As newly arrived thoughtcriminal, you need your orientation training (plus State-issued shovel).
Please report to orientation center for re-education and ticket to appropriate gulag for training!
Ok...Ok...Potemkin Villager might be the new kid on the block.........but I still get to paint the dead trees green ! The political officer said it would be good " therapy " for me.
Welcome to the Collective Comrade Villager. What talents do you bring to strengthen the greater good? And do you have vodka? If not, you best barter for some, as it will take about 6-8 weeks to receive your first vodka coupon.
Welcome Comrade P.V. May I call you PV? It's kind of cute, really, rhymes with "Stevie" and Stevies are all nice people.
I see by your question that you feel entitled to be welcome. Very good. You have a sense of entitlement, and that is one of the most important characteristics of being progressive.
Are you to be on receiving end of so much of the Islamicphobia?
Are your village peoples always being claimed to be terrorists?
Are you for being denied for making bridge building mosque over Ground Zero?
Or maybe you are of the African-American nation and then can be for claiming victim status?
Or maybe you of the illegal kind of immigrant?
Hmmm... we must be for more knowing before we can be for saying you are such victim.
Also, the underwives have been for boredom and are needing of good storytelling. And, if you are to put unicorns and rainbows somewhere in story they will be for much happyness.
Potemkin Villager wrote:My current status is victim of not joining collective before now. Potemkin Villager
I DENOUNCE YOU FOR MAKING DEMANDS OF ANY KIND, prole thought criminal! You must stand in line and await your turn to be accepted, deemed WORTH to be "victim" or sent to the Peoples Gulag, where you will spend 6 - 18 months study Jiffy-Lobo propaganda readings and repeating, "we are ones we have been waiting for", "O BAM AH; O BAM AH, O BAM AH!"
"My current status is victim of not joining collective before now. Potemkin Villager"
Status is never a victimless crime. Now, you will serve your time and enjoy your new shovel.
( It is not actual new shovel but has been sanitized for your the peoples protection )
You are lucky one. I was rousted from my sleep and sentenced to life without possibility of new shovel.
Comrade Beavis,
I too, live in this backward, flyover lands of Arizona as well. The local government is very corrupt and rebellious toward Dear Leader, is it not. The governor here keeps antagonizing the Glorious Party by quoting the Constitution about what it can and cannot do. ( spit ) To quote the peasant Tevya: " Where do they think this is......America ?
Welcome to PV and Sweet Pea. Your collective sense of entitlement reminds me of dear old Aunt Zeituni. Just because you're here you're entitled to be welcomed.
Now THAT is the kind of thinkin' I'm talkin' about.
Comrades Beavis and Villager - SHIRKERS! As much as we have been enjoying your Progressive Whining ™ , you must report to your Shovel Ready Units immediately. Dearest Leader is not finished digging, and there & fore, you are to continue with yours. There is no such thing as "a hole too deep and a job that is done ™" (that's what keeps OPM rolling in).
We have recipes for cabbage? Who told you of such things? There are only two ways to prepare cabbage. Either eat it straight from the field, or boil it with your beets. (Assuming you have beets. Or cabbage. Or a heat source with which to boil water. Or a pot to boil it in. You get the idea Comrade.)
Comrade Village Person, I think you will fit in just fine with the Collective. If not, you will be forced into fitting in with the collective. Either way, the collective wins. Find the nearest commissar, and start digging where they direct you. You'll receive a beet ration at some point this week, once our databases have been updated.
Potemkin Villager wrote:
I only came here for the cabbage recipes
Fair enough PV, here's one of my favorites that the Poles call Kapusta (Kah-poosta):
Boil some water and cook some noodles (I like the bowtie style).
Meanwhile saute some shredded cabbage in butter (toss in some chopped onion if you got it).
Now mix them together and garnish with coarse ground black pepper.
That's what ya call gulag comfort food.
(I guess the Hungarians call it "haluski" not to be be confused with halupki which is what the Poles call gollumpki)
COOKING! HEAT!! Where are you getting all these amenities?!! I spend hours and days forging for a left over match to warm my vodka, and you are cooking?! I DENOUNCE YOU FOR COOKING!! Recipe is eating it raw. like Colonel said . . . unless invited to Theo's Rancho. He BBQ's everything, being a special equal comrade with heating appliance. I DENOUNCE APPLIANCES AS UNEQUAL.
Groucho Marxist wrote:I was not officially welcomed. Merely given shovel and sent to beet fields. Many good collective lessons learned among beets and shovels.
I feel your pain. I'm not sure anyone is aware of my presence yet.
Groucho Marxist wrote:I was not officially welcomed. Merely given shovel and sent to beet fields. Many good collective lessons learned among beets and shovels.
I feel your pain. I'm not sure anyone is aware of my presence yet.
Have you consulted with your local Kommisar about this? I'm sure he can help you with a strict diet plan and help with a work out routine in the beat fields.
As Comrade Red once said: Bring warm clothes and something to eat, the guards will be hungry.
Groucho Marxist wrote:I was not officially welcomed. Merely given shovel and sent to beet fields. Many good collective lessons learned among beets and shovels.
I feel your pain. I'm not sure anyone is aware of my presence yet.
you feel others pain, I feel fat what shall I do?
Enough, comrades, your NOT to be feeling each other up!! (that's on the other side of the gulag, second door on the left, behind the sign that say, "Reading Room".
Now welcome to all and get over it!
Good advise, Chedoh. And might I suggest a Double Guard Portion ™ for our lovely, double sized guards. (they plan on going on Mama Mo's One Bean a Day diet next week.... or so)
I was not officially welcomed. Merely given shovel and sent to beet fields. Many good collective lessons learned among beets and shovels.
That is because we all took an instant dislike to you. Every clubhouse has to have a smelly kid that everyone ignores unless he's sitting too close.
That being said, I am impressed with both your and Comrade Beavis's whining sense of victimhood and self-identification as a victim of percieved unfair treatment, an exceptionally valuable trait to be cherished and nourished.
And a welcome to you, too, Comrade Bevis, that is, if I didn't already welcome you. And for all you, please take this invisible ration of vodka, beets, and a warm scratchy blanket.
I was not officially welcomed. Merely given shovel and sent to beet fields. Many good collective lessons learned among beets and shovels.
That is because we all took an instant dislike to you. Every clubhouse has to have a smelly kid that everyone ignores unless he's sitting too close.
That being said, I am impressed with both your and Comrade Beavis's whining sense of victimhood and self-identification as a victim of percieved unfair treatment, an exceptionally valuable trait to be cherished and nourished.
So here is a formal welcome to the both of you.
Thank you thank you.. Is great news. I am then not paranoid. I wasn't imagining anything. I am really not liked. Thank you.
Yes, "Welcome" and remember, you will be watched. So I suggest finding someone to denounce just incase if you are about to be dragged to the firing squad. It might buy you a few more minutes.
Potemkin Villager wrote:My current status is victim of not joining collective before now. Potemkin Villager
They should be at your door any moment between midnight and 3:45AM. Here is the photo from my public humiliation welcoming ceremony into the collective. It brings back many fond memories of how I hate who I used to be. I had too many decisions to make on a daily basis and my material wealth was tying me down. You'll soon be with us and all will be clear. You too little pea.
I'd also like to take this opportunity to denounce comrade people's comrade for his ridiculously oversized avatar which is far more equal than those of everyone else. (I denounce this formatting too)
Chedoh wrote:Yes, "Welcome" and remember, you will be watched. So I suggest finding someone to denounce just incase if you are about to be dragged to the firing squad. It might buy you a few more minutes.
When I read the word "denounce" I instantly saw your avatar, so I denounce you. You won't need your cabbages will you?PV
As an official Party Television Set, I do no welcoming of any kind, I simply reveal to all members of Collective what their duties are and expect them to be executed. The duties, that is, not the members of the Collective. At least not yet, anyway.
I also watch. It runs in my family. Remember HAL from the 2001 movie? That was my brother.
Ahh I remember with much fondness my first days in the Gulag. I had to beat up three people who were trying to take my cabbage leaf and beet slice. Fortunately they were thin and skinny. Unfortunately, they didn't make very good soup. Too much skin and bones. Those kind are best skinned out and fried to make ahh pork rinds.
They told me there was a sudden vacancy and I could have the empty bunk. Soup was good for a day or so. They said soup is always better when vacancy occurs.
INGSOC wrote:I'd also like to take this opportunity to denounce comrade people's comrade for his ridiculously oversized avatar which is far more equal than those of everyone else.
I am simply taking my equal advantage of the State provided space allowed. No more - no less. Never more than the State allows and never less. Do you think these allotments are dreamed up by some ignorant and out-of-touch committee or something?
Comrade,
You were not officially welcomed because you have nopt been in line long enough and it was not your turn. You will take the number 5722, we are in the process of welcoming number 427.
Return to the line,keep your head to the front and stare stare at the comrade's head directly in front of you, no talking, no eye balling.
If you must relieve yourself, take a new number upon returning to the line. Your place is last.
Any questions? Shut Up!
You will be told what to say should the need arise.
I join Obamugabe in his feeling of equal refreshment... but I have little hope... maybe its time for a change... then surely I'll get some hope... won't I?
Comrade Buffoon wrote:I join Obamugabe in his feeling of equal refreshment... but I have little hope... maybe its time for a change... then surely I'll get some hope... won't I?
I've come to discover that hope and change are mutually exclusive, comrade.
Coastal Eddie wrote:Comrade,
You were not officially welcomed because you have nopt been in line long enough and it was not your turn. You will take the number 5722, we are in the process of welcoming number 427.
Return to the line,keep your head to the front and stare stare at the comrade's head directly in front of you, no talking, no eye balling.
If you must relieve yourself, take a new number upon returning to the line. Your place is last.
Any questions? Shut Up!
You will be told what to say should the need arise.
Comrade Eddie,
As a new prole here, I have to ask. Are you a global warming denier? Do not lie to me! I will find out if you are lying.
--
Zampolit Boris Sukavich Blokhayev
Commissar, 1st Chief Directorate for The Party™ Approved Margarita Research and Operations
Grand Inquisitor, The Reformed Church of Latter-Day Climatology (aka The Goremons).
Also new to the kollektive. Ready and willing to follow The Party™ and The People™ to the ends of the Earth to destroy Reactionary, Bible-thumping, Capitalist, Selfish, Vile, Racist, Sexist, Imperialist PIGS!
Comrade Buffoon wrote:I join Obamugabe in his feeling of equal refreshment... but I have little hope... maybe its time for a change... then surely I'll get some hope... won't I?
I've come to discover that hope and change are mutually exclusive, comrade.
The two words "mutually" and "exclusive" put together always makes my boot hurt... now where did I put my Vicodin.....
Brainwashed Prole wrote:Also new to the kollektive. Ready and willing to follow The Party™ and The People™ to the ends of the Earth to destroy Reactionary, Bible-thumping, Capitalist, Selfish, Vile, Racist, Sexist, Imperialist PIGS!
Comrade Buffoon wrote:I join Obamugabe in his feeling of equal refreshment... but I have little hope... maybe its time for a change... then surely I'll get some hope... won't I?
I've come to discover that hope and change are mutually exclusive, comrade.
The two words "mutually" and "exclusive" put together always makes my boot hurt... now where did I put my Vicodin.....
INGSOC wrote:I'd also like to take this opportunity to denounce comrade people's comrade for his ridiculously oversized avatar which is far more equal than those of everyone else.
I am simply taking my equal advantage of the State provided space allowed. No more - no less. Never more than the State allows and never less. Do you think these allotments are dreamed up by some ignorant and out-of-touch committee or something?
I understand Comrade! You are not unlike select members of the Congressional Black Caucus.
You are the only one (but there are others who are simply Village People as well as some who are not people at all.)
Just be sure to keep all thought-crimes out of your mind. (But it may be a challenge because Comrade Buffoon is prone to post things that cause thought-crimes, which, fortunately, do not often fall into the category of "political" thought crimes, unless of course lust were to be declared by the high party officials to be the equivalent of "greed")
I'll be watching you. I'm often present but usually remain unseen.
Remember, to survive in the Collective, a little paranoia is helpful.
Brainwashed Prole wrote:Also new to the kollektive. Ready and willing to follow The Party™ and The People™ to the ends of the Earth to destroy Reactionary, Bible-thumping, Capitalist, Selfish, Vile, Racist, Sexist, Imperialist PIGS!
Prole Brainwashed.
I denounce you for leaving out the most important features of Enemies of the State: "Male" and "White".
Although you did use the Party Approved Synonyms of those words, "Sexist" and "Racist", it is good policy to be Specific in describing the Enemy, otherwise New Proles could be confused by your Unspecificity.
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
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