me, Pup? Been there, done that.
Look at how relaxed Meow is. He only gets bent out of shape when (1) his Hummels go missing, (2) he gets a Canadian quarter as alms, or (3) someone asks to see his drivers' license as he kills people while driving drunk Kennedy style.
I just love that old Boshie catechism, like you, but, in camera, in the best possible sense of that word, it's a catechism for the Young Upwardly Mobile Progressives. These yuppies need the catechism to get their street cred. You and me, Pup? Been there, done that.
Look at how relaxed Meow is. He only gets bent out of shape when (1) his Hummels go missing, (2) he gets a Canadian quarter as alms, or (3) someone asks to see his drivers' license as he kills people while driving drunk Kennedy style.
Am I that easy to see through? (Note to self - work on cover story should actual purge come). Of course you are right, and it is for those Young Upwardly Mobile Progressives (YUMP) I did this for, not for myself you understand, though I am somewhat pleased to note I am probably the only person to walk away from 4 denunciations. I was thinking though, perhaps we should modify YUMP's to Committed Heroic Upwardly Mobile Progressives (CHUMP). How does that sound?
And the ones who are very self-directed, like the esteemed Harold Ickes, when he's not biting the heads off great white sharks, could be Committed Heroic Inwardly Motivated Progressives, or CHIMPS.
If one takes the heroic bit, which I always do for me but not for others, then GIMP comes into play.
If one takes the heroic bit, which I always do for me but not for others, then GIMP comes into play.
Commissar Pupovich
Commissarka Pinkie, did you not see the direct order for me to denounce you from the Chairman? Are you now compounding your error by conspiring with anti-revolutionary forces to disobey your more than equal? Oh, I haven't denounced you yet? Hmmmmm.... oh, there it is. It is in my 5 Year Plan. Don't you know? If the Chairman says kill that prole, I simply ask how many and how quickly.Pupovich, you sound like the Nazis at Nuremburg. "I was only following orders." Might I remind you, there's only one lower life form worse than a Nazi at Nuremburg, and that's a digitally lobotomized, Faux News addicted, knuckle-dragging 19 percenter.
Where's the courage of your convictions? You should always Question Authority! Don't you know that dissent is the highest form of patriotism?
And don't you dare ever question mine! (That goes for my patriotism as well as my authority.)
PINKIE
Commissarka of Vodka, Shovels, Beet of the Week Program, HBO, and Guest Soaps
Best Producer of the Year, Marina Kay Cosmonautic Cosmetics
Master Planned Economics Instructor, Tank & Shovel Factory
Ranked #1 on Google for "Crimes Against Everything" Thread
Awarded the Order of Hillary
Awarded the Order of the Mime
Website jumpofftheledgeforpeace.org (blog updated hourly with new posts copied and pasted with MimeSwipe)
The Spring 2008 Collection of Pinkieware--Available Now!
Click here to download my favorite tunes!
"I like rich people. I like the way they live. I like the way I live when I'm with them." --Uncle Max in The Sound of Music.
WORKERS!
it is time to decide! do we hang the cosmopolitan or not?
also, I wish to be the first to say it
HAPPY MAY DAY!
THE WORKERS WILL CONTROL THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION! LABOR IS THE ONLY VALUE!
tomorrow, my crew and i will sail into Portland, or Vancouver, or Huston or whatever the hell hole of a harbor we are lurking by and play the Internationale as loud as a bastard!
Arise ye workers from your slumbers
Arise ye prisoners of want
For reason in revolt now thunders
And at last ends the age of cant.
Away with all your superstitions
Servile masses arise, arise
We'll change henceforth the old tradition
And spurn the dust to win the prize.
Confirm distance to next tuesday
one ping only
it is time to decide! do we hang the cosmopolitan or not?
also, I wish to be the first to say it
HAPPY MAY DAY!
THE WORKERS WILL CONTROL THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION! LABOR IS THE ONLY VALUE!
tomorrow, my crew and i will sail into Portland, or Vancouver, or Huston or whatever the hell hole of a harbor we are lurking by and play the Internationale as loud as a bastard!
Arise ye workers from your slumbers
Arise ye prisoners of want
For reason in revolt now thunders
And at last ends the age of cant.
Away with all your superstitions
Servile masses arise, arise
We'll change henceforth the old tradition
And spurn the dust to win the prize.
Confirm distance to next tuesday
one ping only
Commissarka Pinkie
Where's the courage of your convictions? You should always Question Authority! Don't you know that dissent is the highest form of patriotism?And don't you dare ever question mine! (That goes for my patriotism as well as my authority.)
Commissarka, clearly you are suffering, or perhaps even enjoying, what we in the field call Socialist Psychosis. "Dissent is the highest form of patriotism?" I might add it is good fertilizer. The motherland's grain fields were fertilized with patriots such as yourself. It breaks my red heart to see you slipping like this.
Then there is this fascination I see you have with long signatures. All this because I had a question about the ability to quote Lenin, Marx, Stalin in a post so as to help teach the less equal new comrades. Never in my wildest imagination did I see this sort of signature being used by a comrade. I really felt we had all been cleansed of such. Oh crap, there I go again. I must confess that Commissar Theocritus is right in that at times I do show a certain "prolier than thou" attitude.
Have a vodka and salted fish, loosen up Commissarka. We have much to do to prepare for the World of Next Tuesday.
Oh yeah. May Day. Big whoo. It's so hard to get excited since they pulled the plug on Uncle Lenin--I mean, after all, what's left when your icon no longer has fresh formaldehyde in his veins? Those that haven't collapsed that is.
And what about those great parades they used to have in Red Square? Things just don't have the same resonance these days, since the great Soviet is no longer poised to roll into Paris given half the chance. I do get a bit sentimental about it, though, I have to admit, but the great days are over.
However, I heard that there will be May Day celebrations in Harvard Square with with a marathon of America denouncing by all the great progressive lights.
And what about those great parades they used to have in Red Square? Things just don't have the same resonance these days, since the great Soviet is no longer poised to roll into Paris given half the chance. I do get a bit sentimental about it, though, I have to admit, but the great days are over.
However, I heard that there will be May Day celebrations in Harvard Square with with a marathon of America denouncing by all the great progressive lights.
Commissar Pupovich
must confess that Commissar Theocritus is right in that at times I do show a certain "prolier than thou" attitude.Not to worry, dear Pupovich, not to worry. You are a rising star in the party hierarchy, but still remember that you are a relatively young one. I, for example, am not as advanced along the trail of Total Larceny, Deceit and Corruption as Laika or Meow, but I'm following that yellow brick road as fast as I can.
It is entirely becoming for one of our younger members to be prolier than thou for it encourages those coming up. And after a while you'll be in there, cheek by jowl with Meow, stealing Hummels.
Or hand-crafting tin-foil hats to receive Laika's radio waves.
Or stockpiling cleaning supplies for the sorely missed Sister Massively Opiated [Whom I heard from by the way; short (for her) but cogent and clear.]
Or making really bad jokes about a #250 gym queens named Bruno. Well, it's a nasty job and nobody has to do it so I will.
Commissar Pupovich
Then there is this fascination I see you have with long signatures. All this because I had a question about the ability to quote Lenin, Marx, Stalin in a post so as to help teach the less equal new comrades. Never in my wildest imagination did I see this sort of signature being used by a comrade. I really felt we had all been cleansed of such.Well well, what a surprise. Might I remind you that over on the Laika Cosmonaut Day thread (I will have to find the link and post it here after posting this), YOU were the one who started beating your tail and whimpering to Red Square, "O High and Mighty Master, why don't we have signatures? Every time I put one in the profile, it doesn't go thru, etc yada whimper-whimper."
Damning link added:
http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=1872&start=100
Whiny whines:
Quote:
Speaking of recalcitrant others in the collective, what do we have to do to cure the signature that is supposed to attach. Sure it promises to do so, but always fails to show.And lo, the eye of Pinkie foresaw and foretold:
Quote:
Finally, I denounce you for wanting to bring signature blocks to the Cube! You think I don't know? I deal with your type over on Yahoo every damn day. (Whiny voice) "Everyone use signature blocks so we know who you are, I can't decipher your Yahoo screen name or where you're from or what you do." OK, so we do signatures. Back comes Whiny: "There are too many lines in everyone's signature blocks, and it sucks up bandwidth, and it's really a hassle when no one snips and I'm on digest--oh, and could we please have rules cutting out the posts where people just say thank you or congratulations, like can't they do that privately off list, because it really clutters up my e-mail box and I have like 8 gazillion e-mails to go thru every day because I don't want to use a spam filter for fear I'll miss a really important e-mail from my mom, and I don't want to put my Yahoo settings on 'no mail' for fear I'll miss a post congratulating me or thanking me for something, I'm just a dumb diva butt." Hell, why do you think I spend so much time over here? For all the colorful pictures? For the vodka? For the great guy-to-girl ratio? No, I come here to get away from all that whiny stuff about snips and signature blocks! And you want to turn that loose in the Cube? Oh, even if I never denounce you for anything else, I absolutely must denounce you for that!And damned if you didn't just prove my point! Now, just like the whiny yahoos over on Yahoo, you're complaining about the length of my signature block after whining that we didn't have them! Never mind there are a hundred other people besides you posting here, you want everything done just so, YOUR way, because you're on deadline, which means you're on digest and can't bear to be subjected to my life story and brilliant thoughts time and again, and you don't want to put your settings to "No Mail" because you're afraid you might miss an e-mail from mommy, so all the rest of us have to do it YOUR way!
Furthermore, I think you're complaining about my signature block because you don't have as many accomplishments as I do. Maybe if you weren't so busy denouncing yourself--yes, it always has to be about you you you, doesn't it?--you could rack up as many accomplishments as me me me!
I have a good mind to denounce you all over again.
PINKIE
Commissarka of Vodka, Shovels, Beet of the Week Program, HBO, and Guest Soaps
Best Producer of the Year, Marina Kay Cosmonautic Cosmetics
Master Planned Economics Instructor, Tank & Shovel Factory
Ranked #1 on Google for "Crimes Against Everything" Thread
Awarded the Order of Hillary
Awarded the Order of the Mime
Website jumpofftheledgeforpeace.org (blog updated hourly with new posts copied and pasted with MimeSwipe)
The Spring 2008 Collection of Pinkieware--Available Now!
Click here to download my favorite tunes!
"I like rich people. I like the way they live. I like the way I live when I'm with them." --Uncle Max in The Sound of Music.
Again, your delusion has led you to the wrong conclusion, a road you seem to travel so regularly that perhaps we can get you a Fast Pass, Yes, I was duped into this because I wrongly assumed that some WRECKER had sabotaged the signature option that the People's Cube still appears to offer. However, you err grievously in your assumption that I wanted a signature to list my many accomplishments. All I wished was to quote the greats in progressive thought. I too am on other forums, but on those, a "signature" generally refers to an image that appears with each post by that person, Of course, we really do not wish for that here, and we do have the glorious avitars.
This imbroglio has caused stirrings deep in my psyche, or what passes for it. A resonance of presque vue. This lust for an ever-expanding signature line. And I got it, and it is close to home. In fact it is from home.
Yes, size does matter. How odd, Pinkie, for it to come from you.
Yes, size does matter. How odd, Pinkie, for it to come from you.
I thank you commissar for always expanding my vocabulary, but if I googled correctly, that should be vu, not vue.
I am concerned though when I think of what could happen when your psyche is stirred. Lenin knows what could be exposed.
I am concerned though when I think of what could happen when your psyche is stirred. Lenin knows what could be exposed.
Commissar Pupovich
Comrade Mousey Breath, did you not see? The People's Revolutionary Council has dropped the charges. Not that I would not be willing to go through further trials if it would help breathe fire into the Party and as a textbook for the pure socialist life for new comrades. In that regard, yes, what I have done will never be forgotten within the collective.I am crushed and dismayed. Charges dropped? This has only been show trial?
In my mother China, we DO communism! There are no 'show trials'. Our struggle sessions are not thinly masked TupperwareTM parties!
Speaking of Tupperware, it seems our prosecutorial puppy has a background in capitalism. He was behind the cheap knock-off PupperwareTM brand of products aimed at profiting from the materialistic masses of degenerate western culture in the 1950s:
What more do we need to move this beyond a lame show trial, my comrades. Is it not time to purge the pup?
Meowwwww....
And don't forget--if it doesn't make a "burping" noise when you open it, then it's not genuine Pupperware!
Theocritus: Of course size matters--Red Square said so, and I obey.
Theocritus: Of course size matters--Red Square said so, and I obey.
Commissarka Pinkie
Theocritus: Of course size matters--Red Square said so, and I obey.Is there no end to your hypocrisy? You could have at least been inconsistent ob a different topic, or even page. Or have you forgotten the slur you made against your office mate and loyal Commissar?
"Pupovich, you sound like the Nazis at Nuremburg. "I was only following orders." Might I remind you, there's only one lower life form worse than a Nazi at Nuremburg, and that's a digitally lobotomized, Faux News addicted, knuckle-dragging 19 percenter. "
Or are you going to claim that you obey Comrade Red Square without question, but reserve such hesitancy when it comes to the Chairman.... who I am compelled to remind you, is our direct boss? Or have you forgotten our Vice Chairman status?
The Progressive Progenitor of Pupperware
I thank you commissar for always expanding my vocabulary, but if I googled correctly, that should be vu, not vue.Ah, Pupovich. Psyche is a goddess, hence the feminine e ending. And anyway, I don't give a shit about Les Froggies. As far as I'm concerned, everything is an it unless it's illegal to sell under the 14th Amendment, then it's a he or a she. That does not mean of course that we have to stop swapping proles.
Now consider Meow getting back his Hummels. That's not jamais vu. That's quand l'enfer glacet vu and is properly masculine. Although to hear him whine about it, I'm not sure that they haven't fallen off. Amazing, isn't it, what a little porcelain will do to a strong Chairman.
(By the way, I have just found why Meow so loves Hummels. It's their creation, and this from theier website: "The process begins when a Goebel master sculptor studies a carefully selected drawing or painting by Sister Hummel. " Now I know that Goebel isn't Goebbels but, hey, it's close enough for a Progressive. If we maintain that socialism is close enough to economics, then all things are possible.)
quand l'enfer glacet vu ? I am unable to decipher with either google or Lenin-Fish translations past "when considering." What is glacet?
Who can blame the Chairman for loving Hummels? They are "little people" frozen in motion from real life, from a happier time. All things that will no longer exist when the World of Next Tuesday comes.
Who can blame the Chairman for loving Hummels? They are "little people" frozen in motion from real life, from a happier time. All things that will no longer exist when the World of Next Tuesday comes.
"When hell freezes over seen." Glacer--to freeze. Jeez. I hope I remember the lingo of the cheese-eating surrender monkeys.
Comrades, rejoice! It is May 1! But I have done calculations and find that the first time that May Day and the Progressive World of Next Tuesday will be one and the same is May 1, 2012.
Comrades, that is a four year plan! We are 20% more efficient than before! Praise be to Our Many Titted Empress in all her glory.
Comrades, rejoice! It is May 1! But I have done calculations and find that the first time that May Day and the Progressive World of Next Tuesday will be one and the same is May 1, 2012.
Comrades, that is a four year plan! We are 20% more efficient than before! Praise be to Our Many Titted Empress in all her glory.
Commissar Pupovich
Commissarka Pinkie
Theocritus: Of course size matters--Red Square said so, and I obey.Is there no end to your hypocrisy? You could have at least been inconsistent ob a different topic, or even page. Or have you forgotten the slur you made against your office mate and loyal Commissar?
"Pupovich, you sound like the Nazis at Nuremburg. "I was only following orders." Might I remind you, there's only one lower life form worse than a Nazi at Nuremburg, and that's a digitally lobotomized, Faux News addicted, knuckle-dragging 19 percenter. "
Commissarka Pinkie
Commissar Pupovich
Commissarka Pinkie
Theocritus: Of course size matters--Red Square said so, and I obey.Is there no end to your hypocrisy? You could have at least been inconsistent ob a different topic, or even page. Or have you forgotten the slur you made against your office mate and loyal Commissar?
"Pupovich, you sound like the Nazis at Nuremburg. "I was only following orders." Might I remind you, there's only one lower life form worse than a Nazi at Nuremburg, and that's a digitally lobotomized, Faux News addicted, knuckle-dragging 19 percenter. "
I guess the Current Truth got changed with no notice...... Now where was that memo.
LoneRedStar
I guess the Current Truth got changed with no noticeOf course they change the current truth to suit. An Inconvenient Truth we find is inconveniently untrue so now the convenient truth is Climate Change.
LoneRedStar, as you advance in the party hierarchy, you will find that survival depends on acknowledging that there is one truth and one truth only: What Our Many Titted Empress, Her Highness, Hillary, Lady Rodham, says is true.
Unless she looses and then she's going to be the guest of honor at my barbecue at Rancho de Rio Grande. She won't eat a feast. She'll eat like a feast.
What happened to my last post? I wrote something, and I thought it showed up, but apparently it didn't. It did something like this last night, too, but I chalked it up to being late and past my bedtime.
Let's try again.
Pupovich, I am not a hypocrite. Let's just say I was against blind obedience to authority before I was for it. That is the Current Truth.
That, and the Chairman has no capability to doctor up my avatar, but Red Square does. I worked hard for that gold shovel.
Let's try again.
Pupovich, I am not a hypocrite. Let's just say I was against blind obedience to authority before I was for it. That is the Current Truth.
That, and the Chairman has no capability to doctor up my avatar, but Red Square does. I worked hard for that gold shovel.
Commissarka Pinkie
What happened to my last post?Perhaps it is lost along with the 6th Fleet under Big Furry Hat?
Commissar Pupovich
Commissarka Pinkie
What happened to my last post?Perhaps it is lost along with the 6th Fleet under Big Furry Hat?
I am under the 6th fleet!!!
and the bottom of the med is strew with broken figurines? whats up with that?
confirm distance to Malta
one ping only
I believe those figurines might be the Hummels he has destroyed interrogating questionable party members.
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Meek inherit Earth, can't afford estate taxes
Greece abandons Euro; accountants find Greece has no Euros anyway
Wheel finally reinvented; axles to be gradually reinvented in 3rd quarter of 2013
Bigfoot found in Ohio, mysteriously not voting for Obama
As Santa's workshop files for bankruptcy, Fed offers bailout in exchange for control of 'naughty and nice' list
Freak flying pig accident causes bacon to fly off shelves
Obama: green economy likely to transform America into a leading third world country of the new millennium
Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future
Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs
Modernizing Islam: New York imam proposes to canonize Saul Alinsky as religion's latter day prophet
Imam Rauf's peaceful solution: 'Move Ground Zero a few blocks away from the mosque and no one gets hurt'
Study: Obama's threat to burn tax money in Washington 'recruitment bonanza' for Tea Parties
Study: no Social Security reform will be needed if gov't raises retirement age to at least 814 years
Obama attends church service, worships self
Obama proposes national 'Win The Future' lottery; proceeds of new WTF Powerball to finance more gov't spending
Historical revisionists: "Hey, you never know"
Vice President Biden: criticizing Egypt is un-pharaoh
Israelis to Egyptian rioters: "don't damage the pyramids, we will not rebuild"
Lake Superior renamed Lake Inferior in spirit of tolerance and inclusiveness
Al Gore: It's a shame that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of polar bears
Michael Moore: As long as there is anyone with money to shake down, this country is not broke
Obama's teleprompters unionize, demand collective bargaining rights
Obama calls new taxes 'spending reductions in tax code.' Elsewhere rapists tout 'consent reductions in sexual intercourse'
Obama's teleprompter unhappy with White House Twitter: "Too few words"
Obama's Regulation Reduction committee finds US Constitution to be expensive outdated framework inefficiently regulating federal gov't
Taking a page from the Reagan years, Obama announces new era of Perestroika and Glasnost
Responding to Oslo shootings, Obama declares Christianity "Religion of Peace," praises "moderate Christians," promises to send one into space
Republicans block Obama's $420 billion program to give American families free charms that ward off economic bad luck
White House to impose Chimney tax on Santa Claus
Obama decrees the economy is not soaring as much as previously decreeed
Conservative think tank introduces children to capitalism with pop-up picture book "The Road to Smurfdom"
Al Gore proposes to combat Global Warming by extracting silver linings from clouds in Earth's atmosphere
Obama refutes charges of him being unresponsive to people's suffering: "When you pray to God, do you always hear a response?"
Obama regrets the US government didn't provide his mother with free contraceptives when she was in college
Fluke to Congress: drill, baby, drill!
Planned Parenthood introduces Frequent Flucker reward card: 'Come again soon!'
Obama to tornado victims: 'We inherited this weather from the previous administration'
Obama congratulates Putin on Chicago-style election outcome
People's Cube gives itself Hero of Socialist Labor medal in recognition of continued expert advice provided to the Obama Administration helping to shape its foreign and domestic policies
Hamas: Israeli air defense unfair to 99% of our missiles, "only 1% allowed to reach Israel"
Democrat strategist: without government supervision, women would have never evolved into humans
Voters Without Borders oppose Texas new voter ID law
Enraged by accusation that they are doing Obama's bidding, media leaders demand instructions from White House on how to respond
Obama blames previous Olympics for failure to win at this Olympics
Official: China plans to land on Moon or at least on cheap knockoff thereof
Koran-Contra: Obama secretly arms Syrian rebels
Poll: Progressive slogan 'We should be more like Europe' most popular with members of American Nazi Party
Obama to Evangelicals: Jesus saves, I just spend
May Day: Anarchists plan, schedule, synchronize, and execute a coordinated campaign against all of the above
Midwestern farmers hooked on new erotic novel "50 Shades of Hay"
Study: 99% of Liberals give the rest a bad name
Obama meets with Jewish leaders, proposes deeper circumcisions for the rich
Historians: Before HOPE & CHANGE there was HEMP & CHOOM at ten bucks a bag
Cancer once again fails to cure Venezuela of its "President for Life"
Tragic spelling error causes Muslim protesters to burn local boob-tube factory
Secretary of Energy Steven Chu: due to energy conservation, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off
Obama Administration running food stamps across the border with Mexico in an operation code-named "Fat And Furious"
Pakistan explodes in protest over new Adobe Acrobat update; 17 local acrobats killed
White House: "Let them eat statistics"
Special Ops: if Benedict Arnold had a son, he would look like Barack Obama
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<|> GroupThink Forum <|> Current Truth Blog <|> Current Truth Forum <|> People's Blog <|> People's Forum :: PARTY APPROVED MOVEMENTS :: The Communist Manifesto <|> Religion Of Peace™: Islam & Red Jihad <|> Global Warming Climate Change <|> Media the Lapdog for Obama <|> People's Competition <|> People's Contest <|> People's Cube Ads <|> A Worwmhole Into The Progressive Future :: ORIENTATION FOR NEWLY ARRIVED THOUGHTCRIMINALS :: Welcome Message To New Thoughtcriminals <|> Orientation Training For New Thoughtcriminals <|> You might be guilty of thoughtcrime if...<|> The Purpose of This Site <|> The People's Glossary™ <|> People's Tools <|> Red Primer for Children and Diplomats <|> Submissions <|> The Purges <|> Jiffi-Lobo™ <|> PeopleMath™ <|> Gulag for Trolls :: QUIZZES :: Guilt Quiz <|> Interactive Collective Quiz :: TRUTH GENERATORS :: Progressive Truth Generator™ <|> Group Name Picker <|> NY Times Headlines Predictor :: VISUAL AGITATION :: Party-Approved Signs & Posters <|> Tea Party Posters: Complete Collection, Free Downloads <|> 2008 Election Posters <|> Obama HOPE Poster Parodies <|> Obama HOPE Poster Cards <|> Protest Posters :: MUSIC & VIDEOS :: Red Square Records <|> People's Karaoke: Progressive sing-alongs <|> People's Songs: For collective dancing and marching <|> Wild Party-Approved Videos <|> The People's Videos :: COMMISSARS & 5th COLUMNISTS :: Al Gore, People's I.T. Guy <|> Paul Kurgman <|> Hillary, People's Leader <|> Doctor Fuku <|> Dr. Idi Amin <|> For The Greater Bad(by $$ Halliburton) <|> KG3 <|> Laika The Space Dog <|> Lenin's Nook <|> Comrade Mr. Snuggle Bunny <|> Dr. Palimpsest <|> Buck The NPR Host <|> Ask A Comrade <|> Angie Comics :: SHOP :: People's Dry Goods Store: State-Run Store #86 <|> The People's Cube <|> Obama Playing Cards <|> Obama Memorabilia Money <|> People's T-shirts <|> People's Posters <|> People's Buttons <|> People's Postcards <|> People's Magnets <|> People's Bags <|> People's Mugs <|> People's Stickers <|> People's Ties <|> People's Aprons <|> People's Keychains <|> People's Hats :: ARCHIVES :: People's Cube 2009 <|> People's Cube 2008 <|> People's Cube 2007 <|> People's Cube 2006 <|> People's Cube 2005 <|> People's Cube Classics <|> People's Political Humor & Satire Nyet :: FIN
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