Image

I Hereby Denounce Myself.....

User avatar
...for not knowing who the current governor of New Jerkey Jersey, the wonderful state which allows me to live in it, is. I was under the mistaken impression it was Commandant Jon Corzine, former TARPer-in-chief at Goldman Sachs. But today, his honor Mr. Vice President Joe Biden, one of the 15 or 16 hundred smartest people in the world, disabused me of this notion:

Biden also praised Tim Kaine as the "great governor of New Jersey."
One problem: Tim Kaine's not governor of New Jersey.

Jon Corzine is governor of New Jersey (Remember, he didn't wear his seatbelt in the state patrol car for the big high-speed crash).

Tim Kaine is governor of another state, called Virginia.

He's also chairman of the Democratic National Committee.

Biden is from Delaware.

He used a Teleprompter.

http://jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com/2 ... again.html

Comrades, I am so ashamed of myself, I am hereby denying myself the priviledge of watching any President Obama prime-time press conferences for the next 6 months. I will also donate any and all financial benefits I might accrue from Waxman-Markey Cap n' Trade, the National Health Care Reform Bill and the recently passed Stimulus package to ACORN Community Organizations International. Please feel free to make fun of my stupidity and denounce me to your friends and neighbors.

User avatar
Oooh can we get a Bidenisms webpage going soon?

User avatar
You may yet be forgiven if you quickly immolate yourself before the all wise and all knowing Biden. He of course meant to say that that Tim Kaine will soon be govenor of both Virgina and New Jersey.....


User avatar
Do not scourge yourself too badly, Opiate. I believe you merely suffered from wishful thinking...

User avatar
(*character off*)

PS- Could we have *anyone else* but Corzine?

Please?

Can a TV test pattern govern?

I got a jar of peanut butter sitting on my desk that could do a better job...?

OK, I'm done.

(*character on*)

User avatar
Opiate, it is entirely appropriate to believe the current wisdom. Of course the Best and Highest current wisdom is what you get in your tin-foil hat from Laika, or in your bridgework, whichever affords you the best reception.

But a major-league prog like Corzine has major prog cred, and therefore out to be believed.

As long as you can get something from it.

User avatar
Ah, the People's Republic of Jersey. I thought it was so unfair when Pennsylvania erected signs along the border with Jersey that said "Pennsylvania, America starts here"

User avatar
OOC Starshina wrote:Do not scourge yourself too badly, Opiate. I believe you merely suffered from wishful thinking...

[sigh] No, I cannot use that as an excuse, for those who know my dedication to progressivism would tell you that if I were to indulge in wishful thinking, I would have imagined NY's David Patterson were governor.

[microphone off]
.... more likely Sarah Palin, if for no other reason than to send the NYC media nitwits into a psychotic frenzy. Possibly Keith Olbermann's head might even explode. It would be worth the trouble of trying to find MSNBC on the FIOS box just to see that.

User avatar
Comrade Whoopie wrote:Ah, the People's Republic of Jersey. I thought it was so unfair when Pennsylvania erected signs along the border with Jersey that said "Pennsylvania, America starts here"

Image
But now that Ed Rendell is Supreme Komissar, the formerly reactionary uppity kulak state has officially been blended into the progressive fold of Peoples Republics.

User avatar
Comrade Whoopie wrote:Ah, the People's Republic of Jersey. I thought it was so unfair when Pennsylvania erected signs along the border with Jersey that said "Pennsylvania, America starts here"

Geologists tell us that much of the Eastern Seaboard, including NJ, was once part of the land mass of the northeastern African coast; that is, the geology of NJ more resembles northeastern Africa than the rest of the US. This is undoubtedly what those signs are referring to.

User avatar
Commissar Theocritus wrote: But a major-league prog like Corzine has major prog cred, and therefore out to be believed.


[microphone off]
Yes, Corzine has impeccable limosine-liberal cred; he made millions (maybe billions) of bucks in the quasi-transparent bond market at Goldman Sachs, so to assuage his guilt he left and chose a new life of "service" and bought his way into the job of NJ governor so he could screw up our lives with his great leadership. So he is exactly like every shit-for-brains dickhead in Hollywood who made great fortunes they don't feel they deserve (and the other Wall St and Silicon Valley morons who supported Obama and now are crying in their Chablis because it turns out he really IS a socialist.) FWIW, I have more respect for Micheal Jackson than Corzine; whacko that jacko was, at least he had the decency to just go out and ruin his own life instead of feeling entitled to do so to everyone else's.

User avatar
Image
Opiate wrote:.... more likely Sarah Palin, if for no other reason than to send the NYC media nitwits into a psychotic frenzy. Possibly Keith Olbermann's head might even explode. It would be worth the trouble of trying to find MSNBC on the FIOS box just to see that.

For years I had a 6-hour VHS tape of the CBS election returns on November of 1994 when the slimy Slick Willie tanked the Demothieves. I chose CBS because I had a gut feeling that it would be hilarious to watch Dan Rather and it was, it was, it was.

Dan: "Bob [Schieffer and I hope I spelled that right], it seems that the Republicans have picked up a senate seat in Utah."

Bob, shuffling, with a weak smile, "That's right, Dan, and that's 48 senate seats for the Republicans."

Lots of foot shuffling and tugging at collars.

Dan: "Bob, is there any way that the Democrats can hold onto the senate now?"

Bob: "Well, Dan, if Sakhalin Island joins the United States as five separate states and they all elect Democratic senators, it would keep the Senate in Democratic hands..."

I laughed and laughed and laughed.

One of the lessons that I've learned is <i>always</i> use a DVR. There might be something that will enrich the rest of your life. In 1985 I was watching the Financial News Network, which doesn't exist any more, in bed at 4 AM. The state lotteries were just starting out. A woman in California--enormously fat, and the sort of woman with huge attitude who fluoroscopes your luggage at the airport and takes delight in telling you what to do--had won and she went on stage in front of an audience and spun a vertical Wheel of Fortune. Where the ping-pong ball rested for five seconds was what she got. The reward was from $10,000 to $3M. It landed on $3M and she jumped up and down screaming, "I'm rich! I'm rich" while her bald-headed husband was screaming, "We're rich! We're rich!"

She was so fat that the vibrations from her jumping traveled through the wooden stage and knocked the ping-pong ball from $3M to $10K. The MC said, "Er, Ma'am, the ball didn't stay there five seconds. You got $10,000."

And bear in mind that this woman had grown grossly fat either fluoroscoping your luggage or as a welfare queen with major attitude, and her hand out. It was her fat that did her in.

I knew that the rest of my life would be an anticlimax; nothing would ever top that. I waited for the laughter to start after the shock went away. The announcer on a news program without sports or entertainment said, "It was her <i>exuberance</i> which caused the ball to move."

That was it. The coda which set me off. I laughed. I laughed until I cried. I laughed until my sides hurt. I fell out of bed on my head laughing. I laughed until I literally ran out of tears. It took 15 minutes for me to pull myself up into bed.

And I didn't have a tape or a copy of that.

Be warned: always have a record. That was like having a real space alien give you a lift and you didn't have a camera.

User avatar
Those are both excellent stories. The election one bears seeing again in 2010 and the lottery one reeks of bitter (for the individual involved) irony. Maybe those two should seek out Pete Best, the original Beatles drummer who was replaced by Ringo Starr, and share fish stories (i.e. "You shoulda seen the one that got away!")

Here is one I heard on the news (when I still bothered watching the news) but didn't capture on tape: in the late 80s or so, a small plane went into the water after takeoff from NYC's LaGuardia airport and a number of passengers died. Two of the dead were a husband and wife team of high-powered lawyers. They had somehow missed or been unable to board an earlier flight so they threw their weight around with the airline and got two other folks bumped off the fatal flight by dint of their VIP status. The anchor dude read this without a tinge of irony in his voice; he was either obtuse or a very good actor. I didn't laugh because I grew up in the Catholic tradition that is was not right to laugh at another's misfortune, no matter how richly deserved. But the irony was palpable.

User avatar
Opiate wrote:I didn't laugh because I grew up in the Catholic tradition that is was not right to laugh at another's misfortune, no matter how richly deserved. But the irony was palpable.
In one of Miss Manners' books, in the proper 80s, she fielded a question

Dear Miss Manners. I was at a fancy party in Boston and one of the women, a very proper society woman, was walking across the room, and she tripped. She wound up with her face in a bowl of guacamole and one of her breasts fell out of her dress. We had to laugh. What should we have done?

Miss Manners expects you to be polite but she does not expect you to be superhuman. She doubts that there is any sight on earth quite like a Boston Brahmin with guacamole on her face and exposed to the public.

Laugh and enjoy. Laugh and enjoy.

Since I do not believe in an afterlife I figure that I have to get the boot in to bastards whenever I can. Nothing would comfort me more than someone supernatural taking names and kicking ass but I do not have that luxury. So I'm the Texas cowboy here.

User avatar
Image
Commissar Theocritus wrote:So I'm the Texas cowboy here.

YeeeeeeeeeHaaaaaaaaaaw! Kickin' ass and taken names!


Image

Comrade Opiate, I denounce you! Joe "Kwing of Da Fworest" Biden is never wrong!

Image


User avatar
It looks like the promo for the new Dizney movie, "The Liar King". No wait, that was on Thursday, starring Il Douchey, Obama the I. Never mind.

User avatar
"Il Douchey." I'm going to have to purge myself for laughing.

User avatar
Commissar Theocritus wrote:
Opiate wrote:I didn't laugh because I grew up in the Catholic tradition that is was not right to laugh at another's misfortune, no matter how richly deserved. But the irony was palpable.
In one of Miss Manners' books, in the proper 80s, she fielded a question

Dear Miss Manners. I was at a fancy party in Boston and one of the women, a very proper society woman, was walking across the room, and she tripped. She wound up with her face in a bowl of guacamole and one of her breasts fell out of her dress. We had to laugh. What should we have done?

Miss Manners expects you to be polite but she does not expect you to be superhuman. She doubts that there is any sight on earth quite like a Boston Brahmin with guacamole on her face and exposed to the public.

Laugh and enjoy. Laugh and enjoy.

Since I do not believe in an afterlife I figure that I have to get the boot in to bastards whenever I can. Nothing would comfort me more than someone supernatural taking names and kicking ass but I do not have that luxury. So I'm the Texas cowboy here.

Your story reminds me of a French joke.

A Maitre d' hired an experienced waiter. He said, "Let's see how you do the first night and I will critique you."

That evening a foursome came in, two gentlemen with two ladies dressed in evening gowns.

The waiter was indeed experienced. Everything went smoothly. He poured the wine correctly, he served the plates from the correct side, he cleared the dishes promptly after each course. In fact, he was superb. When a breast of one of the ladies popped out, he quickly took a ladle and popped it right back in with no one even noticing what had happened.

Later, the Maitre d' said: "Very well, done, Monsier. There is only one thing."

"Yes, Monsier, what is that?"

"In this establishment, we warm the ladle first!"


User avatar
What comrade? Somebodies dead? Why were my offices not informed!?! We need all the necro-voters we can get for The Glorius World of Next Tuesday(TM)!

Hail Obama!

User avatar
Keep it up Rooster boy. Your show trial hasn't even reached a verdict and you are talking about "your office" and calling yourself a Commissar of Graveyard Entrances?

Don't make me send my Kentucky Revolutionary Life Force Redistribution and 11 Herbs and Spices Deployment Squad in your direction.

User avatar
Colonel 7.62, we hate to break it to you, but we have greased served The Party(TM) well... and the most upper echelon of The Court of Obama(TM) have approved our offices. We contemplate our concave navel like nats on a flywheel, so we are far more progressive than your minions.

Now, do you have any dead proles for necro-votes?

How many mass graves have you filled today?

Are you eating well at The Inner Sanctum(TM)?

If not, please let us know...

we have plenty of dead meat...

over here....

for you to eat.

User avatar
7.62, if RR can deliver necroproxy voters, then that's all well and good. After all, we can't all live in Chicago like His O'liness (PBUH) or in Louisiana like Pupovich. Some times you just can't avoid the tyranny of the ballot box.

It's <i>so</i> depressing. What's a commissar to do?

User avatar
My firing squads are not allowed to return until they have worn the rifling of their rifles smooth from redistributing life force. Yes I've filled my quota of mass graves, and delivered new rolls of Necro Voters to ACORN.

Commissar Theocritus, don't forget The People's Republik of Washington. Here we count votes until Queen Christine is happy, and if needed we find new ones in Seattle that somehow got overlooked.

User avatar
Excellent My Most Esteemed Comrade Colonel 7.62, we are on top of the game! We shall be sending a envoy to The Peoples Republik of Washington shortly. The Glorious World of Next Tuesday(TM) Awaits!

Hail Obama!

User avatar
Hail Obama!
Hail Obama!
Hail Obama!

Cap and trade brings more expensive energy, so Obama gives us energy checks!
Hail Obama!

Digitized medical records and mandatory health care ensure all will be healthy!
Hail Obama!

General Motors now owned by the government. Cars for The People!
Hail Obama!

User avatar
Most equal Comrade Colonel! Most equal!!!

User avatar
Now we need Diebold to make a joint venture with TelePrompTer to insure correct voting. Since the voting will be correct there is no reason not to vote. We'll just make sure that for the first few elections people will be told whom to vote for and then after that there will be only one candidate.


 
POST REPLY